Some advice on my recent breakup please guys....

[Reaktor79]

Hey guys im from Australia I'm new to this forum.

2 and a half weeks ago i broke up with my ex girlfriend of 10mths. Started off really well amazing connection, followed all the rules no talking about the relationship or feelings and she wanted exclusivity so we did. The sex was amazing and so constant it was intense haha. A month into i started noticing that she started displaying anger problems, she's Eastern European from Lithuania, she's pretty fiery. Always Hot n Cold, sort of like you never knew what kind of mood she was gonna be in. She could be all cheery on msging and then when i got to her house she could be in the most irritable mood and NOTHING could snap her out of it. So i started to see patterns of this forming and everytime i would bring it up she would swing it back around onto me and say "Yeh i do one big bad thing (her anger) but you do alot of little things that annoy me". When i would ask what I did she would seriously stumble "I can't remember right now but you do". Her biggest problem was i didn't disclose all my flaws at the start of the relationship, she thinks im insecure, not about her leaving or cheating but apparently i brag about myself? And that i hid my smoking on my Bumble profile which was dealt with early on but continued to bring it up the whole relationship. She was seriously critical, criticising everything, her mum was exactly like that Eastern European mum. To add to that she had PMS for like 16 days a month, something I've never encountered before. Im a smart guy and i figured out where all the anger was coming from, her parents are Jehovah's Witnesses back in Lithuania and when she left her marriage 5yrs ago, she was disowned by her parents and her church and her parents specifically told her theyre siding with the church and not her. Im not religious at all, so I tried ro wrap my head around this. Anyway it seemed every month i would be in trouble for something, i would stand up to her but in the later part of relationship i grew tired of it and just went stuff it and stopped standing up to her. Eastern European women bring extreme beauty and femininity but they're extremely demanding, controlling and nothing ever seems to make them happy. We went away for 2 holidays while we were together and both times it was like a spirit took over her body and she turned into this depressed irritable angry person and would ruin the holiday but when we got back home would blame it all on me. I feel she could never notice how hard she is to deal with. The criticising hit a crescendo about a month and a bit ago and i could sense she was pulling away but the sex never dropped at all. She said she wasn't feeling it anymore but we could try n work on it. I found myself trying to give in and descalte all the time because i was tired guys at this stage, i just wanted peace. The next morning, she tried to do the whole fight n breakup routine and we decided that we would not make a decision because we were in an emotional state and would think about it. My gut told me a break up was coming. I told her i would like to think we could work it out. Anyway 3 days went past and I'd heard nothing from her. All the weeks leading up to this, my anxiety was thru the roof, i stopped going to gym so much and it was affecting everything in my life. So on the 4th day since i hadn't heard from her I'd had enough and rang her and i said "I need to honest with you, this relationship is making me sad and miserable and unfortunately i cannot continue with this relationship any longer and im im going to have to call it a day" She replied in a quiet voice "That makes things easier" "Its not that i don't think you're a good person, i just don't think you're the girl for me. Ill cherish all our our amazing moments and i wish you all the best for the future" She replied "same from me, I've gotta go" and that was that. Due to reading Robert Glovers book "No more Mr nice guy" I'm a recovering nice guy and it gave me the strength to be a better ender and and this relationhip myself.
I don't know why but I'm still struggling with my decision, maybe because it was such a rollercoaster of a relationship, she was always so intensely so up n down with emotion from her, i had suspicions of BPD and i really miss the sex.
So i have a couple of questions:

1. What do you think about the relationship?
2. How did i handle the breakup and even thou she was probably contemplating ending herself, what kind of effect did it have on her me doing a complete 180 and ending it myself?
3. Why does breaking up with these intensely sexual and emotionally unstable women hurt so much?
4. Tactically how do I handle it from here? I've stayed ghost and in NC.
5. Im back on Tinder and talking to heaps of women, but due to lockdown, how do i handle dating atm? I feel i need it to get past the pain from the break
Thanks guys, any help is much appreciated

 

[Reaktor79]

Cheers guys for your feedback. That relationship was so exciting and very tiring at the same time.
She could just flip on a dime and she would just be angry for no reason at all. You could go from hero to villain in a flash. I remember we were 15mins late one day to day out and the whole day was a write off and nothing could snap her out of that irritable mood. You're sitting there and your spidey sense is going off like what the hell is going on here?

At the end she tried to blame the anger on me saying "It's never been an issue before in other relationships" but over the months she would tell me that the last guy before me, they nearly killed each other, he was exactly like her and they would just yell at each other and it nearly got violent. The first guy after her divorce just before that guy, apparently when she have discussions about issues he would just "freeze up". Now the only reason a guy would freeze up is because he's being verbally attacked aggressively. The husband started off with a temporary break with her and made it permanent. So i call bullsh*t that it's my fault for the anger.
Do women like this ever change in future relationships?

 

[The Diver]

She sounds like a fvcking little brat.
I would have dumped her after a week.

 

[samspade]

1. What do you think about the relationship?

It sounds like it was a mess. I'm sure you had some good moments. But it wasn't worth maintaining IMO. I've been in a toxic relationship. Suing for peace is always the short term fix but it never lasts.


2. How did i handle the breakup and even thou she was probably contemplating ending herself, what kind of effect did it have on her me doing a complete 180 and ending it myself?

You handled it very, very well, especially for a guy just turning things around. From here on out, you shouldn't care what kind of effect it had on her. That's her problem.

3. Why does breaking up with these intensely sexual and emotionally unstable women hurt so much?

All breakups hurt. You don't enter a relationship because you dislike someone. Obviously you two clicked on some level. The instability creates a sort of pattern...when things are calm you think, "okay, maybe this will work." Then the storm hits again and the cycle repeats. Hard to see from inside. So it means you probably rode an emotional rollercoaster and now you are "missing" that, strange as it sounds.

4. Tactically how do I handle it from here? I've stayed ghost and in NC.

NC, NC, NC. There is nothing else if you stick to this.

5. Im back on Tinder and talking to heaps of women, but due to lockdown, how do i handle dating atm? I feel i need it to get past the pain from the break

It's a tough time to recover, but pick up a new hobby during this down time. Something you've always wanted to do. Dating is really a back burner consideration in my opinion.

 

[samspade]

Do women like this ever change in future relationships?

Nope. As you see, they are the common denominator. Maybe one in a thousand goes to therapy and fixes it, but why rely on that? There are so many non-toxic women out there (contrary to red pill belief, lol). This is another case of "learn to screen better" and not to settle. Lots of fish in the sea.

 

[darksprezzatura]

meditate, workout, approach 5 different women daily

why do you care about a dumb h0e's opinion?

if a girl dumps me, it's FREEDOM for me

why get into a relationship in the first place?

Do you not like freedom? gtfo

 

[Reaktor79]

Too much sex in the beginning will kill your LTR. Sex night and dsy for 3 weeks strait is BS. She will get bored. Same room same positions etc etc.
Shes a woman. Doesnt matter her lineage for temperament. Shes not happy and shes trying to tell you your AROUND too much.
Let me guess did you see her 3+ times a week? Maybe not.

SPACE BRO SPACE. LIKE ALOT OF SPACE lol
Never ask this ?. You shouldn't be asking this to begin with

Maybe at math but with girls. Your not...yet.
Read and study. This girl is telling you things.
Covertly.
I dont need to go into detail here. Men who are good with women do not get this far into it. They realize they fcked up the read and frame from the beginning.
Get Rollos books and read the fck out of them.
You are missing alot of communication with her.
I could guess that when she is really pizzed at you she tells you you dont listen to her.
Just a guess though.

I followed everything text book from the beginning. She initiated all the contact and we only saw each other 1-2 times a week, it was like that up till 4mths in when we went exclusive.
Even at the time something was just off, at 1mth in I'd only been on 4 or 5 dates dude.
We'd msg only every two days and all through out she would always compliment me on how much space i give her. But something about this anger seemed "unnatural" and i even remember at a month in when i first saw it my intuition was "Are you sure you should be doing this?"
But like most Eastern European women she was tall, blonde, blue eyes and an amazing lay with a high sex drive so i was blinded by it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

JFC man...learn how to use paragraphs and spacing. My eyes hurt from trying to read all that the way it is written.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I followed everything text book from the beginning. She initiated all the contact and we only saw each other 1-2 times a week, it was like that up till 4mths in when we went exclusive.
Even at the time something was just off, at 1mth in I'd only been on 4 or 5 dates dude.
We'd msg only every two days and all through out she would always compliment me on how much space i give her. But something about this anger seemed "unnatural" and i even remember at a month in when i first saw it my intuition was "Are you sure you should be doing this?"
But like most Eastern European women she was tall, blonde, blue eyes and an amazing lay with a high sex drive so i was blinded by it.

There is no textbook. The best relationships I've ever been in have been ones where I texted the woman daily from they first day we started talking to the day we broke up. Not incessantly all day long but maybe 3 or 4 spread out over the course of the day.

If you think being emotionally unavailable and distant works for long term relationships with people and this is textbook then you have a lot to learn. The things people never seem to get is that what you use to get into a relationship isn't what is going to work to keep the relationship healthy and strong.