Should I apologize to my ex?

[chris2for]

So I want to apologize to my ex. I'm going out with my friends tonight at this restaurant and it's making me think of her. I want to send it while I'm there which I don't think we'll be until almost midnight tonight-so the message will be sent around 12 AM.

To give a little background we broke up in October of 2017. We loved a lot and wanted to get married but things just weren't working out. In the spring of 2018 she wanted to reconcile and I was pretty cold and wishy washy I admit. Eventually I got angry and told her to move on. We haven't spoken since May 2018. I had pictures of us still up from a wedding where we were really happy and very lovey dovey in the pictures. I removed them from my social media. A few weeks ago she unfollowed me, my friends, and family. So now this brings me here.

As the first line says I'm with my friends at what used to be our spot and I want to text her. I want to ask her if she's been back to the restaurant at all lately. If she responds I'll send her my apology text stating how I've been feeling guilty about how I ended things, explain that I still had resent me, apologize for this being out of the blue, and then end the text saying I just want to apologize that's my only intention.

I'm not trying to get back together.

Should I send the text? If not, why not?

 

[flowtheory]

Fvck no!

Let her move and and you do the same. It’s a pointless text.
Your feelings aren’t about her. They are about how you were in that situation.

Forgive and work on yourself. Don’t bring her back to a turmoiled place. She’s moved on. Time for you to do the same.

 

[chris2for]

No. At least not now.

What is your objective? True forgiveness? Did you do something wrong?

Or is this to make yourself feel better?

Think about how the recipient will take it vs how it will make you feel. And then the possible blowback.

You might think you're doing her a favor whereas you're probably opening an old wound - for both of you.

Keep moving forward.

Like I said being at the restaurant has me thinking about her. I want to apologize for how I handled things.

 

[fly5]

Like I said being at the restaurant has me thinking about her. I want to apologize for how I handled things.

So the apology is contingent on her replying to your first message?

If your intent is to only apologize it wouldn't matter if she responds. You don't send out a feeler text (by mentioning you all's spot) then apologize after her response-that's not how apologies work.

Bullsh*t OP. Apologizing is just an ulterior motive. You want to feel her out to get your foot back in the door.

 

[Billtx49]

A few weeks ago she unfollowed me, my friends, and family.

I'm not trying to get back together.

Should I send the text?

Tells you not to expect an answer from her. She’s done…

Then why send a late night text?

No

 

[Desdinova]

She's sucking someone else's d1ck now. The last thing on her mind is getting an apology from you. Leave her be.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Like I said being at the restaurant has me thinking about her. I want to apologize for how I handled things.

Only apologize if you truly did something wrong. Don't get caught up in the sentimental nonsense (i.e. going to the restaurant where you used to hang out and feeling nostalgic about the good old days). It will only make you weaker. Moving on means exactly that - moving on, not thinking about the past, not caring about the past.

 

[RickTheToad]

No. It's been over 2 years. Move on from the oneitis. Find another lady. Never apologize for being you. That's just beta cuck BS.

 

[GrowingPains]

OP it's all good man. Everything doesn't always end as perfectly as you'd wish.

I used to want to apologize to my ex for the way I behaved as time went on and keep her as a friend. But I realized I was really only trying to make myself feel better by apologizing for behaviors I deemed as weak. Apologizing won't make her see you any differently. And if it does... It doesn't even matter. She's not in your life anymore G. You don't owe her anything nor she you.

You will feel sad sometimes. That is expected. You have to tough that out though. Acting on it will only make the memory and your attachment to her last longer. Do yourself the favor of doing the logical thing and not reaching out. You'll heal faster.

The only person you need to make peace with is yourself.

 

[Chi Town]

For what? It's pointless, trust me, she's not thinking about you.

 

[chris2for]

For what? It's pointless, trust me, she's not thinking about you.

Why? Because I was kind of a jerk to her when I ended things. Why don't you think she's thinking about me?

 

[flowtheory]

Why? Because I was kind of a jerk to her when I ended things. Why don't you think she's thinking about me?

Dude she already unfollowed you from all outlets. You may pass in her mind like a sailor lost at sea from time to time but that’s probably it. Why does it matter to you? Find a new woman and create a better story. You’re acting weak

 

[Chi Town]

Why? Because I was kind of a jerk to her when I ended things. Why don't you think she's thinking about me?

If this happened maybe a month ago then I guess, but it's been 7-8 months bro, just let it go.

 

[vanballmoos]

Dude she already unfollowed you from all outlets. You may pass in her mind like a sailor lost at sea from time to time but that’s probably it. Why does it matter to you? Find a new woman and create a better story. You’re acting weak

How is wanting to apologize acting weak? Serious question.

 

[Chi Town]

How is wanting to apologize acting weak? Serious question.

I wouldn't say it's weak per se, just random as hell and it's pointless, nothing to gain......

 

[vanballmoos]

I wouldn't say it's weak per se, just random as hell and it's pointless, nothing to gain......

I see. Yea, it's pretty random. Makes me think OP still wants his ex and wants to get his foot in the door...

 

[flowtheory]

How is wanting to apologize acting weak? Serious question.

I never said apologizing is weak. You’re taking it out of context. The way he’s going about it is weak. Therefore he is acting weak. Rather than apologizing from a place of strength

 

[Atom Smasher]

I have come to understand that most women have no concept of what an apology is from a man. Because women are inately unable to apologize unless it serves them, hearing it from a man confuses them. In there minds it MUST mean something other than your simple desire to do it on principle. What is principle to most women? It is nothing.

I have noticed that on the rare occasion I have made a simple, respectful apology to a man in front of a woman, the woman acts confused.

Once in a store I absent-mindedly blocked a guy who was looking for something on a shelf and walked away. I thought how rude I was and went back and said I’m sorry I just blocked you like that. I realized it afterwards. The man totally got it and appreciated the respect I showed him.

But I noticed a couple of women who were gazing with that look on their face that shows they couldn’t even process what they saw me do. It was beyond their grasp.

I can conceivably apologize to a classy, well put together woman (maybe 2% of the female population), because I know she will st least partially get it that I’m doing it in principle.

However, since a full 98% of women become puzzled and confused by an apology, and because it gets their hamster running with all sorts of fantastical speculations, I find that as a rule it is best not to apologize. They simply don’t get it. Sad, but true.

 

[lamath]

Dont apologize

i seriously doubt that you want to apology because you feels bad about being a ****.

I think you want to reconnect with her. If thats the case an apology is not the way to go

 

[bizzym]

Dont apologize

i seriously doubt that you want to apology because you feels bad about being a ****.

I think you want to reconnect with her. If thats the case an apology is not the way to go

Out of curiosity, you don't think a guy/dumper can genuinely feel bad and want to apologize?