Smiling fail yesterday

[corrector]

I saw this pretty girl working at a store and it looks like she was noticing me. When we finally saw each other I attempted to smile at her. However, I thought it would not come up right and bailed and just turned away. Felt like crap. This girl ignored me the rest of the time I was at the store and felt like I blew it. I don't remember smiling naturally at girls since 1993, and rarely make attempts to avoid a scenario like this happening. Now I feel socially blacklisted and she's going to tell all her friends about this nerdy guy that is always hanging out with his folks, who tried to smile at her. My reputation there is ruined.

Is there any advice on managing these type of spectacular fails? Maybe I should just quit this smile thing altogether. If the smile was a success, then I guess I would have felt totally connected with her and her pretty face and in a state of a momentary bliss which would have stayed in my mind for about a few days, and maybe continue smiling at this girl over again especially if she's smiling back.

This is why I think phermones are needed. When there are good pheromones on, smiling around women feels more natural. Wonder how actors/actresses pull of exposing their personality on screen sometimes. It looks like I get spectacular fails when I attempt to do so in real life.

Guess, one further thread that jsim can add to his catalog of negative threads, lol!

 

[Kotaix]

I don't get it... you haven't smiled at girls since 1993, and you're always hanging around with your folks? Are you 45 and hanging out with your parents? Does this pretty girl know you? My impression is this was a random girl.

You sound like an AFC who has oneitis with the store girl and your head is full of fantasies and you never take action. Accurate?

 

[corrector]

I don't get it... you haven't smiled at girls since 1993, and you're always hanging around with your folks? Are you 45 and hanging out with your parents? Does this pretty girl know you? My impression is this was a random girl.

You sound like an AFC who has oneitis with the store girl and your head is full of fantasies and you never take action. Accurate?

No she does not know me. This is like a random girl. However, she may have seen me before in the store.

I don't have a oneitis for this particular store girl or even know her name. There is nothing material to even build any fantasy on about this particular girl. I did take action, I attempted to make eye contact and smile at the girl.

I'm not an AFC because that means you would have to be actually dating girls, but are spending allot of time or money, or being a nice guy orbiter, or hitting the friendzone, etc... The type of girls that work at the store seem about high-school age. I'm friendly with one of the girls that are working there but I don't have fantasies in my mind about her. I'm not looking to find a high-school aged girlfriend (but you never know right?)

I think the last smile or laugh together with a lady was a Real-Estate buyer back in 2013 around March when I tried out this pheromone perfume. It had me feeling relaxed enough to engage that interaction. The pheromone was called "Instant Shine". Pheromone use got phased out in 2014 when I got married. After the divorce that same year, pheromones were not used as extensively as prior to marriage. I'm open to trying them out again but am worried that my folks may have an adverse reaction to the perfumes and for their sakes, the experiments remain suspended indefinitely.

 

[Kotaix]

As far as I'm concerned, pheromones are the same thing as the magic feather in dumbo. He didn't need it to fly, it was just a crutch to make him believe he could so could build up the balls to try. You're describing the exact same effect on your psyche, although pheromones may actually work to a degree.

"My reputation there is ruined" Why??? over a failed smile??? Why do you care what some random high school aged girl is going to think of you? You're older than her, you probably bring more to the table than she does. Your happiness is dependent on the attention of a woman. This is absolutely AFC behavior, except you're not even trying hard enough to be a full fledge AFC.

I think you care waaaay too much about what random people think about you. You're censoring yourself based on hypothetical reactions to your actions, and you're terrified of failure. Just get out there and smile at random women. Even if you fail, you'll probably never see them again. Who cares. Go visit another city if you need to get away from the stigma of them seeing you again. But for the love of god do something.

I recommend the book The Flow by Dan Bacon, he has a lot of free videos on youtube that more or less cover the topic if you don't want to spend the money. But the concept is that you have to believe that you're good enough for the smile to succeed.

You don't need pheromones, you need a kick in the ass.

 

[GrowingPains]

Is there any advice on managing these type of spectacular fails?

Read DJ Boot camp week 1 and 2.

Sack up and try again.

When you were a kid and you fell off your bike, did you put the bike in the garage forever and call it quits?

 

[corrector]

As far as I'm concerned, pheromones are the same thing as the magic feather in dumbo. He didn't need it to fly, it was just a crutch to make him believe he could so could build up the balls to try. You're describing the exact same effect on your psyche, although pheromones may actually work to a degree.

I don't think so. I know what you are saying, and what this could sound like, but I'm not convinced the effect was entirely placebo. I would compare it to drinking coffee if you are tired. Does coffee have a placebo effect to magically make me feel more awake when I drink it? Some people may say, coffee has absolutely no effect on them at all. To others who are more sensitive to caffeine, obviously they'll have a more noticeable effect. Phermones, like coffee, have to be managed or it will lose self-effect (other people will still be influenced by it) as your brain develops tolerance and adjusts. If you drink coffee every day, you get tolerance to the caffeine, your body adjusts, and soon it has no effect at all unless you up the dosage.

May I ask, have you tried pheromones yourself? You probably haven't,. I have and would compare it to caffeine or lavender. It has some subtle self-effect which wears away each time it's used unless you take a break from it and allow your neurons to re-wire back.

This is not an issue about balls. This is an issue about nerves. Balls helps you take a jump into the water, but good nerves keeps you from panicking and potentially drowning once you are actually in the water. If you have great nerves, naturally you'll also have balls too.

"My reputation there is ruined" Why??? over a failed smile??? Why do you care what some random high school aged girl is going to think of you? You're older than her, you probably bring more to the table than she does. Your happiness is dependent on the attention of a woman. This is absolutely AFC behavior, except you're not even trying hard enough to be a full fledge AFC.

I was not serious with this post, or the original post that was made. I thought it sounded irrational enough not to be taken seriously and was a sort of thread intended to mock another thread posted here about how depressing this forum has got with this silly tempest in a teapot tale of woe.

I think you care waaaay too much about what random people think about you. You're censoring yourself based on hypothetical reactions to your actions, and you're terrified of failure. Just get out there and smile at random women. Even if you fail, you'll probably never see them again. Who cares. Go visit another city if you need to get away from the stigma of them seeing you again. But for the love of god do something.

Inside the restaurant/store, believe me, I will be seeing them again, and quite often. However, that doesn't really matter.

I recommend the book The Flow by Dan Bacon, he has a lot of free videos on youtube that more or less cover the topic if you don't want to spend the money. But the concept is that you have to believe that you're good enough for the smile to succeed.

You don't need pheromones, you need a kick in the ass.

Good enough, or pure in heart? I'm not sure if the smile would be holy enough. I'm thinking like it has to be this angelic smile that radiates the glory of God like a shining pearl or it doesn't count, it's just me. Jesus would have to be smiling through me and radiate His glory, not myself for it to be right.

Perhaps my own expectations are too high. But then again, I see actors/actresses pull off convincing smiles/chemistry, etc... and they are acting. Perhaps I should try acting a smile like they do as I'm sure they are not thinking like that or waiting for some magic moment when everything just comes out right.

 

[Kotaix]

Am I being trolled here? Or do you actually believe what you just said is true?

You need to learn to communicate effectively and stop looking for some golden bullet that will somehow allow you to score. Even if pheromones work, you still need game.

 

[corrector]

A failure can help you more than the whole of the DJ Bible (Pook's words).

Face your fear of rejection. Go back and invite her to drink with you. The outcome does not matter.

It is a health food store, so the drinks they have there are smoothies and green juices which could be pricey, or coffee/tea for something cheaper. She also works there, which means she would have to take time off her post, come to a table where me and my folks are sitting or nearby, and I wouldn't actually know what to do from this point or what I would talk with her about.

However, the issue seems to be just tornadic at that moment. I don't have any real interest in this particular girl, or even think about her, (or anyone for that matter). When I mean tornadic, it just means something gripped me like a mini-tornado at the moment and there is a rush of all these feelings and thoughts focused on someone, but it desipitates and becomes just a "whatever" blip in the radar. To do something like that assumes there is an actual deeper emotional investment with that particular girl then is realistically there, beyond a smile connection with a sense of bliss of having a connection with someone random in the environ.

Micro-tornadoes seem to just occur with some women in the environment, especially once eye-contact is established, there could be a whole rush of associated thought and feelings. But it goes very quickly once I leave the store or environment the girl is in and normally doesn't linger on.

But seriously, ask girls working there, if they would like to have a green juice/smoothie with me and offer to buy one for them?

 

[Kotaix]

You're feeling a rush when you smile at a pretty girl. Pretty sure everyone feels that at some point in time. Learn to see it as excitement and not nervousness, the two feelings have the same reaction. If you feel it as a positive thing, you can use it to attract them. You're still going got have to practice smiling at them so it comes across nice and not creepy.

Don't buy them ****, just chat them up and ask them out.