Should Have Saw It Coming

[ZTIME]

Hey ZTime,

Something you may want to consider to do.

Once you feel up to it, I would make a list of qualities you want your next gal to have. You can add age, looks, etc...but the most important thing to think about is what kind of qualities she has to have. As you compile this list, you will be amazed how much your ex didn't have, once you have time to look back and objectively see how much your ex wasn't right for you. Once you have a good working draft, list the core qualities she must have that if she doesn't have a majority on the list then that you have break up and move on.


This will help you focus on finding the right gal for you.

Good Luck

DTL

Thanks Don.

Funny story.

Last Saturday when this girl got into my house for the third time, she searched the entire house. On my bed I keep a journal to write down things about this break up and things I' m looking for (other women's qualities, business goals, etc.)

So whe I left Saturday morning, this journal was under a pillow. When I returned in the evening it was on a night stand. I'm assuming it was read by the ex.

Funny thing is that I had made a pros and cons list about her. If she read it which is almost 100% she would have seen this:

Pros: pretty face, sexual, tells me she loves me.

Cons: stretch marks on flabby stomach, horrid tits, ignores me as a punishment, won't let me hang out with friends, constantly lies about her past, horrid ex boyfriends (drugs,criminals, etc.), financially unstable, feels entitled, has 3 children with no child support??? Never gives gifts, disrespects me by playing on phone constantly. Nothing is ever good enough, never get quality time. To busy with the kids, ruins date nights with weird accusations or drama, won't clean up after her own kids, talks to all of her friends about relationships, thinks she is better or smarter than me, looks older then 31. How's this going to be @ 40, now a cheater, embarrasses me in front of others.

Now I wrote those things and much more in my personal journal for my eyes only. But if I could have seen the look on her face as she read it...I would have laughed!

It's day 21 of NC...headed out of town for the weekend. This should be an adventure!

 

[Don the Legend]

Thanks Don.

Funny story.

Last Saturday when this girl got into my house for the third time, she searched the entire house. On my bed I keep a journal to write down things about this break up and things I' m looking for (other women's qualities, business goals, etc.)

So whe I left Saturday morning, this journal was under a pillow. When I returned in the evening it was on a night stand. I'm assuming it was read by the ex.

Funny thing is that I had made a pros and cons list about her. If she read it which is almost 100% she would have seen this:

Pros: pretty face, sexual, tells me she loves me.

Cons: stretch marks on flabby stomach, horrid tits, ignores me as a punishment, won't let me hang out with friends, constantly lies about her past, horrid ex boyfriends (drugs,criminals, etc.), financially unstable, feels entitled, has 3 children with no child support??? Never gives gifts, disrespects me by playing on phone constantly. Nothing is ever good enough, never get quality time. To busy with the kids, ruins date nights with weird accusations or drama, won't clean up after her own kids, talks to all of her friends about relationships, thinks she is better or smarter than me, looks older then 31. How's this going to be @ 40, now a cheater, embarrasses me in front of others.

Now I wrote those things and much more in my personal journal for my eyes only. But if I could have seen the look on her face as she read it...I would have laughed!

It's day 21 of NC...headed out of town for the weekend. This should be an adventure!

I don't know if you are religious! But I would be on my hands and knees thanking God that she broke up with you!

Can you imagine what life would have been like with her 10-20 years from now? If that was the way she treated you when things were good, can't imagine when things got bad!

Enjoy your weekend!

You deserve it!

 

[soden]

ZTIME,

what I would fear the most is that she could do any harm to my dog.

I am not sure where you keep him most of the time, but never ever let him alone outside and check your garden or whatever youve got.

AND, als already mentioned, change your dogwalker. Get a guy and tell him some parts of the story, so he wont let anyone near your dog.

 

[ZTIME]

ZTIME,

what I would fear the most is that she could do any harm to my dog.

I am not sure where you keep him most of the time, but never ever let him alone outside and check your garden or whatever youve got.

AND, als already mentioned, change your dogwalker. Get a guy and tell him some parts of the story, so he wont let anyone near your dog.

I'm pretty sure I won't see anymore crazy stuff from this one. She's going to need to be on her best behavior while she's living with the new guy and trying to act like she's completely sane.

I don't think she wants to risk this guy kicking her out. She knows that she can't afford to live on her own so she'll stay quiet.

My guess is that she'll try to get very serious with this guy as quickly as possible. That's how it was for me so it makes sense.

So for now I feel safe from any issues. I do have a friend staying at my house for this weekend while I'm away.

 

[ZTIME]

What will really be funny, is if it doesn't work out with the new guy and she comes back sniffing around again......PLEASE let us know if this happens. This has been a great thread!

Funny! I'll let you all know. Here's my NC post. I think it's day 21.

When we first broke up and even 2 weeks afterward I was really hoping that she would come back. Guess it was the whole feeling of loss. I've even thought of them not working out and her coming back. That is just toxic poison. I'd hang myself if I was that weak to let that scum back in my life.

Anyway, I'm up in Sebring for the weekend staying at the Chateau Élan. Pretty.cool place. It's right next to the Sebring race way, so I'm watching them test out these Mazda lemans cars. Then out to a local concert.

Don't know if any of you guys have been to Sebring, but I've got to say the "talent pool" is quite shallow! I seriously have never seen so many tore up women. It's not just the 1 bar I was at. I went everywhere last night and it was bad.

So if you all ever make it Sebring.......... Don't say I didn't warn you!

 

[ZTIME]

All right. I survived Sebring! Day 22NC!

I try to tell everyone who knew my ex and I as a couple that it's not their responsibility to keep me informed about what's going on with her life or social media. I think that sometimes people think they're helping by doing this.

So here's the kicker...... My own mother chooses to tell me about crap that's going on. I've asked her not to, but she still does. I lived with my mother for an accumulated time of about 3 years. Hadn't talked to her till I was 25, and tried to get back in touch with her so I would have no regret when she's gone. Hell, I even bought her a car.

So since I've known her, she tries to gain access to whomever I date and stay in contact with them when we break up.

You would think that she would have issues with someone who stole money from me along with half of my belongings. So that's my piss**-off rant.

 

[dasein]

You need to have a come to jesus talk with your mother ASAP. She needs to understand, not just hear, what this woman has done, that if she wants to support you as a son, she will go instantly NC with this person permanently. Don't get into a long discussion, just ask her nicely and directly to do this for you without much friction or resistance.

 

[ZTIME]

You need to have a come to jesus talk with your mother ASAP. She needs to understand, not just hear, what this woman has done, that if she wants to support you as a son, she will go instantly NC with this person permanently. Don't get into a long discussion, just ask her nicely and directly to do this for you without much friction or resistance.

Thanks sir. I did today over the phone. We'll see what happene. I wasn't raised by my mother, so the " mother-son trust" isn't that strong.

Example: the girl I was with for 14 years (22-36) decided she wanted to break up. We had just went on a trip to Alaska and had been back home for about a month when her mother was diagnosed with cancer. She passed away 3 months later. 2 months after that my ex moved out. Funny thing is that my mother told me she new that the girl had been slowly moving things out that I wouldn't realize were missing. She had been doing it for three months and my mother knew and never said a word!!

So my mother is still good friends with this girl to this day, and it still pisses my off to this day!!

 

[sodbuster]

Good Grief, I think I'd disown the Mother that RAISED me for that stupidity....

 

[ZTIME]

Ok, Some of you have read all of this thread I started NC on October 3rd gone through all of this crap. Today is day 25 of NC and I get a text. Nothing bad, but it reads: "Do I Have Any Mail At Your Place". Am I supposed to respond to this kind of thing.

Forgive me in advance for being 43 and really not knowing how these simple life questions should be handled.

The answer to the question would be No, but if I reply am I making it look like I give a sh**?

And 42 min. later here is the second message: "You have a serious weird issue with keeping things from your exes" This girl broke into my house last Saturday!!!

And 12 minutes later message #3: "I have always responded to you....That's just rude.

 

[Bokanovsky]

This. Its a miracle

Seriously ZTIME, her dumping you is nothing short of a blessing. And I don't say that to make you feel better. I mean it.

P.S. Why haven't you changed the locks yet??

 

[ZTIME]

Seriously ZTIME, her dumping you is nothing short of a blessing. And I don't say that to make you feel better. I mean it.

P.S. Why haven't you changed the locks yet??

I have done all things suggested including changing the locks on the doors. And I am blessed. I was only asking about the three text messages posted above. Am I supposed to respond to this type of thing or just ignore it?

If I ignore it am I making myself look weak and inviting some bit** to send more nasty messages?

 

[Shaka]

She is just baiting you...

Don't answer.

Seriously, stop thinking what she is thinking about you.
It's a sign that you still care, and you want her back.
Who care if she thinks you're rude ?
What you are supposed to do ?
be a so called mature man, when in fact, it's just for her benefit ?
Of course you're hurting. So yeah, being rude isn't abnormal.
But That's also why you should NOT answer. Because of the emotional roller coster clouding your rational mind, and Because you're busy becoming whole and awesome again.
Silence is gold.

Let her hamster spins, and begin your journey to be the best man you can be already.

 

[SAYNO]

I have done all things suggested including changing the locks on the doors. And I am blessed. I was only asking about the three text messages posted above. Am I supposed to respond to this type of thing or just ignore it?

If I ignore it am I making myself look weak and inviting some bit** to send more nasty messages?

Nope do not reply! No contact means no contact period and by the way no contact is for you NOT her. So you no longer care what she thinks about you at least you shouldn't.

 

[Prime_Beef]

If you respond at all, you say "..honey, we broke up, you made a choice and we moved on. Please, move on, there's no reason to communicate.."

U ignore it ever after.

Unless of course she has a winning lotto ticket with your name on it she needs your help to redeem...highly unlikely, yes? As is a need to communicate.

Why care is she blows up you phone with msgs. You moved on. You are weak if you respond. Don't. She's testing her ability to keep you on string as orbiter. You want that from this woman?

 

[ZTIME]

If you respond at all, you say "..honey, we broke up, you made a choice and we moved on. Please, move on, there's no reason to communicate.."

U ignore it ever after.

Unless of course she has a winning lotto ticket with your name on it she needs your help to redeem...highly unlikely, yes? As is a need to communicate.

Why care is she blows up you phone with msgs. You moved on. You are weak if you respond. Don't. She's testing her ability to keep you on string as orbiter. You want that from this woman?

No, I really don't want that from this woman. I also don't want this woman running around telling people that I try to keep her personal items from her, or that I ignore her because she thinks I'm hurt, or any crap like that.

I guess at this stage of the game it really shouldn't matter. I won't respond!

 

[Prime_Beef]

Opposite of love ain't hate, ain't antagonism,

It's ......Apathy.
and she knows it which is why she keeps you engaged.

Practice it, good luck

 

[Dreesy]

Surely by now you must understand that there is no real way for you to 'win'.

If you continue to answer her, she will continue to torment you.

If you don't answer her, she will spread malicious rumors.

In reality, either way she will be spreading rumors and trying to make you seem like a piece of crap. You can't win this, so don't even try. Walk away, and stay with NC.


Honestly, if you want to survive this, block her damn number. There is absolutely no reason for you to be in contact with her any longer, and any further contact is just emotional abuse. You are ALLOWING this to happen because you are not taking full steps to stop it, you are only partially committed.


In order for you to move on, you have to actually move on. Sitting here and writing a daily diary of your thoughts about her and your situation just proves that you are not even making an effort to move on. If you were you would stop writing, stop focusing on the situation, and work on moving on.


Reflection and admittance only goes so far, if you don't eventually let it go completely you are just holding yourself down.


Stop responding to any form of communication with her. You don't owe her anything, least of all your time. If she manages to snake her way into your house again, you bring law into it, file for trespassing and theft, and get a restraining order.

 

[Bokanovsky]

If I ignore it am I making myself look weak and inviting some bit** to send more nasty messages?

Who cares how it looks to her. NC is supposed to be for your benefit, not hers. Ignore, and block her number if she keeps pestering you.

 

[jimmy18]

OP, you changed your locks; time to change your phone number too

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1747942&postcount=79