"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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So your LTR is fat..

x86

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Well my LTR of 2.5 years was getting pretty chubby and starting to become unattractive to me so I decided to do something about it.

Now telling your LTR she is getting fat is no small task but you can survive and she will even love you for it. Here a few tips that helped me.

  • Tell her the health benefits. Say your worry because you want her to be around a long time.
  • Tell her you are becoming less attractive to her. Now the key here in my opinion is to point out there are other ways she can make herself more attractive (Dirty talk, clothes, toys, whatever). This will diffuse the ultimatum vibe and make it more of a conversation.
  • Point out you will support her by buying healthy food(if she is a live in), going to the gym with her, joining clubs together, etc.
  • Notice not once did I say threaten to leave. She is already going to be afraid of you leaving so there is no point in saying it even though that might be how you feel.
Now just ride out the tears for the night and be supportive.

Complements are earned and should be given when she goes to the gym or eats healthier. "I'm proud of you", "you're doing great", "way to go", are all fine options. Save the "your looking sexier" for after she looks sexier to you. There is really no point in lying so if she is not looking hot to you don't say "you look hot". If she lost a bunch of weight and you find her more attractive that is great but remember to keep supporting her healthy habit.

I think someone here said relationships takes maintaining 3 things: You, her, and the relationship it's self. You managed to kill 3 birds with one stone here.
1: You showed you are not an AFC yet still supportive
2: She is healthier and will have more energy.
3: The relationship will benefit by there being more physical attraction.

Worked well for me. 2.5 years no arguments and now 10 pounds lighter and counting.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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goundra

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wow, 5 lbs a year! :) Man, can lose 1 lb or more per week, easily if you lie-recline/sit around a lot. Just put icecubes inside about a 2 quart ziplock plastic bag. squeeze most of the air out of it before you seal it, or you risk bursting the bag when in use! turn it upside down and seal it inside of yet another bag, removing most of the trapped air in this one, too. fold the bags inside of a towel, and put it under/up-against kidneys. If it feels too cold, wrap more toweling around it. Calories are a measure of HEAT, and you can "burn" them off by making your body work harder to stay warm. all your blood is constantly pumped thru your kidneys, guys. A lb of fat is 3500 calories, so if you burn 500 calories more than you eat, every day, that's 1lb less per week. watch out that you dont EAT more, or eat more of the wrong foods, ie, high fat, high sugar content.

can do this as using laptop, as i am doing right now, or as watch tv, write, whatever.
 

Alvafe

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I guess you forgot one thing, normally if you are hitting the gym you get more muscular mass and you will not lose much weight but you will start to shape, that is pretty much what is happening to me, my weight did not change for the last 4 months but my body shape did.

and that of ice packs on you is kinda don't know will change little, its the same as saying only drink cold water because it make you burn fat faster, and some do say this one.
 

sageproduct

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goundra said:
wow, 5 lbs a year! :) Man, can lose 1 lb or more per week, easily if you lie-recline/sit around a lot.
Fit man can lose 1 lb. for every 10ft. he charges.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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godofanxiety

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goundra said:
wow, 5 lbs a year! :)
2.5 years was the entire length of his relationship, he didn't specify the period during which she lost those 10 pounds.
 

the_stig

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Back in 2004 my LTR, whom was a skinny little dancer when I met her, started packing on the weight pretty heavily about 15 months into our relationship. My interest level of course took a nose dive and I simply walked away without explanation.

Fast forward.. we're still facebook friends, and looking back on her timeline of photos, the weight continued to pile on with each year reaching a pinnacle of obesity. Oh but don't worry, she still managed to find a skinny guy to marry her last summer?!

To the OP.. substantial weight loss (and keeping it off) takes extreme self discipline and determination, which most Women who are comfortable in a LTR simply don't have the motivation to do. Seen a dozen or so friend's spouses balloon up over the years and can only think of one who cared enough to do something about it. Your best bet would be to get her hooked on a sport or activity (biking, rollerblading, running) that she really enjoys and change both of your eating habits for the better.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Omerta

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goundra said:
wow, 5 lbs a year! :) Man, can lose 1 lb or more per week, easily if you lie-recline/sit around a lot. Just put icecubes inside about a 2 quart ziplock plastic bag. squeeze most of the air out of it before you seal it, or you risk bursting the bag when in use! turn it upside down and seal it inside of yet another bag, removing most of the trapped air in this one, too. fold the bags inside of a towel, and put it under/up-against kidneys. If it feels too cold, wrap more toweling around it. Calories are a measure of HEAT, and you can "burn" them off by making your body work harder to stay warm. all your blood is constantly pumped thru your kidneys, guys. A lb of fat is 3500 calories, so if you burn 500 calories more than you eat, every day, that's 1lb less per week. watch out that you dont EAT more, or eat more of the wrong foods, ie, high fat, high sugar content.

can do this as using laptop, as i am doing right now, or as watch tv, write, whatever.
lol you can't seriously do this?
 

x86

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godofanxiety said:
2.5 years was the entire length of his relationship, he didn't specify the period during which she lost those 10 pounds.
You are correct. she has been going to the gym for 1 or 2 months.
the_stig said:
To the OP.. substantial weight loss (and keeping it off) takes extreme self discipline and determination, which most Women who are comfortable in a LTR simply don't have the motivation to do. Seen a dozen or so friend's spouses balloon up over the years and can only think of one who cared enough to do something about it. Your best bet would be to get her hooked on a sport or activity (biking, rollerblading, running) that she really enjoys and change both of your eating habits for the better.
I agree which is why we need to provide the motivation preferably using the carrot instead of the stick. My eating habits have always been pretty solid but my extra push has motivate her to improve hers.
 
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