So there's a school dance coming up

[jcb1772]

You know what that means.

Well, maybe not precisely. Ok, to put my situation as brief as possible…there’s a girl I like who started acting awkward around me about a month or 2 ago for no apparent reason. I wasn’t sure what to think of this at first, but I’ve had a few conversations with her, and every time she acts sweet/nice but also a little nervous. Plus, she’s shy in general…so based on that and other stuff that’s happened (don’t feel like elaborating), I’m pretty certain she’s interested in me. She’s also now my work partner in one of our classes, so I’m bound to have more interaction with her regardless.

Now, here’s my dilemma. I have a school dance coming up in a week. I want to dance with her, obviously. However, here are my questions/problems:
1)What kind of song do I ask her to dance to first? Do I have to start out with a fast upbeat song, go suddenly for the kill in a slow one, or sort of work my way up to a slow one after just being in her presence during faster songs?
2)If I dance with her in a fast song, that would probably mean no holding her. The problem is, I can’t fast dance for beans, much less with a cute girl I like. If I do downright suck, joking about my inability would be ok right? Now that I think about, any quick tips out there for fast dancing with a girl? lol
3)If I go to her in a slow song, how do I hold her?
4)What do I talk about (assuming conversation is better than silence) in either case? And is it better to be cool with only a slight smile or will a wide genuine happy one do?

Also keep in mind we’re both freshmen, both inexperienced (she’s never had a bf, probably never danced with a guy either), and we really haven’t gotten further than “good vibing” each other.

Sorry if I’m coming across as annoying, I know these are basic questions. But I could really use the help…again, this will be my first time going to dance in pursuit of dancing with a certain girl.

Thanks.

 

[Fabrizio]

k so i am assuming you asked her already and she said yea, now u gotta give us more information, is it a formal dance, or anything casual, and u still gotta worry about how to get there, and dinner,

but i'll answer that later, first u just gotta go with your instincts, dont ask her to dance the first song, but dont make her wait too long, just when u think its the right time, if its a fast song, just go with the flow, the lights will dim and no one will pay attention really, unless your dancing like a total retard, if its a slow song, get close to her, your hands on her hips, with a fragile grip, she will put her arms around your neck. now this is easy, the song is slow so all u gotta do is like step with your right to the right of you, then follow with your left, then maybe turn a little, preferably clockwise, and do it again, now with your left leg first and alternating, this is a good moment cause you are close to her, can talk and stuff

the transportation and dinner part, i am assuming u cant drive, so just get a parent to drive u both, and about dinner, dont take her to a fast food joint, just somewhere semi casual, where it will be quiet and u 2 can talk. that basically covers it, if u got anymore doubts just ask

 

[jcb1772]

Actually, I'm not planning on asking her TO the dance (unless something dramatically good happens in the next week between us). I think in my case that'd be too big of a leap, especially considering I don't know her very well yet. Taking someone who you wouldn't consider a friend in the car with you can get very awkward imo. But I do hope to ask her if she's going, and then say something like "cool, I'll see you there", ya know, sort of giving her the hint.

The dance itself, it's a homecoming (long story on why it's being held this time of year...don't ask lol), so pretty casual...going to be real late at night though.

If I can build up to the slow dance I can handle that. I'm mostly worried about fast dancing with her since I don't have any experience with it...and asking her to dance to one means she'll be looking at me, so I can't suck at it.

 

[TinyFzzyKiwi]

heres how i learned to fast dance. Basically joked about my inability to dance with a girl in one of my classes at homecoming at the beginning of the year. Other people had already told me she thought i was cute, though i wasn't into her. But i spent the night dancing with her, i wouldn't be worried, simplest thing there is. I've also done a ball-room dancing thing, and that's alot more enjoyable than bumping and grinding in my opinion, but that's just me.

 

[i am me]

First off, you should REALLY consider going to the dance with her. Just ask her. If you want, just say it's as friends.

When you're dancing (whether she's your date or not) to fast songs, just do what comes naturally. Pratice a little in your room to some club songs. You WILL feel silly at first if you haven't done this before, but you will overcome so much shyness if you practice first. Next, when you're at the dance, DANCE. Don't just stand around because it really makes you look like a loser. Always be doing something, whether it's talking, dancing, or taking a "bathroom break". Bad dancing is better than no dancing because it shows how fun of a guy you are. Seriously.

Good luck.....not that you need it

EDIT: OH. One more thing. Bumping and grinding...EASIEST dance you'll ever do. You don't even have to practice. Just grab her from behind, and bounce to the beat....SIMPLE. Plus, you get to feel her body (her ass especially) without looking like a perv. You should bump and grind for most of the dances....

 

[jcb1772]

Good advice...ok I'm going to definately practice fast dance at home. I'll try to stay in her area throughout the dance, but I still can't decide during a fast dance if I should just show off my fun dancing closeby (and maybe interacting with her in some way) or actually ASKING her to dance with me at that point. I've never heard of guys actually asking girls to dance with them in a fast fun song, but then again I don't know much of anything when it comes to dancing with girls. Any thoughts on this? Then if it goes well either way, I hope to grab her for a slow dance later on.

And this is stupid too, but it IS ok to ask someone who you're not actually going out with (or even friends with) to dance to a slow romantic song right? I mean, I'm assuming that wouldn't be creepy, but I wanna make sure.

As for actually asking her to go to the dance with me...I may reconsider. Again, my fear of doing that is it may come across as extremely sudden/surprising...and for a shy inexperienced girl, I'd feel better doing it after having plenty of rapport with her (which I haven't). So I dunno...guess I'll see how next week goes with convo and stuff.

 

[i am me]

Quick tip: make sure one of your close friends is going to the dance, too, so you can have someone to talk to if you're feeling nervous about the girl.

Okay, keep reading/coming back to this site because I think you could really use the DJ Bible. You sound unconfident in your abilities...but that's okay because I can tell you're willing to change. Just keep applying the life-saving knowledge from this site and you'll VASTLY improve your happiness/confidence.

As for your current situation, I'll try to help you get through it....
1)It IS kinda wierd to ask a girl to dance (if it isn't a slow song). Basically, just ask her by saying something like "Hey, let's dance". Or "Hey c'mon" then pull her onto the dance floor. Or, if you know the person she's currently dancing with, ask them to trade partners.

2) Yes, it's okay to ask someone you don't have "feelings" for to a slow song. It's great, actually because once again, it shows you're not scared to get out there and dance.

3) I see what you're saying (you don't want to freak her out). But still consider asking her. I thought you said she was shy too?

You have a lot of improvement to do, my man. But don't worry because someday (if you apply yourself) you WILL become that person you've always wanted to be. Keep at it and don't give up.

OH. And also, if she "finds someone else" at the dance, you'll feel pretty bad about it. Like, if you see her and she's kissing or making strong eye contact with anohter dude. If that happens, IT WILL HURT. Simply put. That's why you have to start improving your overall attitude NOW. So stuff like that doesn't happen....(I say this because that happened to me. The girl I like made out with another dude at a dance and I felt HORRIBLE for a few days. HEARTBROKEN is a true feeling...)

Yeah. Keep working

 

[jcb1772]

Thanks, iamme. I have read a lot of the DJ bible...it's really helped because I'm not that scared of rejection anymore. What I'm mostly scared of here is her saying yes, and then me screwing up dancing and acting like a nervous goofball. Thinking about that is what'll make me the most nervous before asking her, but from reading this site I hear giving it the go and then messing up is a WHOLE lot better than not taking the chance at all and then regretting. Plus even if I do mess up, at least I had balls to go up to her...so I don't look like that much of a loser. May have more questions as it comes closer, thanks again for the advice. Any other thoughts?

 

[A&F Brand Cologne]

Originally posted by i am me
First off, you should REALLY consider going to the dance with her. Just ask her. If you want, just say it's as friends.

No. state your intentions straight off.

dancing is natural. grinding is easy, slow dancing is basic as all hell (it's basically just making out to music, if you play it right) and freak dancing is, for obvious reasons, enjoyable.

good luck.

 

[i am me]

Your welcome. Feel free to ask any more questions. I know you're probably a shy guy (for now), but I really think you can do the things I've suggested, without looking "wierd".

 

[young_gun]

It sounds to me like you're a little unexperienced.

Why dance with only one girl? In my opinion, a dance isn't any fun unless you dance with a lot of girls. You can also use this as an advantage. If you plan on dancing with one girl the whole time, it's going to be VERY nerve racking when you decide you have the confidence to ask her to dance. You're going to have all kinds of thoughts going through your head, such as what do I say, etc, and probably end up saying something really stupid. But let's say you've asked a few girls to dance, danced with them, and THEN go ask her to dance. It's going to be a lot easier on you. By the way, a lot of girls aren't going to turn you down for a dance. Probably one of the lowest risks things you can do. Even if they do, look around you. It's a buffet! Go and take advantage of this!!!!

 

[Fabrizio]

lots of good follow ups, seems like your knowing what to do now, but ok you dont know her very well, so you cant ask her, what if someone else does ask her? you got the will, just read the bible this weekend, and for the next few days talk to her and do what it says. then finally ask her, cause if you dont someone will and you will be outta luck for the entire night, no matter what we say

 

[jcb1772]

Yeah, awesome stuff in the bible. I've read a good chunk of it and it's really helped my fear of rejection more than anything. Still leaves me with a few doubts/questions though.

Hmmm, I do have some girl friends (note the space between )who I could probably fast dance with first. In addition to making ME feel more comfortable, it'd probably make the girl I like (if she sees me) more eager to dance with me when I ask her. So yeah, I can try that.

Any ideas on how I can build more rapport with her this week? I see her a lot in the hall, but rarely when she's solo (she's usually with a few friends). If I do see her alone, it's usually for just 2 seconds as we go different ways. Then of course in the class I'm work partners with her...I don't sit near her though, and we haven't really had much to work on recently. It's hard to just go up to her and chat because she'll get nervous and I'll have to do a lot of talking at first since she's shy. But I think the more convo I have before the dance the better...thoughts?

 

[jcb1772]

Getting closer...ok I got another question I could really use some help on...

So let's say I dance with her in a slow romantic song (maybe some prior fast ones too)...and she doesn't act overly interested/flattered, but rather more unsure/hesistant. What would be my next move in this case? Obviously, if she acts like it's the best moment of her life then yeah, asking her out the next day would be a piece of cake. And if she's like "I fvcking hate dancing with you" then definately someone to next. But if she acts neutral, gives mixed-signals, or undecided (you know what I mean)...then what? Do I proceed to take it further, or just forget it ever happened, etc? See, if I go up to her the next day and start talking and flirting, I could come off as annoying and ruin the excuse that "it was just a dance with just another girl, no big deal." But if I just pretend nothing happened, I could be missing out on a girl who deep down is *secretly* waiting for me to go further.

Any ideas appreciated.

 

[TinyFzzyKiwi]

i think it shouldn't matter what the signals are, wheather they are mixed are not, what matters if you want to ask her out or not.

course, if she's like i fvcking hate you, then obviously a next.

 

[RaMar]

Fast Dancing = Grinding

and grinding in the easiest dance in the world to pick up. Basically you just stand behind her and move your hips to the same flow as hers. Use your arms and hands constantly. They should be all over her body, esspecially hips and inner thighs.

Do not wait till a slow song. She will be much more willing to dance to a fast song then a slow song. Besides in my opinion the fast songs are more fun, you may not think it now since you've never done it but but trust me they are. All AFCs like slow songs but if you look closely many of the guys will leave the dance floor during the slow songs.

Just go to this dance man, dance with some girls, dance with her if she's there. There is no reason to constrict yourself to one girl. If it's a dance that people typically take dates to like formal and prom then it's different but casual school dances are totally open.

 

[young_gun]

Man, you don't sound very secure or confident to me. I mean, what you have to do is to start acting like you are the goods. Not her. Don't worry so much about whether or not she's going to act indifferent towards you. It doesn't matter. You need to decide whether you like her or not. That needs to be your attitude. Many girls aren't even worth your time, especially high school girls. Many high school girls are annoying in some way, don't know what they're looking for, and just immature in general. What if it ends up that you don't like her? If you live in a decent sized town, there are literally thousands of single high school girls for you to choose from. Stop focusing so much on one girl, man.

 

[jcb1772]

UPDATE (dance is early next week, btw):
Well I've talked a little bit to the girl on our particular work assignment we have, but nothing other than that (didn't get the golden opportunity of actually working with her IN class like I was hoping to, which would've allowed me to make non-work small talk). So basically as it stands a few days before the dance, she's someone I know, have had some awkward moments with a while back, and have had small (though friendly) conversations regarding work.

And here's another thing I'm learning about her...she's very playful and outgoing with her certain group of girl friends, but has no guy experience at all (none)...so she's extremely shy to guys in general. NICE, but shy. This is good and bad imo.

Now, young_gun, your point...

Originally posted by young_gun
Man, you don't sound very secure or confident to me. I mean, what you have to do is to start acting like you are the goods. Not her. Don't worry so much about whether or not she's going to act indifferent towards you. It doesn't matter. You need to decide whether you like her or not. That needs to be your attitude. Many girls aren't even worth your time, especially high school girls. Many high school girls are annoying in some way, don't know what they're looking for, and just immature in general. What if it ends up that you don't like her? If you live in a decent sized town, there are literally thousands of single high school girls for you to choose from. Stop focusing so much on one girl, man.

I agree. In fact, like I said, she may be too shy or not knowing what to do that I just give up on her. Now I want to give her a fair chance since I'm inexperienced as well, and I think she'd be a fun gf to have...but I guess that's for me to determine after the dance. Right now, I still want her.

Here's what worries me. If I ask her to dance, whether she likes me or not she's going to think a LOT of it (since I'm sure a guy has never asked her before)...and a lot of ME (bad if she doesn't like me). The bad thing is I can't just forget or stop talking with her afterwards because our work assignments together will still come and go. I honestly don't know why I'm worried about this, but I am. If she doesn't like me much we'll get extremely awkward whenever we see each other...really don't want that.

Also, I'm already getting a little nervous thinking about going up and asking her. I know I'll be very nervous when the time comes where I need to make the move. I've read all the great posts here and in the Bible regarding confidence...and I do use them, but sometimes when opportunity presents itself, my mind tells me "go, GO for it now!" but for some reason my legs don't respond and I just stand there blankly ARGUING with myself what to do...until the opportunity closes and I've missed my chance. Any tips on how to keep this from happening, or convincing things to say to myself when the time comes?

Appreciate all the input...getting more and more anxious

 

[i am me]

Dude. Golden opportunity.

She's shy? Both of you aren't very experienced at this dating game? Good. Then you can be learn and be shy together. Just suck it up, say "f*ck it. I'm gonna pimp this girl so bad, she's gonna moan...", and ask her. What is she gonna say when you ask her to dance? "No"? Yeah, right. She's not gonna say "no" so don't worry about it. Just focus on making her smile (don't focus on HOW to make her smile...just do it) and you'll do fine. Touch her as much as you can, too. It's called KINO. Don't grab her ass, just put your hand on her shoulder or something like that. It'll make her start to think about the possibility of a relationship with you...serious. If you were a shy girl (not OVERLY shy though), wouldn't you think of it as a compliment if a guy touched you? Yeah.

Do it man.

 

[A&F Brand Cologne]

It's amazing how in one year you'll look back on this post and be embarrassed with yourself. I'm not trying to insult you, but rather to encourage you.