Single Mom Lets It Be Known "Her Kids Come First"

[Gamisch]

At this point it's clear to me, your too damn low IQ to comprehend simple situations.

Let me repeat myself, so you're brain finally comprehends what I am saying.

01. I totally do not care about not being her first priority.. Why? Because a mother should always make her child her priority.

"Now please read carefully, as this is the part you're brain is unable to comprehend"

What us men don't like is, to be verbally reminded by her, that we are below her children.. Do you get it?

Yes her kids come first.. But whenever plans/schedules clash, and she makes it a thing to verbalise this to me..

"hey DJVision, your not my priority, my children are" it gets fukin tired.

I hope this makes a little more sense, or would you like me to draw you some pictures?

I see why you and @bhp agree, cut from the same cloth. The passivio aggressivio tree where the losers gather.

You wanted advice, you got it. You are almost 50 and need a 31 y.o manchild who lives at home to decide what to do and throwing tantrums at everyone calling you out.. you can't even comprehend that a CONCERT with her kids is more important than your sorry azz. At almost 50!!!! You're beyond saving.

You leaving that woman would be a blessing to her. Good thing you didn't reproduced.

Now go mess up your only option in life because strangers on the internet told you so..LOL

 

[SW15]

You have no understanding of kids because you don't have them. Which means you probably shouldn't be dating someone that has them because you have no concept of how to approach that or what that entails and as such will have expectations that are not based in reality.

I agree that childless men and single moms are a poor lifestyle fit in extended relationships. The issues that arise are too difficult to deal with for both sides. Both sides end up unsatisfied in most cases.

I do not believe a "real man" raises somebody else's kids. You will never replace their father, and you will never be a priority over them.

I agree with this. A man that raises another man's children is a cuckold. That's the dictionary definition of a cuckold. I will not be a cuckold. I will also not be a lower priority to someone else's children.

I have some thoughts on this from the ladies' locker room. My second husband is 48, no children of his own and this is his first marriage.

One important thing is the age of her children. How old are they? I expect that if she is 33 that her kids may be quite young. I had my children in my 30s, and my older 2 are adults now but the youngest is a 16 year old daughter who lives with us. There are a few things I cannot compromise on regarding my daughter. We live where we do for the best school district in our area in a nice house. I am not moving house until my daughter finishes high school. My husband was aware this was non-negotiable before we married. Other than that I generally put him first but at times I cannot.

It is difficult for a childless man to relate to this. Younger children (infants, toddlers, and tweens) are far worse. You met your husband when your kids were teens and the oldest might have even been 18. Your husband has had to deal with a teen but he didn't come in when your kids were younger.

Another tough situation that isn't discussed much on this forum is a situation where a childless man dates women with children who are all 18+. Dating a woman with adult children isn't a pleasant situation either. Gen Z and Millennial adult children aren't easy and are needier as younger adults than previous generations.

This is a topic mainly for older people (50s-60s).

 

[Divorced w 3]

Did you ask her nicely if there was a way to reschedule or were you aggressive and upset about it? The latter would explain why you got a stern message on the priority of the kids. You haven’t made her your girlfriend and should not expect being put in a position of importance in her life either. She continues to see you and spend time with you in spite of your having made it known to her. It sounds like she likes you, and to be honest your behaviors convey that you seem to put more interest into her than perhaps your mind and words want to convey to you and to us.

 

[DJVision]

Did you ask her nicely if there was a way to reschedule or were you aggressive and upset about it? The latter would explain why you got a stern message on the priority of the kids. You haven’t made her your girlfriend and should not expect being put in a position of importance in her life either. She continues to see you and spend time with you in spite of your having made it known to her. It sounds like she likes you, and to be honest your behaviors convey that you seem to put more interest into her than perhaps your mind and words want to convey to you and to us.
[/QUOTE]

Dude I generally tend to accommodate her and her schedule, due to the fact she works and has children.

Often I have gone out of my way for her.. This is the first time I ever asked her to change something over for me.. I wasn't aggressive or rude about it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Did you ask her nicely if there was a way to reschedule or were you aggressive and upset about it? The latter would explain why you got a stern message on the priority of the kids. You haven’t made her your girlfriend and should not expect being put in a position of importance in her life either. She continues to see you and spend time with you in spite of your having made it known to her. It sounds like she likes you, and to be honest your behaviors convey that you seem to put more interest into her than perhaps your mind and words want to convey to you and to us.


Dude I generally tend to accommodate her and her schedule, due to the fact she works and has children.

Often I have gone out of my way for her.. This is the first time I ever asked her to change something over for me.. I wasn't aggressive or rude about it.

I feel like you are pretty worked up on this. I don’t mean that judgmentally, but you’re 3 pages into this, actively, in a span of a few hours. Getting into the weeds in this may not be helping. It may help to just take a step back, breathe and come back to this topic in a calmer spot. You and her have a pretty long history, and for whatever reason, you think she’s worth that amount of time. Just hang out with it, is my two cents.

 

[DJVision]

I feel like you are pretty worked up on this. I don’t mean that judgmentally, but you’re 3 pages into this, actively, in a span of a few hours. Getting into the weeds in this may not be helping. It may help to just take a step back, breathe and come back to this topic in a calmer spot. You and her have a pretty long history, and for whatever reason, you think she’s worth that amount of time. Just hang out with it, is my two cents.

To be fair man, I think I should just step back with her and not take her seriously for now.

Put on the brakes, so I can consider my future with her.

Thanks for your input

 

[Gamisch]

I agree that childless men and single moms are a poor lifestyle fit in extended relationships. The issues that arise are too difficult to deal with for both sides. Both sides end up unsatisfied in most cases.



I agree with this. A man that raises another man's children is a cuckold. That's the dictionary definition of a cuckold. I will not be a cuckold. I will also not be a lower priority to someone else's children.



It is difficult for a childless man to relate to this. Younger children (infants, toddlers, and tweens) are far worse. You met your husband when your kids were teens and the oldest might have even been 18. Your husband has had to deal with a teen but he didn't come in when your kids were younger.

Another tough situation that isn't discussed much on this forum is a situation where a childless man dates women with children who are all 18+. Dating a woman with adult children isn't a pleasant situation either. Gen Z and Millennial adult children aren't easy and are needier as younger adults than previous generations.

This is a topic mainly for older people (50s-60s).

Let me make one thing clear: I NEVER said OP should RAISE her kids. I just said that her kids are a part of her, and it might actually feel better if you "tolerate " them or even adore them. And yes, that might mean you think about them now and then ,Christmas, birthday ect.


I believe I told you specifically something similar. That after a certain age its becomes more and more challenging to demand a childless woman. You could even argue that there will be something seriously off about a woman in her 40,s without kids, while a woman with kids is more feminine and better at being subservient.


It seems to be about honor and pride for most men and yes I get that to some extent. But to say a man is a cuck because he happens to vibe with a woman with kids is also a tad much imo. ESPECIALLY when you are nearing 50. That's young men talk.

I still think that it can be an enrichment to a lonely man's life to deal with kids. It's all about approaching it with the right mindset

 

[Divorced w 3]

To be fair man, I think I should just step back with her and not take her seriously for now.

Put on the brakes, so I can consider my future with her.

Thanks for your input

I think taking a second to breathe and hang out with it are a good move. Do your best to see the situation with your partner out of a connection you have with her. Be decent and warm, act out of wisdom not emotion and judgement.

 

[DJVision]

I think taking a second to breathe and hang out with it are a good move. Do your best to see the situation with your partner out of a connection you have with her. Be decent and warm, act out of wisdom not emotion and judgement.

Well she messaged me tonight, and asked if I wanted to see her on the 2nd of January.

I politely told her that I cannot as I will be spending some time with my family, but could meet another day.

She replied back with "that's fine" and now I haven't got the usual "Goodnight" text from her lol

By the way, this is the first time in ages I have said NO to her, when she has asked to meet.

The thing is, she had already decided weeks ago, that she wanted to spend New Years with her kids and not me... I didn't make an issue about it, and just accepted her choice.

Now that I have made alternative plans for New year's with my family, she seems to be getting upset about it.

But... It was perfectly ok for her to choose New years with her kids.. lol

This is why dating single moms is a bad idea!!

 

[Divorced w 3]

Well she messaged me tonight, and asked if I wanted to see her on the 2nd of January.

I politely told her that I cannot as I will be spending some time with my family, but could meet another day.

She replied back with "that's fine" and now I haven't got the usual "Goodnight" text from her lol

By the way, this is the first time in ages I have said NO to her, when she has asked to meet.

The thing is, she had already decided weeks ago, that she wanted to spend New Years with her kids and not me... I didn't make an issue about it, and just accepted her choice.

Now that I have made alternative plans for New year's with my family, she seems to be getting upset about it.

But... It was perfectly ok for her to choose New years with her kids.. lol

This is why dating single moms is a bad idea!!

As long as you are speaking from a place of sincerity it’s all good. You can also wish her the goodnight you wish she had given you.

 

[Hal9000]

To me this comes across as her making it clear that she doesn't care if you stay or go and that she thinks you're lucky to have her. I would bet almost anything that if she considered you a real catch, whether that's defined by money, looks, social status, or whatever, she wouldn't be playing the "my kids come first" card any time you step out of line. So you can either prove to her that she's correct and continue sticking around to be told that your presence isn't particularly valued or you can move on. You can rest assured the status quo won't be changing so the balls in your court.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I take all the risks.. I make all the sacrifices.. I commit to her, and never have children of my own.. And every few months she reminds me, that I am not her priority?

You sound like a typical beta nice guy who imagines he's doing all kinds of things for a lady than imagines he should get some kind of reward and when it doesn't come he gets hurt and feels personally offended.

All the lady did was to re-explain her boundaries (kids come first).

If you keep coming back for more and expecting something based on what you think you did that's on you.

No lady owes you anything.

As soon as you expect anything based on whatever reason your setting yourself for disappointment.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Wow dude do you even read anything?

Anyone with an ounce of common sense knows that a woman's kids always comes first... I know that.. you know that.. She knows that.. It's common fukin sense.

I don't care if she priorities her kids (She absolutely better do)

My issue is, when she verbalises it to me, when my plans get in her way, or vice versa!!

How does this not make sense to you?

I take all the risks.. I make all the sacrifices.. I commit to her, and never have children of my own.. And every few months she reminds me, that I am not her priority?

What part of this are you not getting lol

She is telling you what you already know.

And the fact that she does so tells you she has no respect for you because you put up with it and don't go find a woman who will make you her priority.

You are almost 50 years old. Grow the fvck up and stop acting like you are 16.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Well she messaged me tonight, and asked if I wanted to see her on the 2nd of January.

I politely told her that I cannot as I will be spending some time with my family, but could meet another day.

She replied back with "that's fine" and now I haven't got the usual "Goodnight" text from her lol

By the way, this is the first time in ages I have said NO to her, when she has asked to meet.

The thing is, she had already decided weeks ago, that she wanted to spend New Years with her kids and not me... I didn't make an issue about it, and just accepted her choice.

Now that I have made alternative plans for New year's with my family, she seems to be getting upset about it.

But... It was perfectly ok for her to choose New years with her kids.. lol

This is why dating single moms is a bad idea!!

This is called she is in this relationship more of it being comfortable than her being really into you.

Maybe she was at some point but by everything you have said she sure as hell ain't anymore.

This is headed for some sort of slow fade out or her basically monkey Branching and pulling away until she randomly hits you with a break up out of nowhere...except it really won't be out of nowhere.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I totally understand a woman prioritising her kids, but when it's blatantly thrown in my face like that, I can't help but let it bother me.

Yeah, you do... Like all of us, you have near complete power over your thoughts and beliefs about external events

 

[Barrister]

OP,

First off, being upset because a parent (regardless of sex) put their children above a love interest is silly. What were you expecting? You’ve advised us she is NOT even a GF and you expected her to cancel her kids’ concert for you as a what? Dude she hooks up with here and there? Come on now.

Second, there is no “downgrading” her. She will simply move on because even single moms if they are decent looking have endless options. So think about what you really want before you decide to (in your mind) “downgrade” her because it effectively is the end of the relationship.

Lastly, and more generally speaking, if you become serious with single moms, you have to expect the children come as a package deal. And I fault no man who wants nothing to do with this. It’s a huge commitment, even an unfair one to the man, because he inevitably shoulders more load than he should. That said, you’ve elected to see this woman in a semi serious capacity it seems. If you don’t like it, leave. It’s that simple. Or stay, but understand this dynamic is the reality. You will never be this woman’s number 1. That’s her kids. Again, if you can’t live with that within the relationship then exit.

 

[SW15]

This is headed for some sort of slow fade out or her basically monkey Branching and pulling away until she randomly hits you with a break up out of nowhere...except it really won't be out of nowhere.

Unless he drops her first, which he can do.

Second, there is no “downgrading” her. She will simply move on because even single moms if they are decent looking have endless options. So think about what you really want before you decide to (in your mind) “downgrade” her because it effectively is the end of the relationship.

The dump is the right move here. She is not girlfriend material anyway.

if you become serious with single moms, you have to expect the children come as a package deal. And I fault no man who wants nothing to do with this. It’s a huge commitment, even an unfair one to the man, because he inevitably shoulders more load than he should.

This is why I have avoided single moms, even as an early 40s man. I've done well avoiding single moms for as long as I have.

 

[Bokanovsky]

By the way, this is the first time in ages I have said NO to her, when she has asked to meet

 

[DJVision]

OP,

First off, being upset because a parent (regardless of sex) put their children above a love interest is silly. What were you expecting? You’ve advised us she is NOT even a GF and you expected her to cancel her kids’ concert for you as a what? Dude she hooks up with here and there? Come on now.

Second, there is no “downgrading” her. She will simply move on because even single moms if they are decent looking have endless options. So think about what you really want before you decide to (in your mind) “downgrade” her because it effectively is the end of the relationship.

Lastly, and more generally speaking, if you become serious with single moms, you have to expect the children come as a package deal. And I fault no man who wants nothing to do with this. It’s a huge commitment, even an unfair one to the man, because he inevitably shoulders more load than he should. That said, you’ve elected to see this woman in a semi serious capacity it seems. If you don’t like it, leave. It’s that simple. Or stay, but understand this dynamic is the reality. You will never be this woman’s number 1. That’s her kids. Again, if you can’t live with that within the relationship then exit.

Bro lengthy post. But just like several others you have completely missed the point.

Do I care that her kids come before me? NO

Should I care? NO a woman should always choose her child first.

My concern isn't her choosing her child, my concern is, HER VERBALISING TO ME (WHAT I ALREADY KNOW) whenever something comes up.

But do you see the difference?

 

[DJVision]

I'm pointing this out because I know many men like you specifically. Women have discarded you in the past, you've done everyhting for them and they all have discarded you. The moment you start accepting this was your fault and leave the ego aside, will be moment you start getting what you want in relationships. Good luck man



Agree, but everything has to be done with pure heart, and not with the hidden agenda that "If I do this, she will love me forever"


I agree with you, the woman should be able to find a better man. Cause tell me what have you read that this woman did to him to end it? His whole post is just a giant rant on how

- He has good job, financially stable and no kids, and she doesn't react how his entitlement wants
- She didn't want to spend New Years with him
- She has a life outside of him
- Getting so butthurt he's not her first priority

The only "sin" this woman has is that she is a single mother

Dude are you stoopid? I never said she did anything very wrong.

I simply said that I don't like it when she verbalises that I am not her priority, because it makes me realise the TRUTH.. No matter what I do, or how much I do, she will always (Verbally) remind me, that her kids come first... Which is fine, they should come first.

However from my perspective, I thought I would be ok with dealing with this, but I am not.. I don't like feeling like the person, who has to bend over backwards, to meet her schedule.. I have to change my holidays for her.. rearrange my working hours for her.. just to be a third priority.

Are you that slow in the head, that you cannot understand these basics?

It's alot of sacrifice, for little in return.