"Side-chick" completely flipped the tables on me...

[Macaframalama]

shoulda bait her more. just like women bait their eternal orbiters without saying directly they are not interested. tell her things like "ohh relationship could be good idea, but now sounds like a bad time" etc

No thanks. Not my game. If I know I don't want a relationship with someone and she brings it up, I tell her so. She can choose to keep fvcking with me or kick rocks. Too many women out here to be lying to kick it.

 

[Macaframalama]

Thank you all for your insights; whether it was a critique of my approach or general advice.

To shed some additional light on the situation, especially for the critics of my “ethical standards”, I never dated this girl, I merely slept with her. Thus, I never really knew her and couldn’t see us in a relationship. Also, for the record, I never provided this girl with any false hope, nor did I signal that I wanted more.

However, this changed after I returned from my work abroad; now, I had to reestablish the contact by putting in effort and getting to know her. After getting to know her, I realized that she was an interesting girl, a person that I wanted a relationship with, which includes more than just sex.

This might all be fiction, in my mind, my “ego” as some of you have suggested, but I profoundly feel like I am missing out on something good, by not being with her.


As suggested, I will back of for a bit and try to reinitiate contact at a later point - in doing so, I will ensure that it isn't just my Ego that wants her back.

Thanks again,
/European

Then, just tell her exactly what you are telling us. Ppl take this chit too literal and everything becomes a game.

 

[Bayne05]

No you're not head over heels for her, you're frustrated because you don't have her wrapped around your finger anymore, now you're desperately trying to put her back on a leash.

She made it perfectly clear she wanted a relationship, and you made it perfectly clear you don't see yourself having a relationship with her. Her distancing herself from you means she was serious about the commitment, so why are you going after her knowing you won't give her what she wants? Let her go mate, plenty of other b¡tches to fvck around with.

 

[btownbuck2012]

Yeah, what OP is experiencing is totally just an ego-related reaction--and a super natural one (been there a couple times myself, as I'm sure everyone else has as well). In fact, this aspect of the ego is pretty much the basis of Cosmo Girl-Game (5 Ways to Make Him Chase), most romance novels, & was pretty much backwards engineered for the Mystery Method Style Game.

But the template pretty much goes like this:

• You have a girl you like well enough but not enough to commit to; but she gives you a lot of validation & you enjoy feeling like you have the upperhand. The fact that the validation comes so easily & effortlessly means you take it for granted.
• Girl pulls away (takes away the 'supply' you're now hooked on).
• Guy (delusionally gets the impression he) falls in love with girl. Wants things back the way they were. Chases girl. Becomes source of validation for girl, who realizes he was never really the guy she was chasing to begin with.

Listen @European-DJ, at some point you were acting from a place of abundance. From that place of abundance you decided (and probably for good, rational reasons) that this girl didn't qualify for monogamy. That was an authentic reaction. Chasing her & throwing her the kitchen sink isn't you, it's just your ego trying to avoid taking (a perceived) L.

This 'out of control' feeling your reeling in right now, accept it, internalize it, and remember that it's not a good feeling. The only thing you can do to possibly get this situation back on the rails, and it isn't the answer you're looking for right now, is to move forward. Forget the girl, this is about you. Commit yourself to making the next four months the best four months of your life--do whatever it takes to make them that way for you (besides texting this girl lol). If you're able to do that, then text the girl at the end of those four months (if you still feel like it--betting $5 you won't).

And, really, that's the solution to all of this. You have to live your life for you--unapologetically & ruthlessly. You can do nice things & help people out along the way, but only as long as you are moving in your direction. Your ego is how people are able to manipulate you. Your ego doesn't care about direction, it cares about reactions. The minute a woman learns she has the power to manipulate you is the minute you're fvcked (maybe this month, maybe 25 years from now). You'll never be a guy she can respect or count on. So drop the ego. She might not come back, but chances are she will once she realizes you're operating under a new paradigm she no longer has control over. (The flipside of this is a lot of predatory female types will not get involved for any length of time with a guy she isn't able to manipulate. Accept that for what it is too--some of these girls are super hot, fun people--but often even these girls come back when they already have a primary partner/provider).

God damn man..

Stuff like this makes me feel like I ought to be paying a membership fee for SS. I mean this is just tremendous, home run outta the park quality content. Just excellent.

 

[btownbuck2012]

a lot of predatory female types will not get involved for any length of time with a guy she isn't able to manipulate.

I've noticed this too as my value increases and I interact with more women the ones who blindside you with some bizarre behavior which is usually some over the top gesture of disrespect followed by a complete ghosting, i.e. her no longer making an attempt to spend time with you, comes on the heels of you demonstrating an unshakeable frame in response to some effort on her part to manipulate. Back in my AFC days I would have interpreted this as some type of rejection. These days I realize that I've outed her and breathe a sigh of relief as I know that I can now move on from her knowing that I haven't missed out on anything and have rather saved myself tremendous time and trouble dealing with her.

 

[fastlife]

I've noticed this too as my value increases and I interact with more women the ones who blindside you with some bizarre behavior which is usually some over the top gesture of disrespect followed by a complete ghosting, i.e. her no longer making an attempt to spend time with you, comes on the heels of you demonstrating an unshakeable frame in response to some effort on her part to manipulate. Back in my AFC days I would have interpreted this as some type of rejection. These days I realize that I've outed her and breathe a sigh of relief as I know that I can now move on from her knowing that I haven't missed out on anything and have rather saved myself tremendous time and trouble dealing with her.

Exactly. You can flip those situations & calibrate to those types of women (plenty of them out there), but IME it's never really worth it. What matters, whether you're getting laid or not, is how you feel about yourself. And people who feel sh1tty about themselves want you to feel sh1tty about yourself, too. And those people have super strong & very fragile frames, which is why they'll eject you from their reality before giving up their own.