So many excuses she gives, how to respond?

[meathead]

Long story short: the AFC in me showed up too much during a current 2 month relationship, and accordingly, it seems her interest is fading. She's been giving excuses without offering alternative suggestions. To be fair, she is busy and the excuses are legit, but on the other hand, the excuses have been piling up lately, and I would've expected her to suggest something for when she's free.

I'm about to write her off as a lesson learned the hard way, but I may get one more last chance to move the relationship forward. If so, I want to make it happen. After a few spirited texts between us in which she communicated interest, I replied to tell her that she and I should hang out this weekend. To that I received no response.

So at this point, I'm not sure whether I plan on asking her out at all or waiting for her to reach out to me. Assuming that I do ask her, I'm trying to prepare my response to any excuse. Here are how I view my options:

(1) suggest another day or time;
(2) ask when she's available and then make a new suggestion;
(3) tell her to get back to me with a time she's available;
(4) call her out on the excuses; or
(5) accept that she's a flake, provide no alternatives, and give up on her.

I'm leaning toward option 4, but 3 and 5 are looking like possibilities. 1 and 2 are AFC moves, I think. No matter which I choose, I feel like I should express my frustration, but I'm having trouble coming up with the right words. This relationship might be just waiting to officially end. If it does, I want to keep her as a friend for a variety of reasons that are unrelated to the issue at hand.

Which option do you guys think I should go with? Do you have any suggestions on what to say? This is a tough one for me.

 

[DrPhysique]

Here's the mistake you made: when she started showing less interest and making herself less available, you moved forward instead of backwards. That's the reason it's getting worse. You're making yourself easy and you aren't a challenge for her anymore.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Go no contact. If she pulls back, you need to pull back MORE.

If she had sufficient interest in you, she would get back to you in a timely fashion. She didn't, so you need to "punish" her by ignoring her. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you text her again to ask her out!

 

[meathead]

That's exactly what I thought. I knew but was afraid to acknowledge that the correct action is to ignore her and go no contact, but had I not asked, I would've been too tempted to ask her out again. The nice guy in me would've made an appearance, I think.

It's time to play no contact hardball, and we'll see what kind of action this weekend brings. Thanks, guys.

 

[Ker]

Hi meathead,
I have similar encounter as yours, and I agree with other guys, do not text or call her again, at least not within couple of months may be a year depending what had happened before. If you call soon then she will always relate you to that AFC you have created in her mind.
And if you want her to be your friend, you will need to make her treat you with some respect too,ie. a friend should not give you pile of excuse in order to not going out with you.

Anway, good luck!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Long story short: the AFC in me showed up too much during a current 2 month relationship, and accordingly, it seems her interest is fading. She's been giving excuses without offering alternative suggestions. To be fair, she is busy and the excuses are legit, but on the other hand, the excuses have been piling up lately, and I would've expected her to suggest something for when she's free.

I'm about to write her off as a lesson learned the hard way, but I may get one more last chance to move the relationship forward. If so, I want to make it happen. After a few spirited texts between us in which she communicated interest, I replied to tell her that she and I should hang out this weekend. To that I received no response.

So at this point, I'm not sure whether I plan on asking her out at all or waiting for her to reach out to me. Assuming that I do ask her, I'm trying to prepare my response to any excuse. Here are how I view my options:

(1) suggest another day or time;
(2) ask when she's available and then make a new suggestion;
(3) tell her to get back to me with a time she's available;
(4) call her out on the excuses; or
(5) accept that she's a flake, provide no alternatives, and give up on her.

I'm leaning toward option 4, but 3 and 5 are looking like possibilities. 1 and 2 are AFC moves, I think. No matter which I choose, I feel like I should express my frustration, but I'm having trouble coming up with the right words. This relationship might be just waiting to officially end. If it does, I want to keep her as a friend for a variety of reasons that are unrelated to the issue at hand.

Which option do you guys think I should go with? Do you have any suggestions on what to say? This is a tough one for me.

You've already received great advice here on how to handle this chick; but I just wanted to point out that in my opinion all those options you listed in your original post are AFC except the first one, which is also really pointless at this time since this girl is clearly showing you that her interest is low at best right now.

Calling a girl on her bs generally only has positive results when her interest is high enough that it creates the anxiety within her that you might walk. When a girl could really careless, you will just look like the angry kid pouting in the corner with moves like that.


Freeze her out as a last ditch effort, but start meeting new girls.






PIMP

 

[meathead]

Calling a girl on her bs generally only has positive results when her interest is high enough that it creates the anxiety within her that you might walk. When a girl could really careless, you will just look like the angry kid pouting in the corner with moves like that.

I can't believe I didn't understand that at first, but it makes a ton of sense.

Freeze her out as a last ditch effort, but start meeting new girls.

It hurts to have to ignore her, particularly because it was my own failures that created this problem. But as to meeting new girls, I'm already on the job, and it helps.

 

[pdx1138]

I once took a situation where the chick said she was "DONE" with me and completely turned it around. Ended up banging her for another year then cut her loose.

I did two things:

1. NEVER initiated a call or text.

2. NEVER initiated weekend plans or seeing each other.

I left everything entirely up to her. To my surprise she never once asked me why it was, she did all the initiating.

The less responsive I became, the more often she wanted to have me sleep over. It was so predictable it became fun. I would tell my best friend what was going on. We went out to dinner often on Fridays....I would tell him that she would text me before dinner was over to pick her up and take her to my place. He was surprised as it occurred time after time.



You know where I learned those 2 things?

RIGHT HERE ON THIS FORUM

 

[SgtSplacker]

Believe it or not you are actually in a good situation if you play it properly. The reason being is that you already have her interest and she has already invested a bit of time with you. Now you pull back, go NC for a while and let her wonder what is going on. This is poison for a womans game. Start hanging around with your female friends a bit more, if she actually sees you hanging with girls you just pulled an ace my boy.

If you talk to her again don't ask her out, but do tell her what you are doing the coming weekend "So yeah Friday Steve wants to meet up at Pooterhole Bar hes meeting some ladies out there and doesnt want to go alone. I think I know one of them" By doing this not only are you touching on the subject of hanging out together, but you are raising your value and making her jealous all at the same time. If you just don't get an opportunity to talk to her maybe create one by being somewhere you know she will be. And be sure to be the one that ends the conversation. Keep it short and sweet, your time is important and you are a busy man.

 

[chocococonut]

LOoks to me like you were afraid to take the alpha route...which was to TAKE THE RISK, risk losing her, push her away a little bit...When I find myself at this crossroad with a girl i am sincerely interested in, ill be honest, it IS hard to find it in yourself to do it...You tell yourself, damn, this girl is hot and inside you want her so bad...

BUT...take a mental step back, think for a moment, " am i playing the game correctly" ? If the answer is NO, then you need to take actions, man up, and do what you gotta do to get the girl. You know the tricks and tactics of the game (push-pull, NC, make her come to you ...) but its hard to play when your blinded by beauty and desire.

I find it easiest to do this by exploring your options. If your really interested in a girl, and she just doesn't seem to be at your level, pull back a bit, talk to another girl your interested in or find one, spend some time with her...Its not cheating or anything, but its subconsciously increasing the girl your interested in's desire for you. You become less interested in her when you put your interested in another girl. Most people find it easier by just putting their interest in a hobbie (lifting weights, drugs etc). I find it the most effective by pursuing another girl. It will also make you realize who is the better option. After all, DJ"s have options. Having options changes your attitude toward everything. Your one-itis disappears and suddenly, the girl you desire will desire you as well. Strange how this game works and how the players play it, but play the game correctly with the rules you are given from this site. You have all the tools skills and know all the rules. Make sure you follow them.

 

[AAAgent]

funny how none of your choices was to just leave it alone.

Everyone here knows that one of the strongest things you can display is indifference. You already asked the question, if she doesn't respond after a week i would just write it off. If she does and still continues to play games when you ask to meet up again then write her off.

 

[meathead]

funny how none of your choices was to just leave it alone

That is funny when I look back on my thoughts at the time of posting. Clearly, I fell off the wagon and relapsed into full-on AFC mode. It really sucks to think about how high her interest level was just a few short weeks ago compared to what I'm getting now.

Hopefully, I and everyone else will learn the lesson to never stop bring a Don Juan.

 

[TopGun2000]

I was actually laughing at your original options. Fortunately you've already cleared your mind by now.

That is funny when I look back on my thoughts at the time of posting. Clearly, I fell off the wagon and relapsed into full-on AFC mode. It really sucks to think about how high her interest level was just a few short weeks ago compared to what I'm getting now.

Hopefully, I and everyone else will learn the lesson to never stop bring a Don Juan.

 

[perseverance]

Since it's only a two month relationship, it's not that serious and not a lot of emotion and time has been invested in it, so it should be quite easy to dispose of! I don't believe in playing games, if a girl is in a relationship with me and she is showing a low interest level, I'd just tell her things aren't working out and I'd walk away from the situation. Why waste time on someone who isn't that into you? Why try and rebuild that interest? That's my attitude towards these types of situations.

 

[The_411]

If women want you they'll make time hell they'll rearrange their plans to involve you. Busy = not interested or you're not enough of a challenge.

Assume that it's going nowhere because chances are it won't go anywhere.
And having expectations = outcome dependecy and that's no good.

Best thing I can add is that anytime a woman cancels or doesn't respond take as an insult but not a personal one. I know it sounds confusing but basically what I'm saying is that being angry, giving ultimatums etc makes one look like a controlling loser who isn't in control. The key is to let a woman know through your actions that her behavior isn't acceptable. Doesn't mean you can't call her on her crap but 2 months in there's not enough there to have a serious conversation.

So in this case when she didn't respond it means I can do whatever I want and that should include seeing other women or going to places where you will be able to intereact with other women.

I would also add look at wrote in your first post here. You basically listed scenarios whcih means you care too much. I almost felt like you re trying to make a portfolio decision and that's something you certainly should care about but as for women never that much unless you're much deeper into the relationship and you're dealing with a complex issue.

 

[Aaron B]

low interest. next.

did you bang her?

 

[meathead]

The unanimous opinion has it. No contact shall continue as long as it must. I will not be one of those guys who initiates a long thread looking for advice and then goes against the better wisdom and says, "well I called her anyway and blah blah blah... how do I get her back?" That is not going to be me.

I have now made elaborate plans for this weekend and plan on being in the presence of many women. I have my own excuse for if (when?) she does reach out to me. And I'm betting she will. Having these plans set will help me maintain my willpower, for if I am free to hang out, I just might supplicate to her whims. I can't be doing that for a woman with low interest.

It's an unfortunate situation, and no, Aaron, I did not even have sex with her. So sad is this story, but eff it, I'm doing what I must do.

 

[DonGorgon]

excuses mean low interest and its over..

 

[Lateralus]

Interesting, keep us updated!

 

[meathead]

excuses mean low interest and its over..

For real, but beyond the excuses, she wouldn't offer alternatives. That's what seals it for me.

She would say, "I have birthday party/company dinner/bachelorette party/etc., so I can't hang tonight. Bummer." Mind you, these were all legitimate reasons, but what kills me is that she left it at that. I would've instead expected, "...so I can't hang tonight. Bummer. How about tomorrow night instead?" But she didn't say that.

Oh well. I'm still waiting for her to make contact. As before, we'll see what happens.