Should Have Saw It Coming

[exhausted]

Stay strong bud.

You took on her kids , beyond honorable and she bailed on you.

you can do much better and be appreciated

 

[ZTIME]

Just imagine how she is running you down now with other texts to others, and how she was running you down, by still other texts... just like she is doing with newguy, while you were together.

Translation of the text? "Dude doesn't have the money and lifestyle you do and I want to find out if I can come back to your lifestyle/money and keep his **** or others like it at the same time. So, just how much of a chump are you?"

Please consider putting your phone away and checking it only every 3-4 hours or so. Consider getting a cheap pay as you go phone and give that line out to business and close contacts for emergencies only. I bought a phone for $10 and minutes for $20 a couple weeks ago.

But you are doing great overall, congratulations.

Man, thank you. I do picture the bad things that she says or texts to her friends about me. And I understand that this is a need for her to justify her actions to others. I just wish that when it comes to me, that she just forgets that I exist.

I started posting on here because I needed to get this poison out of my soul. I couldn't talk to others about it because of "certain situations". I've read and learned amazing things. Hell, just reading tenacitys posts alone is an eye opener! Combine that with Gov87(my personal savior), Howie stern, Mauser96, and so many others, I've walked a great path in a short amount of time.

I've done so much in the last month and a half that it's borderline insane! New furniture, painting every room in my house so it's different, creating a literal meditation room in my house, working out on an insane level, changing my diet, changing my vehicle (SUV's are kid carriers)' and more and more.

I just put so much time and energy into this girl and her kids that at times I just feel defeated. And when she texts sh** about those kids who I invested so much time and effort into.......it hurts.

I won't reply, I'll stay strong. But I fear the day that this whole situation boomerangs and confronts me head on. Then what??? Will ZTIME be strong enough to walk away??

I feel like I'm fighting everyday just to become me again. But I will beat this sh**!! I have to!! For me!!

 

[ZTIME]

SO I MADE IT THROUGH 46 DAYS

It feels great to know that I've made it this far! From Sept. 18th when all of this stuff happened, and the start of my NC on October 3rd, to where I am now........It's great.

I really don't know how long it will be till I can completely say I'm fully over it, or maybe I never will be, but I do know that lot's of things are going great for me and I'm starting to realize that I can handle anything thrown my way.

For all of you "long timers" here on the forum......I'm sure you've seen lots of stories just like mine and they all seem to sound the same. But for me, It's my first time dealing with this kind of situation and it ripped me apart, chewed me up, and spit me out.

I've gone from being devastated, to being angry (still a little even today), to accepting that I'll be ok, and that I'm in a situation where I'm better off.

At first every one of you were right when you said I was too invested in the toxicity and needed to completely cut myself away from it. But after being texted at least once a week, I've developed a numbness to this situation. Some things she says still sting a little, but I heal and move on.

Two more weeks till I reach my initial goal!!! Then I stop counting the days and keep moving forward. I came here to get help, it's the start I needed. You are all in your own way a blessing.

You can explore the universe looking for somebody who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and you will not find that person anywhere.

 

[ZTIME]

MAUSER96

You are completely right about everything. I will not respond to her. I haven't responded to her about anything she texts or asks.

 

[ZTIME]

Wow!! rough day today. I really don't have an answer as to why this stuff is still stuck in my head. I've made lot's of changes and have stayed very active. Maybe it's the time in the office, Maybe it's the music that's playing on the radio (top 40 crap. not my choice), or maybe it's the pending holidays that are coming up.

I have no answer for today besides the fact that I lived with these people for quite some time and grew attached. I could just be going through some pent up withdrawals that I haven't realized yet.

Please just consider this a vent. I just needed to dump this sh**.

We all know that turning back now, or even taking a sneak peak to see what's going on would really have some adverse effects on my healing process.

 

[Tenacity]

ZTIME,

The truth is that most of the fvcked up things you go through in life, you aren't going to fully heal from dude. As you go on, it won't hurt as bad as originally, but the scar is going to always be there man. I have family members and people I know who are old now (70's and 80's) that went through Jim Crow discrimination, and even though the country isn't like that today, the HURT within them will never be healed.

Similar to that, a lot of us guys who have taken the Red Pill will NEVER be fully healed to a point where we fully trust nor are loving towards women again. When you go through fvcked up shyt in life, that fvcked up shyt fvcks up your psyche. I have been through all types of fvcked up shyt with women, none financially because I avoided that, but emotionally I have been through the toilet. Flat out, I enjoy women, but I DO NOT trust them for shyt especially with anything surrounding financial matters. I have seen women morph like power rangers from a sweet little cute girl named "Kimberly" to a damn Pink Ranger, kicking my a.ss emotionally and mentally all around the ring of life. I have NO IDEA when sweet little cute "Kimberly" is going to MORPH on my a.ss, so that's why I keep my eye on every chick I'm dealing with.

So listen, dude, you are going to hurt man and every woman you deal with from now on you are going to have that fear in the back of your head of her kicking your a.ss one day. What you have to do is properly manage your relations with them going forward to obtain the benefits from them (which are the sex and dates) while minimizing the risks with them (which are the financial issues, legal issues and STDs). This means that even IF she morphs and tries to kick your a.ss, guess what.....she won't be able to because she has nothing over you. You have all of the leverage and the MOMENT her a.ss starts acting out of line you can block her number and block her out of your life!

IF you properly manage this, you can live out the rest of your life on this Earth with a relatively "pleasant" interaction with women because at the end of the day, we aren't going to be on this Earth forever man....so just enjoy what you can enjoy while you can enjoy it.

 

[ZTIME]

It's everyday stupid sh**! So like 15 weeks ago my ex's daughter had to sell sports cups (NFL logo cups) for her cheerleading fund raiser. Ztime, always being the stand up guy brings the order form to work and sells $200.00 worth of cups to his employees.

2 weeks ago the employees start asking: "Hey, are we ever gonna' get our cups we paid for?" I have one of them that knows the ex text her and ask about them. She tells him there in the back of her vehicle.

Last night she texts my employee and says "ask Ztime if I can pick up kids bicycles from the house when I drop off these cups. I would ask him myself, but he won't respond". He told her he hadn't seen me all day and would ask later.

So now...once again the idiot has an excuse to come to my house (to drop off cups), and thinks she can just walk in and take more things. I looked in the garage....There are no Fu***ng bicycles in there!

If there are no bikes...I probably get no cups. (because that's exactly how this Biatch operates!) So Ztime gets to refund $200 to his employees, while she's drinking booze out of some random NFL cup, sucking on d***, with 5 kids locked in 2 rooms!!

So why post it??? Because I'm actually happy that I'm no longer stuck with such a self centered devious b***h!!

My "peaceful" journey in life is being tested.

 

[SAYNO]

It's everyday stupid sh**! So like 15 weeks ago my ex's daughter had to sell sports cups (NFL logo cups) for her cheerleading fund raiser. Ztime, always being the stand up guy brings the order form to work and sells $200.00 worth of cups to his employees.

2 weeks ago the employees start asking: "Hey, are we ever gonna' get our cups we paid for?" I have one of them that knows the ex text her and ask about them. She tells him there in the back of her vehicle.

Last night she texts my employee and says "ask Ztime if I can pick up kids bicycles from the house when I drop off these cups. I would ask him myself, but he won't respond". He told her he hadn't seen me all day and would ask later.

So now...once again the idiot has an excuse to come to my house (to drop off cups), and thinks she can just walk in and take more things. I looked in the garage....There are no Fu***ng bicycles in there!

If there are no bikes...I probably get no cups. (because that's exactly how this Biatch operates!) So Ztime gets to refund $200 to his employees, while she's drinking booze out of some random NFL cup, sucking on d***, with 5 kids locked in 2 rooms!!

So why post it??? Because I'm actually happy that I'm no longer stuck with such a self centered devious b***h!!

My "peaceful" journey in life is being tested.

WTF???
Dude you got to be kidding me right? You are starting to sound like a troll.. why havent you changed your locks, your a glutton for punishment. DUDE SHE IS GONE AND SHE IS NOT COMING BACK WAKE UP!! TAKE YOUR MANHOOD BACK BEFORE ITS TOO LATE AND YOU MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE IN THE NEXT RELATIONSHIP...

 

[ZTIME]

WTF???
Dude you got to be kidding me right? You are starting to sound like a troll.. why havent you changed your locks, your a glutton for punishment. DUDE SHE IS GONE AND SHE IS NOT COMING BACK WAKE UP!! TAKE YOUR MANHOOD BACK BEFORE ITS TOO LATE AND YOU MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE IN THE NEXT RELATIONSHIP...

It was really just a vent. Just dumping my sh**! Locks have been changed for quite a while. She's not getting in and would never even have the opportunity to come back. Was just mad at how flagrantly horrid this chick is when it comes to my money.

 

[BE55]

This thread is awesome, first one I have viewed since joining this forum today. Very insightful and definitely I have learned a lot.
Z, you are well on your way to recovery. Healing hurts, but with any surgery scars will be left behind and your heart is no different. Only thing is, you are now healthier than you were before you met this psycho b!tch. After reading your story these past eight pages, all I can say is: YOU GOT LUCKY!!! YOU SURVIVED WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN A LIFE-ENDING RELATIONSHIP WITH A BLACK WIDOW!!! The b!tch is nuts and you have your health, your money, your house and most importantly YOUR FUTURE! Do not look back, your future is bright and focus on yourself. Just keep doing what you are doing and eventually, time will heal- it always does.
This is pure speculation on my part, but I say this to hopefully help you; she will continue to contact you. Once things get really rough with her newest sucker, she will be probing you to see if you are still controllable. She thinks you are, otherwise she probably wouldn't have moved out in the first place. And I think she moved out on you because she felt she was in total control of you, your life and your heart and therefore probably had no respect for you. She might even think you will take her back which is why the NC pledge is so important- you are sending a resounding message without sending a single message to her, and that's what is confusing her about you. She lived with you for 3.5 years and really, I don't think she really knew you, or at least, she never recognized the strength you actually have, the resolve you are demonstrating now. I doubt the b!tch ever could have imagined the resolve you are now showing and it is probably throwing her for a loop. Eventually, the sob story texting will be coming your way (I think). Stay strong, she is toxic to you and your future. Her problems are no longer yours. Best to you and all that have posted here.

 

[ZTIME]

1 week left and I'm done doing what I set out to do! 60 days of NC!

Starting this thread 52 days ago and re reading everything now is a real eye opener. I was weak, very weak. It took 3.5 years to allow myself to turn into something I really didn't like. It took a couple of months to fix it. I'll always say I may never completely get over it all, but the changes I've made are unbelievable.

So earlier I posted about my employees buying some NFL cups from the ex's daughter. The cups got delivered to my house this weekend. It was a little strange having the ex pull into my driveway. I had a friend of mine answer the door and handle the exchange. Ex wanted a few items out of the garage, so I had my friend let her in the garage for 5 min. (kids electric scooter, and a Christmas box) Ex told my friend that it would be nice if I would answer her phone calls or texts............. but I never will. learned that here. Side note........ex was drooling over my new ride. Her: "Who's car is that?" Friend: "Ztime"s, he said he didn't need a kid cart anymore" Her: "Oh, Fu***ng nice!"

I opened the box of cups I ordered and behind them was a letter from the middle Daughter..... Hi Ztime. I don't know what happened, but I wanted to say hi and I hope you like your cups. Tell the dogs that I love them and miss them. I miss you too. We didn't do good in cheerleading this year, but I had fun. Everything else is ok. I will be successful, I promise. Love,(the ex's daughter).

Glad I got the chance to be a positive influence in a kids life. I think she will be successful. She had 3.5 years to learn from me.

Been getting back into the dating game a bit. There are truly some filthy, filthy slvts out here. Makes it fun! After this week my posts here will be much fewer then they have been. I'll continue to read and learn, but after day 60........I'm done counting.

I've already thanked you all, and I'm sure you all know that you've helped a lot. So thanks again!

Be55 thanks for the post. Great read, and I agree. I'm much stronger now and plan on keeping that way!

 

[ZTIME]

You are doing great, and this thread is a MUST-READ.

Too bad about the kid's note - but none of your concern. One day she will realize her Mom caused all this, and is a worthless cvnt. If she hasn't already.

Stay the course.

I'm staying the course! That's the promise I made so that's the promise I'm going to keep.

Drove to the other coast to spend Thanks giving with some friends. I must say, the holidays this year will be a little rough, but I refuse to be defeated by them.

On a separate note.........Been talking to this chick. I've known her for a while, but 5 years ago was never allowed to talk to her because the girlfriend at the time was intimidated by her. Funny enough so was this last one too.

Met her at a get together a couple of weeks ago and had a blast. I've got a pretty good history with this girl before I got involved with the other 2 LTR's. She texted the next morning and said she had a blast and we should get together again soon. I replied the next day with, It's always good to see you, had a blast myself. have a good weekend.

She texts me and I take my time with replies. Last Wed. I text: "Got any free time this Sunday" It takes her till the following Monday to respond with: "I'm going to a friends birthday @ (a public place) on Friday, we should get together. I tell her I'm getting back in town on Friday afternoon and to give me a call. I never mentioned Wednesday's text.

Should I be concerned with the 5 day response time? Or just act like it really doesn't matter. I haven't said anything either way.

Don't know why I'm asking you guys, but after the last train wreck I think I better be on the look out for all red flags before wasting my time.

 

[Tenacity]

ZTIME,

To be honest with you, I would go out and consistently meet new women and develop about 3-5 spinning plates. This is apart of the healing process as a Man to regain some of your internal Confidence.

Whether it be online, in person, or a combination of both.....go out and meet about 100 women between now and the end of January. Track your results. From those 100 women you are looking for about 5 that you will actually fvck and have some sort of relations going forward (short term, just fvcking, long term, etc.).

If you are going to use majority online, increase the number of women due to the lower response rate of online v.s. going to the girl in person. I like online over the in-person stuff today because my style is very much to go to girl-to-girl pretty fast, which pisses a chick off in person when she sees me talking to another chick 15 minutes after I just was "gaming" on her.

 

[ZTIME]

ZTIME,

To be honest with you, I would go out and consistently meet new women and develop about 3-5 spinning plates. This is apart of the healing process as a Man to regain some of your internal Confidence.

Whether it be online, in person, or a combination of both.....go out and meet about 100 women between now and the end of January. Track your results. From those 100 women you are looking for about 5 that you will actually fvck and have some sort of relations going forward (short term, just fvcking, long term, etc.).

If you are going to use majority online, increase the number of women due to the lower response rate of online v.s. going to the girl in person. I like online over the in-person stuff today because my style is very much to go to girl-to-girl pretty fast, which pisses a chick off in person when she sees me talking to another chick 15 minutes after I just was "gaming" on her.

Match over POF for quality? I read the other thread about where are you meeting women.........Seemed to be the base consensus. I'm in to try it out though.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Don't sweat the delayed response from the new girl. At least the response was positive. If you're spinning plates, delays from other girls don't matter because you just move on to the next one.
Enjoy freedom and make the most of every damn day.

 

[El Suave]

After all you've been through you're thinking of trying POF? You wanna try another single mom? Match is no better either..

You said you always go out, just meet them in real life. Way better! Also, don't be afraid of the 26-30 year range. They have never been married and don't have the baggage the older ones do. You said in an earlier post that 32-40 are either married or have kids, so get the younger ones. Screen them good though and don't fall head over heels for the tight bodies. Use judgment and the standards that you know you want in a woman.

Good job on been on the path of forgetting about your ex. It will take a while to heal. For me, I banged a 20 year old and it cured me. :crackup:
My ex never got to the point of the fvcked up shyt that yours did, but still hurt when I had to walk away. It's been over a year and a half now, I think, she's had another failed relationship and I still talk to her and bang her on occasion. I made it clear to hear, straight up said it, that if she talks to me about dating again, I will block her number.

To me, NC always seemed odd. I never used it. Sure it sucked hearing from her on the phone how she was gonna marry the boyfriend in 4 months, but I always said in my head "no you won't, you're too fvcked up for that". And I was right. Of course she still has hope that I will give her a chance, but will go to her grave with that hope. Moreover, I enjoy telling her about other women I'm with and even ask for her advice, just to watch her be uncomfortable :rock:

Keep doing what you're doing and enjoy your life. Women come and go!

 

[Tenacity]

El Suave,

I agree with just about everything you said but my question is, how does meeting women online mean you are only meeting women of low quality? I've heard that said on this forum before and I never understood it.

Let's say you go out to the nightclub on Friday night. Let's say....there's 100 girls in that club. I'm willing to bet that 75 of those 100 girls have a social media account that they USE relatively often. It might be a Facebook account, LinkedIn, Instagram, Twitter, Match, POF, OKC, etc. Again, I'm not talking just having an account created, I'm talking about actually using it frequently.

With that being said, seeing as though the girl in the Nightclub or the Grocery store or the College Party you are at, is the SAME girl that's also on Social Media, how does meeting women on Social Media = Low Quality?

Plus the good thing about Social Media is that I can filter women based on their current life status. I can filter out single mothers with a click of a button. I can't do that in-person.....I have no idea if the 6 or 7 I just met in-person has 4 kids from 4 different jailbirds or not until AFTER I ask her and she tells me.

 

[dasein]

Match over POF for quality? I read the other thread about where are you meeting women.........Seemed to be the base consensus. I'm in to try it out though.

Match is better than POF, well worth the $20. OLD is a great tool, just another tool on the belt though. It is particularly good if you live in a large metro area, not so much out in rural areas. Better for guys of at least average height and up in decent shape with a good job, others may want to skip OLD due to the "looks deflation" it entails (camera is not friendly to lots of decent looking people). Mix it in with your standard social life. There are many threads here on OLD techniques to read. Make sure your pictures are the best possible, profile on the short side and every sentence sells a date with you without saying so expressly. Ask several questions in the profile, light on "what I'm looking for" and "about me." Look at a few hundred profiles within 40 miles, ones who have been online within the last three days to a week only, never the ones who haven't been on in a month or more. Pick your top 50 and send short, custom Emails, ten or so a day. Ask questions about things in the profile and photos, but not "Hey I like that, read that, do that too!" Instead make statements about commonalities that are more subtle. No comments on looks, the half decent ones get 50 "hey you're hot" every day. I always ask them to hit the "not interested" button if they aren't interested. They never do, but it adds a little sense of urgency that gets higher reply % by asking them to take action. Good luck.

 

[ZTIME]

Baptism by Fire.

We all know what today is!! It's day #60 of my official NC rule. I'm proud to say that I did it and didn't skip a beat. My NC doesn't end today. Today just marks the beginning of my new journey in life.

It's funny looking back at my first post to this thread and to read to the end where we're posting about dating sites and spinning plates. Nothing but progress.

Today I've decided to leave some insight for those who are or will be in the situation I was in. If you've found this thread please read what was left behind by those who have helped me every step of the way. It helped a lot. Here is my summary of where I am today (sorry if it's a little long):

1. It's ok to hurt. Ending a LTR can be rough. Whether you ended it or she did, whether you saw it coming or not, it's going to bother you for a while. Don't let it consume you, just cope with the fact that it is now over. You may want to try to regain control over the situation, but in reality, you never had control to begin with. It's best to just let go.

2. "No Contact" helps. Two weeks after the break up I tried to reach out...It sucked!! I went NC and never replied to a single call or text. Some suggest erasing all forms of communication with the ex. I didn't do that. I just never replied.

3.forget who you were. Instead of focusing on "finding ourselves", we should focus on creating the self that we wish to be at every moment. It's possible for us to be, and feel, different today than we were and felt yesterday. In my last relationship I allowed myself to be controlled. I allowed myself to become something I truly wasn't happy with. I can never become "That thing" again. Create the "New You"......... work out like crazy, lose weight, change anything and everything you want.

4. Stay Active. Find your friends that you probably neglected while in your LTR. They'll still be there. Go everywhere they ask you to go. Especially social gatherings. Even when you don't want to go.....go anyway!!

These few things should get you started to be well on your way to recovery.

My 60 days went like this: Start NC, Post everything here, read and reread feedback, secure my home and property, P-90x (MAD RESULTS!), Take care of business responsibilities, hire home and dog care, get back into my Buddhist studies, meditate, increase my social network, refurnish home, repaint home inside and out, change my vehicle (SUV's are not for me!), and just have fun being me.

I alone am now in control of my own destiny. Mind body and soul, I've created what I want to be. And now the real fun begins.

I'll post if any crazy sh*t happens, but as before, today is the day I need to stop counting the days that have gone by.

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” -Gautama Buddah

 

[ZTIME]

You said you always go out, just meet them in real life. Way better! Also, don't be afraid of the 26-30 year range. They have never been married and don't have the baggage the older ones do. You said in an earlier post that 32-40 are either married or have kids, so get the younger ones. Screen them good though and don't fall head over heels for the tight bodies. Use judgment and the standards that you know you want in a woman.

My last 2 LTR's were with 26-30yr olds. However, I do prefer the 32-40 year old range. I think they're a little better grounded as it pertains to their careers and life goals. I think that women approaching 30 or just passing 30 start to question their future and question the relevance of their current relationship.

Right now I'm just out prospecting and pre-qualifying every girl I talk to. I ask a lot of questions. Seems to work well though as females really can't stop talking about themselves. I'm also very vague about what I do professionally. ("I work in this field" as apposed to "I own this company which you know of very well"). Hell, I'm even vague about where I live.("I live a few miles...that way").

I was in a bar the other day for lunch. Hot bartender chick comes over and takes my order. Acted like she had no interest in me whatsoever. A regular customer walks in and starts talking to me about business. I get up to go to the restroom and hear the bartender ask the regular who I was. He apparently tells her.("He's the guy who owns that place"). When I got back she was literally all over my sh*t..............This I don't need.

So for me it's ask, ask, ask. Stay vague and remain humble.