GrowingPains
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2018
- Messages
- 956
- Reaction score
- 693
- Age
- 28
Since mid 2018 when I found the Rational Male and this site... I've adopted the 'date multiple women and let her push for exclusivity' mentality. I'd say things have been working out quite well. I tried to count a little while ago and I've been intimate with ~15, probably kissed two handfuls more, and went on however many dates. No relationship. None of those have pushed for a relationship, and there are only a few that I've even considered viable candidates.
The few that I did were decent girls. I enjoyed their company but now that I'm looking back on it... it's just that I liked them. I think that's the only distinguishing factor. The other girls were just for fun and I didn't have any feelings for them. So when these few girls that I did have feelings for came across... like right now... I find myself feeling like I'm betraying my initial Red Pill attitude. I feel so confused that my emotions have caused me to question something I once thought so logical. It bothers me that I can't resolve whether I want a relationship or multiple.
Some things that keep me from fully committing:
1. I find myself looking for unicorns. I want a certain body type. A certain drive. A certain sense of humor. I know that I am looking for perfection. And I acknowledge that that's probably futile ... there is something wrong with every person - even myself. But that's the truth... I feel like I can do better. Whether or not it's true, I don't know yet. But it feels unfair to the people who I am dating.
2. I like options. I like the attention. I like feeling like all these girls want me and the validation that comes with it. Everyone needs validation.. no matter how Red Pilled you are.
3. Maybe I'm afraid of the pain that comes from the end of a relationship. Afraid that someone who is going to play such a large part in my life will (likely) no longer be part of it at all at some point.
4. I'm afraid of being wrong. I'm not sure my ego can handle it. I've made such strong statements over the years in conversations among friends.. and even with some of the women I'm dating... Here I am subscribing to 'relationships are pointless', 'there is no benefit of being in a relationship', etc... But one thing I've learned in multiple aspects of life over the past couple of years is that life is nuanced. Things are not so black and white. Extremes are easy, navigating the gray area/moderation is difficult but more sustainable.
Some benefits of being in a relationship:
1. Editing this one to be summarized as 'security'. Obviously it's not 100% because people cheat... but some security in knowing you have a decreased chance in obtaining an STD. Someone you can talk to without boundaries at the end of the day. The world is a lonely place. And no matter how much you enjoy your own company... I feel like we need someone(s) to connect with. People are social creatures.
2. Less energy to try and maintain boundaries with someone who you truly like. By this I mean that I find myself wanting to do boyfriend things with girls that aren't my girlfriend if I have feelings for them. And wanting to do more with someone but holding back because you want to keep it casual... exhausting.
3. Elevating each other. Supporting a person simply because you want to see them succeed and glow and they'd do the same for you. Kinda special.
4. Experiencing life together on a deep level. Vague... but I just figure you can't really get close with someone and then do extraordinary things all over the world together if you're dating 2-3 other people. At some point all of those relationships will get to that deep point and unless you're the Tiger King you can't maintain that level of emotional investment for long.
I suppose you could do some of these things outside of an exclusive relationship... For some reason (trying to figure out if I'm conditioned/Blue Pilled - open to analyses that aren't attacks) it feels like those things are supposed to be relationship things.
Recently I found myself considering a relationship out of fear. I told a girl I've been dating for a while that I still wanted to see other people so that I could clear the air of any assumptions that may have come from recent things I did. There was conversation afterwards about her past and our concerns about being in a relationship. She said she needed some space to just think. The last time a girl told me she needed space was when I broke up with my ex and wanted to get back together. So I think I panicked and started to consider a relationship out of fear of losing her. I enjoy her company. We're very similar and we have a good time, ya dig? But it's not healthy that I considered the relationship out of fear. I'd like to change that. In Rich Dad Poor Dad he talks about people making financial decisions based on fear and not logic and that's part of the reason they remain poor... it made me think of this.
A lot to unpack there. Latch on to whatever you want.
The End.
The few that I did were decent girls. I enjoyed their company but now that I'm looking back on it... it's just that I liked them. I think that's the only distinguishing factor. The other girls were just for fun and I didn't have any feelings for them. So when these few girls that I did have feelings for came across... like right now... I find myself feeling like I'm betraying my initial Red Pill attitude. I feel so confused that my emotions have caused me to question something I once thought so logical. It bothers me that I can't resolve whether I want a relationship or multiple.
Some things that keep me from fully committing:
1. I find myself looking for unicorns. I want a certain body type. A certain drive. A certain sense of humor. I know that I am looking for perfection. And I acknowledge that that's probably futile ... there is something wrong with every person - even myself. But that's the truth... I feel like I can do better. Whether or not it's true, I don't know yet. But it feels unfair to the people who I am dating.
2. I like options. I like the attention. I like feeling like all these girls want me and the validation that comes with it. Everyone needs validation.. no matter how Red Pilled you are.
3. Maybe I'm afraid of the pain that comes from the end of a relationship. Afraid that someone who is going to play such a large part in my life will (likely) no longer be part of it at all at some point.
4. I'm afraid of being wrong. I'm not sure my ego can handle it. I've made such strong statements over the years in conversations among friends.. and even with some of the women I'm dating... Here I am subscribing to 'relationships are pointless', 'there is no benefit of being in a relationship', etc... But one thing I've learned in multiple aspects of life over the past couple of years is that life is nuanced. Things are not so black and white. Extremes are easy, navigating the gray area/moderation is difficult but more sustainable.
Some benefits of being in a relationship:
1. Editing this one to be summarized as 'security'. Obviously it's not 100% because people cheat... but some security in knowing you have a decreased chance in obtaining an STD. Someone you can talk to without boundaries at the end of the day. The world is a lonely place. And no matter how much you enjoy your own company... I feel like we need someone(s) to connect with. People are social creatures.
2. Less energy to try and maintain boundaries with someone who you truly like. By this I mean that I find myself wanting to do boyfriend things with girls that aren't my girlfriend if I have feelings for them. And wanting to do more with someone but holding back because you want to keep it casual... exhausting.
3. Elevating each other. Supporting a person simply because you want to see them succeed and glow and they'd do the same for you. Kinda special.
4. Experiencing life together on a deep level. Vague... but I just figure you can't really get close with someone and then do extraordinary things all over the world together if you're dating 2-3 other people. At some point all of those relationships will get to that deep point and unless you're the Tiger King you can't maintain that level of emotional investment for long.
I suppose you could do some of these things outside of an exclusive relationship... For some reason (trying to figure out if I'm conditioned/Blue Pilled - open to analyses that aren't attacks) it feels like those things are supposed to be relationship things.
Recently I found myself considering a relationship out of fear. I told a girl I've been dating for a while that I still wanted to see other people so that I could clear the air of any assumptions that may have come from recent things I did. There was conversation afterwards about her past and our concerns about being in a relationship. She said she needed some space to just think. The last time a girl told me she needed space was when I broke up with my ex and wanted to get back together. So I think I panicked and started to consider a relationship out of fear of losing her. I enjoy her company. We're very similar and we have a good time, ya dig? But it's not healthy that I considered the relationship out of fear. I'd like to change that. In Rich Dad Poor Dad he talks about people making financial decisions based on fear and not logic and that's part of the reason they remain poor... it made me think of this.
A lot to unpack there. Latch on to whatever you want.
The End.
Last edited: