Damn, I really wanna know what the hell happened almost 4 months ago when we broke up. I wanna know why she dated me in the first place. I feel like I was completely used and thrown to the wayside as soon as the semester began. I want to get her to confirm that she did indeed use me simply because I was a warm body. Lots of seriously inappropriate commitments were made to each other towards the end of relationship (moving in together in a few months, marriage [seriously that was insanity, and I thought it was a horrendous idea]). I feel like she wasn't hurting in anyway whatsoever when she ended the relationship. However, just 5 days before that I broke up with her (got back with her within 5 hours) and she went ballistic throwing a crying fit in front of her friends, screaming at me. I almost let her get away with a smile on her face when she broke up with me 5 days later.
I have no intention of keeping her as a friend or getting her back as a lover. I just think what she did was fucked up and it destroyed an entire semester of school. I did it to myself by getting so attached and then banking that my game was good enough to find another hot chick with a better personality once we inevitably broke up in the beginning of the semester, but it wasn't.
Last time we had any communication besides the breakup was when I said "hi" to her when she passed me by in the hall a couple months ago, she ignored me, and I then texted her to say "hi" next time because it's really awkward to not at least acknowledge the presence of someone you were that close with. Trust me I do not want a full blown conversation with her, we have nothing to talk about. She was just a strong object of my affection and I guess I still care about her enough to not want things to be so completely shitty between us. She texted me right back telling me that she has no desire to speak to me and adds in that I treated her like shit.
I don't know, I just feel like I got absolutely zero closure on this thing. She has BPD (unconfirmed, but she does have mental hospital stay confirmed Bipolar II). I'd feel a bit pathetic trying to text her over a relationship that only lasted 4 months (spent every minute of it with her, however) when we broke up almost 4 months ago now. I know I'd probably not give a single shit about this if I had a new steady relationship, but I don't and it's tearing me up. It's been tearing me up for 4 months.
I have no intention of keeping her as a friend or getting her back as a lover. I just think what she did was fucked up and it destroyed an entire semester of school. I did it to myself by getting so attached and then banking that my game was good enough to find another hot chick with a better personality once we inevitably broke up in the beginning of the semester, but it wasn't.
Last time we had any communication besides the breakup was when I said "hi" to her when she passed me by in the hall a couple months ago, she ignored me, and I then texted her to say "hi" next time because it's really awkward to not at least acknowledge the presence of someone you were that close with. Trust me I do not want a full blown conversation with her, we have nothing to talk about. She was just a strong object of my affection and I guess I still care about her enough to not want things to be so completely shitty between us. She texted me right back telling me that she has no desire to speak to me and adds in that I treated her like shit.
I don't know, I just feel like I got absolutely zero closure on this thing. She has BPD (unconfirmed, but she does have mental hospital stay confirmed Bipolar II). I'd feel a bit pathetic trying to text her over a relationship that only lasted 4 months (spent every minute of it with her, however) when we broke up almost 4 months ago now. I know I'd probably not give a single shit about this if I had a new steady relationship, but I don't and it's tearing me up. It's been tearing me up for 4 months.