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Should I even contemplate moving in with her?

BackInTheGame78

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I thought this was about what we want? Plus, guys like Blackdragon claim girls can come back after they are done playing house. I’ve experienced this myself and I’m not an advanced pua by any means
OP wants to have his cake and eat it too. Not going to happen. He is going to have to choose.
 

Alvafe

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She stuck with him well past the time most women would have and got nothing in return for it in terms of her future. That's what she has done.

Clearly I don't think OP should do it, because if it was going to happen it would have happened naturally in the progression of the relationship and it wouldn't have taken 3 years. IMHO, this relationship is going to end within the next 6 months, likely by her.
3 years arent much, I say date at least 5 then you can maybe start to think about marrying, if she won't get with you for this long at least, then she really don't like you that much
 

Bethatsocialguy

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Do you want to move in with her? Yes or no? If it is no, then question if you want to be with her. 3 years of relationship is more than enough to move on. If you just continue in a stagnant position, where is it heading? What is the plan for the future? You need to know if you are wasting your time or not. I Would say after a year is long enough to move in together
 

BackInTheGame78

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3 years arent much, I say date at least 5 then you can maybe start to think about marrying, if she won't get with you for this long at least, then she really don't like you that much
Good luck with that
 

Dash Riprock

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Does this cause you to cross the line as far as common law goes in your jurisdiction? Be very careful of going into a financial commitment with a woman because it can be the legal equivalent of getting married.

Should you move in with her is a question only you can answer really. Do you like her? Is the sex good? Can you put up with her for LONG stretches of time? Is she ultimately subservient to you because you are her man?

I wouldn't buy a house with her, but moving in is a necessary step towards vetting her.
This has been discussed here many times and I even provided links to legal sites about it a while back.

Common law marriage is NOT an "automatic" after a certian period of time, etc. Many boxes have to be checked including both parties referring to each other as husband and wife, joint accounts, and many other things. Considering how many millions of people are unmarried and living together, I doubt there's a judge anywhere that would find some guy on hook for alimony just because he lived with his girlfriend.
 

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SW15

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Why are you in an LTR with a girl for 3 years? She should either have a ring or you should have dumped her by then. This will not end well.

Idk why guys insisted on these long term dead end relationships.
The shelf life of goodness of most relationships is somewhere between 2-5 years. I won't criticize a guy for being in a relationship for 3 years so long as the sex frequency is reasonably high.

Somewhere between 2-5 years is when sex frequency falters. I've rarely known guys who have had their relationship go 5+ years and sex frequency was nearly as close to what it was in the first 2 years.

One of my friends has been with the same woman for 8 years and they haven't gotten married. They moved in together around the 3 year mark. He wanted to move in with her before she did with him. About 5.5 years into that relationship, he told me that the relationship had peaked at least 2-3 years earlier. Why stay that long, especially another 2.5 years beyond that conversation?

She stuck with him well past the time most women would have and got nothing in return for it in terms of her future. That's what she has done.

Clearly I don't think OP should do it, because if it was going to happen it would have happened naturally in the progression of the relationship and it wouldn't have taken 3 years. IMHO, this relationship is going to end within the next 6 months, likely by her.
Most women in LTRs start pushing for bigger commitments like moving in together or marriage around the 2 year mark. If the relationship starts before both parties turn 25, that number could go up to 3-4 years.

OP is 34 and we don't know how old the girlfriend is. The girlfriend is likely 25+, so her pushing for bigger committments around 3 years is totally normal. I agree with your prediction for the future of the relationship.

In the current era, a 3 year relationship without a divorce or a baby mama is an accomplishment. OP can consider that an achievement.

Do you want to move in with her? Yes or no? If it is no, then question if you want to be with her. 3 years of relationship is more than enough to move on. If you just continue in a stagnant position, where is it heading? What is the plan for the future? You need to know if you are wasting your time or not. I Would say after a year is long enough to move in together
My sense is no. If it were yes, he wouldn't be asking us.

I'd say 2 years is long enough to have a good long term vision for the relationship.

OP could rent his girlfriend a basic 1 bedroom apartment instead of having her move into his house to get her out of her parents' place. However, with how unstable the relationship likely is, it is doubtful that the arrangement could survive a 10-12 month lease. OP also might not be rich enough to pay his own mortgage and rent on a 1 bedroom apartment.

I'm generally against moving in with girlfriends and have not done so in my longer term relationships.
 

RickTheToad

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2 to 3 years is a good time limit to vent her. However, the next step is to see if you can live together. However, since you own the home and she's with her parents, you should consult a lawyer for a cohabitation agreement. Do not allow her to move in without signing a cohabitation agreement. Should you get married, have a pre-nup signed PRIOR to looking at venues. Therefore, she cannot claim that she was forced to sign it or under duress should the marriage go south.
 

EyeBRollin

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OP could rent his girlfriend a basic 1 bedroom apartment instead of having her move into his house to get her out of her parents' place.
This is completely inappropriate. Men should not be mixing finances with any woman they aren’t legally married to.
 

Kotaix

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This has been discussed here many times and I even provided links to legal sites about it a while back.

Common law marriage is NOT an "automatic" after a certian period of time, etc. Many boxes have to be checked including both parties referring to each other as husband and wife, joint accounts, and many other things. Considering how many millions of people are unmarried and living together, I doubt there's a judge anywhere that would find some guy on hook for alimony just because he lived with his girlfriend.
I was reffering to the actual joint purchase of a house, not just living together.
 

RickTheToad

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I was reffering to the actual joint purchase of a house, not just living together.
Depends. Usually, one person has to buy the other person out 50/50 (or something "equitable"). If the house is pre-marital, then in theory the value of the home prior to the marriage would be 100% kept by the original owner. However, the appreciation of the house can be considered marital. So, the only real way to keep it separated would be a pre-nup. If you want to do one better, have the house in an LLC, owned by an irrevocable trust along with a pre-nup and if a divorce happens, no judge can take it away from you. Two additional protections, make sure it's listed that both people have to pay for their own attorney fees and have the irrevocable trust made in another state. Reason being, if you are domiciled in Connecticut and the trust is based out of New York laws, the Connecticut judge cannot legally break the trust. New York trusts are also nearly unbreakable after 3 years. The spouse challenging the divorce would actually have to have petition a New York judge to break the trust and then go back to Connecticut. Since both parties are paying for their own legal fees, this can be very expensive and fruitless for the lessor spouse.
 

SW15

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This is completely inappropriate. Men should not be mixing finances with any woman they aren’t legally married to.
Doing that is still better than living with a woman. I wouldn't recommend mixing finances. I have not mixed finances with any of my girlfriends.
 

samspade

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Doing that is still better than living with a woman. I wouldn't recommend mixing finances. I have not mixed finances with any of my girlfriends.
Yeah it's not really mixing finances if you're paying for it.

On the other hand marriage is just a threesome with the government.
 

SW15

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Yeah it's not really mixing finances if you're paying for it.

On the other hand marriage is just a threesome with the government.
Paying for your girlfriend to live in her own 1 bedroom apartment rather than living with her parents or living with you is a defensible move if you can afford it.

It's the better choice than living together if the relationship is going well enough to continue for at least a year.
 

devilkingx2

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Good days folks, my current situation is I have been in my LTR just shy of 3 years, I own my house and she still stays with her parents, for the last few months my girlfriend has been hinting of wanting to move In together or both of us buying another house and me renting my house out, question is I don't know if 3 years is long enough to know if this is the right thing to do or not, I know you can't tell until you actually move in with someone. My question is should I do it to see how it goes or should I stand my ground? Thanks Andy
1. Think of an actually good reason NOT to move in together. Give us your most convincing ones. If you can't think of anything, then move in with her. If you think of a good reason not to do it now, then tell her that.

2. Think of what you would want for moving in with her to be worthwhile. Do you want her to walk around naked or in her underwear? Do you want sex everyday or 3 times a day? Do you want her to take care of the cooking and cleaning? Do you want her to pay half the mortgage? Etc. Then simply ask her for whatever it is you want, and if she says no then that's your perfect reason not to move in together.
 

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metalwater

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so many details that could affect if it's good or not.

Think about if you can rent your house out and then rent an apartment for you two to live together or a different small house. both of you on the rent or lease agreement for the new place as a team effort. don't have your first lived together in a house that you have to buy on credit and FOR SURE not a joint purchase...

If she sticks pretty well to you it's ok to think about it.

If she is still chasing other male attention or always worried about what the friends think then really look hard and make sure you aren't going to be a sitting duck.

If your fighting at least once a month with a real fight... take it slow. if it's been 6 months or a year since the last blow-up, might be ok. if you have been able to take and keep leadership in the team (you and her) it might be ok. It's what most ppl want if they can only figure out how to make it work. The point is that if you argue all the time; living together will probably make it worse.

The next conversation will be marriage, and then if not already; kids.

If you plan to have side action, it will be more difficult to hide it if you would want to hide it.
 

Thor’s hammer

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You have known her long enough to move in, if you feel like it. If you see a future with her and you have plans with her then why not? However, if you feel like this is something you should not do, trust your gut. And take the alpha/beta talks with grain of salt. Nothing wrong moving together, especially since she is the one who wants it. I’m afraid you need to answer this question by yourself.
 

KindredSpiritzz

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or both of us buying another house
you'd be a damned fool if you did this. I'd just ignore her hints til she comes right out and asks to move in, then id say im not ready for that yet. The game here is to delay as long as you can. She's probably getting tired of playing the "good" girlfriend and wants to lock you down so the b*tchy can come out. Id never let a woman move in with me anymore, but im much older.
 

greatsnake

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Good days folks, my current situation is I have been in my LTR just shy of 3 years, I own my house and she still stays with her parents, for the last few months my girlfriend has been hinting of wanting to move In together or both of us buying another house and me renting my house out, question is I don't know if 3 years is long enough to know if this is the right thing to do or not, I know you can't tell until you actually move in with someone. My question is should I do it to see how it goes or should I stand my ground? Thanks Andy
She sees you as an asset (a good thing)and wants to tie you down. Don't move in just because she wants you both to do so-- do it when you are ready. You set the parameters.
 
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