So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
I did, there's nothing there.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
So Many Ways progress report: Getting back in the game
- Thread starter So Many Ways
- Start date
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
Tough going
thurs dec 8 05
For some reason, I'm making all of this tougher than it needs to be.
I went out this past Thursday and Friday night and had no luck. I just feel completely off, like I can't hold a conversation if my life depended on it. Plus approach anxiety has sunk back in. The progress that I had a month ago seems to have stalled.
Anyway, on Thursday, I went to a club in the Newport/Irvine area that I managed to get on the guest list for, so no cover but still a line. While waiting in line, my wing strikes up a conversation with 2 girls standing behind us. They're not really my type. I converse a little bit but I seemed to have trouble as my heart wasn't into it. My wing was digging one of the girls and he ended up #closing her at the end.
At the bar, I approached one girl when I saw her phone. It looked strange so I asked her about it. I couldn't get anywhere else in the convo and they ended up leaving.
I helped my wing out by dancing with her friend for a while so he could isolate his target. These were the same girls that we talked to in line. After a while I left and went to scope out more girls but they were all taken by that point plus good ol' Approach anxiety sank in again.
thurs dec 8 05
For some reason, I'm making all of this tougher than it needs to be.
I went out this past Thursday and Friday night and had no luck. I just feel completely off, like I can't hold a conversation if my life depended on it. Plus approach anxiety has sunk back in. The progress that I had a month ago seems to have stalled.
Anyway, on Thursday, I went to a club in the Newport/Irvine area that I managed to get on the guest list for, so no cover but still a line. While waiting in line, my wing strikes up a conversation with 2 girls standing behind us. They're not really my type. I converse a little bit but I seemed to have trouble as my heart wasn't into it. My wing was digging one of the girls and he ended up #closing her at the end.
At the bar, I approached one girl when I saw her phone. It looked strange so I asked her about it. I couldn't get anywhere else in the convo and they ended up leaving.
I helped my wing out by dancing with her friend for a while so he could isolate his target. These were the same girls that we talked to in line. After a while I left and went to scope out more girls but they were all taken by that point plus good ol' Approach anxiety sank in again.
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
More rejection, yes!
Fri Dec 9 05
We went out to a club in Costa Mesa with my roommate and a female friend of his. Anyway, it was another tough go around.
To start things off, there's a 2 set that my roommate spots, and he's like come on. He opens and then I join him but the girls eject as soon as possible.
The next girl I talked to my roommate motions her over. I talked to her for maybe 10 seconds before she could eject at the earliest possible moment.
The third girl I talked to I approached her and said something to the effect of "you're coming with me" while looking directly in her eyes. I thought I'd try something different. It didn't work, I got the "I'm with my friends" blowoff.
That's pretty much it. I think I need to find a better environment than bars/clubs. This just isn't working so there's no point in banging my head against a brick wall hoping that it would break before I get a concussion. The number of daytime approaches outside of college that I've done I can count on one hand but I have no choice at the moment. If something doesn't work, try something else.
Fri Dec 9 05
We went out to a club in Costa Mesa with my roommate and a female friend of his. Anyway, it was another tough go around.
To start things off, there's a 2 set that my roommate spots, and he's like come on. He opens and then I join him but the girls eject as soon as possible.
The next girl I talked to my roommate motions her over. I talked to her for maybe 10 seconds before she could eject at the earliest possible moment.
The third girl I talked to I approached her and said something to the effect of "you're coming with me" while looking directly in her eyes. I thought I'd try something different. It didn't work, I got the "I'm with my friends" blowoff.
That's pretty much it. I think I need to find a better environment than bars/clubs. This just isn't working so there's no point in banging my head against a brick wall hoping that it would break before I get a concussion. The number of daytime approaches outside of college that I've done I can count on one hand but I have no choice at the moment. If something doesn't work, try something else.
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Hi SWM. I've enjoyed reading your journal.
I'm just getting back in the game myself after a (too) long hiatus. I think you're doing a good job so far and you just need to keep hacking away.
My advice is just keep pushing on.
I don't think there's any reason to give up on nightclubs just yet. If you're still feeling approach anxiety, that's probably a good sign that you need to keep working the same thing until those feelings get "numbed" more. (Maybe different if it's 9s, simply because of their scarcity you won't be able to practise on as many, so some anxiety there is more understandable.)
You sound like you've some good guys to go out with there. I would really try to use that to my advantage in pushing myself to try more "daring" things. Do your friends know of your "organized efforts" to improve your game? Or is it something you're keeping to yourself? Even if you don't want to share the whole thing with them, maybe urge them to challenge you to "lift your game" a bit? You don't need friends to do this, but it can make it can make the challenge "easier to bare" if you're not just doing it for yourself; sort of makes getting shot down easier to handle. (Well, that's been my experience of it, anyway.)
Anyway, keep going man. Honestly, even though at my age now I no doubt know more about life, I have completely lost any skill I ever had with chicks and I'd seriously love to be at your level right now - and so would a lot of other guys. Keep it up.
I'm just getting back in the game myself after a (too) long hiatus. I think you're doing a good job so far and you just need to keep hacking away.
Whenever you're trying to learn a new skill it's common to get these feelings. You'd probably agree that, while perhaps a bit frustrated, you're at a better point than when you first began, no?
My advice is just keep pushing on.
I don't think there's any reason to give up on nightclubs just yet. If you're still feeling approach anxiety, that's probably a good sign that you need to keep working the same thing until those feelings get "numbed" more. (Maybe different if it's 9s, simply because of their scarcity you won't be able to practise on as many, so some anxiety there is more understandable.)
You sound like you've some good guys to go out with there. I would really try to use that to my advantage in pushing myself to try more "daring" things. Do your friends know of your "organized efforts" to improve your game? Or is it something you're keeping to yourself? Even if you don't want to share the whole thing with them, maybe urge them to challenge you to "lift your game" a bit? You don't need friends to do this, but it can make it can make the challenge "easier to bare" if you're not just doing it for yourself; sort of makes getting shot down easier to handle. (Well, that's been my experience of it, anyway.)
Anyway, keep going man. Honestly, even though at my age now I no doubt know more about life, I have completely lost any skill I ever had with chicks and I'd seriously love to be at your level right now - and so would a lot of other guys. Keep it up.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
Brief Report, Sat night
Sat Dec 17 2005
I only went out one night last week.
Me and my wing head out to Long Beach. First we hit up a spot called the basement, not much going on there, mostly couples and groups. We chill there for a minute, get a drink, then walk over to cohibas on pine st, where most of the other nightspots are at.
I did maybe 3 approaches that I recall, as I spent most of the night clowning with my buddy as opposed to approaching. The first set we approached was on the dance floor (I hate dancefloor approaches!) and I went in, a cute sista with a serious body, like an hourglass. This didn't go anywhere and they ejected.
The second girl I approached was more like a throwaway that I did just to clown. There was some dude dancing next to me who was dancing like Elaine from Seinfeld so I had to get my clown on. I went up to this chick and said "would you like to dance" and she of course said "no". Then I said "not with me, but with him" and I pointed to the goofy dancing dude.
The third set I approached didn't pan out but gave me a couple of ideas for potential future openers. It was 2 females and me and my wing went in. My wing's target was a slim, mid 30's looking hispanic female and my target was a thick, pretty black female. She was fiddling with her phone when I went up to her so I stood behind her, looked at her phone and said "I don't think my phone number was in there". She laughed and we started chatting for a minute. She said she had to go look for her friends and they left. We tried to re-engage them later but to no evail.
Anyway, I think that opener for chicks using a cell phone is something I'll need to play around with in the future, especially for daytime approaches, since chicks are always on the phone.
So far, in my journey, I have had 2 kiss closes, 0 number closes and 0 f-closes. Time to step things up.
Sat Dec 17 2005
I only went out one night last week.
Me and my wing head out to Long Beach. First we hit up a spot called the basement, not much going on there, mostly couples and groups. We chill there for a minute, get a drink, then walk over to cohibas on pine st, where most of the other nightspots are at.
I did maybe 3 approaches that I recall, as I spent most of the night clowning with my buddy as opposed to approaching. The first set we approached was on the dance floor (I hate dancefloor approaches!) and I went in, a cute sista with a serious body, like an hourglass. This didn't go anywhere and they ejected.
The second girl I approached was more like a throwaway that I did just to clown. There was some dude dancing next to me who was dancing like Elaine from Seinfeld so I had to get my clown on. I went up to this chick and said "would you like to dance" and she of course said "no". Then I said "not with me, but with him" and I pointed to the goofy dancing dude.
The third set I approached didn't pan out but gave me a couple of ideas for potential future openers. It was 2 females and me and my wing went in. My wing's target was a slim, mid 30's looking hispanic female and my target was a thick, pretty black female. She was fiddling with her phone when I went up to her so I stood behind her, looked at her phone and said "I don't think my phone number was in there". She laughed and we started chatting for a minute. She said she had to go look for her friends and they left. We tried to re-engage them later but to no evail.
Anyway, I think that opener for chicks using a cell phone is something I'll need to play around with in the future, especially for daytime approaches, since chicks are always on the phone.
So far, in my journey, I have had 2 kiss closes, 0 number closes and 0 f-closes. Time to step things up.
englishman
Master Don Juan
Pook sounds like a nerd, reminds me of that guy from wizard of oz who turns out to be full of sh1t
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
Merry Christmas everyone
Thurs Dec 22 2005
I went shopping with a couple of friends of mine. I managed to squeeze out one approach during that time. I actually did it for my wing, who saw this Asian girl he wanted to holler at, so I approached her for him. The Asian girl was there with a friend, who was busted, not my style.
Anyway I made a beeline for the 2 set and went up to the girl and said "hey, blah blah blah my friend wants to talk to you". I motion over my wing. She responds with "I'm sorry I have a boyfriend, I'm almost married...".
I'll admit, doing something like that was kind of exhilirating. I discussed this with my wing and we're going to try out more approaches like this, albeit with a little more finesse.
Fri Dec 23 2005
Hit up a club called vegas a few miles from home. We prepartied at the house and got there early before they started charging a cover.
After sitting down at a booth and nursing a drink, my wing spots two Asian females, and heads right for them. I decide to back him up like a good wing is supposed to. We start to chat and we join them at the table. Apparently these girls were straight from Japan and spoke little English, so my typical game would go right over her head, great. I hung in there though since my wing was digging them. He number closed them while we were sitting in the booth with them.
Later on we took them to the dance floor and I did my dance floor routine, freaking on them and all that. They left and I told my wing, "don't wait for them to come back, let's talk to some other girls".
Again, my wing boldly charges into a 4 set of latin females and I damn near to have to sprint to keep up with them. The leader of the group introduced herself and said, "these girls are my bytches". I tease her about her hat, saying "so that hat makes you the leader, if I take your hat off and she wears it, that makes her the leader". We bs with them then I gave them all female rapper nicknames, MC Lyte, Queen Latifah, Lil Kim and Foxy Brown. My wing zeroed in on Lil Kim, who was the leader and I concentrated on Foxy Brown, who was 2nd in command. The other 2 girls were silent so I ignored them.
They left and the Asian girls from earlier returned and we went back and danced with them for a bit. One of them straight up asked me to drink in a coy manner and I was put off by that. I see Foxy Brown later on, re-engage her briefly, give her a hug, then walk around the club a little bit. One of my friends who came with us disappeared and I suspected he got kicked out for being too drunk and sure enough he was.
Thus ended the night.
I doubt if I'll be calling the Asian girls due to them living in San Diego, as I'm hardly ever down there. I should have number closed Foxy Brown, I did get some decent vibes from her, I wasn't convicned enough that I had gotten her into me enough to close. I should have just went for it anyway.
Thurs Dec 22 2005
I went shopping with a couple of friends of mine. I managed to squeeze out one approach during that time. I actually did it for my wing, who saw this Asian girl he wanted to holler at, so I approached her for him. The Asian girl was there with a friend, who was busted, not my style.
Anyway I made a beeline for the 2 set and went up to the girl and said "hey, blah blah blah my friend wants to talk to you". I motion over my wing. She responds with "I'm sorry I have a boyfriend, I'm almost married...".
I'll admit, doing something like that was kind of exhilirating. I discussed this with my wing and we're going to try out more approaches like this, albeit with a little more finesse.
Fri Dec 23 2005
Hit up a club called vegas a few miles from home. We prepartied at the house and got there early before they started charging a cover.
After sitting down at a booth and nursing a drink, my wing spots two Asian females, and heads right for them. I decide to back him up like a good wing is supposed to. We start to chat and we join them at the table. Apparently these girls were straight from Japan and spoke little English, so my typical game would go right over her head, great. I hung in there though since my wing was digging them. He number closed them while we were sitting in the booth with them.
Later on we took them to the dance floor and I did my dance floor routine, freaking on them and all that. They left and I told my wing, "don't wait for them to come back, let's talk to some other girls".
Again, my wing boldly charges into a 4 set of latin females and I damn near to have to sprint to keep up with them. The leader of the group introduced herself and said, "these girls are my bytches". I tease her about her hat, saying "so that hat makes you the leader, if I take your hat off and she wears it, that makes her the leader". We bs with them then I gave them all female rapper nicknames, MC Lyte, Queen Latifah, Lil Kim and Foxy Brown. My wing zeroed in on Lil Kim, who was the leader and I concentrated on Foxy Brown, who was 2nd in command. The other 2 girls were silent so I ignored them.
They left and the Asian girls from earlier returned and we went back and danced with them for a bit. One of them straight up asked me to drink in a coy manner and I was put off by that. I see Foxy Brown later on, re-engage her briefly, give her a hug, then walk around the club a little bit. One of my friends who came with us disappeared and I suspected he got kicked out for being too drunk and sure enough he was.
Thus ended the night.
I doubt if I'll be calling the Asian girls due to them living in San Diego, as I'm hardly ever down there. I should have number closed Foxy Brown, I did get some decent vibes from her, I wasn't convicned enough that I had gotten her into me enough to close. I should have just went for it anyway.
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
Fri Jan 06 2006
Dammit I had a long post typed and I lost it thanks to the max_connections mysql error.
:cuss:
Anyway I head to a club called Scribbles in Diamond Bar with my 2 main wings, Alan and Dan.
Things start off slow as we got there too early but eventually some females show up. I see a fine big booty black female give me some eye contact as she walked by. Dan spots a 2 set sitting a few feet away and he opens the set and I join in. It was 2 hispanic girls, his target was to me unattractive but he was digging her. Her friend was cute. I join in, engage in small talk but it went nowhere and they ejected.
After those girls ejected I see 4 females sitting to my left. My friend and I were joking about how the club felt like a junior high school dance, everyone was in their own little groups and no one was really talking to each other. I decide to use that as an opener on the 4 girls sitting to my left. I opened, they didn't get the joke but I kept pushing through. She made some comment about her and her friends being in their own little world so I busted them on it. Eventually they left.
We cruise outside and we end up opening a mixed set, 3 guys and 2 girls. We introduce ourselves and join in the convesation. Eventually everyone heads out to the dance floor and opt to sit down on the side instead of joining them.
Eventually they finish up and my wings and I are all joined together posted up along the side. All of the sudden, this fine black female with a big booty grabs my hand and pulls me onto the dance floor. She is the same one that was giving me EC earlier in the evening. She is all up on me, bumping and grinding and ****. After a few minutes Alan comes up and says, mind if I cut in and I'm like wtf... I go ahead and let him and they dance for a couple of minutes, then she leaves. Later I asked him why he did that and he says that I should have just told him to f*ck off. I told him that he put me in a difficult spot. Anyway I was already over it.
Some time goes by and I'm posted up by the bar and I see a filipina chick walk by. She looked familiar, like someone I went to school with somewhere, so I opened her up with "did you go to Cal Poly". She smiled and said no so we fluffed for a minute but it was so loud that we couldn't hear each other. She joins her friends and I go to the side of the dance floor.
I see that my wing Dan engaged the filipina girl and he was talking me up. Then she starts walking towards me and as soon as she's about to get to me, the same fine big booty black female from earlier jumps right in front of her and starts grinding me to the shock and amazement of both myself and the filipina girl. She literally came out of nowhere. I've never seen a female block another female to get to me.
Anyway we dance for awhile and eventually we make our way out to the patio. She is all up on me, touching me everywhere, body pressed up on me. Despite the obvous contact, something seemed wrong, like this was all an act. On top of that, she didn't give me any information on herself, not even a name. Something was up. Anyway I decided to test my intuitiona nd figured f*ck it, might was well go for it so I leaned in for a kiss and she turned her head away. Denied! That's the first time that's happened, first time for everything I guess. Anyway I eject and meet up with my wings.
Me and Dan head out to the patio for a breather and as we walk back inside, a black female with curly hair braided walked outside. Dan motioned her over and introduced her to me. Dan says "get her number" so I hand over my cell phone. She punches her number and name in and she reaches her hand to shake my hand. I say no, give me a hug and she gives me a long hug, damn near cracking my spine in the process. The whole process between intro and # close took a total of 10 seconds, literally. She walks off and I see Alan on the dance floor dancing with this gorgeous hispanic female with glasses. Her friend was there so I engage her friend, hoping Alan would close the deal on the other chick but he hesitated. He was pretty drunk by that time and it was hurting his game big time. The girls leave and a few minutes later it was last call and time to bounce.
One thing I've noticed is that when my friends open a set and I join them, I kinda feel lost and that I can't hold a conversation. On the other hand, when I open a set, I'm on point and I'm able to converse and joke normally and be myself more. I don't know why that is. Also, I didn't realize how easy it is supposed to be to get a number. That blew me away and destroyed a few misconceptions that I had. Getting out in the field is just huge.
Dammit I had a long post typed and I lost it thanks to the max_connections mysql error.
:cuss: Anyway I head to a club called Scribbles in Diamond Bar with my 2 main wings, Alan and Dan.
Things start off slow as we got there too early but eventually some females show up. I see a fine big booty black female give me some eye contact as she walked by. Dan spots a 2 set sitting a few feet away and he opens the set and I join in. It was 2 hispanic girls, his target was to me unattractive but he was digging her. Her friend was cute. I join in, engage in small talk but it went nowhere and they ejected.
After those girls ejected I see 4 females sitting to my left. My friend and I were joking about how the club felt like a junior high school dance, everyone was in their own little groups and no one was really talking to each other. I decide to use that as an opener on the 4 girls sitting to my left. I opened, they didn't get the joke but I kept pushing through. She made some comment about her and her friends being in their own little world so I busted them on it. Eventually they left.
We cruise outside and we end up opening a mixed set, 3 guys and 2 girls. We introduce ourselves and join in the convesation. Eventually everyone heads out to the dance floor and opt to sit down on the side instead of joining them.
Eventually they finish up and my wings and I are all joined together posted up along the side. All of the sudden, this fine black female with a big booty grabs my hand and pulls me onto the dance floor. She is the same one that was giving me EC earlier in the evening. She is all up on me, bumping and grinding and ****. After a few minutes Alan comes up and says, mind if I cut in and I'm like wtf... I go ahead and let him and they dance for a couple of minutes, then she leaves. Later I asked him why he did that and he says that I should have just told him to f*ck off. I told him that he put me in a difficult spot. Anyway I was already over it.
Some time goes by and I'm posted up by the bar and I see a filipina chick walk by. She looked familiar, like someone I went to school with somewhere, so I opened her up with "did you go to Cal Poly". She smiled and said no so we fluffed for a minute but it was so loud that we couldn't hear each other. She joins her friends and I go to the side of the dance floor.
I see that my wing Dan engaged the filipina girl and he was talking me up. Then she starts walking towards me and as soon as she's about to get to me, the same fine big booty black female from earlier jumps right in front of her and starts grinding me to the shock and amazement of both myself and the filipina girl. She literally came out of nowhere. I've never seen a female block another female to get to me.
Anyway we dance for awhile and eventually we make our way out to the patio. She is all up on me, touching me everywhere, body pressed up on me. Despite the obvous contact, something seemed wrong, like this was all an act. On top of that, she didn't give me any information on herself, not even a name. Something was up. Anyway I decided to test my intuitiona nd figured f*ck it, might was well go for it so I leaned in for a kiss and she turned her head away. Denied! That's the first time that's happened, first time for everything I guess. Anyway I eject and meet up with my wings.
Me and Dan head out to the patio for a breather and as we walk back inside, a black female with curly hair braided walked outside. Dan motioned her over and introduced her to me. Dan says "get her number" so I hand over my cell phone. She punches her number and name in and she reaches her hand to shake my hand. I say no, give me a hug and she gives me a long hug, damn near cracking my spine in the process. The whole process between intro and # close took a total of 10 seconds, literally. She walks off and I see Alan on the dance floor dancing with this gorgeous hispanic female with glasses. Her friend was there so I engage her friend, hoping Alan would close the deal on the other chick but he hesitated. He was pretty drunk by that time and it was hurting his game big time. The girls leave and a few minutes later it was last call and time to bounce.
One thing I've noticed is that when my friends open a set and I join them, I kinda feel lost and that I can't hold a conversation. On the other hand, when I open a set, I'm on point and I'm able to converse and joke normally and be myself more. I don't know why that is. Also, I didn't realize how easy it is supposed to be to get a number. That blew me away and destroyed a few misconceptions that I had. Getting out in the field is just huge.
wunnaBsmooth
Don Juan
great read!
I just want to say there is inspiration in your post. You're doing an amazing amount of field work.
Either you're an alchaholic or you really want to get this part of your life handled.....lol
keep the posts coming. We're all pulling for ya!
A lot of what happens to you is similar with me. I think it's just delayed reaction timing (cause you're not accustomed to getting favorable attention from women?). We have to get better at picking up their cues too! Recognize when chics are giving you something to work with.
I just want to say there is inspiration in your post. You're doing an amazing amount of field work.
Either you're an alchaholic or you really want to get this part of your life handled.....lol
keep the posts coming. We're all pulling for ya!
A lot of what happens to you is similar with me. I think it's just delayed reaction timing (cause you're not accustomed to getting favorable attention from women?). We have to get better at picking up their cues too! Recognize when chics are giving you something to work with.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
I've been to El Ranchito on Tuesday nights, when I went, which was probably 8 or 9 months ago, it was mostly dudes, hardly any chicks.
I've been to Sutras a couple of times in the last 3 months and each time, the females were stingy and there were more guys than girls. A year ago Sutras was jumpin and there were fine women galore, not any more.
I used to frequent that Yardhouse on Thursday evenings maybe 3 years ago or so but I haven't hung out there recently.
I've been to a couple of those bars on Newport Blvd before but that was some time ago.
Personally I prefer going to places where I'm a little more marketable. I haven't had to much luck in those kind of environments and I'd prefer to swim with the current rather than swimming upstream. I don't think I've gotten as much as a number at a beach bar/club type stop such as Newport Beach, Huntington Beach, or Laguna Beach so I tend to avoid those areas.
At any rate, I didn't really do any sarging this weekend, I spent the time hanging out with some friends that I hadn't hung out with in a while. Besides my main wings were preoccupied or I couldn't get a hold of them. I did call the girl whose number I got last week and I'll be speaking to her again and see if I can set something up.
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
Frustration frustration frustration
Sat jan 28 05
I haven't done much sarging lately as I've been busy with business endeavors and when I do have free time, I'll just get a bite to eat with a buddy or get a drink or 2 during happy hour.
Anyway I did go out Thurs night and there were hardly any girls in the venue. I talked to one girl who was taking a picture of her friends, but the conversation went nowhere.
Anyway, me and Dan decide to hit up a club called Vegas in Costa Mesa last night on Sat. We get there and we start talking to a lone wolf who was apparently waiting for her friends to arrive. I told her some funny stories. She seemed to be into it but her friends arrived. One of her friends, a guy seemed to get annoyed with her talking to us so he dragged her away. I tried to engage the amogs by introducing myself but no go.
Anyway the club is getting packed and I order myself a jack and coke adn I get opened by 2 chunky girls to the left of me, asking about my drink. One was sort of doable so I talk to her, making some comment about the bartender being on a "fast one". That conversation led nowhere.
Later we approach a 3 set, 2 black hbs and one Asian one. This set let nowhere. I later attempt to open a 3 set of black hb's and again it didn't open, they sneered and walked off. I said a rude comment and we went home.
Tonight proves once again why Orange County just doesn't work for me. Outside of OC, women are pesonable, friendly and flirtatious. Inside of OC, women are cold and snobby. I have had no success here at all period. If it wasn't for family concerns, I would move the f*ck out of here.
Sat jan 28 05
I haven't done much sarging lately as I've been busy with business endeavors and when I do have free time, I'll just get a bite to eat with a buddy or get a drink or 2 during happy hour.
Anyway I did go out Thurs night and there were hardly any girls in the venue. I talked to one girl who was taking a picture of her friends, but the conversation went nowhere.
Anyway, me and Dan decide to hit up a club called Vegas in Costa Mesa last night on Sat. We get there and we start talking to a lone wolf who was apparently waiting for her friends to arrive. I told her some funny stories. She seemed to be into it but her friends arrived. One of her friends, a guy seemed to get annoyed with her talking to us so he dragged her away. I tried to engage the amogs by introducing myself but no go.
Anyway the club is getting packed and I order myself a jack and coke adn I get opened by 2 chunky girls to the left of me, asking about my drink. One was sort of doable so I talk to her, making some comment about the bartender being on a "fast one". That conversation led nowhere.
Later we approach a 3 set, 2 black hbs and one Asian one. This set let nowhere. I later attempt to open a 3 set of black hb's and again it didn't open, they sneered and walked off. I said a rude comment and we went home.
Tonight proves once again why Orange County just doesn't work for me. Outside of OC, women are pesonable, friendly and flirtatious. Inside of OC, women are cold and snobby. I have had no success here at all period. If it wasn't for family concerns, I would move the f*ck out of here.
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
I went through a period in February where I felt kind of ****ty due to the fact that I wasn't making any progress. Anyway, I got over it, you can't keep a brotha down. I'll post some field reports from going out when the site was down shortly.
DoubleA
Senior Don Juan
Man just keep trying. It always gets worse before it gets better.
Just keep in mind your self worth and what you bring to the table.
My advice is try and hit Happy Hour afterwork. The people are more receptive to opening up and breaking ice by talking about work, if needed.
Just keep in mind your self worth and what you bring to the table.
My advice is try and hit Happy Hour afterwork. The people are more receptive to opening up and breaking ice by talking about work, if needed.
good job
its been a good read so far, one thing i did learn is that if you feel that adrenalin rush, or that sex tension thing it means its time to close. it doesnt matter which close you do just close.
i also think you should #close even if you dont feel like it. even if you will delete the number 2 seconds after. i believe the more you close the more you can control it.
anyways keep it up.
its been a good read so far, one thing i did learn is that if you feel that adrenalin rush, or that sex tension thing it means its time to close. it doesnt matter which close you do just close.
i also think you should #close even if you dont feel like it. even if you will delete the number 2 seconds after. i believe the more you close the more you can control it.
anyways keep it up.
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
Thanks for the comment guys. I hear what you're saying about closing, the situations that I've been in, it doesn't seem conducive to attempting a close due to an interaction to brief or the woman ejecting before I get the chance to close. Those are the issues I keep having.
I would hit happy hours except I work nights. I have one night a week, maybe 2 nights a week I can go out, since even on my days off, I'm busy trying to start a business on the side, and I have other interests that don't involve women. I have a lot on my plate right now but I'm not giving up on this, I will get this part of my life handled no matter what, no matter how long it takes or what I have to do, it's just too important. I can't live the rest of my life like this, I'm already 30 years old.
I would hit happy hours except I work nights. I have one night a week, maybe 2 nights a week I can go out, since even on my days off, I'm busy trying to start a business on the side, and I have other interests that don't involve women. I have a lot on my plate right now but I'm not giving up on this, I will get this part of my life handled no matter what, no matter how long it takes or what I have to do, it's just too important. I can't live the rest of my life like this, I'm already 30 years old.
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
Containing alcohol consumption results in more level-headed game spitting
Sat Feb 25, 2006
I went to a club with a good friend who needed some cheering up so I grab some free passes, pick up my friend and head to the club.
I get my friend and myself a couple of Sam Adams and we’re bull****tin’ at the end of the dance floor, just clownin’ and ****. Some dude comes up to me and asked me if that’s the Notorious BIG that’s playing I say yeah, apparently they had some bet going on with his buddies or whatever. I then get an idea, “hey, why not use that as an opener”.
As openers go, it probably wasn’t all that great but I needed something to get me going, so I see three women to the right of me and I approach using that opener.
SMW: Sup Ladies
Girl1: Hey
SMW: I wonder if you guys could help me out. Me and and my friend had a bet on who the artist of the song.
(Girls look at eachother), respond “notorious BIG.
(now understand, I’m a huge hip hop head and I felt a little weird asking a question like that, especially considering he’s one of the most famous rappers ever, but whatever…)
SMW: Thanks
(girls eject)
I regroup with my friend. I’m not shocked that the girls ejected, due to the awkwardness of the question. However, I am feeling it more and I encourage my friend to approach, but he’s just not in the right mental space right now, I don’t blame him honestly. Anyway, I see two women to the right of me who happen to be sisters and decide to head in.
SMW: (wave), Hey
HBYongersister: Hey
SMW: I would use a real clever pickup line here, but I forgot them all, so I decided to introduce myself like a normal human being. (introduces self)
HBYoungersister: (big smile) I’m (says name, then introduces older sister)
SMW: Let me guess, (talking to younger sister), you’re the younger sister (turn to older sister) and you’re the older sister
HBYounger sister: Wow, how could you tell?
SMW: You seem more outgoing, your sister seems more serious.
We chat for a few more seconds, then her sister pulls her away.
HBYoungersister: “are you going to be right here if we come back”?
SMW: Maybe
They took off. If my friend could have engaged her sister, maybe they would have stayed.
Anyway, we get a second round of beers and we chill for a little longer. Then I see two girls standing right next to us. They’re a little thick but still cute so I try to talk my friend into joining me as I decide to approach.
SMW: Hey
HBThick1: Hey
( I forget what I said to them but I one of the girls cell phone went off during mid-conversation).
SMW: (pointing at HBThick2) You’d better answer that, it’s important.
HBThick1: Oh no, that’s just her alarm.
SMW: Don’t tell me it’s already past your bedtime?
HB’s (laugh)
I don’t remember the rest of the conversation but I ejected, figuring I could re-engage them later and they’d remember, it didn’t work out that way but whatever. It didn’t help that my buddy didn’t join in the conversation.
Anyway, I go to drain the main vein and as I walk out, I see this striking brunette giving me some mean eye contact as she walked to the bathroom. I hold the EC and she walked in the door. Apparently she was there with a guy and I’m not comfortable with approaching mixed groups at this point.
I did one more approach on a lone wolf who was standing by the dance floor.
SMW: Are you here waiting for someone?
HB: No (says something about liking 80’s music, then goes to the other room).
I sort of approached one other girl when I teased her about her dance moves but that didn’t lead to anything.
We ended up leaving as we were quickly running out of relatively decent looking chicks to talk to. All in all, even though I didn’t get any digits, it was a good night. The last time I went out my state was so poor that women seemed to be running away. This time I was able to actually hold a conversation and make the girls laugh a little bit, plus their reactions were positive for the most part.
Sat Feb 25, 2006
I went to a club with a good friend who needed some cheering up so I grab some free passes, pick up my friend and head to the club.
I get my friend and myself a couple of Sam Adams and we’re bull****tin’ at the end of the dance floor, just clownin’ and ****. Some dude comes up to me and asked me if that’s the Notorious BIG that’s playing I say yeah, apparently they had some bet going on with his buddies or whatever. I then get an idea, “hey, why not use that as an opener”.
As openers go, it probably wasn’t all that great but I needed something to get me going, so I see three women to the right of me and I approach using that opener.
SMW: Sup Ladies
Girl1: Hey
SMW: I wonder if you guys could help me out. Me and and my friend had a bet on who the artist of the song.
(Girls look at eachother), respond “notorious BIG.
(now understand, I’m a huge hip hop head and I felt a little weird asking a question like that, especially considering he’s one of the most famous rappers ever, but whatever…)
SMW: Thanks
(girls eject)
I regroup with my friend. I’m not shocked that the girls ejected, due to the awkwardness of the question. However, I am feeling it more and I encourage my friend to approach, but he’s just not in the right mental space right now, I don’t blame him honestly. Anyway, I see two women to the right of me who happen to be sisters and decide to head in.
SMW: (wave), Hey
HBYongersister: Hey
SMW: I would use a real clever pickup line here, but I forgot them all, so I decided to introduce myself like a normal human being. (introduces self)
HBYoungersister: (big smile) I’m (says name, then introduces older sister)
SMW: Let me guess, (talking to younger sister), you’re the younger sister (turn to older sister) and you’re the older sister
HBYounger sister: Wow, how could you tell?
SMW: You seem more outgoing, your sister seems more serious.
We chat for a few more seconds, then her sister pulls her away.
HBYoungersister: “are you going to be right here if we come back”?
SMW: Maybe
They took off. If my friend could have engaged her sister, maybe they would have stayed.
Anyway, we get a second round of beers and we chill for a little longer. Then I see two girls standing right next to us. They’re a little thick but still cute so I try to talk my friend into joining me as I decide to approach.
SMW: Hey
HBThick1: Hey
( I forget what I said to them but I one of the girls cell phone went off during mid-conversation).
SMW: (pointing at HBThick2) You’d better answer that, it’s important.
HBThick1: Oh no, that’s just her alarm.
SMW: Don’t tell me it’s already past your bedtime?
HB’s (laugh)
I don’t remember the rest of the conversation but I ejected, figuring I could re-engage them later and they’d remember, it didn’t work out that way but whatever. It didn’t help that my buddy didn’t join in the conversation.
Anyway, I go to drain the main vein and as I walk out, I see this striking brunette giving me some mean eye contact as she walked to the bathroom. I hold the EC and she walked in the door. Apparently she was there with a guy and I’m not comfortable with approaching mixed groups at this point.
I did one more approach on a lone wolf who was standing by the dance floor.
SMW: Are you here waiting for someone?
HB: No (says something about liking 80’s music, then goes to the other room).
I sort of approached one other girl when I teased her about her dance moves but that didn’t lead to anything.
We ended up leaving as we were quickly running out of relatively decent looking chicks to talk to. All in all, even though I didn’t get any digits, it was a good night. The last time I went out my state was so poor that women seemed to be running away. This time I was able to actually hold a conversation and make the girls laugh a little bit, plus their reactions were positive for the most part.
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
Eliminating alcohol consumption entirely
Sat Mar 04, 2006
Last night I did something that I can't recall ever doing off the top of my head. I went to a club and did not consume one alcoholic beverage. I seriously don't remember the last time I did that. Last week I limited my consumption to 2 beers, this week none.
After watching the Lakers lay the smack down on the Detroit Pistons, about 5 of us head out to club v2o in Long Beach. As soon as I walk in, I see this gorgeous babe who kind of had a Neo-soul kind of style to her. Anyway, we pay and walk to the bar, where I order myself a water with lemon.
Anyway, 2 of my friends spot 3 girls dancing and they charge right into the group and start dancing with the women. After a couple of minutes, I join them and I get my grind on with a good looking mexican babe with a nice body. Good way to start the evening. I dance with them for a while and they eject.
Shortly thereafter, I spot the Neosoul looking sista dancing with a group of her friends. Damn she is too fine, I'm mesmerized. I say **** it, I'll be mad at myself if I don't take a stab at it so I approach. I walk up behind her and I say:
SMW: You look like you need a dance partner.
HBNeosoul: I do?
SMW: (while looking dead in her eyes) Yes you do.
HBNEosoul: (turns around, I grab her hand).
The DJ throws on the song "Ain't no fun" by Snoop Dogg and Nate Dogg. I've always wondered why every chick in a club knows this song by heart, even though it may seem slightly degrading to the casual listener, so I decide to ask her a question.
SMW: I was wondering, why is it that every female knows this song by heart word for word?
HBNeosoul: (paraphrasing) It's because we all have a little inner freak in us.
SMW: I figured it was something like that.
I then touch her necklace.
SMW: I'm digging the necklace.
HBNEosoul: Thanks
After some more dancing and small talk, she ejects to join her friends.
I rejoin my group and one of my friends points out a 3 set. I immediately had my eye on the black one, the other 2 where white. Anyway, my wing decides to plunge in but I wasn't ready. He talked tot he girls for a few seconds then ejected. I decide to go in, I ask the black babe, "hey what did my friend to say to you guys?" I don't remember the exact response she gave. Anyway, I invited her and her friends to join us. They said, in a little while. I ejected. I shouldn't have done that, I should have stayed in set.
I check out the other dance floor, nothing there appealing so I go back to the main dance floor. One of my friends is chatting up a somewhat chunky female and her friend was dancing by herself so I decide to talk to her. She was bangin', hourglass figure, dark skinned with straight hair, possibly a weave, but I couldn't keep my eye off that body of hers. I don't remember what I said to open her but I did tell her about my mission, to go to a club without ingesting alcohol. She mentions that it's her friend's birthday party, so I break off into an impromptu happy birthday song. She introduces me to her friend, I wish her happy birthday, then re-engage my target. We dance for a while, then she ejects, saying something about having to make a phone call. There seems to be an ongoing theme going on here, but I'm glad that I'm able to approach and hold conversations without needing alcohol.
The most bizarre event of the night is yet to come. I'm posted up by the bar with my boys, when this short blonde gives me eye contact adn then motions to the dance floor. I know what that means so I grab her hand and lead her to the floor. Within seconds, she's all up on me, grinding on me, grabbing my crotch and making motions like she's giving me head right on the dance floor amid intermittent making out. It was quite a scene, quite a few people were staring and my friends were hooping and hollering throughout the whole ordeal. Honestly I was kind of embarassed, but I was aware of the opportunity that was before me, even though she wasn't really my type. Anyway all I know about her is that she's on vacation.
I take it upon myself to lead her to a different section of the club, away from all the unwanted attention. She goes to the bathroom and when she returns, she tells me she's quite drunk. Here comes the ethical dilemma. Do I push for a lay/BJ, knowing that the chick may be too drunk to actually consent? Anyway, we go to another section of the club, where she gives me a really bad lap dance. She was clearly drunk and security saw this and escorted her out. I decided not to chase her. I just wasn't feeling her that much and I really didn't want to try to hit a chick that was too drunk. It's not worth it.
I find my people, and random dudes are giving me props due to the earlier spectacle. We leave soon after as it was around 1:30am and there were few available targets left.
That was my night, I had more fun than I've had in a while and I didn't need any alcohol.
Sat Mar 04, 2006
Last night I did something that I can't recall ever doing off the top of my head. I went to a club and did not consume one alcoholic beverage. I seriously don't remember the last time I did that. Last week I limited my consumption to 2 beers, this week none.
After watching the Lakers lay the smack down on the Detroit Pistons, about 5 of us head out to club v2o in Long Beach. As soon as I walk in, I see this gorgeous babe who kind of had a Neo-soul kind of style to her. Anyway, we pay and walk to the bar, where I order myself a water with lemon.
Anyway, 2 of my friends spot 3 girls dancing and they charge right into the group and start dancing with the women. After a couple of minutes, I join them and I get my grind on with a good looking mexican babe with a nice body. Good way to start the evening. I dance with them for a while and they eject.
Shortly thereafter, I spot the Neosoul looking sista dancing with a group of her friends. Damn she is too fine, I'm mesmerized. I say **** it, I'll be mad at myself if I don't take a stab at it so I approach. I walk up behind her and I say:
SMW: You look like you need a dance partner.
HBNeosoul: I do?
SMW: (while looking dead in her eyes) Yes you do.
HBNEosoul: (turns around, I grab her hand).
The DJ throws on the song "Ain't no fun" by Snoop Dogg and Nate Dogg. I've always wondered why every chick in a club knows this song by heart, even though it may seem slightly degrading to the casual listener, so I decide to ask her a question.
SMW: I was wondering, why is it that every female knows this song by heart word for word?
HBNeosoul: (paraphrasing) It's because we all have a little inner freak in us.
SMW: I figured it was something like that.
I then touch her necklace.
SMW: I'm digging the necklace.
HBNEosoul: Thanks
After some more dancing and small talk, she ejects to join her friends.
I rejoin my group and one of my friends points out a 3 set. I immediately had my eye on the black one, the other 2 where white. Anyway, my wing decides to plunge in but I wasn't ready. He talked tot he girls for a few seconds then ejected. I decide to go in, I ask the black babe, "hey what did my friend to say to you guys?" I don't remember the exact response she gave. Anyway, I invited her and her friends to join us. They said, in a little while. I ejected. I shouldn't have done that, I should have stayed in set.
I check out the other dance floor, nothing there appealing so I go back to the main dance floor. One of my friends is chatting up a somewhat chunky female and her friend was dancing by herself so I decide to talk to her. She was bangin', hourglass figure, dark skinned with straight hair, possibly a weave, but I couldn't keep my eye off that body of hers. I don't remember what I said to open her but I did tell her about my mission, to go to a club without ingesting alcohol. She mentions that it's her friend's birthday party, so I break off into an impromptu happy birthday song. She introduces me to her friend, I wish her happy birthday, then re-engage my target. We dance for a while, then she ejects, saying something about having to make a phone call. There seems to be an ongoing theme going on here, but I'm glad that I'm able to approach and hold conversations without needing alcohol.
The most bizarre event of the night is yet to come. I'm posted up by the bar with my boys, when this short blonde gives me eye contact adn then motions to the dance floor. I know what that means so I grab her hand and lead her to the floor. Within seconds, she's all up on me, grinding on me, grabbing my crotch and making motions like she's giving me head right on the dance floor amid intermittent making out. It was quite a scene, quite a few people were staring and my friends were hooping and hollering throughout the whole ordeal. Honestly I was kind of embarassed, but I was aware of the opportunity that was before me, even though she wasn't really my type. Anyway all I know about her is that she's on vacation.
I take it upon myself to lead her to a different section of the club, away from all the unwanted attention. She goes to the bathroom and when she returns, she tells me she's quite drunk. Here comes the ethical dilemma. Do I push for a lay/BJ, knowing that the chick may be too drunk to actually consent? Anyway, we go to another section of the club, where she gives me a really bad lap dance. She was clearly drunk and security saw this and escorted her out. I decided not to chase her. I just wasn't feeling her that much and I really didn't want to try to hit a chick that was too drunk. It's not worth it.
I find my people, and random dudes are giving me props due to the earlier spectacle. We leave soon after as it was around 1:30am and there were few available targets left.
That was my night, I had more fun than I've had in a while and I didn't need any alcohol.
So Many Ways
Master Don Juan
casual socializing in a different environment
Fri Mar 10, 2006
Not much sarging going on tonight, rather it was casual socializing.
First off, me and my wing stop off at this spot in Irvine where they do wine tasting and had a blues band playing. I order my wine and I chat to one of the waitresses there, telling her stories and stuff. There were a couple of cute girls to our left that brought a little dog with them. We chat with them briefly but they were waiting for someone. I check out some other wines and leave. Even though I’m 30 and my wing is 26, we were the youngest people there so we leave.
We end up going down to Newport Beach and going bar-hopping down there. We stop off at a sports bar, but not many women there. We then leave to another bar when the rain came, so we stop off at the next closest bar to get out of the rain.
Needless to say I was shocked at all the fine women I saw there. Easily 80% of all the women there were good looking. Anyway this spot is also a brewery and since I’m a beer connoisseur, I couldn’t resist helping myself to a couple of stouts.
Anyway, I was just observing the vibe and I admittedly didn’t put nearly enough effort into meeting women while I was there, but they did have good beer. There was one chick who stepped on my foot so I respond in a comically overexxagerated tone “hey, you hurt my foot”. They laugh and walk off, my wing is almost dying of laughter.
We shift to another spot and I start busting out dance moves just for the hell of it. I immediately see 2 blondes checking me out, one of them asks me to show her some dance moves. I show her, then I get CB’d by some dude in a wheelchair needing to get past. She rejoins the large mixed group she was in. I see the other blonde and she keeps looking over, but I couldn’t approach for some reason. Yeah I know.
Nothing much else happened, other than me being opened by some dude who wanted to tell me about Wyclef Jean and the Fugees going to his studio.
It was a fun night nonetheless. I’ll need to frequent those Newport Beach bars more, tons of hot women.
Fri Mar 10, 2006
Not much sarging going on tonight, rather it was casual socializing.
First off, me and my wing stop off at this spot in Irvine where they do wine tasting and had a blues band playing. I order my wine and I chat to one of the waitresses there, telling her stories and stuff. There were a couple of cute girls to our left that brought a little dog with them. We chat with them briefly but they were waiting for someone. I check out some other wines and leave. Even though I’m 30 and my wing is 26, we were the youngest people there so we leave.
We end up going down to Newport Beach and going bar-hopping down there. We stop off at a sports bar, but not many women there. We then leave to another bar when the rain came, so we stop off at the next closest bar to get out of the rain.
Needless to say I was shocked at all the fine women I saw there. Easily 80% of all the women there were good looking. Anyway this spot is also a brewery and since I’m a beer connoisseur, I couldn’t resist helping myself to a couple of stouts.
Anyway, I was just observing the vibe and I admittedly didn’t put nearly enough effort into meeting women while I was there, but they did have good beer. There was one chick who stepped on my foot so I respond in a comically overexxagerated tone “hey, you hurt my foot”. They laugh and walk off, my wing is almost dying of laughter.
We shift to another spot and I start busting out dance moves just for the hell of it. I immediately see 2 blondes checking me out, one of them asks me to show her some dance moves. I show her, then I get CB’d by some dude in a wheelchair needing to get past. She rejoins the large mixed group she was in. I see the other blonde and she keeps looking over, but I couldn’t approach for some reason. Yeah I know.
Nothing much else happened, other than me being opened by some dude who wanted to tell me about Wyclef Jean and the Fugees going to his studio.
It was a fun night nonetheless. I’ll need to frequent those Newport Beach bars more, tons of hot women.
how about doing this, instead of waiting for the end of the conversation to ask the number, just be bold about it and ask it as soon as you can, like 5 sentences after the conversation started, if its a group you will be considered a man with balls heh, i think i should try that one time . i am sure there are ways to use a group in your advantage to get a number.
you : hey (to the group) do you gals mind if i take hb for a moment, i want to get her ###.
or something similar...
cheers.
. i am sure there are ways to use a group in your advantage to get a number.you : hey (to the group) do you gals mind if i take hb for a moment, i want to get her ###.
or something similar...
cheers.
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.