Some advice/opinions needed

SayWhat

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Hi guys

This is going to be a long post so please bare with me.

Lately I've been posting a lot of threads. I've been noticing a tendency in my behaviour on this forum and it's always the same. I tend to post some threads for a while, basically always about the same stuff deep down, but in another format. Then I leave this site for a couple of months because I try the stuff out. But then some other stuff happens and I come back.

I know my problems are within, my personality is not what it needs to be me. This shows and puts off girls.

Case give: 10 years ago when I was around 18 years old, I had this girl who was crazy about me. We were good friends because I was just myself around her. She was absolutely in love even though my hair was always greasy, my clothes and style overall was hideous, was completely out of shape, I didn't perform well at all in school and yet she was head over heels in love. Then at a drunk night, we kissed and became a couple for about a year. During this year I became needy, jealous,... all the stuff that drove her away. I was devastated, I lost 20lbs and started thinking about myself and others in a very very bad way. Now when I say she would do everything for me, she literally would do everything for me and because of this I started to think "well if even she dumps me, something must be very wrong with me".

I believe this is the reason why I am who I am today. I am very negative about myself, think I'll never get another girl because of who I am, think noboby will like me if I act how I want to act,... You get the picture, I'm in a very dark place.

You guys have adviced me to get her out of my life and spin plates. Well I tried that, but she is a part of my circle of friends, so I see her on a regular basis and when we go on holiday, she's also there. It doesn't bother me though, but my answers towards her are very short and I don't give her eye contact or very minimal (part of insecurity and not over her I know).

Well I guess I'm not over her, it ended in a very bad way between us and I feel I never got the opportunity to put it all in the correct place in my head. Spin plates would solve this, but it's just a vicious circle. I keep thinking so negative that in these 8 years I had a 6 months long affair with another woman who was married. She was a BPD, so yeah when that ended I also was a bit devastated, but I never send her any texts or showed her I was heartbroken.

Good, I'm a pathetic beta nice guy, we've sorted that out.

But to the actual point of the thread. And sadly it's about that ex, but I need you guys to answer me honestly and correctly. I know I shouldn't bother, but for some reason I feel that would get me out of this spiral.

In these years I've noticed that at times when I act friendly and even gently tease her, she suddenly would be very open and playful with me again. I catch her looking at me from time to time.

Ok to the point, I would just want to bang her one more time. Facewise she's perhaps a 6,5, on a good day 7 - 7,5, but she has an amazing body. I think it's a bit of revenge, I would bang her and then don't bother anymore. And please understand, I might be telling myself this excuse, but it's just to get that thought of "if she doesn't like me, then who will" out of my head. So banging her would alleviate this.

Now I'm so insecure I wouldn't even dare to send her a text out of nowhere just to start up a conversation or when we go out. Just because I'm scared of the fact she would act again like we broke up and you can imagine the consequences.

So don't bother you would say, but I feel I would remain in this pit forever.
 

wifehunter

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you are no challenge, chicks will destroy you.

obviouslyo_O

Advice: read the DJ bible, forget about women, find your mission.:D
 

LARaiders85

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The best(usually only)way to get an ex back is to get with a better woman...at which stage it becomes a moot point anyway. Same with how no contact helps get her back but also to move on.
 

SayWhat

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what you are feeling is the competitive anxiety of your girl being sexually available to other men. its normal and most of us experience this. i didnt understand it at first either. girls that ive broken up with looked way more attractive to me despite the fact i got bored of fvcking them when i was in a relationship with them. its because psychologically your hindbrain knows that another man can now destroy your reproductive legacy. its the same reason many couples report to have the hottest sex of their relationship after a lovers quarrel.

also, women have a psychological/emotional "off" switch when they detach from a partner. you become de-sexualized to them and they no longer think of you "that way" anymore. ever had an ex tell you "i still love you, but not like before" or something to that effect?

not the same for men. we have no reproductive reasoning to block out even a former mate from our minds since biologically speaking, we can still pass on our genes with them.

why do you think women can move on much faster after a brief period of intense emotional distress and men tend to suffer and wallow for even years on end?
I don't agree. This is purely because of how it ended and how I don't understand that out of all woman, she dumped me. She had other boyfriends in the meantime, I honestly didn't care she was banging them. I just need this to be closed and I think the only way is like that.
 

stringpuller

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Midnight city is correct dude. Tough as it is my friend.
Ive said this before. Its your thinking...even oneitis is generated by thought.
How could you know shes the only one if you werent thinking shes the only one?

Just about every problem you have in your life comes from a negative thought. You cant ever stop them completely just dont believe them and there volume gets really low.
 

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RangerMIke

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Stop thinking so much about this one chick. Men should pursue women (Plural). Then let the chicks decide if they want you. Men do the picking, but women do the choosing. There really isn't a whole lot a man can do to convince a chick to like him, she does or she does not... it's chemistry. Keep making dates and when you find a connection.. just go with it.

You make a run a chicks, it works or it doesn't. If it doesn't, then no worries, all chicks are the same, there will be another just around the corner.
 

TheGambino

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See oneitis as this:

I had oneitis for a beautiful 9 dime, she came back in my life a couple of months ago and I made several threads about her.

We made out again this summer and a lot of sh1t happened that influenced my frame badly to some kind of degree.

Now I spin plates, Ive had numerous new encounters and flings and she is gone from the radar. Months ago I was hoping she would reach out, now I don't care. I wouldn't even consider to reply because I don't care.

I remember her ugly feet (she is beautiful but her feet are ugly), her face is not that special and her personality is f8cked up imo, she does not care about me so why would I care about her? She disrespected me to some kind of degree that she isn't even worth hearing from me ever again.

Girls are like cats, and their emotions are too. Sometimes they love you, sometimes their mind flows too other stuff that you don't exist anymore, deal with it by spinning plates and improving your life.

Move on, do stuff you like, talk to new girls, keep spinning g0d damn plates and you will become abdundant. Downside? You won't be able to catch feelings anymore at some point, you will have a cold heart but hey that's better then obsessing over a woman that turns you down everytime.

Embrace this forum and keep improving.

Stay ICEY.
 

marmel75

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The reason you aren't over her is because you haven't had any options. When you have no options any option you have is worth much more than they should be.

So the answer, as it always is in these situations, is to get options.
 

marmel75

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she isnt special. your case isnt unique. the circumstances dont matter.

what matters is youre no longer banging her currently or for the forseeable future
Yeah pretty much.

This is you with this chick right now:

 
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