So after no contact and your meeting the exgf for the first time...need advise

[Shortstreet]

So were meeting tonight after no contact. Not sure how its going to to go. Been separated almost 30 days. Whats your advise for trying to begin putting things back together..any advise??

 

[mrgoodstuff]

My advice is to not go and erase 30 days of positive forward momentum.

Yep and itll erase really quickly too. One meetup wont probably do it but two or three will.

 

[Black Widow Void]

This is from personal experience. I've been down that road.
Despite hearing that this is a bad idea, you're going to go through with this. I know because I've done it more than once.
Anyway... enough lecturing (said in a friendly tone).
Here's what you do...

You look your absolute best.... but you do not give any sign that you are interested in her. Nothing! You're probably thinking that this goes against everything you've been conditioned to think. Nevertheless, you don't want to appear like you're on trial and hoping for parole. You want to give off the image that you are your own person and she holds no keys.

Don't be confrontational or put on some show or anything.

Instead, you want to come across as confident, independent and fun! What ever you do, don't get into deep conversations. Instead, if something comes up about the relationship history... just say ... "I'd rather not get bogged down with the past."

Keep it fun and keep it very short! You don't text, e-mail or call her afterwards...
You let her mind wonder. If you do the above, it will.
She will eventually reach out (assuming you pull off the above).
When she does, post here about details. You'll get a lot of flack from some forum members, but some others will provide you some tips.

Again, I don't advocate revisiting an ex from the past, but you're going to do it anyway and I know this.

Good luck.

 

[lamath]

This is from personal experience. I've been down that road.
Despite hearing that this is a bad idea, you're going to go through with this. I know because I've done it more than once.
Anyway... enough lecturing (said in a friendly tone).
Here's what you do...

You look your absolute best.... but you do not give any sign that you are interested in her. Nothing! You're probably thinking that this goes against everything you've been conditioned to think. Nevertheless, you don't want to appear like you're on trial and hoping for parole. You want to give off the image that you are your own person and she holds no keys.

Don't be confrontational or put on some show or anything.

Instead, you want to come across as confident, independent and fun! What ever you do, don't get into deep conversations. Instead, if something comes up about the relationship history... just say ... "I'd rather not get bogged down with the past."

Keep it fun and keep it very short! You don't text, e-mail or call her afterwards...
You let her mind wonder. If you do the above, it will.
She will eventually reach out (assuming you pull off the above).
When she does, post here about details. You'll get a lot of flack from some forum members, but some others will provide you some tips.

Again, I don't advocate revisiting an ex from the past, but you're going to do it anyway and I know this.

Good luck.

I would not meet her like LA said but if you do
follow this.

Make sure to not leave her the impression she can still have you.

 

[bcude]

Who broke up with whom and who broke no contact and suggested the meet up? Have you agreed being friends with her?

Definately don't talk about the breakup or any feelings, keep it light and short. Frame it as you agree with the breakup since it was good for you if she talks about the topic. Leave preferably at a high note because you're busy to "see some friend".
The goal is to chill and vibe. Don't drink coffee.
Your mindset is not that you will want her back, your mindset is going in to have a fun meeting with a potential plate to see if she's up to your standards. She has to work for your attention now, keep that in mind. You will not jump on her at the first opportunity, you let her earn her way back, but that one is hard after only 30 days, you will probably have her on a pedestal considering you're posting asking for help here.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So were meeting tonight after no contact. Not sure how its going to to go. Been separated almost 30 days. Whats your advise for trying to begin putting things back together..any advise??

1) Do not bring up the old relationship. Its dead and buried. It cannot come back. You are starting over right now from Square 1 but it can be a fast tracked. Square 1. If she tries just say something like "Hey we don't need to talk about any of that I just want to enjoy spending time with you right now"

2) Make sure you are not making the same mistakes as you were before that caused the breakup. If you show any of these you are done. She is looking to see if you really changed at all in that time.

3) Keep it fun and flirty and try and seduce her.

4) Do NOT under any circumstances bring up you two getting back together at all. If she asks if you have thought about getting back together just say " I haven't given it much thought to be honest." If there is any chance of it working it needs to be her idea which means you have to make her want to be with you again. This is actually easier than you think. She wants a reason to believe you can work again so give it her by acting like a man.

 

[17 shots]

Get ready for the sh1t tests

Don't say Things like this or any variation
1. I missed you
2. Let's get back together
3. I want to make things work this time
4. I'm sorry for how I acted back then
5. I was hoping deep down I'd see you again
6. I love you
7. I still care about you
8. I haven't talked to anyone else since we split
9. I haven't had sex with anyone since we broke up
10. What are you doing tommorow, I'm free all week, I want to see you again soon

 

[Shortstreet]

Thanks everyone for responding..little background on what our circumstances was that caused the separation. We were out having a couple drinks and dancing, she got jealous because I was in her words hanging on another lady. We went back to your room of course she was bent out of shape. Got in a big fight and she called her daughter to come get her. She has been gone since then. I went into no contact, and I reached out to her today and she excepted to meet tonight.

 

[lamath]

Thanks everyone for responding..little background on what our circumstances was that caused the separation. We were out having a couple drinks and dancing, she got jealous because I was in her words hanging on another lady. We went back to your room of course she was bent out of shape. Got in a big fight and she called her daughter to come get her. She has been gone since then. I went into no contact, and I reached out to her today and she excepted to meet tonight.

A jealous women is not a good women.
How was it with the other women? did she over-react?

 

[17 shots]

Thanks everyone for responding..little background on what our circumstances was that caused the separation. We were out having a couple drinks and dancing, she got jealous because I was in her words hanging on another lady. We went back to your room of course she was bent out of shape. Got in a big fight and she called her daughter to come get her. She has been gone since then. I went into no contact, and I reached out to her today and she excepted to meet tonight.

Ok IF she brings it up, and only if she does, you need to stick to the position that you did nothing wrong. She was drunk and made a big deal about nothing. You reached out because you felt that enough time had gone by for her to come to her senses, and realize she over reacted

 

[Shortstreet]

She did reach out about a week ago with a note that said "Living this way is killing me" I never responded back until today when I messaged her about talking tonight.

 

[17 shots]

She did reach out about a week ago with a note that said "Living this way is killing me" I never responded back until today when I messaged her about talking tonight.

You're actually on the good end of all this then. You're good man. You have all the power

 

[RickTheToad]

Don't even go. Makes no sense. Say something came up and blow her off.

 

[xplt]

So were meeting tonight after no contact. Not sure how its going to to go. Been separated almost 30 days. Whats your advise for trying to begin putting things back together..any advise??

Don‘t go. 30 days is very early, you are probably still in a very emotional state.

 

[MrWood]

Donr be surprised if she acts like you were never apart (and she expects you to act the same)

Don't say Things like this or any variation
1. I missed you
2. Let's get back together
3. I want to make things work this time
4. I'm sorry for how I acted back then
5. I was hoping deep down I'd see you again
6. I love you
7. I still care about you
8. I haven't talked to anyone else since we split
9. I haven't had sex with anyone since we broke up
10. What are you doing tomorrow, I'm free all week, I want to see you again soon

this is 100% great advice

 

[derby1]

OP you must be a complete mystery basically and do not talk about getting the relationship back together, this is a thirst trap, and she will confirm she can go and take bigger willies , knowing your their sucking your thumb watching the titanic, waiting for her

we know your not doing that but that is what she will teach herself

total indifference, oh and PS expect the cheeky sod to speak to you as if you never split up , gobsmacked you had a life or spoke to other girls

 

[Shortstreet]

UPDATE...so she came over and we talked about a lot things like our pets, how she was doing, how I was doing etc etc..stayed away from the fight issues for for about an hour. She started to bring it up and I graciously said were not going to talk about it..She got upset and said she had to go which I said was fine and see you later. So I am now going No Contact again. I believe this is the correct way to handle this. Thanks for the advise guys both the believers and the non-believers.

 

[Baibars]

UPDATE...so she came over and we talked about a lot things like our pets, how she was doing, how I was doing etc etc..stayed away from the fight issues for for about an hour. She started to bring it up and I graciously said were not going to talk about it..She got upset and said she had to go which I said was fine and see you later. So I am now going No Contact again. I believe this is the correct way to handle this. Thanks for the advise guys both the believers and the non-believers.

I Think you did not that bad but it was her Intention to see how you do and if something has changed.
You said you talked. Hope you didnt tell her everything that happened while you were seperated.
In my opinion it also wouldnt be wrong to give her a little attention. Like fcking her or something like that and then cut contact. That would irritate her and it would fck her mind all time why you did that and cut contact After that.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Don‘t go. 30 days is very early, you are probably still in a very emotional state.

Bad advice. 30 days is pretty much the perfect amount of time where OP has had enough time without too much time going by. Ex is likely really missing him at this point too. If he waits too much longer she will simply move on to someone else.

 

[dude99]

So were meeting tonight after no contact. Not sure how its going to to go. Been separated almost 30 days. Whats your advise for trying to begin putting things back together..any advise??

Why would you waste your time going to meet an ex? The only thing it will do is validate her and tell her you still want her.
When the ex reaches out after 30 days or so it is about them satisfying their nosiness and curiosity and their own validation. Not about fixing things.

Flake on her. Tell her you can meet your meeting. You have a date. Then resume no contact. 30 days isn't enough.