Hi!
I got inspired reading the The DJ Tip of the Day (11-8-2004). Ofcourse I can recognize myself in the situation described initially by the author.
I once had this girlfriend, who I always felt I treated pretty badly, never had time, hardly never called her when I was suppose to etc. Thinking to myself, "my god, I can't threat this woman like this, I better break up with her"...and I did. Back then, clearly, I wasnt really interested in her. I dont really know why cus she's truly gorgeuos, I guess I found her not challanging enough and to pull a cliché, "its hard to see what you got until you lose it". After breaking up, she was totally dependant on me and I could do whatever I felt like doing with her, whatever relationship she was currently engaged in or whatever the circumstances. At some point though I started to want her back a little, this quickly turned the situation up-side-down and I was now the needy person. Not realising what was happening (was'nt even 1% DJ back then) I let her know how much I liked her, wrote her letters (among other things) telling her how much more time I would invest in her etc if she ever could "forgive me" giving her full control. Basicly treating her what I thought was in the best interest of getting her interested again, not realising slightest that it was the little resonse I gave her back then that triggered all those "feelings" of hers, not the lack of respect or response. I now (20-30% DJ) have the understanding of this basic situation and I do realise that she's perfectly impossible to retrieve, any effort I spend here will be lost effort.
To bring forth the question, the author mentioned how one need to slay his nice guy attributes, as follows:
"Slaying this persona is probably the most painful growing experience a person can go through."
How, exactly, does one do that? I'm willing to sacrifice a lot in the process of getting there, pain I will accept. If there is a book on this subject which you can recommend, or even better, a page here which covers this I would be very happy.
Thanks!
I got inspired reading the The DJ Tip of the Day (11-8-2004). Ofcourse I can recognize myself in the situation described initially by the author.
I once had this girlfriend, who I always felt I treated pretty badly, never had time, hardly never called her when I was suppose to etc. Thinking to myself, "my god, I can't threat this woman like this, I better break up with her"...and I did. Back then, clearly, I wasnt really interested in her. I dont really know why cus she's truly gorgeuos, I guess I found her not challanging enough and to pull a cliché, "its hard to see what you got until you lose it". After breaking up, she was totally dependant on me and I could do whatever I felt like doing with her, whatever relationship she was currently engaged in or whatever the circumstances. At some point though I started to want her back a little, this quickly turned the situation up-side-down and I was now the needy person. Not realising what was happening (was'nt even 1% DJ back then) I let her know how much I liked her, wrote her letters (among other things) telling her how much more time I would invest in her etc if she ever could "forgive me" giving her full control. Basicly treating her what I thought was in the best interest of getting her interested again, not realising slightest that it was the little resonse I gave her back then that triggered all those "feelings" of hers, not the lack of respect or response. I now (20-30% DJ) have the understanding of this basic situation and I do realise that she's perfectly impossible to retrieve, any effort I spend here will be lost effort.
To bring forth the question, the author mentioned how one need to slay his nice guy attributes, as follows:
"Slaying this persona is probably the most painful growing experience a person can go through."
How, exactly, does one do that? I'm willing to sacrifice a lot in the process of getting there, pain I will accept. If there is a book on this subject which you can recommend, or even better, a page here which covers this I would be very happy.
Thanks!
