"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Should you compete for a girl?

Genos

Senior Don Juan
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There are several girls I know with whom I have had good interactions so far.

Some of these women though, I see talking to a least a couple other guys. I'll see them touching her (casually), see her touching them, etc - general kinoing and good vibes. I'll see these girls be surrounded by 2-3 guys even, getting a ton of attention. I've even seen these women texting other guys. And that's fine.

But for me at least, I don't like competing for a girl. It seems to me that I'll just become another sheep in the herd, another orbiter, I'll have to 'prove/sell myself' rather than 'buy the relationship'.

Is this a bad mentality to have? I also know that attractive women will always have men around them, giving them attention, vying for her affection, etc., so I recognize that it may be unrealistic to think a girl will only be talking to me in the social sphere. I also realize that it's a bit of a double standard that I'm practicing, as I believe in talking to multiple women at a time to build an abundance mentality. <_<

But perhaps women spin plates as well?

But when I see this happening, not only do I back off during that particular interaction (when there are multiple guys talking to her at once), but I also kind of just put her on the backburner, and want to just stop initiating stuff, give up on asking her out, etc. I just get this feeling of, "I don't want to have to deal with this."

Perhaps this stems from the fact that the first girl I had been close to was, for some reason or another, highly interested in me. I never heard or saw her interacting closely with other guys or anything, so I guess I'm a bit 'sheltered' in that respect. Dealing with women who are mediumly~ interested is a whole different ballgame, and I feel like it's bringing out some insecurities within me.

Any advice regarding the mindset I should have, or thoughts on 'competing' for women in general?
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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asa_don

Master Don Juan
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Jan 31, 2013
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women should be competing to be with you, not you competing to be with them against other men, doing that will make you an orbiter.

an alpha is the top dog, be the top dog that women want by making yourself valuable to them, women will be easy to acquire by the dozen.
 
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