Sleeping in her bed but no sex?

[Ricky]

Scenario is simple:

New girl.Went out with her a couple of times, slept in her bed, made out with her but no sex.

She lives far enough away that staying the night is convenient and that's how I got to stay in the first place.

I have never had this happen before. It always leads to sex. One thing I admire about it is the first time she said, this is only the first date.

Not sure what to make of it though since it happened on the second date as well.

One thing is good, she isnt easy and we are having a great time together.

The actual fact we didn't have sex either time doesn't bother me at all, I'm just concerned there might be a deeper meaning behind it all (typical overanalysis response).

In any event we have been having a great time together and are going out again soon.

 

[Luveno]

I give girls 3 dates until I break it with them if they haven't had sex with me by then. Most girls I've gone out with on the first date had sex with me the same night. Some have the 2nd, and even fewer the 3rd. I can find no correlation between personality and how soon sex happens; the best girl I ever dated was a first night kind of girl.

If she isn't having sex with you, or at least giving you oral, by the 3rd date, she's probably trying to either get as many dates out of you as she can before you realize she is stealing your money, or she's currently seeing someone else and is using you as backup.
Twisted logic these girls use: as long as she doesn't come in contact with another penis, she's not cheating....bullsh it.

So, give her one more shot. After that, cut her off completely. If she wants to go on one more date, it will be at your place, on your terms, in your bed. After you lay her, go out on another date with another girl.

It's not that complicated.

 

[George Gordon]

Hey Ricky.

I found myself in a similar situation months back. My first question is: Is she holding out for religious reasons? That was the reason in my case. And I think that is the only reason a girl will hold out if things are going well.

For me it came down to what I wanted. And that was not a sexless relationship. Here's what I did, and we had a night-long lovemaking session from dawn 'til dusk! Followed by an hour-long BJ gourmet the next night. And have since been going steady. We've been fvcking virtually daily since then. Four months, and counting.

Here's what I'd suggest. And be calm about. No desparation please.

1) Have a talk with her. Ask her why she won't sleep with you. Find out her reason for it.

2) Then let her know that you want a relationship with sex. That's part of a healthy relationship.

3) Finally, depending on if she reponds unfavourable, as you end the talk, close by saying. "I think we should just be friends." Watch her reaction. Then let her go. Or walk away. END your time together!

It's up to her. She'll get it. You've let her know you can take her or leave her. She may come around. She may not. My current GF called me back in under 24 hours.

My principle is if I'm not getting what I want from a relationship there's no reason to carry on. If you put the focus on what kind of relationship YOU want, you'll get it. Maybe not with the girl you're dating right now. But it will be better when you get it than settling for a relationship missing the elements that you want.

So why keep a girl around that can't or won't give you the kind of relationship that you want?

Best of luck. Let us know how it went....

!GEORGE GORDON!

 

[thefonz]

I had that happen once....before i found this site. Me and a buddy when to visit his g/f at college and we were drinking in the room with her and her roomate. It was getting late and i was talking about how ididn't want to drive home.....the roomate jumped in and said "You can sleep in my bed if you want." MONEY!!! i thought. So we all were getting settled in to bed and she was saying things like, "I have to warn you that we're going to have to spoon if you sleep in my bed" everyone in the room pretty much thought i was 'in'. I thought i was doing everything right in bed like heavy kino and stuff like that, chatting her up. But everytime i went to make out with her she would cut it short and role over. I would do things like softly caress her, play with her hair...all that gay stuff, and she wouldn't respond. WTF. Because of this wasn't feeling to confident to just 'reach around' and start fondling so eventually i just gave up and went to sleep. I got NOTHING!!! Knowing what i know today i should have just gone for it and done what i felt like doing but DAMN that was that misleading

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Just enjoy it. Stop worrying, you're having fun so why burden yourself about nothing? Just think of it as another kind of intimacy.

 

[smoke city]

Originally posted by George Gordon
Hey Ricky.

I found myself in a similar situation months back. My first question is: Is she holding out for religious reasons? That was the reason in my case. And I think that is the only reason a girl will hold out if things are going well.

Here's what I'd suggest. And be calm about. No desparation please.

1) Have a talk with her. Ask her why she won't sleep with you. Find out her reason for it.

2) Then let her know that you want a relationship with sex. That's part of a healthy relationship.

3) Finally, depending on if she reponds unfavourable, as you end the talk, close by saying. "I think we should just be friends." Watch her reaction. Then let her go. Or walk away. END your time together!

!GEORGE GORDON!

Say "we should just be friends" if she doesn't sleep with you after 3 dates? Have a "talk" with her? Nonsense.
You should never initiate a "talk" with a woman you've been dating for less than a few months. She will run like hell.
(Wouldn't you?)
Ricky, listen to Francisco, dammit. If you like her, you can have an incredible and exciting time even if (especially if) you don't have *intercourse* right away. Besides, women know that the best lovers are the ones who are creative and really get into foreplay. Show her that you're one of those guys. Don't be like the average chump, and hump her leg until you can stick it to her.

 

[Sg]

Make damn sure shes not extrenely emotional, or damaged goods.
But id give her another shot before getting rid of her.
But next time, let her initiate everything and act only slightly interested. Reverse the roll, give her blue P*ssy!

 

[St_Joey]

I pick up girls at clubs where my band plays; most of my pickups are spur-of-the-moment operations. I've had lots of girls take me home, make out, then crawl into bed with me and doze right off, pushing off any advances.

Had an HB pull this on me a few years ago, after a beach party in San Diego. We were on the couch at her friend's house. Three girls upstairs with one guy banging on one girl -- loud -- for a couple of hours. Chick I was with wouldn't even let me kiss her while this was going on. Problem was, she was my ride back to the tourbus. I waited until the girl had gone to sleep -- shortly after the guy had let himself out the front door. Got up to take a leak, found the two other girls were still up, sharing a room, and horny as hell. . . . ended up getting a combination scalp massage & bl-wjob. Girl who'd just had it heard the noise, came in a bit later and slept with us . . . . guess the frat doofus wouldn't give her any cuddle. His loss.

My "date" came up to use the bathroom in the morning and found all four of us in bed together. . . . Hope she learned something.

My suggestion: jerk off on her back next time, then slip out the door. You'll feel great in the morning.

 

[George Gordon]

Originally posted by smoke city
Say "we should just be friends" if she doesn't sleep with you after 3 dates? Have a "talk" with her? Nonsense.
You should never initiate a "talk" with a woman you've been dating for less than a few months. She will run like hell.
(Wouldn't you?)

Hey smoke city.

I did not say have a "talk" with her. I meant: Figure out where she's at, and then affirm what you want, letting her know you won't settle for less. And that her time is running out. In my situation, I knew the interest level was through the clouds.

But hey! It worked for me. She came running like hell TO ME. I knew exactly where things were at. It all depends on the situation, smoke city. You can do one thing in one situation and have it bomb, and you can do the same thing in another context and it works like a charm.

That's because it's in what you're SAYING, not what you say.

I'm not advocating a techique. It's the mindset behind it. When you have that, you can have anything work for you.

!GEORGE GORDON!

 

[Ricky]

Well guys I really kind of know what the issue is.

We have went out and had a great time 2 times formally and 3 times in total.

She is my friends sister in law and I think the anti slut factor is extra high because she doesn't want it to get back to her. This is probably why I haven't gotten further, and I actually really respect it.

I am having a great time, I just don't want to be a platonic friend.
At this point I don't think that will be the case, but if it doesn't happen eventually, you never know!

 

[thefonz]

My suggestion: jerk off on her back next time, then slip out the door. You'll feel great in the morning.

I wish i thought of that....

 

[smoke city]

Originally posted by George Gordon
Hey smoke city.

I did not say have a "talk" with her. I meant: Figure out where she's at, and then affirm what you want, letting her know you won't settle for less. And that her time is running out. In my situation, I knew the interest level was through the clouds.
!GEORGE GORDON!

Yes when a woman is "100%" interested you can tell her you're a serial killer and she'll still sleep with you. You could have said anything to her.
I've never *had* to give an ultimatum (e.g. "time is running out") or even *ask* a woman to have sex with me. The point is that if you're not a chump, you can offer a woman more than "Gee whiz, honey, why won't you let me put the d in you yet?" (isn't that what this whole site is about?) I don't care if you can get one woman to sleep with you by doing that. [I'm sure that there are women who are turned on by clowns and would do you if you dressed up like one.] it's about basic self-respect, man. I just think it's totally weak to have "expectations" like that at all.
Women know that they're risking losing good guys when they withold sex. But the more they feel like you need it, the less worthy they think you are, and the more they hold it back. Besides, if YOU feel like you need it, maybe you SHOULDN'T have it.
Ricky, just enjoy your time with this girl--you should have several prospects right now--if one doesn't come around, it's not a big deal.