Should I contact my ex?

[blueline]

Damn, I really wanna know what the hell happened almost 4 months ago when we broke up. I wanna know why she dated me in the first place. I feel like I was completely used and thrown to the wayside as soon as the semester began. I want to get her to confirm that she did indeed use me simply because I was a warm body. Lots of seriously inappropriate commitments were made to each other towards the end of relationship (moving in together in a few months, marriage [seriously that was insanity, and I thought it was a horrendous idea]). I feel like she wasn't hurting in anyway whatsoever when she ended the relationship. However, just 5 days before that I broke up with her (got back with her within 5 hours) and she went ballistic throwing a crying fit in front of her friends, screaming at me. I almost let her get away with a smile on her face when she broke up with me 5 days later.

I have no intention of keeping her as a friend or getting her back as a lover. I just think what she did was fucked up and it destroyed an entire semester of school. I did it to myself by getting so attached and then banking that my game was good enough to find another hot chick with a better personality once we inevitably broke up in the beginning of the semester, but it wasn't.

Last time we had any communication besides the breakup was when I said "hi" to her when she passed me by in the hall a couple months ago, she ignored me, and I then texted her to say "hi" next time because it's really awkward to not at least acknowledge the presence of someone you were that close with. Trust me I do not want a full blown conversation with her, we have nothing to talk about. She was just a strong object of my affection and I guess I still care about her enough to not want things to be so completely shitty between us. She texted me right back telling me that she has no desire to speak to me and adds in that I treated her like shit.

I don't know, I just feel like I got absolutely zero closure on this thing. She has BPD (unconfirmed, but she does have mental hospital stay confirmed Bipolar II). I'd feel a bit pathetic trying to text her over a relationship that only lasted 4 months (spent every minute of it with her, however) when we broke up almost 4 months ago now. I know I'd probably not give a single shit about this if I had a new steady relationship, but I don't and it's tearing me up. It's been tearing me up for 4 months.

 

[AAAgent]

No.

Stop worrying about your past.

Work on obtaining a better future.

 

[terran2k]

stop being such a b!tch and move the fvck on.

 

[Iceberg]

Hey, you're gonna do whatever you want to do. But honesty....do you think you're going to get a LOGICAL answer from this woman about what went wrong?

Like she's going to give you a step by step analysis of when things went sour? She's a woman. You'll never understand their thought process.

Time to grow up, pal. Not everything in life ties itself up in a neat package for you. This ain't the movies. Sometimes things are just f**ked.

Summary: Move on.

 

[blueline]

Hey, you're gonna do whatever you want to do. But honesty....do you think you're going to get a LOGICAL answer from this woman about what went wrong?

Like she's going to give you a step by step analysis of when things went sour? She's a woman. You'll never understand their thought process.

Time to grow up, pal. Not everything in life ties itself up in a neat package for you. This ain't the movies. Sometimes things are just f**ked.

Summary: Move on.

I don't want a step by step analysis from her. I just want her to simply admit that she used me as a warm body when she was feeling low and that's it. What would this get me? That's a good question. I don't know.

It's pathetic, I know. I'm going to listen to you guys this time.

 

[LuisGarcia10]

It seems like you know that's what she did anyway, so why ask her.

She'll never admit it anyway. The whole reason women give bull**** excuses such as "i've got a lot going on" etc etc, is to abstain themselves from any admission of guilt.

Just move on, you're most probably right in how and why you were together and how and why she dumped you, but asking her for an explanation is merely going to show her it bothers you, and, more importantly, delay the process in you getting over her.

Whatever her logic, she has messed you around and hurt you, therefore should have no place in your life.

I know what you're doing, you're seeking closure. Well you already have closure, it's over, you will never f*ck her again, that should be enough. Now move on and start spinning plates.

Just my two pence worth.

 

[Die Hard]

She's a cluster B, so the day you broke up was in fact a glorious day, you should realize this. And crush this need for closure that you have, dude.

Some recent thread here had a few good comments about that "I need closure" stuff, go look for it.


EDIT: Ha! I only read your first paragraph before writing this post... I just read the rest of your post, where you said she has BPD. Told ya she was cluster B, didn't I? So read up on that sh!t, man. There's an abundance of info about it on this forum.

 

[betheman]

there are better women out there, however, will you be a better man? that is YOUR mission!
you owe you!
why the **** waste time on anyone who treats you this way? yeah of course your worth more...prove it to yourself!
what future would you have with her??? really? would you trust her?
NO!

 

[Mike32ct]

It's an exercise in futility. It is highly unlikely that she will be candid with you and explain exactly what happened.

 

[Joe Stud]

I dont look at it as you say "what went wrong".

60% of marriages end in divorce, and i'm sure its more like 90% of RELATIONSHIPS eventually end.

so... it's more like "what went right" with the fraction of relationships that make it successfully.

look at it this way: it was an experience, and like all of life's experiences... we live & learn... and move on to the next experience.

SPIN SOME PLATES>>> NOW!

 

[PokerInTheRear]

Women make mistakes, they do not admit them.

 

[sodbuster]

4 MONTHS without sex? THAT is why you miss her.Go out and get your knob polished. I bet you forget about her in 15 minutes. You need to get used to being alone. It happened to me for longer than that after my divorce....but I never wanted her back.

 

[drak_ool]

simple answer: no don't do it. if you miss sex so much there s plenty of advice here on how to get it. Follow it and stay away from the ex.

 

[blueline]

4 MONTHS without sex? THAT is why you miss her.Go out and get your knob polished. I bet you forget about her in 15 minutes. You need to get used to being alone. It happened to me for longer than that after my divorce....but I never wanted her back.

No, I've had sex a few times with a few different girls since her, the girls were just so objectively unattractive compared to her. I cannot for the life of me bang another hot chick. I got rejected by like 9 girls this semester and only 2 of them were cold approaches. The rest were more or less social circle, which is so bizarre. This same style of approach gets me dates (it used to work with hot chicks! in fact, they'd chase me) and gets me laid when the girls are into me.

 

[Paintballguy]

I cannot for the life of me bang another hot chick.

Of course not with that attitude. If you have it made up in your mind that you can't bang a hot chick, you will not bang any hot chicks. Have some confidence.

Also, man the fvck up and move on. Stop being a little b*tch. Don't ever try to get "closure" from a girl because you will never get it. You should be glad your not with her anymore if she's bpd.

 

[5string]

Can't swing a dead cat around in here without hitting a guy who felt the wrath of a BPD.

 

[Paintballguy]

Can't swing a dead cat around in here without hitting a guy who felt the wrath of a BPD.

I know... It's crazy. After reading some of these posts about BPD chicks, I realized my ex is BPD. OP should be glad he got away. lol

 

[Die Hard]

Often times, the following is true:

We connect with a BPD, we stay with a BPD or are drawn back to a BPD, because deep down inside (on a subconcious level) we feel we don't deserve any better.

Work on yourself and start realizing that you deserve much better than this sick b!tch. In time, the more you work on your confidence and self-image, the harder you'll laugh at the fact that you once thought this BPD was all you wanted/needed!

A lot of us have been there, done that. You be the next, Blueline...

 

[loveshogun]

Even if you knew what she used you for, it would change nothing.

YOU are the agent of change in your life, and YOU can choose how much you care about something through your actions.

If you get in touch with her, it will be an example of your emotions driving your actions - that's a horrible way to live, because it's a vicious cycle.

If your emotions are driving, you probably let them steer you off a cliff. Whether you say things you don't mean to say, or do things you don't mean to do, you end up worse off than before.

Then, since you're in a sh*ttier situation than where you started, you feel even worse. And if you keep letting your emotions drive your actions, you will keep spiraling lower.

This is why, as a man (or simply as a human being who is worth the air he/she's breathing), you must let logic guide your actions, which will create a better living situation for you, which will then improve your emotions.

Upward spirals are what we want to go for.

 

[squirrels]

Just read the title, not the post.

The answer is no.