should my girl do this?

[X-ecution]

My gf is going out tonight to the bar with her friends. she doesn't do it often and she's perfectly trustworthy.

the problem i'm having is myself.she's asked me how i feel about it, and wont go if I told her not too. i actually would prefer her not to go out, but i encouraged her because i don't want to come off possessive for one, and i don't want to restrict her or keep her from enjoying life.

I know she wouldn't cheat, it's just the things associated with going out to things like bars and clubs kinda make me uncomfortable, and i personally don't like the thought of some other prick pushing up on my woman. it's a territory thing

should i tell her no? should she even be going out at all? is it cheating?

what's you guy's take?

 

[zzeitgeist]

take it from a guy whos been there.. you don't want to be possessive at any point in a relationship. Even if this bothers you do not let her know that it does, it shows your insecure and you feel threatened. Act as if you could care less and shes free to do what she wants (Cuz she is). If she cheats on you than your with the wrong person.

At the end of the day your the one shes gonna be screwin ..

 

[X-ecution]

glitch

 

[X-ecution]

ok.

what i was saying before this stupid glitch happened

zzeitgeist, remotecontrol, well said.

it's a territory issue i have. it pisses me off even when other guys hit on her sometimes. she tells ne everything and i trust her. she's even wearing the necklace and ring that i bought her to the bar, the ring on her "left" hand on her ring finger, to act like she's married.

it's just i can be kinda insecure about this at times.

i don't let her know about it though, and i encourage her to go. but i don't like feeling bad about it. so how do i get over this insecurity? i don't want to just mask my uneasiness, but get rid of it altogether.

 

[X-ecution]

look at my thread about confidence v ego....

In short if you tie your happiness to someone or something your going to eventually get hurt bad.
Women are only human and not perfect so you know your making a mistake to tie your happiness to a woman even one you love.
Aslo showing your insecure will drive a woman to cheat or leave you because women are insecure and thay need a man to be secure in himself, thats what makes a man attractive to women.
If you realise your happiness comes from within you, you will be on the road to being truly happy in life and women wont want to leave you or cheat on you. Happiness comes from within and women can add greatly to your happiness but the root of happiness is within you...remember this.

you, my good man. have help me greatly. very good advice.

thanks guys

 

[PlaysToWin]

I know she wouldn't cheat, it's just the things associated with going out to things like bars and clubs kinda make me uncomfortable, and i personally don't like the thought of some other prick pushing up on my woman. it's a territory thing

I know the feeling. But for your own sake and hers, train yourself to ignore this feeling.

It sounds like this girl is going out of her way to re-assure you about her intentions and to make sure you're ok with her going out.

Reward that by going out of your way to make her feel like you trust her and not just that you don't mind, but that you encourage her to head out and have fun with the girls (as you should).

 

[Last Man Standing]

A woman doesn't go to a bar without her man ---- period!!!! (Rather exclamation point!) She knows this!! Modern women try to act like they don't know the answer but they already do know the answer -- that is why she asked you if you minded!!! She knows it's not right but she does it anyway!! What does this tell you?? It's all about her wants at the expense of your disrespect!!!

Quit being a fool - it bothers you and all men who care about their girl. Men prey on woman at bars because we assume they're there, at the bar, because they are making themselves available to us!!!! Women know this!!! The question is why don't you know???

 

[Last Man Standing]

Mctwist, you misunderstand - this has nothing to do with insecurities, it is quite normal for the man to be upset - this is the natural order!! She is not going to pizza hut with her friends, or to the movies, or to dinner with them -- she is going to the bars!!! Read my last post again!

 

[IceCream]

You think to much...

Accept the fact that girlfriends can always "cheat", as well as you doing likewise. Attachment is a dangerous thing, it leads to "emotional confusions", such as what you are experiencing now.

Let her go to the bar, let her go where she wants.

The moment you accept the reality of things, is the moment you yourself will be "free" from these "emotional confusions".

In other words, learn to let go. Adapt and live on.

 

[Fela Kuti]

if you often read last man standing's posts, he always answer like that..

 

[Fela Kuti]

sorry off topic: what if your gf tell you she's going out with a guy to a bar?? would you allow her?

 

[Monkey]

A girl won't cheat if shes head over heals with you - so its your job to keep this interest level high.

If its high, she can then go anywhere and you can have complete confidence she won't stray.

 

[Cremasta]

What's the problem here? Go hang out with your friends. Consider it a night off.

 

[Fuglydude]

A girl won't cheat if shes head over heals with you - so its your job to keep this interest level high.

If its high, she can then go anywhere and you can have complete confidence she won't stray.

Well said. I give my gf the same treatment that I expect from her ... If I wanna go party with some girls and she doesn't say anything, then she's perfectly free to go party with guys. If she wants to be with you she wont' stray.

And why do guys get mad when other guys hit on their girl????? Why not be flattered? She's with you for a reason! She's not with them! If the IL and attraction in the relationship is high, what do u have to worry about??

 

[wayword]

YES, it is cheating BEHAVIOR...which will eventually lead to CHEATING!

A woman doesn't go to a bar without her man ---- period!!!! (Rather exclamation point!) She knows this!! Modern women try to act like they don't know the answer but they already do know the answer -- that is why she asked you if you minded!!! She knows it's not right but she does it anyway!! What does this tell you?? It's all about her wants at the expense of your disrespect!!!

Quit being a fool - it bothers you and all men who care about their girl. Men prey on woman at bars because we assume they're there, at the bar, because they are making themselves available to us!!!! Women know this!!! The question is why don't you know???

Actually, faithful women don't really do anything social without their man...much less go to a drunken meatmarket.

Search the threads here - this is old news. A definite red flag. GNO = Sloots' Night Out. Bet on it. Why else would all these girls EXCLUDE their men...only to go to a place CRAWLING with them??? Sure, she might not cheat THIS time, but it's an affair-waiting-to-happen. Kind of like drunk driving doesn't ALWAYS end up in a wreck...but it is always an accident-waiting-to-happen.

There's a fine line between being "extremely secure" and being a naive doormat. "Extremely secure" in this case means that you know she's looking to cheat...but don't give a fvck cuz you have a half-dozen more better and hotter pieces of trim lined up. Naive doormat means you got no other options and so let her walk all over you in the pretense that you are in control and don't mind. But fact is, you have little choices left and are simply deciding between the lesser of evils. :crackup:

 

[weakepedea]

A woman doesn't go to a bar without her man ---- period!!!! (Rather exclamation point!) She knows this!! Modern women try to act like they don't know the answer but they already do know the answer -- that is why she asked you if you minded!!! She knows it's not right but she does it anyway!! What does this tell you?? It's all about her wants at the expense of your disrespect!!!

Quit being a fool - it bothers you and all men who care about their girl. Men prey on woman at bars because we assume they're there, at the bar, because they are making themselves available to us!!!! Women know this!!! The question is why don't you know???

How would we show that were not possessive by not wanting them to go?

 

[aliasguy]

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The right answer is----- let her go do whatever she wants. If you don't, you're "controlling." If you do, she's either gonna misbehave or she's not. And, if you object, she's STILL either gonna misbehave or she's not.

Act like you don't give a sh*t. Even better, DON'T give a sh*t.

There's no way to keep them from doing what they want to do. So just let it all go, have NO expectations, enjoy your time with her, and don't start sh*t unless she actually does something to "disrespect" you. If she does, then "fire" her. (This relationship is likely to fail ultimately, anyway, given the general way things go --- why start conflict? ---- let her go do whatever she wants.)

Go do your stuff, too, as others above have advised.
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[Last Man Standing]

How would we show that were not possessive by not wanting them to go?

Only a corrupt woman would see this as possessive - a feminine woman would never consider going to a bar!!! You are with the wrong person!!

Out of respect for you she shouldn't gp - her going or even considering going is DISRESPECTFUL!!!

It doen't matter if she goes or not - she has already considered it and now you know her mindset!!! Don't get emotionally involved with her!!! I repeat - do not!

 

[Gangster Of Love]

If she wants to cheat, she doesn't even need to go to a bar.

Did she invite you to go with her?

Did she tell you she didn't want to go, but her friends want her to?

Doesn't seem like she wants to cheat or would. And seems like you two are cool and you could tell her you preffer she spend some time with you. No big deal. If you tell her to go, I think she will be ok.

 

[TheHumanist]

Interesting... she is going to a bar with the girls.. She asked for permission, but of course you can't. This is where trust is required. Outside your watchful eye, you have to believe she is cares as much as you do.

Then LMS (follow by icecream, wayword, aliasguy, etc.) comes and says that if she going to be loyal, she would have never wanted to go to a bar in the first place. If she is, her nature is corrupted even if she asks. Hmm...

The other poster add to prepare for the worst by expecting she is going to cheat, stop caring how it all going to go, and possibly accept she is going to and cheat too.

Ouch.

Both have a point. One need to trust the girl, one need to believe in the girl. It is great insecurity if all she does is make you paranoid is she going to hurt you so you keep her from going anywhere without your watch... why bother be in a relationship in the first place? However, if she a girl that is good to you, why does she want to go to such a place in the first place?

I say that, if she want to cheat, keeping her in will not stop it. As as said recently, to cheat, it comes to the opportunity and a reason. There's no way to stop the opporunities, nor that it matter for who want to keep a girl that doesn't want you (and thus have a reason).

I do not know if LMS is right or not... I hope not obviously... wanting to go to a bar revealing so much a girl's character that she will cheat with a reason of that she have no character. What if all her friends want to go...