So I messed up big Time, need to recover

[Jumpman23]

So after I said some mean/immature remarks to this woman I was dating, she said I never want to see you or talk to you again. Unfortunately, I was in love

So fast fwd 4 months later and I meet up w/ her over coffee. I knew we needed time for things to dissolve.
I told her, we should meet up as friends, catch up. This was the only way I thought I could get hold of her, by letting my guard/intentions down.

During the coffee, we didn't really talk about anything in the past, just catch up on each other's latest. Although she did say, your sisters probably hate me. I just brushed it off.

But now, everything is in my court. I know she wants to start off as friends, and take things slowly. How should I, and can I proceed, when she wants to take things slowly. Friendships not such a bad thing imo, in my case. I have to rebuild the friendship.
I actually will be going out of town for a week, but would like to resume things when I get back.

I would like to send her a message,,"Hey I enjoyed meeting up w/ you, yada yada, but she has to perceive my intentions as a friendship.
I want to go to this comedy show when I get back w/ her, it may be hard to play off as not a date. Suggestions?

 

[Kingpin SkinnyPimp]

she said I never want to see you or talk to you again.

I thought I was the only one who has heard this line before.

So fast fwd 4 months later and I meet up w/ her over coffee.

Good to see they don't actually mean it.

 

[DJCT]

Jumpman23, you really don't provide much information here.

- How long were you dating her?
- What was the relationship like when you were dating her?
- What is it you honestly want to get out of pursuing this relationship? A friendship? An LTR?
- Why would your sisters hate her? Is there something else that happened that's not in the story?
- How many other girls are you dating right now?

 

[sosilky]

So fast fwd 4 months later and I meet up w/ her over coffee. I knew we needed time for things to dissolve.
I told her, we should meet up as friends, catch up. This was the only way I thought I could get hold of her, by letting my guard/intentions down.

I'm in a similar situation how did you open the paths of comunication with her? Does she forgive you?

I've been in this situation before so i think i can help. just wondering what technique you used to get her back in your life.

If you answer DJCTs questions it would help me give advice of my own.

 

[Jumpman23]

Jumpman23, you really don't provide much information here.

- How long were you dating her?
- What was the relationship like when you were dating her?
- What is it you honestly want to get out of pursuing this relationship? A friendship? An LTR?
- Why would your sisters hate her? Is there something else that happened that's not in the story?
- How many other girls are you dating right now?

I dated her for about 7 months. I guess right now I am pursuing friendship. I believe that is how I have to rebuild the relationship, as she is not going to jump back in very easily. But long term, I am pursing a LTR. Companionship is actually not a bad thing, starting out for me.

She was just making the assumptions that my sisters hate her.

I basically acted immature and snapped about why she would still want to be friends w/ her ex when she was hit twice. I was basically like how would you feel if your mother or sister was in that situation and would u want them to be friends would somebody who has hit them twice. It was a nasty immature voicemail I left.

But I first contacted her, by sending a message to her on facebook, just saying what's up, telling her my latest. That was afterabout after three months. Then probably a week later, called her and apologized for my immature actions, and suggested we should get together sometime. She said "yeah we should meet up w/ friends." But I waited another month, and called her and said we should meet up for some lunch or something. That is where I am now.

But right now I believe there are two other girls that are currently interested in me, that I have gone on dates with, but unfortunately I am really not interested in them.

 

[sosilky]

OK so far you are doing the right things. just to clarify you waited a few months, contacted her on face book, she didnt reply, you called a week later she said we should meet with friends, it didn't happen and a month after that you called agin and shes willing to see you now? If thats correct Kudos to you for doing so well with the No Contact.

Now don't let go of the two girls and it would probably be in your best interest to find someone you are interested in only because its gonna put you in the frame of mind you need to be in when spending time with your ex. More on this later.

I think were gonna get along well because I'm currently in a kind of similar situation and have been through it before.

Now before we move on when you say she got hit twice, did you mean beaten physicaly?

 

[MR_PERFECT]

Buddy, you have two choices: You leave her because she chose a man that abused her, over you, or you leave because she feels she deserved to get hit. Trust me, I've been in the situation you're in, the reason for your hostility will always be on your mind.

Why would you want a dysfunctional woman?

 

[##17]

I dated her for about 7 months. I guess right now I am pursuing friendship. I believe that is how I have to rebuild the relationship, as she is not going to jump back in very easily. But long term, I am pursing a LTR. Companionship is actually not a bad thing, starting out for me.

She was just making the assumptions that my sisters hate her.

I basically acted immature and snapped about why she would still want to be friends w/ her ex when she was hit twice. I was basically like how would you feel if your mother or sister was in that situation and would u want them to be friends would somebody who has hit them twice. It was a nasty immature voicemail I left.

But I first contacted her, by sending a message to her on facebook, just saying what's up, telling her my latest. That was afterabout after three months. Then probably a week later, called her and apologized for my immature actions, and suggested we should get together sometime. She said "yeah we should meet up w/ friends." But I waited another month, and called her and said we should meet up for some lunch or something. That is where I am now.

But right now I believe there are two other girls that are currently interested in me, that I have gone on dates with, but unfortunately I am really not interested in them.

Are you serious?!?!

You need to run far away from this woman. Far away.

You've come in second place to her ex *who hit her*. How do I know you came in second? She clearly chose him over you. Don't believe me? She gave her ex the respect she should be giving her boyfriend (when she told you off when you badmouthed him), and she gave YOU the respect she should be giving some creepy dude who hits on her (when she told you off when you badmouthed him). And if that's not bad enough, she's framed this in such a way that YOU are the one to blame.

And you've taken that frame!

This situation is effed up.

 

[MotownMack]

And she essentially didn't want to talk to you ever again over one voice mail?

It sounds like she has other reasons for not wanting to pursue a relationship with you, if that's all it took.

I think she has a low IL, and I would pursue other women. If you want to see where it goes, that's your call, but I would not focus on her.

 

[wjh]

ya, this is very messed up. you weren't doing something terribly wrong by trying to open up her mind to the fact that she was hanging out with someone that abuses her - but this isnt something you just brush off as a non-indicator of her personality/self-esteem. i agree that you've totally accepted her frame. you have a very steep uphill battle to fight for a rather undeserving woman. my question is: how do you judge or perceive a woman that is beaten by a man she chooses to stand by? and what is it about that that you feel you don't deserve better?

 

[wjh]

maybe if you broke her jaw she'd consider sleeping wirh you.

 

[Jumpman23]

Are you serious?!?!

You need to run far away from this woman. Far away.

You've come in second place to her ex *who hit her*. How do I know you came in second? She clearly chose him over you. Don't believe me? She gave her ex the respect she should be giving her boyfriend (when she told you off when you badmouthed him), and she gave YOU the respect she should be giving some creepy dude who hits on her (when she told you off when you badmouthed him). And if that's not bad enough, she's framed this in such a way that YOU are the one to blame.

And you've taken that frame!

This situation is effed up.

you are right this situation is effed up, but the fact that she told me no, I believe that is why I want to pursue her. It is hard moving on. My old man was like, why would you want to get involved in a situation like that.

 

[sosilky]

you are right this situation is effed up, but the fact that she told me no, I believe that is why I want to pursue her. It is hard moving on. My old man was like, why would you want to get involved in a situation like that.

Told you no about what?

 

[Jumpman23]

Told you no about what?

that she did not want to talk to or see me.

 

[sosilky]

that she did not want to talk to or see me.

so you want to pursue her because she told you she didn't want to talk to you agin?....thats the reason? Seems like your just in it for the challenge. Well....you've come this far. Screw it if its for the fun of the chase its for the fun of the chase. You must have another reason then that though. I have some stuff to do I'll talk to you about this later and figure out how to get her back.

 

[Jumpman23]

so you want to pursue her because she told you she didn't want to talk to you agin?....thats the reason? Seems like your just in it for the challenge. Well....you've come this far. Screw it if its for the fun of the chase its for the fun of the chase. You must have another reason then that though. I have some stuff to do I'll talk to you about this later and figure out how to get her back.

I believe I am caught up on love, I am still attached.

 

[sosilky]

Ok

OK have you talked to her or sent her a message since your last post? Why would your sisters hate her?

 

[Tyron]

There's no "love". There are just hormones telling that you need to fck! Find new women and don't waste time in the past, what's broken can't be repaired.

 

[Jumpman23]

OK have you talked to her or sent her a message since your last post? Why would your sisters hate her?

No I have not talked to her since my last post. She was just making the assumption that my sisters would hate her, b/c I am pretty close w/ one of my sisters

 

[sosilky]

No I have not talked to her since my last post. She was just making the assumption that my sisters would hate her, b/c I am pretty close w/ one of my sisters

but i thought u did something wrong. Its important to address what she has done to you even though you reacted incorectly, Unless she thought you would just trash her to your sister for no reason. Basicly its time to find common ground, forgive yourself for what you have done, realize shes not perfect. That will be the foundation. I'm thinking maybe sending a text message to her a very suttle one at this point kind of just cvhiming in and saying hello. Maybe even throw her an inside joke of some kind. You know what I'm getting at. Then maybe in a few days suggest the comedy club.