"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Should you compete for a girl?

Genos

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jul 15, 2014
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There are several girls I know with whom I have had good interactions so far.

Some of these women though, I see talking to a least a couple other guys. I'll see them touching her (casually), see her touching them, etc - general kinoing and good vibes. I'll see these girls be surrounded by 2-3 guys even, getting a ton of attention. I've even seen these women texting other guys. And that's fine.

But for me at least, I don't like competing for a girl. It seems to me that I'll just become another sheep in the herd, another orbiter, I'll have to 'prove/sell myself' rather than 'buy the relationship'.

Is this a bad mentality to have? I also know that attractive women will always have men around them, giving them attention, vying for her affection, etc., so I recognize that it may be unrealistic to think a girl will only be talking to me in the social sphere. I also realize that it's a bit of a double standard that I'm practicing, as I believe in talking to multiple women at a time to build an abundance mentality. <_<

But perhaps women spin plates as well?

But when I see this happening, not only do I back off during that particular interaction (when there are multiple guys talking to her at once), but I also kind of just put her on the backburner, and want to just stop initiating stuff, give up on asking her out, etc. I just get this feeling of, "I don't want to have to deal with this."

Perhaps this stems from the fact that the first girl I had been close to was, for some reason or another, highly interested in me. I never heard or saw her interacting closely with other guys or anything, so I guess I'm a bit 'sheltered' in that respect. Dealing with women who are mediumly~ interested is a whole different ballgame, and I feel like it's bringing out some insecurities within me.

Any advice regarding the mindset I should have, or thoughts on 'competing' for women in general?
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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asa_don

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 31, 2013
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S Town
women should be competing to be with you, not you competing to be with them against other men, doing that will make you an orbiter.

an alpha is the top dog, be the top dog that women want by making yourself valuable to them, women will be easy to acquire by the dozen.
 
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