Slap some sense into me guys.

[nmartinez12443]

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible.

I want to say I want to get back with my 24/f gf who I work, I am 31m

Heres the story: She approached me at work and basically asked me out, which is a first for me. We went out and were all over each other and basically starting seeing each other.

She wanted to be exclusive and I said "Lets keep things professional" and we went our separate ways.

She than started dating someone else and all of the sudden I get a text saying, "hey shot in the dark, do you want to hang out". I couldn't resist and I did and we basically started dating and we did make things official.

During that time I tried to keep my distance at work and was honestly depressed because of work. However, I did make a effort to be more open. We spent two whole days together over the weekend doing all kinds of amazing things plays, brunches, nightlife. Then on Monday, she calls me a "part time bf" because I never show affection at work. I break things off out of more frustration.

We don't talk for 3 weeks no contact, I erased her number. I get a text that says, "I can't stop thinking of you". I said, "I feel the same way". I go to her room the next days, and she admits to "kind of seeing someone, but all she thinks about is me". She says the time away showed her how much she cares about me and she cares about me even more. The next day she comes to my room gives me a huge hug, helps me with my room, and we go on a date. We have a great date she keeps calling me attractive, kisses me, and she spends the night, no sex, which I am fine with.

She leaves to go back home which is a 3 hour drive. I say have a nice trip and she goes completely ghost. No response until three days late says, "Heading back to home". I say like 8 hours later, "Okay do you want to do something Wednesday". At midnight, I get a text that says "yes!"
I am sure she is banging some other dude which is why she texts late (he probably left at midnight)

So here are my options:

Do I go ghost and not respond? (I dont have to see her until Aug 20)
Do I text her and call her out in terms of friend zoning me?
Do I actually hang out with her and gauge the interest?

 

[nmartinez12443]

I was thinking of sending this, "Look I do want to see you, but I can take hints and if this is going the friend route, I don't want that at all and would rather see you late August"

 

[darksprezzatura]

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible.

I want to say I want to get back with my 24/f gf who I work, I am 31m

Heres the story: She approached me at work and basically asked me out, which is a first for me. We went out and were all over each other and basically starting seeing each other.

She wanted to be exclusive and I said "Lets keep things professional" and we went our separate ways.

She than started dating someone else and all of the sudden I get a text saying, "hey shot in the dark, do you want to hang out". I couldn't resist and I did and we basically started dating and we did make things official.

During that time I tried to keep my distance at work and was honestly depressed because of work. However, I did make a effort to be more open. We spent two whole days together over the weekend doing all kinds of amazing things plays, brunches, nightlife. Then on Monday, she calls me a "part time bf" because I never show affection at work. I break things off out of more frustration.

We don't talk for 3 weeks no contact, I erased her number. I get a text that says, "I can't stop thinking of you". I said, "I feel the same way". I go to her room the next days, and she admits to "kind of seeing someone, but all she thinks about is me". She says the time away showed her how much she cares about me and she cares about me even more. The next day she comes to my room gives me a huge hug, helps me with my room, and we go on a date. We have a great date she keeps calling me attractive, kisses me, and she spends the night, no sex, which I am fine with.

She leaves to go back home which is a 3 hour drive. I say have a nice trip and she goes completely ghost. No response until three days late says, "Heading back to home". I say like 8 hours later, "Okay do you want to do something Wednesday". At midnight, I get a text that says "yes!"
I am sure she is banging some other dude which is why she texts late (he probably left at midnight)

So here are my options:

Do I go ghost and not respond? (I dont have to see her until Aug 20)
Do I text her and call her out in terms of friend zoning me?
Do I actually hang out with her and gauge the interest?

It's cool you are seeking out some advice over a situation which seems tricky in your mind.

These are some of the things which aren't coherent with my frame:

1. She approached you and asked you out. This doesn't look like one of those situations where she perceives you as higher value and still does it.

2. You've been complying to her suggestions to hang out. It looks like she's leading and you are supplicating.

3. You courted her and invested a lot of time taking her out in her free time without having sex when she wasn't pining over riding someone else.

4. You seek her permission to meet you for a date.

5. She's using hardcore dread game on you and it doesn't look like something you can handle atm.

IMO, you have a mild case of oneitis which is making you rationalise it all.

Even if you get to have sex with her, it'll worsen your situation as you are playing in her frame.

Approach other women go on a few dates, hit the gym, get a couple of hobbies to get your mind of her. Brush her off whenever she initiates contact, display higher value, neg her a little whenever she does.

When she starts chasing you, escalate to sex, if she doesn't comply, go NC.

 

[nmartinez12443]

So I went ahead and said, "For our date, lets go to the ___________"

Her response: "What time is that I have dinner plans at 6:30"

My response: "Perfect, they play at 9:45, come over at like 8:30 and let's leave my place at 9"

 

[nmartinez12443]

It's cool you are seeking out some advice over a situation which seems tricky in your mind.

These are some of the things which aren't coherent with my frame:

1. She approached you and asked you out. This doesn't look like one of those situations where she perceives you as higher value and still does it.

2. You've been complying to her suggestions to hang out. It looks like she's leading and you are supplicating.

3. You courted her and invested a lot of time taking her out in her free time without having sex when she wasn't pining over riding someone else.

4. You seek her permission to meet you for a date.

5. She's using hardcore dread game on you and it doesn't look like something you can handle atm.

IMO, you have a mild case of oneitis which is making you rationalise it all.

Even if you get to have sex with her, it'll worsen your situation as you are playing in her frame.

Approach other women go on a few dates, hit the gym, get a couple of hobbies to get your mind of her. Brush her off whenever she initiates contact, display higher value, neg her a little whenever she does.

When she starts chasing you, escalate to sex, if she doesn't comply, go NC.

I really appreciate you taking the time to write this. I just need to get this stress off my mind. I wanna know either way and I think one more date will let me know one way or another. I don't agree that her approaching me shows me as lower value as said in #1, I was cool with no sex since it was our first date in a month, she was topless and rubbed on my **** outside my shorts.

 

[marmel75]

Have you banged this chick at any point?

 

[The Duke]

Have sechs with her asap. And make sure you lead the relationship. And yes she is probably fuhking that other dude.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Spin more plates.

 

[wifehunter]

Plates, got some?

 

[resilient]

OP, are you dating other people? She has leverage over you with the other guy(s) you suspect that she's hooking up with. The long delay in texting is most likely confirming your gut instinct... You're developing oneitis.

You need to spin more plates like the other guys have said to get a balanced perspective on this girl. You need to stay busy so you're not sitting around thinking about her interest level. Be less available.

So she lives three hours away and you work together... how does that work out commute-wise?

I would never consider becoming exclusive with someone that is three hours away, let alone gives off hot/cold signals in person and when out place and time.

 

[Building_and_Loan]

I'd just ask her to meet you somewhere that you'll already be so her showing up doesn't really effect your plans either way. Make something up if you have to.

But yeah this chick has it made in the shade, getting validation from you while likely banging someone else on the side. Never get too attached to a girl who is that aggressive in her pursuit of you, i.e., asking you out and becoming exclusive so quickly.

Btw it's a huge red flag if after all this, you two haven't had sex yet.

 

[nmartinez12443]

I agree with what you all are saying. I already ******** a girl albeat a 4/10 during this time, made out with another 4/10, got flaked on by a hb9. I do go out regularly and admit I could be better approaching. However, this girl is on my mind a lot.

We work in the same place 15 minutes away, we don't really see each other regularly at work. I have banged this girl 100s of times as we were in a relationship and it was f^king amazing. And yes I realize I have onetis. Here is are most recent interaction

Me: Do you want to hang out Wednesday?

6 hours latter

Her: Yes!

Me: Okay on our date, let's watch the ________ concert.

Her: When is that? I have dinner plans at 6:30

Me: Perfect, they play at 9:45, come over at like 8:30 and let's leave from my place at 9.

Her: Okay! I'll be a Mexican Restaurant (which is 3 minutes from my house) Could I bring my dog before? Otherwise I's have to let him out after dinner.

ME: Okay I'll take him to the park.

 

[nmartinez12443]

I think her bringing the dog is a good sign means she has no reason to go home and will probably stay over again.

 

[nmartinez12443]

I once again I really appreciate this site and you guys, you give some fantastic tips. I am working out, playing soccer, applying for jobs, etc. Its not so much that I am obsessed with this girl it is just I want to know if its over for good or not. I plan to play it cool tonight and really watch her body language, etc.

 

[dude99]

I agree with what you all are saying. I already ******** a girl albeat a 4/10 during this time, made out with another 4/10, got flaked on by a hb9. I do go out regularly and admit I could be better approaching. However, this girl is on my mind a lot.

We work in the same place 15 minutes away, we don't really see each other regularly at work. I have banged this girl 100s of times as we were in a relationship and it was f^king amazing. And yes I realize I have onetis. Here is are most recent interaction

Me: Do you want to hang out Wednesday?

6 hours latter

Her: Yes!

Me: Okay on our date, let's watch the ________ concert.

Her: When is that? I have dinner plans at 6:30

Me: Perfect, they play at 9:45, come over at like 8:30 and let's leave from my place at 9.

Her: Okay! I'll be a Mexican Restaurant (which is 3 minutes from my house) Could I bring my dog before? Otherwise I's have to let him out after dinner.

ME: Okay I'll take him to the park.

Should have gone down like this.

You- "do you want to hang out wednesday?"
Her- 6 hours later "sure."
You- "sorry too late. Didn't hear from you so i made plans already. Next time then."

 

[nmartinez12443]

Should have gone down like this.

You- "do you want to hang out wednesday?"
Her- 6 hours later "sure."
You- "sorry too late. Didn't hear from you so i made plans already. Next time then."

I thought about that, but honestly (and I won't say this on the date, I'll watch her actions) if she did say "sure" as you put than yes I would have probably NC and used your line. However, she said yes! with an exclamation point, that showed me enthusiasm. Am I setting my self up for failure maybe, however, she is probably going to get buzzed at this restaurant, she is leaving her dog with me, she agreed to this date, she is probably spending the night. However, this date will tell me all I need to know and I need that.

 

[dude99]

I thought about that, but honestly (and I won't say this on the date, I'll watch her actions) if she did say "sure" as you put than yes I would have probably NC and used your line. However, she said yes! with an exclamation point, that showed me enthusiasm. Am I setting my self up for failure maybe, however, she is probably going to get buzzed at this restaurant, she is leaving her dog with me, she agreed to this date, she is probably spending the night. However, this date will tell me all I need to know and I need that.

Sure, yes, ok... my point was she waited 6 hours to respond. She is setting the foundation for flaking. No girl takes 6 hours to check their phones. No interested girl waits 6 hours to say yes. The date will tell you everything indeed if there even is a date.

6 hours later she is telling you she is going to flake.

 

[nmartinez12443]

Sure, yes, ok... my point was she waited 6 hours to respond. She is setting the foundation for flaking. No girl takes 6 hours to check their phones. No interested girl waits 6 hours to say yes. The date will tell you everything indeed if there even is a date.

6 hours later she is telling you she is going to flake.

My guess is she went on a date and at least banged this dude, didn't want to look at her phone or respond out of fear for him seeing it. The date was over and she replied at midnight. Kind of disgusts me, but I also banged a chick last sunday.

Dude99 I appreciate what you are saying. However, she is leaving her dog at my place. The odds of her going to dinner and than coming back to my place just to get her dog? I don't think so. If this actually happens, well thats all I need to know. Here is the thing we broke up, I went NC for 4 weeks and all of a sudden she sends me a text saying I can't stop thinking about you, opening the door for us to work things out. She did say she was "kinda seeing someone" but all she thinks about is me. Is this just to keep me in her orbit? Maybe?

However, is she using me a as a dog sitter while she goes on a date? Am I guy she is using for entertainment and shes using another guy for sex? Tonight is all I need to know if we don't have sex or at least anything sexual. I will say to her lets move on from each other no hard feelings and go NC

 

[Dingo]

Please.. PLEASE tell us what happens... Lol

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

My guess is she went on a date and at least banged this dude, didn't want to look at her phone or respond out of fear for him seeing it. The date was over and she replied at midnight. Kind of disgusts me, but I also banged a chick last sunday.
NC

Does that not turn you off her?