Should I stop going out?

[bigdave17]

I go out to bars/clubs/etc... about 2 to 3 times per week and I end up every night being massively massively frustrated everytime. I love all kinds of music, dancing, etc... and I wish I couls have a girl to tear up the dance floor with but I obviously have zero dating life. Seeing all the happy couples there just kills me. What drives me insane furthermore is I do everything I'm supposed to do - I'm generally one of the best (if not thee best) looking, most athletic and best dressed men at every place I ever go to yet I never have any success. I'm so tired of seeing some chubby terribly dressed douchebag with the beautiful girl who should be all over me.

The movies make it seem like its very easy to meet women at these places and it's a bunch of nonsense. Most ladies come to these places with a boyfriend or a huge group of female friends and clearly have zero interest in meeting anybody. The very very few who want to meet someone have very very very specific standards and if you're not exactly what they want, its not even worth talking to them. You will get rejected 99% of the time...

What do you guys think? Should I save myself all the frustration and just stay at home? I go out with usually 6 to 12 friends so I do have fun with them but I end up every night massively frustrated because I want to meet someone so badly and I'm seemingly incapable of it.

 

[RickTheToad]

Seems your thinking too much about the what if's ands and butts in life. Also, movies are fake and scripted to favor the ladies more then men. Unless, you are watching action, war, docs or comic book movies.

There's an old fable I was told long ago when I was seriously stressed out. Here it goes.

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents." Relax. Breathe. Calm down. Think positive and positive things will happen. Think down and out and those are the results you will be left with. Which do you want in life? A positive outlook and result or a negative outlook and result? The choice is yours.

 

[bigdave17]

Seems your thinking too much about the what if's ands and butts in life. Also, movies are fake and scripted to favor the ladies more then men. Unless, you are watching action, war, docs or comic book movies.

There's an old fable I was told long ago when I was seriously stressed out. Here it goes.

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. "Doc, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam; then I'm a teepee; then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replies: "It's very simple. You're two tents." Relax. Breathe. Calm down. Think positive and positive things will happen. Think down and out and those are the results you will be left with. Which do you want in life? A positive outlook and result or a negative outlook and result? The choice is yours.

you're not answering any of the concerns in the OP

1)meeting someone at these bars and clubs is astonishingly difficult unless you're okay with dating 8 levels below your league

2)the lack of female companionship at these places drive me absolutely f**king insane because I would love to have someone all over me and all over the dance floor. I love music and dancing, etc...

3)is it better for my psyche just to stay at home and avoid the torture??

 

[RickTheToad]

Yes, I did. You are thinking too much and worrying about nothing. Read my quote.

1) Stop doing this until you are able to control your emotions and feelings. I read some of your comments. I am no master of ladies, and I am able to admit I do not read them always the best. However, ladies can smell desperation a mile away. If I can smell yours through my screen, so can they. You need to build your self confidence. I attempt to chat up women online and in life. Some tell me to get lost, others chat back. It depends on the lady. You have to not care? Is it easy? No. Is rejection easy? No. It will get easier over time as you go through dozens or hundreds of rejections either online or in person combined. We have all been rejected. You cannot allow rejection and fear to rule the way you operate in the world.
2) Then stop going to the clubs. Problem solved. Besides, clubs are a waste of time.
3) No. Go out. Get some hobbies, exercise, climb, hike, play activities; preferably co-ed. Such as kick-ball, volleyball, etc. - summer is very close.

You are not ready to date. Work on your own personal issues first. Then go for the women. Why? Simple. They can smell your lack of confidence and fear. Here's a test. You are with a woman on a date. She's smiling and laughing and takes out her phone to show you something. She moves her chair from the other side of the table to yours and she's leaning towards you, smiling, briefly touching you here and there, looking at you inches away from her lips. This is a public bar. What do you do?

You lean in and kiss her. Don't worry, I failed it too. I knew to do it, but since I was seeing another lady, I felt bad. So, I cowered out. Ironically, I left that one three weeks later because she'd tease with the sex, then withhold. What I am typing is that one only learns this from experience. You need to put yourself out there and experience these things in order to learn. I am new here, so I am no wizard, but I can only speak from my own experience and pitfalls with ladies. HTH

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Should I save myself all the frustration and just stay at home?

Yes.

 

[Serenity]

You're going out for the wrong reasons. You're right that most girls don't go out to these places to find a guy, they're going out for the right reasons, to have fun. That doesn't mean they're against going home with a dude, but it isn't their goal for the night and neither should it be yours. Going home with someone isn't the goal, it's the side effect of genuinely enjoying yourself, it just happens.

No matter how hard you try to hide the fact that your main reason for going out is to get women, it will be painfully obvious and it will be a turn off. It is damn near impossible to get a hook up if you try to get it, that is my experience too. What's also my experience is that it happens frequently when I'm not even trying, when I mainly care about enjoying myself. Those times the women approach me instead, in the middle of all my fun.

Women who do go out to find someone do often have very specific standards, thankfully unicorns don't exist so they go home alone most of the time. (Source: I know women like that, they always complain)

If this frustrates you a lot then you'll be better off going out less frequently, that frustration sure will decrease your chances. Either that or find some way to amuse yourself while out and minimize (ideally eliminate) your dependency on the outcome of hooking up with someone, focus on having fun and free yourself from all chains that dictates your behavior.

I spent a lot of time in bars and clubs without a single hook up before I understood the counter intuitive nature of how to attract women in these places. They are super aware of guys trying to pick them up and consciously avoid them, so the slightest hint revealing your purpose there being to pick them up will turn them off. That's why you need minimal effort trying to drive the interaction in that direction. I'm not saying to resist it, in fact you should go along with it if it organically moves in that direction, but you shouldn't try pushing it that way. Do you get what I mean?

In short, redirect your effort from trying to drive interactions with women in a desired direction to instead doing all you can to enjoy the moment.

 

[bigdave17]

Yes, I did. You are thinking too much and worrying about nothing. Read my quote.

1) Stop doing this until you are able to control your emotions and feelings. I read some of your comments. I am no master of ladies, and I am able to admit I do not read them always the best. However, ladies can smell desperation a mile away. If I can smell yours through my screen, so can they. You need to build your self confidence. I attempt to chat up women online and in life. Some tell me to get lost, others chat back. It depends on the lady. You have to not care? Is it easy? No. Is rejection easy? No. It will get easier over time as you go through dozens or hundreds of rejections either online or in person combined. We have all been rejected. You cannot allow rejection and fear to rule the way you operate in the world.
2) Then stop going to the clubs. Problem solved. Besides, clubs are a waste of time.
3) No. Go out. Get some hobbies, exercise, climb, hike, play activities; preferably co-ed. Such as kick-ball, volleyball, etc. - summer is very close.

You are not ready to date. Work on your own personal issues first. Then go for the women. Why? Simple. They can smell your lack of confidence and fear. Here's a test. You are with a woman on a date. She's smiling and laughing and takes out her phone to show you something. She moves her chair from the other side of the table to yours and she's leaning towards you, smiling, briefly touching you here and there, looking at you inches away from her lips. This is a public bar. What do you do?

You lean in and kiss her. Don't worry, I failed it too. I knew to do it, but since I was seeing another lady, I felt bad. So, I cowered out. Ironically, I left that one three weeks later because she'd tease with the sex, then withhold. What I am typing is that one only learns this from experience. You need to put yourself out there and experience these things in order to learn. I am new here, so I am no wizard, but I can only speak from my own experience and pitfalls with ladies. HTH

I have lots and lots of fun hobbies outside of bars and clubs but I love country music and edm and dancing so I would have a ton of fun at these places if I actually received any female attention

 

[bigdave17]

You're going out for the wrong reasons. You're right that most girls don't go out to these places to find a guy, they're going out for the right reasons, to have fun. That doesn't mean they're against going home with a dude, but it isn't their goal for the night and neither should it be yours. Going home with someone isn't the goal, it's the side effect of genuinely enjoying yourself, it just happens.

No matter how hard you try to hide the fact that your main reason for going out is to get women, it will be painfully obvious and it will be a turn off. It is damn near impossible to get a hook up if you try to get it, that is my experience too. What's also my experience is that it happens frequently when I'm not even trying, when I mainly care about enjoying myself. Those times the women approach me instead, in the middle of all my fun.

Women who do go out to find someone do often have very specific standards, thankfully unicorns don't exist so they go home alone most of the time. (Source: I know women like that, they always complain)

If this frustrates you a lot then you'll be better off going out less frequently, that frustration sure will decrease your chances. Either that or find some way to amuse yourself while out and minimize (ideally eliminate) your dependency on the outcome of hooking up with someone, focus on having fun and free yourself from all chains that dictates your behavior.

I spent a lot of time in bars and clubs without a single hook up before I understood the counter intuitive nature of how to attract women in these places. They are super aware of guys trying to pick them up and consciously avoid them, so the slightest hint revealing your purpose there being to pick them up will turn them off. That's why you need minimal effort trying to drive the interaction in that direction. I'm not saying to resist it, in fact you should go along with it if it organically moves in that direction, but you shouldn't try pushing it that way. Do you get what I mean?

In short, redirect your effort from trying to drive interactions with women in a desired direction to instead doing all you can to enjoy the moment.

I'm not trying to go home with anybody. That's actually disgusting to me

I am looking for someone that I have phenomenal chemistry with, get a number and then go out with her a few times after

 

[RickTheToad]

I have lots and lots of fun hobbies outside of bars and clubs but I love country music and edm and dancing so I would have a ton of fun at these places if I actually received any female attention

They say, once you stop focusing on things, they tend to come to you. Have you considered stopping the clubbing/bars and just doing your activities? Perhaps, give online dating a shot? You can get a lot of practice on match. Try different techniques on different women. Use them for your training grounds. Perhaps something will come of it. You need to stop doing what isn't working. It's pretty clear clubbing and bars are not working for you.

 

[RickTheToad]

I am looking for someone that I have phenomenal chemistry with, get a number and then go out with her a few times after

Then it would be best for you to do your activities and hobbies and meet a lady through those means. 9.99 times out of 10, you will not find that at a bar or a club.

 

[bigdave17]

They say, once you stop focusing on things, they tend to come to you. Have you considered stopping the clubbing/bars and just doing your activities? Perhaps, give online dating a shot? You can get a lot of practice on match. Try different techniques on different women. Use them for your training grounds. Perhaps something will come of it. You need to stop doing what isn't working. It's pretty clear clubbing and bars are not working for you.

you need to get dates for online dating to get any practice

I'm not getting any dates on online dating unless I dip 5 points below my league (I'm a 7 to 8 so I can get about a 3 online. 7 to 8 women online are looking for professional athletes, movie stars and male models)

I do the clubs and bars half because I absolutely adore my friends and we all enjoy going there and half because I hope to meet someone. How do I tell all my friends who want to go out that I just want to stay at home? I especially go crazy for electronic dance music (house and trance) so I do enioy that aspect of bars and clubs but it ends up being outweighted by my massive frustration.

 

[bigdave17]

Then it would be best for you to do your activities and hobbies and meet a lady through those means. 9.99 times out of 10, you will not find that at a bar or a club.

I am gonna do my activities and hobbies no matter what but what else am I gonna do at 11 on a Saturday?

 

[Serenity]

I'm not trying to go home with anybody. That's actually disgusting to me

Woah, take it easy. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's fine that it's not for you.

I am looking for someone that I have phenomenal chemistry with, get a number and then go out with her a few times after

Same principle applies though, just switch out "hook up" with "pick up" and "going home with" with "going out with later". If you're going to the bars and clubs only trying to achieve a desired outcome regarding women you will fail, if you can't be a source of fun you can't have fun with them, there can't be chemistry if you can't have fun.

It sounds like you're expecting them to drag your state of mind up, but that will drag theirs down and they don't go along with that. You need to match their fun or have more fun than they have.

 

[RickTheToad]

you need to get dates for online dating to get any practice

I'm not getting any dates on online dating unless I dip 5 points below my league (I'm a 7 to 8 so I can get about a 3 online. 7 to 8 women online are looking for professional athletes, movie stars and male models)

I do the clubs and bars half because I absolutely adore my friends and we all enjoy going there and half because I hope to meet someone. How do I tell all my friends who want to go out that I just want to stay at home? I especially go crazy for electronic dance music (house and trance) so I do enioy that aspect of bars and clubs but it ends up being outweighted by my massive frustration.

How old are you? If you are going out with your friends, then just enjoy the time with your friends and stop looking for a lady and one will then happen. As for your HB7 and higher. Well, let's see. No disrespect, but you have little game, no fame, and a bit lame with the ladies. Yet, you want a lady for who you have amazing chemistry for? You are a bit convoluted in your wants and needs. No? Ever hear of compromise? You are acting just like a lady who's a 9 or a 10. You are not being rational.

I am gonna do my activities and hobbies no matter what but what else am I gonna do at 11 on a Saturday?

Stop focusing on ladies and have fun with your friends. You sound young.

 

[bigdave17]

How old are you? If you are going out with your friends, then just enjoy the time with your friends and stop looking for a lady and one will then happen. As for your HB7 and higher. Well, let's see. No disrespect, but you have little game, no fame, and a bit lame with the ladies. Yet, you want a lady for who you have amazing chemistry for? You are a bit convoluted in your wants and needs. No? Ever hear of compromise? You are acting just like a lady who's a 9 or a 10. You are not being rational.



Stop focusing on ladies and have fun with your friends. You sound young.

you're not making any sense

I'm a 7-8/10 with a great physique, making 180K a year, close to half a million net worth already at 29, amazing friends, amazing lifestyle, highly intelligent, very strong character/morals. Wanting a 7-8 female who is somewhat comparable to all my positive traits doesn't make sense to you?

 

[zekko]

The very very few who want to meet someone have very very very specific standards and if you're not exactly what they want, its not even worth talking to them. You will get rejected 99% of the time...

Pot, kettle, black.

And also, you don't find a rose in an ashtray.

 

[bigdave17]

Pot, kettle, black.

And also, you don't find a rose in an ashtray.

my standards aren't that specific

I saw 3 or 4 hotties tonight I would have loved to get with but I'm guessing they wouldn't have liked me because I'm 5'11 instead of 6'3 or some other completely asinine reason

 

[zekko]

my standards aren't that specific

You've said you won't date women you're own age because they might look old in ten years. First off, there's no guarantee they (or you) will even be around in 10 years, so why not have some fun? You've said these women are all over you, but you insist on wanting the usual "early 20s" girls.

Second, I prefer to date young also, but there are still women my age that I find interesting.

 

[bigdave17]

You've said you won't date women you're own age because they might look old in ten years. First off, there's no guarantee they (or you) will even be around in 10 years, so why not have some fun? You've said these women are all over you, but you insist on wanting the usual "early 20s" girls.

Second, I prefer to date young also, but there are still women my age that I find interesting.

who told you I won't date my age? i would like a 25 to 29 year old GF. I don't like early 20s at all

I won't date light skin white women as they have horrible aging genetics compared to ethnic people (i want a Spanish/italian/middle eastern girlfriend)

 

[cola]

Bars/clubs are not the ideal place to meet new women.

In fact it may be the worst.