Single Mom Lets It Be Known "Her Kids Come First"

[Barrister]

Bro lengthy post. But just like several others you have completely missed the point.

Do I care that her kids come before me? NO

Should I care? NO a woman should always choose her child first.

My concern isn't her choosing her child, my concern is, HER VERBALISING TO ME (WHAT I ALREADY KNOW) whenever something comes up.

But do you see the difference?

I understand you didn’t like that she felt the need to sort of put it in your face that the kids came first. From reading the post I don’t think you should be very shocked by her reaction. As a woman she clearly was bothered by your request and (maybe unjustifiably) reacted in a somewhat emotional way when she told you what she did. By the same token, I can see why your request elicited that type of response given what I said before.

 

[Solomon]

Nothing much to add here as most members already addressed this thread perfectly, had OP had other or better options this would be a nothing-burger
what is the old saying?

"Treat a girl like a star and she will treat you like a fan"

This is a perfect example to for the LMS crowd that I have been breaking down all year that having money is not enough if you don't have access/game etc to the women that you want

You sound like a typical beta nice guy who imagines he's doing all kinds of things for a lady than imagines he should get some kind of reward and when it doesn't come he gets hurt and feels personally offended.

All the lady did was to re-explain her boundaries (kids come first).

If you keep coming back for more and expecting something based on what you think you did that's on you.

No lady owes you anything.

As soon as you expect anything based on whatever reason your setting yourself for disappointment.

This woman is the best option OP has, he should have kept it casual with her and looked to upgrade but like most men he got complacent. Espeically if she gives him the box.

The guy knows demanding respect from her she's been treating him as a sucker the whole time and now he's getting a harsh wake up call that he's not important to her as he thinks he is or should be

 

[Gamisch]

Dude are you stoopid? I never said she did anything very wrong.

I simply said that I don't like it when she verbalises that I am not her priority, because it makes me realise the TRUTH.. No matter what I do, or how much I do, she will always (Verbally) remind me, that her kids come first... Which is fine, they should come first.

However from my perspective, I thought I would be ok with dealing with this, but I am not.. I don't like feeling like the person, who has to bend over backwards, to meet her schedule.. I have to change my holidays for her.. rearrange my working hours for her.. just to be a third priority.

Are you that slow in the head, that you cannot understand these basics?

It's alot of sacrifice, for little in return.

Damn I hate that passive aggressive and demeaning attitude...I can't phantom how that works well when dealing with the ladies. But oke..

Let me help you out( and showing your unappreciative attitude maybe I can help a lurker )

YOU: "Hey how ya doing any plans WITH THE KIDS this week"?
HER:" yeah Riley plays soccer at Thursday, Jessica has something at school and we go to a concert"
Y; "ah sounds great! I wanted to see you ( but we HAVE to schedule around YOUR kids because...kids. That is something I completely understand as a 50 y.o man who chosen to be with you)"
Her:" how about 2nd of January?"
You: "sounds great! By the way I got Riley a Messi Miami shirt size yxz"

That's how you do that.

You KNOW the kids come first but you can't HEAR that coming from her mouth? Makes zero sense. How can you accept a truth but are unable to hear it verbalised? It's the same outcome!

I stand my my first statement. It's not just about her but also about learning from it so you can navigate through these interactions better in the future.

Sounds like you running out of chances in life and you already said she is GOOD to you. Think twice before dropping a good woman.

Best of luck

 

[SW15]

This is a perfect example to for the LMS crowd that I have been breaking down all year that having money is not enough if you don't have access/game etc to the women that you want

In general, I think this is a reality for many older men.

There are older men with some money (they live comfortably) but not nearly enough money to make up for access/game type issues. You might see something like a 40-55 year old man mainly dating mediocre to subpar women near his own age. They have kids under 18 in a lot of cases.

Sometimes this is a function of the 40-55 year old only searching for women via tech methods (an access issue).

The OP in this case got a great age gap (48 vs. 33) but didn't get the right 33 year old for him. There are plenty of 33 year olds now without children.

 

[Tilex]

Let me tell you something after experiencing this more than a dozen times.
Your LMS is meaningless when you're dating a single mom with 2+ kids.
Her investment is divided by 3. That means you're only getting 1/3 effort from her. That's only 33%
Does she have any dogs? If so, then you're already on a path of failure.
Dogs count as kids because they require a lot of time and investment.
Now her investment is divided by 4. You are only getting 25% of the pie, which is extremely lousy and a total waste of time.

Low investment = Low effort
Sometimes you need to give yourself a reality check and realize the odds aren't in your favor.
Find someone else that's willing to invest more time with you.

 

[SW15]

Does she have any dogs? If so, then you're already on a path of failure.
Dogs count as kids because they require a lot of time and investment.

Very good point about dogs. She is 33 and that's in the Millennial generation. I don't think OP is in USA but Millennial women in the USA are obsessed with dogs.

The Millennial generation changed pet ownership. They have been the most pet obsessed generation ever. Prior to Millennials reaching adulthood in the 2000s, people didn't get pets as commonly until after they were coupled up. Millennial women decided they wanted their pets now and got their pets before having a man in their lives.

Millennial women have been very dog obsessed in the USA. That's the most common pet but there are plenty of Millennial cat women too.

Her investment is divided by 3. That means you're only getting 1/3 effort from her. That's only 33%

Now her investment is divided by 4. You are only getting 25% of the pie, which is extremely lousy and a total waste of time.

Single moms cannot give a man the effort that a single, childless man needs.

Husband often feel overlooked and the kids are his own with a longer shared history with that woman. Imagine how a random childless man feels in the interactions with a woman whose kids aren't his own.

Sometimes you need to give yourself a reality check and realize the odds aren't in your favor.
Find someone else that's willing to invest more time with you.

This is what he needs now.

 

[DJVision]

Nothing much to add here as most members already addressed this thread perfectly, had OP had other or better options this would be a nothing-burger
what is the old saying?

"Treat a girl like a star and she will treat you like a fan"

This is a perfect example to for the LMS crowd that I have been breaking down all year that having money is not enough if you don't have access/game etc to the women that you want



This woman is the best option OP has, he should have kept it casual with her and looked to upgrade but like most men he got complacent. Espeically if she gives him the box.

The guy knows demanding respect from her she's been treating him as a sucker the whole time and now he's getting a harsh wake up call that he's not important to her as he thinks he is or should be

Fair point. but let me let you into the deeper dynamics of my relationship with her?

Let me tell you something after experiencing this more than a dozen times.
Your LMS is meaningless when you're dating a single mom with 2+ kids.
Her investment is divided by 3. That means you're only getting 1/3 effort from her. That's only 33%
Does she have any dogs? If so, then you're already on a path of failure.
Dogs count as kids because they require a lot of time and investment.
Now her investment is divided by 4. You are only getting 25% of the pie, which is extremely lousy and a total waste of time.

Low investment = Low effort
Sometimes you need to give yourself a reality check and realize the odds aren't in your favor.
Find someone else that's willing to invest more time with you.

To give her some credit, she does try to make the effort to come see me, however it's usually once a fortnight.

However that being said, it's not really a genuine girlfriend experience.

We are unlikely to have holidays together, unless I fund, pay for the holiday, as her money will be prioritised for the holidays with her kids.

It's highly unlikely I will ever live with her.

Definitely will not be having children with her.

Christmas/New year's/Easter etc will be something we will celebrate separately.

Then.. Her kids will always take priority etc.

It really isn't worth my while. THANKS FOR THE WAKE UP CALL, I GENUINELY NEEDED IT.

 

[DJVision]

Very good point about dogs. She is 33 and that's in the Millennial generation. I don't think OP is in USA but Millennial women in the USA are obsessed with dogs.

The Millennial generation changed pet ownership. They have been the most pet obsessed generation ever. Prior to Millennials reaching adulthood in the 2000s, people didn't get pets as commonly until after they were coupled up. Millennial women decided they wanted their pets now and got their pets before having a man in their lives.

Millennial women have been very dog obsessed in the USA. That's the most common pet but there are plenty of Millennial cat women too.



Single moms cannot give a man the effort that a single, childless man needs.

Husband often feel overlooked and the kids are his own with a longer shared history with that woman. Imagine how a random childless man feels in the interactions with a woman whose kids aren't his own.



This is what he needs now.

Yes I she has a dog and a cat? It's very common for single moms to have cats and dogs, as generally that's what they end up with.

 

[SW15]

Yes I she has a dog and a cat? It's very common for single moms to have cats and dogs, as generally that's what they end up with.

If you are competing with 2 children, 2 pets, her friends, and her work (if she's a careerist Boss Girl type), then you're not in a good position.

Most men in general are finding that they have to compete with more things for any woman's attention now.

 

[DJVision]

Something recently was another reality check for me regarding my current dating situation.

Around 5 months ago, I developed some symptoms.

• Quite a significant pain in my abdomen,

• Severe constipation to the point, where I didn't take a chit for 6-7 days straight.

• Feeling extremely fatigued and dizzy

• Sudden Weight loss

I had to drop out of fitness/gym for a few months, as I literally couldn't do a 10 minutes workout.

I was struggling to do the basics, such as cook for myself and maintain my property.

Based on my symptoms, I was convinced I had Colon Cancer. My Doctors where also concerned it could be something sinister.

I went through a series of tests over a period of 10 weeks.

MRI Scan of the abdomen and pelvis
CT Scan with contrast
Stool (FIT) test (They look for blood in your poo)
Blood tests (They look for signs of Anemia)
Colonoscopy (This is where they insert a camera all the way up your azz, and search your bowel/intestine for mass/growth/ or polyps that could eventually turn into cancer.

Luckily the Colonoscopy came back normal, so did all the other tests.. Obviously something is going on with me health wise, which is still under investigation.

Throughout this period, I was fukin scared. It really dawned on me, that if I do end up very ill, I literally do not have anyone to help look after me.

When faced a serious health issue, that could be potentially be life threatening, you begin to really take an assessment of your life.

The entire experience really did make me question the types of woman or potential relationships I am currently engaged in.

A single mom with young kids, pets, family, is not likely the kinda female to depend or rely on in the face of a health crisis.

 

[DJVision]

If you are competing with 2 children, 2 pets, her friends, and her work (if she's a careerist Boss Girl type), then you're not in a good position.

Most men in general are finding that they have to compete with more things for any woman's attention now.

You speak facts. I also have had a recent terrifying health scare, that really did make me think long and hard about the type of woman I want to commit to

 

[SW15]

You speak facts. I also have had a recent terrifying health scare, that really did make me think long and hard about the type of woman I want to commit to

She's not that type. It could be good to dump her now or as soon as you can and start 2025 off on the right path.

There are a lot of motivated singles out there in nightlife venues and on swipe apps in January (and the entire 1st quarter of the year). In January, these motivated singles are often feeling the recent effects of coming off of a crappy holiday season alone. January is one of the best months of the year to meet new women. The peak traffic period for swipe apps is usually in early January, a few days after New Years Day when people start to settle into stuff.

The 12 Months and How They Relate To Dating and Relationships - Alpha Male 2.0

I’ve spoken at length at this blog and in my books that certain times of the year are good for dating and meeting new women, and bad. Also, certain months are good for relationships while others are more risky or problematic for relationships. Today I...

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[BackInTheGame78]

Something recently was another reality check for me regarding my current dating situation.

Around 5 months ago, I developed some symptoms.

• Quite a significant pain in my abdomen,

• Severe constipation to the point, where I didn't take a chit for 6-7 days straight.

• Feeling extremely fatigued and dizzy

• Sudden Weight loss

I had to drop out of fitness/gym for a few months, as I literally couldn't do a 10 minutes workout.

I was struggling to do the basics, such as cook for myself and maintain my property.

Based on my symptoms, I was convinced I had Colon Cancer. My Doctors where also concerned it could be something sinister.

I went through a series of tests over a period of 10 weeks.

MRI Scan of the abdomen and pelvis
CT Scan with contrast
Stool (FIT) test (They look for blood in your poo)
Blood tests (They look for signs of Anemia)
Colonoscopy (This is where they insert a camera all the way up your azz, and search your bowel/intestine for mass/growth/ or polyps that could eventually turn into cancer.

Luckily the Colonoscopy came back normal, so did all the other tests.. Obviously something is going on with me health wise, which is still under investigation.

Throughout this period, I was fukin scared. It really dawned on me, that if I do end up very ill, I literally do not have anyone to help look after me.

When faced a serious health issue, that could be potentially be life threatening, you begin to really take an assessment of your life.

The entire experience really did make me question the types of woman or potential relationships I am currently engaged in.

A single mom with young kids, pets, family, is not likely the kinda female to depend or rely on in the face of a health crisis.

She is the type of women to see at you at your lowest and turn and walk the other way coldly and with no remorse.

The biggest lessons you'll ever learn in life about the people you associate with and what their value is in your life will come when you are at your lowest points.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Someone's kids always take priority over a squeeze they aren't married to. That's life, OP. As others on this thread have said: If you prefer something different, seek that out

 

[Clockwerk50]

Bro lengthy post. But just like several others you have completely missed the point.

Do I care that her kids come before me? NO

Should I care? NO a woman should always choose her child first.

My concern isn't her choosing her child, my concern is, HER VERBALISING TO ME (WHAT I ALREADY KNOW) whenever something comes up.

But do you see the difference?

When a woman drops her feminine language and starts speaking in a more overtly masculine way, it usually means the man doesn't understand, and she feels the need to adopt his language to get her point across. My guess is that you are demanding things she cannot do because her kids are a priority. You could argue that if you were a high-value man, she would drop everything for you, but that’s beside the point.

The point is that her responsibilities as a mother take precedence, and expecting otherwise disregards her role and the limits of her time and energy. It’s important to understand that her focus on her children isn't a reflection of her lack of interest in you, but rather a sign of her commitment to her primary responsibilities.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

When a woman drops her feminine language and starts speaking in a more overtly masculine way, it usually means the man doesn't understand, and she feels the need to adopt his language to get her point across. My guess is that you are demanding things she cannot do because her kids are a priority. You could argue that if you were a high-value man, she would drop everything for you, but that’s beside the point.

The point is that her responsibilities as a mother take precedence, and expecting otherwise disregards her role and the limits of her time and energy. It’s important to understand that her focus on her children isn't a reflection of her lack of interest in you, but rather a sign of her commitment to her primary responsibilities.

A woman with kids who drops everything for a man becomes a woman no man can respect.

 

[The Duke]

@DJVision you two aren't a match. You want more than she wants to give and/or is willing to give. As men, we all have different levels of independentness. Find a woman that compliments your level.

 

[DJVision]

When a woman drops her feminine language and starts speaking in a more overtly masculine way, it usually means the man doesn't understand, and she feels the need to adopt his language to get her point across. My guess is that you are demanding things she cannot do because her kids are a priority. You could argue that if you were a high-value man, she would drop everything for you, but that’s beside the point.

The point is that her responsibilities as a mother take precedence, and expecting otherwise disregards her role and the limits of her time and energy. It’s important to understand that her focus on her children isn't a reflection of her lack of interest in you, but rather a sign of her commitment to her primary responsibilities.

You got me... Do you know how many demands I have made on her since seeing her for 9 months? ZERO lol

I don't think I have even once asked her to meet me.. I have never travelled to her.. she has never paid for a single thing for me, I am financially sound.

I don't mind your input, however in all honesty you are very off the ball.

 

[DJVision]

She is the type of women to see at you at your lowest and turn and walk the other way coldly and with no remorse.

The biggest lessons you'll ever learn in life about the people you associate with and what their value is in your life will come when you are at your lowest points.

I hear you man.

Those 8 weeks or so, while I was awaiting the results of my tests.. I felt like it was game over for me.

If it had turned out to be something sinister, then I would ideally need a girl by my side who I have a strong bond with, and we see eachother as a priority.

This entire situation situation with single mom was bought into percpective.

New Year Resolution.. Must get rid of single mom

 

[BackInTheGame78]

@DJVision you two aren't a match. You want more than she wants to give and/or is willing to give. As men, we all have different levels of independentness. Find a woman that compliments your level.

Pretty much this.

OP wants a race car but went and got a Toyota Prius instead.

Doesn't make much sense...accept you aren't a match, stop wasting both your time and start dating someone that fits more with what you want.

Essentially right now you are hoping against hope things change because you are comfortable in the situation.

All this leads to is wasted time when both of you know this isn't it but neither one of you do anything about it.