so I pose a question

[Billy_Badass]

I have done this stuff for about 4 years now, I've banged a lot of girls, but I am no where near where I'd like to be I suppose....

Anyways, I have to ask a question. I have done a search, and have seen a lot of posts on how to deal with shyness in yourself, but what do you do when the target is shy?

I try to start random and interesting conversations, to hopefully spur on some laughter and get her relaxed, but eventually, she closes up, and the ackward one word answers begin.... I dunno. I usually don't have this issue...

I am ready to accept the possibility that she is just not interested, but lets assume, for a learning excercise, that she is at least cool with me, if not attracted to me.

What do you do to overcome such an obstacle? I run into this from time to time, and I just find I do better with more sociable women....

Also, for those of you who have some stories about what you did that made you fail, that would be equally useful. Thanks for any feedback.

 

[Billy_Badass]

hmmm

Anyone????

 

[cola]

The shy ones are usually the ones who have the most to offer ltr wise and I dunno why but I just find that good girls don't usually flap there csuckers as much be more genuine with the shy ones..

 

[TheCzar]

Most likely no responses because your in a way answering your own question with the line below....

What do you do to overcome such an obstacle? I run into this from time to time, and I just find I do better with more sociable women....

If your really interested in pursuing it anyway though I'd be careful with a shy person. They're more likely to be hyper-sensitive to neg hitting and not see the humor in it -- you're going to need to be witty about other things, and its going to be a longer slog because the requirement for 'trust' is going to be needed to be earned -- they need to feel your genuine and sincere, and honest - so if you're playing for the score, they're more likely to see through your intentions.

Though, like I said in the opening I think you answered your own question when you said 'I do better with more sociable women' -- makes me think you already know your type.

TC

 

[WaRpEd]

Ahhh shy girls, my Kryptonite...well them and foreign exchange students, but thats a different bowl of soup. :yes:


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Some random, off the top of my head, thoughts on shy "targets"


Laughter! You have to make her laugh. We are talking a sincire laugh here, you actually have to say something funny (side note: I find that often times when a woman is laughing in reaction to you it is because she likes you, not because your funny). You would want to make her laugh as if she just saw the road runner drop an anvil on the coyote. Well that makes me laugh atleast. lol.

I find that shy girls are at first a little...well...shy when it come to touching. Start lighter than usual, crank up the heat a little slower than usual. Call it as you go. But then again she might warm up to your kino quickly.

I do not know who said this, so I can not give credit. All I can tell you is that the following quote isn't mine.

"Isolate or masturbate" <---read it out loud 10 times.
This is more relevant than ever when their is a shyness factor involved.
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If you start getting awkward one word responses out of her...
(A.) She lost intrest in you a few minutes ago.
(B.) You are asking her awkward questions tailored for awkward responses with one or two words.
(C.) She's an idiot.

If, earlier in the convo, she said she's from Florida, and later you ask some mumbo jumbo question related to Florida that she should obviously know being from Florida, but responds with "I don't know", this should raise a caution flag in your head. Refer to the three above possiblities.


The only possibility you should accept is that you are the man. The fact that she is attracted to you, "cool" with you (*COUGH!* COUGH!* FRIEND-ZONE! COUGH!* COUGH!* BAIL! COUGH!!* *COUGH*), or any other possibility should be irrelevant and rather numb to you at this point.


Really I do not know how helpfull me and other people from this forum can be to you. If you want to get good with women you must practice (which it sounds like you have and have). If you want to get good with shy women then you must practice. It's all up to you man.

Good luck.

 

[Igetit!]

Really I do not know how helpfull me and other people from this forum can be to you. If you want to get good with women you must practice (which it sounds like you have and have). If you want to get good with shy women then you must practice.

Well,let me take a shot at it.
You say that you have a problem with shy girls,right? And you're trying to get them to open up. Well my suggestion to you to "be and have in yourself" whatever it is that you want from the girl. You have to first already have and project out from yourself what it is that you are wanting from these shy girls. So it goes like this:
If you want her to be talkative,then first,YOU must be talkative.
If you want her to be warm and friendly,then first,YOU must be warm and friendly.
If you want her to open up about herself,then first,You must open up about yourself.

Find something about yourself that you know that she'll be able to relate to.

For example:If you were to tell a little story about how nervous you were when you went to get your driver's license,then she'll feel compelled to share how nervous she was when she went to get hers. This is something that everyone can relate to. This is one example. Another is the way you felt when you got your first job,graduated from high school,etc. The point is just to find something that's universal,something that you two will be able to connect on. That's all you need,just a foot in the door. Get past this first hurdle,then she'll automatically start to loosen up,but you'll have to be the man,and lead her to this point,

Another thing to keep in mind is this:Remember,women are emotional. They connect on feelings,not on cold facts and information. Whenever you do attempt to get that initial connection,make sure you focus on and emphasize on the emotions of the story. Like if you were to go with the driver's license story,you should say something like,

"Man,I studied that manual until I was blue in the face. I studied and studied and studied,and when I got up to the place to take my test,I was still nervous and shaking like a leaf. You know how it is when you're in the dentist's office and you're trying to be cool and calm and everything,but as soon as they call your name,all that calmness goes out the window? Well,that's how I felt. I was so nervous,I almost forgot my own name. LOL".

There. You see that? Just talk. Don't do the normal,boring "Hi,what's your name? Where are you from? Where do you work/go to school? That's lame. It's data,facts,and info. No emotions at all. Women want to feel. This is going to sound crazy,but I PROMISE you it's true: You'd be better off making a woman angry than coming at her with that "Hi,what's your name?" crap.

Just find something that you know that you two will both be able to relate to,emphasize to emotional elements of it,and project out from yourself whatever it is you want from her.

Good luck man.

 

[Billy_Badass]

Yeah, this all makes a bit of sense.... The problem is I am so used to just walking in, doing 80% of the talking for maybe the first 20 or 30 minutes, and then basically only having to throw in a joke every once in a while, along with some logical follow up questions to keep the flow going.

All of these comments have pointed out something to me that I may not have even realized, since I have acheived a degree of success(meaning, I am not completely sexually dissatisfied in my life like some people haha):

I completely rely on my ability to ask really good open questions to engage a conversation... If I can't get a girl to feed me information, I run out of options for questions, and entry points into various conversations. I can't get that easy flow feeling..... and don't get me wrong, when this girl gets to talking, she is actually a fairly interesting person. I don't think its an attraction issue here... Shes a keeper type, which is what I am looking for right now, though I admit not too aggressively.

So perhaps the question is, without sitting around blathering about myself and other mundane things, how can I over come this personal obstacle?

To be clear, I'm not asking how to make conversation, as I am very good at that.... maybe I'm asking how to start, and develop conversation, because something tells me this is the source of all my problems.

Any thoughts?

 

[Billy_Badass]

"The only possibility you should accept is that you are the man. The fact that she is attracted to you, "cool" with you (*COUGH!* COUGH!* FRIEND-ZONE! COUGH!* COUGH!* BAIL! COUGH!!* *COUGH*), or any other possibility should be irrelevant and rather numb to you at this point."

I am already aware of this possiblity. In fact, its an extreme likelihood, as she "claims" that she does not want to date for three years. I smell potential bull****, so I just gotta hope that I'm the jerk that ends up getting through, while the other saps are wondering why she said that, and then turned around and started banging me instead of them haha.

I am employing the three date rule... and if I can't get a good make out session minimum, then I'm gonna bail and count my lucky straws that I have enough pride to know when to call it quits. The third meet will be our next meet.

She has warmed up to some minimal kino, btw. We compared hand sizes, wrestled around a bit, stuff like that. She still maintained semi-cool body language (meaning it didn't get too sexual), but it was definately flirtatious.

Its those signs, that make this seem like a viable possibility, though I am willing to admit that the odds are dropping the longer this drags out. If we didn't have any good kino going on our last meet, I would have already just given up. Thats never a good sign!