Should Have Saw It Coming

[gov87]

I want you guys to know that I'm happy I found this site. It's been great to get this poison out of myself without involving to many of my friends or employees.

I totally agree that every relationship has two parties involved and have no problem admitting that I too contributed to this happening. I even saw the signs and still lacked the confidence to do anything about them.

You see, the guy that is posting here today is a beaten man, filled with remorse and regret and self loathing. But that is not the guy I am. I have a largely successful business here and am starting a new company as we speak. I'm used to winning. I'm used to getting up every morning, putting in the effort and winning in every aspect of life.

I allowed myself to put this type of effort into this relationship with this girl and her three children. I worked hard every day to try to create the perfect environment for them. Not realizing that every day I was losing parts of me that would be damaging in the future. I stopped getting up every morning and working out, I stopped dreaming of my next conquest to solidify my future and retirement, I allowed myself to get fat, I stopped taking care of me so that I could create this sudo utopian world for others.

Many of you will read this post and look at me like a beaten and battered "Beta" and you would all be right...Today. But it's been about a month since this break up. It's not the first relationship I've been in and it probably won't be the last.

You see, about 2 weeks after the breakup when I sent that ridiculos text about how terrible I felt and I received that cold response it started a fire. It led me to seek out help to dump my feelings. It led me to find this site. Daily this fire intensifies. Daily I evolve.

I started the 60 day NC challenge on this site, not with any desire to win back my ex, but to heal. Mind, Body, and Soul. We should just call it infinity NC. I see no reason to ever turn back.

Restarted my Buddhist meditation classes (I missed the peace), Cleaned house top to bottom, Read every post on here at least 6 times, Started P-90X again 2 weeks in, lost 15lbs (the breakup starvation diet), started developing my chemical company to distribute throughout the US (www.mzmdistribution.com). I'm progressing.

Now I know that many of you believe that I should be getting this furniture back to send a statement that I will not allow anyone to steal from me or beat me down. And I am not disagreeing. But you are right. At this point and time the wounds are a little fresh and I still have that defeated feeling. I know that I should do this, but I choose not to. I've ordered new furniture which will be delivered next Wednesday. Finances right now are not my problem. So I'll consider it a charitable donation to three children who have to deal with the messed up decisions their mother will need to make.

I'm starting to walk the path of healing. I know that for now the pain and suffering is great, but I also know that in time it will fade.

For 27 your insight is remarkable. Thank You.

You may not realize it now, but you are so far ahead already. Just by being able to admit you saw the signs and stuck with it, and also being able to recognize in the detail what you wrote this post is a great start man.

It's so easy to lie to yourself in this day and age but what you're doing now is being as honest with yourself as you probably have been for a long time. I want to tell you good job on that bc I know it's not an easy thing to do. However, as cliche as it is, it will set you free.

You said a couple times how you're a "broken man" and you seem a little embarrassed of yourself for admitting this. Dude, quit feeling bad. I understand, we understand... and there is NO SHAME in admitting this. Take pride in the fact you're making this step and don't give a sh** about what anyone else thinks.

Thanks for the compliment at the end, but I want you to know that I will probably learn things from you that I have no idea about that will help me further myself. Age doesn't make a difference in this life bc we all travel a different journey at different paces. When we wake up, we realize we're in this together. It's very important to surround yourself with people who ENHANCE your life. Again, don't try to take everything in at once. You will do this at times and feel overwhelmed, but keep telling yourself it will take time to build this foundation. It WILL be worth every second and ounce of pain that you have experienced.

 

[gov87]

Why does the mind have the tendency to **** with your emotions? It's like in my head I'm counting the time that passed since this has all happened. Today it's been exactly 30 days since this has happened. It still feels as fresh as day 1 and 2.

I try, but I just can't seem to stop myself from looking back! All I want to do is move forward! Obsessing over this just feels so damn toxic!

That's where I'm at today!

Ah, my friend, you are caught in the vicious feedback loop of your toxic relationship. You must break this cycle and this is how you can start...

First, realize it's normal to be that way and questioning why you're doing it. When you get that thought and then think "man, why the heck am I still doing this". Counter that thought with telling yourself that it's normal and will take time to pass and that is okay.

Second, you need to start to force yourself to find something else to take your focus from this. When you start dwelling on those negative thoughts, go for a run, rub one off, play a video game, read a book-- anything to occupy your mind in a postive direction.

It'll take time to break the cycle, but make small strides the best you can and it will get better.

The mind is a funny thing man. We have to constantly be exercising it in the right ways to make it stronger. When we control our minds, we control ourselves. Hang in there.

 

[ZTIME]

Ah, my friend, you are caught in the vicious feedback loop of your toxic relationship. You must break this cycle and this is how you can start...

First, realize it's normal to be that way and questioning why you're doing it. When you get that thought and then think "man, why the heck am I still doing this". Counter that thought with telling yourself that it's normal and will take time to pass and that is okay.

Second, you need to start to force yourself to find something else to take your focus from this. When you start dwelling on those negative thoughts, go for a run, rub one off, play a video game, read a book-- anything to occupy your mind in a postive direction.

It'll take time to break the cycle, but make small strides the best you can and it will get better.

The mind is a funny thing man. We have to constantly be exercising it in the right ways to make it stronger. When we control our minds, we control ourselves. Hang in there.

Thanks. Trying daily to get out of these ruts. They really have a way of fogging up the mind. Progress is slow but steady.

Just keeping it real and dumping all of my S*** here so that months down the road I'll have a track able progress report on where I am now to where I'll be then.

I know that this will take time, and down the road I'm hoping that I will learn the hardest lessons that will become great blessings from this whole ordeal.

 

[dasein]

Not gonna harp on the furniture, as your mind seems made up on that. Some of these may have been mentioned already.

1. You must change your locks... yesterday if you haven't and change the code on your alarm if you have one.
2. You must secure any automobile with a lojack or killswitch and GPS that she may have keys to or could have duped the keys to.
3. If your mail comes to a freestanding outdoor box, get your mail forwarded to a new address like a PO box you rent from a Mailbox Etc.
4. Change your email and phone numbers if not too inconvenient.
5. If you are sure you aren't going after the furniture, don't involve police or courts at all, don't get a restraining order. Depending on where you are, those have a way of turning around and biting you unless you have incontrovertible proof complete with several eye witnesses. You aren't a woman, so different standards and burdens apply.
6. Do tell your entire social and work circle what she did and stole, who she is with now. These types have a way of circling back through your friends and bringing more sh-t into your life. Prepare people for that. Do document what she stole in as much detail as possible, dig up any old pictures, to preclude defamation claims.
7. Consider changing your CCs, bank accounts, even business accounts to address possible identity theft. Don't just assume it's all about the joint account. She has had access for a long time, and may have all your info.

You get the picture. There are many other things I could list, but the main principle is "secure your domain" you are not safe right now. There's no reason at all to believe this woman is done trying to milk you just because she moved out.

Some of the above may seem paranoid, but as far as you've told us, you know -nothing- about the people she is with, hanging around, what she is telling them about "her car" or "her stuff" that you stole from her and won't return. She stole from you without batting an eyelash, so what are the odds she is settling with upstanding pillars of the community? Even if they aren't shady lowlifes, "poor little single moms with three kids" have a way of rallying support and poisoning your well. Don't allow it.

She will likely circle around down the road a piece. Don't be fooled and be strong. Good luck.

 

[ZTIME]

Not gonna harp on the furniture, as your mind seems made up on that. Some of these may have been mentioned already.

1. You must change your locks... yesterday if you haven't and change the code on your alarm if you have one.
2. You must secure any automobile with a lojack or killswitch and GPS that she may have keys to or could have duped the keys to.
3. If your mail comes to a freestanding outdoor box, get your mail forwarded to a new address like a PO box you rent from a Mailbox Etc.
4. Change your email and phone numbers if not too inconvenient.
5. If you are sure you aren't going after the furniture, don't involve police or courts at all, don't get a restraining order. Depending on where you are, those have a way of turning around and biting you unless you have incontrovertible proof complete with several eye witnesses. You aren't a woman, so different standards and burdens apply.
6. Do tell your entire social and work circle what she did and stole, who she is with now. These types have a way of circling back through your friends and bringing more sh-t into your life. Prepare people for that. Do document what she stole in as much detail as possible, dig up any old pictures, to preclude defamation claims.
7. Consider changing your CCs, bank accounts, even business accounts to address possible identity theft. Don't just assume it's all about the joint account. She has had access for a long time, and may have all your info.

You get the picture. There are many other things I could list, but the main principle is "secure your domain" you are not safe right now. There's no reason at all to believe this woman is done trying to milk you just because she moved out.

Some of the above may seem paranoid, but as far as you've told us, you know -nothing- about the people she is with, hanging around, what she is telling them about "her car" or "her stuff" that you stole from her and won't return. She stole from you without batting an eyelash, so what are the odds she is settling with upstanding pillars of the community? Even if they aren't shady lowlifes, "poor little single moms with three kids" have a way of rallying support and poisoning your well. Don't allow it.

She will likely circle around down the road a piece. Don't be fooled and be strong. Good luck.

You are right! I've already seen the "poor little mom" routine in play. The girl even went and visited with my own mother telling her how I left her with no money for her bills or access to money for food for her children. She went as far as telling her that she deposited her whole check into our shared account and that I closed it leaving her penniless.

As mentioned before, she actually left that account with a negative -$1000 which doesn't include the $275 hair appointment she paid with a check 4 days after she left from that same negative account.

So yes, I've switched all accounts, all passwords, all credit cards, all house locks, and company info.

I'm sure the mud slinging will just keep coming as she reaches out to everyone she can telling them how horrible of a person I am. But she will have to walk that road, not me.

She is not self sufficient. She can not afford to raise 3 children on her own. Baby daddy pays no support and she doesn't make enough. She will always need to play the "poor little me" card, spreading that venom to the next white knight.

I'm starting to see it for everything it was. It's a bitter pill, but I'll swallow it.

 

[ZTIME]

17 DAYS So I started my NC 17 days ago. No calls, texts, e-mails, or facebook. I'm a ghost. She did get back into my house even after changing the locks. (dog walker left the back slider un locked). She took some Halloween items and fishing gear. She was all through the upstairs of the house, as every door was open. Funny how people still feel entitled to stop in whenever they want. I haven't heard from her though. Not very surprising. I'm sticking to working out and staying active. Not going to lie...sometimes I still miss the whole situation, but as time goes on I'm hoping those feelings will fade.

 

[gov87]

17 DAYS So I started my NC 17 days ago. No calls, texts, e-mails, or facebook. I'm a ghost. She did get back into my house even after changing the locks. (dog walker left the back slider un locked). She took some Halloween items and fishing gear. She was all through the upstairs of the house, as every door was open. Funny how people still feel entitled to stop in whenever they want. I haven't heard from her though. Not very surprising. I'm sticking to working out and staying active. Not going to lie...sometimes I still miss the whole situation, but as time goes on I'm hoping those feelings will fade.

This is only bc you're still attached. It's like an addiction you've formed to the drama... very unhealthy and you need to stay no contact to break free from it. You're doing good from the sounds of it.

However, her getting into your house like that and taking more stuff, that's not good man. She's still pushing you around. I understand it's hard to have objectivity in your position, but you should probably take some action on situations like these. Was the fishing stuff hers? That sounds like breaking and entering to me along with stealing.

 

[ZTIME]

This is only bc you're still attached. It's like an addiction you've formed to the drama... very unhealthy and you need to stay no contact to break free from it. You're doing good from the sounds of it.

However, her getting into your house like that and taking more stuff, that's not good man. She's still pushing you around. I understand it's hard to have objectivity in your position, but you should probably take some action on situations like these. Was the fishing stuff hers? That sounds like breaking and entering to me along with stealing.

Fishing stuff was her sons. It's just really weird that she would have the nuts to just stop in whenever she wants to take stuff. It's more weird that she would search through the entire house. I closed every door upstairs and when I got home Saturday night, everyone of them were open. What's even more funny is the fact that throughout this whole thing I've kept a journal on my night stand to write things down. I had a pretty lengthy pros and cons list which I'm sure she didn't have too much fun reading. Quite the "invasion of privacy"!

 

[Prime_Beef]

If you're semi smart, you already have photos of your house before she moved in.you now have photos of what is missing, and hopefully some text msg verified discussion.

You are doing yourself a disservice not getting your stuff back. Contact the police. Ask them what to do. They will want you to file a report. You then tell her what is coming, that you have photo evidence of what is missing, and insurance logs of inventory, and get in with it. If not returned in x time, file report.

Opposite of love is not anger and hate. It's apathy. Since there's no love, do nothing for her you wouldn't do to a stranger that robbed you...because that's what she is. I second the restraint order, she's a known thief. Hope your locks are changed or you could have a "pacific heights" episode!

I gave you my best advice. You are still invested in this, and it will cost you more in the long run. Seen these slow moving train wrecks many times..

 

[ZTIME]

I gave you my best advice. You are still invested in this, and it will cost you more in the long run. Seen these slow moving train weeks many times..

I've listened and done it all. I'm truly trying to get "un-invested"! I've changed locks, accounts, etc. etc. I've had absolutely not reached out to this girl in any way, shape, or form.

Unfortunately I had no pictures of the things she took. So that's my loss.

I'm trying to stay strong. It's difficult. Can you believe that tomorrow is her birthday and I still feel that I'm supposed to reach out to wish her a happy birthday. I literally feel like an idiot. Chick walks out, moves in with another dude, steals my stuff, and I'm worried about how I should handle this Birthday situation!! What the f*** is wrong with me??!

 

[gov87]

I've listened and done it all. I'm truly trying to get "un-invested"! I've changed locks, accounts, etc. etc. I've had absolutely not reached out to this girl in any way, shape, or form.

Unfortunately I had no pictures of the things she took. So that's my loss.

I'm trying to stay strong. It's difficult. Can you believe that tomorrow is her birthday and I still feel that I'm supposed to reach out to wish her a happy birthday. I literally feel like an idiot. Chick walks out, moves in with another dude, steals my stuff, and I'm worried about how I should handle this Birthday situation!! What the f*** is wrong with me??!

You've been in a fog and you're still in it man. You gotta keep reminding yourself this and that it takes time to come out of it. However, the sooner you start focusing on YOU, the quicker you get to the clear.

Everything you're posting points to this fact and that is normal.

 

[Warrior74]

I've listened and done it all. I'm truly trying to get "un-invested"! I've changed locks, accounts, etc. etc. I've had absolutely not reached out to this girl in any way, shape, or form.

Unfortunately I had no pictures of the things she took. So that's my loss.

I'm trying to stay strong. It's difficult. Can you believe that tomorrow is her birthday and I still feel that I'm supposed to reach out to wish her a happy birthday. I literally feel like an idiot. Chick walks out, moves in with another dude, steals my stuff, and I'm worried about how I should handle this Birthday situation!! What the f*** is wrong with me??!

Been there man. You're just slowly catching up to reality. You've been asleep and are having a hard time waking up. You are going to have to force yourself to wake up and get some perspective and see it all for what it really is before some other girl comes along and lulls you back to sleep and total ruin. It really is a blessing in disguise.

 

[ZTIME]

Been there man. You're just slowly catching up to reality. You've been asleep and are having a hard time waking up. You are going to have to force yourself to wake up and get some perspective and see it all for what it really is before some other girl comes along and lulls you back to sleep and total ruin. It really is a blessing in disguise.

I'm trying. Every day gets a little better. I read and re read all of these posts and keep heading down the healing path. It's tough not to look back and think that there was something I was supposed to do or say that would have repaired the whole situation.

But I've made it this far and really don't see a point in trying to reverse anything at this time. I truly allowed myself to become a fat slob who only cared about someone else's universe.

30 days later and 22lbs lighter, the road is nowhere near over. And here I am upset about a 5.5 with 3 kids and a huge sense of entitlement. Not even close to any reality I'm used to. This Sucks!

 

[Prime_Beef]

You got to up your game and stop swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool..

Keep busy. Really busy. Put a thick rubber band on your wrist. Snap it when you have pleasant memories, and immediately think of something negative to remind yourself.

 

[ZTIME]

You got to up your game and stop swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool..

Keep busy. Really busy. Put a thick rubber band on your wrist. Snap it when you have pleasant memories, and immediately think of something negative to remind yourself.

RUBBER BAND MOMENTS:


Here are a few of the things I'll remind myself of if I ever have any pleasant memories.

1. The phone call every night the minute I close the business asking if I'm leaving that minute. If not...CLICK!!

2. Her walking in the house with her kids and subway sandwiches. Did you get me a sandwich? You have money...Go get your own f****** sandwich!! I'm not your slave.

3. Getting drunk (really drunk) trying to have annoying syx. when I say no you're annoying I get 1 of 2 responses. "Fine, I'll just pleasure myself right here in front of you" or "I'm going to sleep in another room". (usually followed by being ignored for a couple days).

4. Sitting on the back lanai and joking with her and her son. She didn't like it and threw a beer bottle at my head.

5. My friends and employees go out for my birthday. One of my employees brings his girlfriend. I tell them they look great together and that she's a good looking girl. My ex hears this and 1 hour later dumps a glass of wine in my lap and walks out in front of everyone leaving me with no ride. She even made up a story about how her Aunt and Uncle left because I was hitting on this girl. I of course asked them....They had no idea.

6. Always being told I didn't do enough house work. From a woman with 3 kids who are making all of the mess.

7. Wouldn't do any of my laundry only hers and her kids. "You can do your own laundry if your not going to help fold all of it."

8. If I wanted to spend time with her, she was constantly on her phone. CONSTANTLY.

So these are a couple of my "rubber band moments". All truth no fiction. I couldn't make this stuff up! This was all within the last 8 months of this relationship, and I'm sure I could list a whole lot more.

But thanks for the advice, because these will be the negative thoughts that will get me through.

 

[jimmy18]

^^
I wouldn't call them "rubber band" moments. More like "shotgun-to-the-head" moments

 

[Sik]

17 DAYS So I started my NC 17 days ago. No calls, texts, e-mails, or facebook. I'm a ghost. She did get back into my house even after changing the locks. (dog walker left the back slider un locked). She took some Halloween items and fishing gear. She was all through the upstairs of the house, as every door was open. Funny how people still feel entitled to stop in whenever they want. I haven't heard from her though. Not very surprising. I'm sticking to working out and staying active. Not going to lie...sometimes I still miss the whole situation, but as time goes on I'm hoping those feelings will fade.

ZTIME,

I work in a field that involves stalkers, lunatics and the mentally-depraved (don't worry, there's also a downside to this field).

Listen to me very carefully...

1) You need an alarm system.

2) Fire your dog walker, or get the dog a doghouse outside so entry is not needed.

3) Get surveillance cameras with DVR.

I've worked on cases and in fact am on one now involved in mitigating a vengeful, insane ex-spouse for a client. Recently, this ex-spouse managed to get access to my client's house and took a number of items, but most importantly, gathered evidence that they later used in court to damage my clients reputation. Due to confidentiality agreements, I can't disclose much else, but I'll give you some pointers.

What would be damaging?

Medications, especially ones that impair your judgement. In a court case for, say, domestic violence / restraining orders, this ex could present pictures of the pill bottles and an accompanying sheet of side effects (may cause suicidal ideation etc) and say "ZTIME used to pop all these Xanax pills, drink beer and beat the sh|t out of me!" Pictures of beer bottles / hard liquor in your fridge or cabinets will then be shown, the undoubtedly female Judge will gasp with horror and you will be fvcked.

Diaries with negative information. Say you wrote "Dear Diary, today I am really angry at Insane-Spouse and got really drunk". It will be presented as evidence that you're a raging alcoholic with anger issues. You will be asked "Did you write this, ZTIME?" You, of course, are not required to admit anything, but if you say "Yes" you're fvcked, and if you're silent you're fvcked. No win.

Weapons, especially firearms. She will say you threatened her with them. No other evidence is needed other than her saintly word. In CA, that's enough to get them confiscated, the fact of which will be brought up later and used against you. "ZTIME has all these weapons and I'm SO SCARED he'll hurt me!"

Photo albums. Pictures of you drinking and partying can easily be twisted against you. You'll be portrayed as a vile, malodorous drunkard that beats women and children.

The list is endless, but you get the idea. Protect yourself! Keep her out!

Also, she left the doors open on purpose, to let you know she was there and you couldn't stop her. A bit of psychological warfare on her part to mentally break you down.

Additionally, this may not apply in your case, but there have been instances of ex-spouses installing eavesdropping devices in their ex's homes. I don't know the technical sophistication of your ex, but the newest technology is easy to use and relatively inexpensive. A previous client of mine had his home and business swept for bugs routinely, but he was in a business where corporate espionage was common.

Telephone wiretapping, keyloggers on computers, logging into your accounts by using the 'lost password feature' and your SSN, mother's surname, etc. Be aware and proactive. People have lost their jobs, businesses, homes and freedom from the aforementioned items. An electronic bug detector is the way to go if you think she installed any devices. For the rest, do some research and you'll be able to apply the correct remedy.

Hopefully, she just goes away on her own. However, her unlawfully entering your home tells me she is not done messing with you! She is displaying the typical symptoms of a stalker. It's pathological, there is no cure. She already stole your furniture, drained your join account and trespassed in your home. If she can hurt you, she will.

Remember, she is fully aware that you have a nice house, a successful business and therefore money. She wants that money and is, right now, at this very moment, scheming of ways to get it. You can bet on that one!

Again, at a minimum, get an alarm system as she may have a way to enter without you knowing. Yes, you changed the locks but there are ways to jam windows so they can still be opened, or she can call a locksmith and feign being locked out. Perhaps she drops one of her kids off to "gather a few things" and the kid leaves a side window or door unlocked. Don't think it can happen? That very thing did to a client of mine!

Regarding alarm co's, don't use ADT, Brinks etc. Get SimpliSafe or a reputable local alarm company. Do not sign any long term contracts. SimpliSafe is month-to-month.

Godspeed, ZTIME. You're going to need it.

 

[ZTIME]

ZTIME,

I work in a field that involves stalkers, lunatics and the mentally-depraved (don't worry, there's also a downside to this field).

Listen to me very carefully...

1) You need an alarm system.

2) Fire your dog walker, or get the dog a doghouse outside so entry is not needed.

3) Get surveillance cameras with DVR.

I've worked on cases and in fact am on one now involved in mitigating a vengeful, insane ex-spouse for a client. Recently, this ex-spouse managed to get access to my client's house and took a number of items, but most importantly, gathered evidence that they later used in court to damage my clients reputation. Due to confidentiality agreements, I can't disclose much else, but I'll give you some pointers.

What would be damaging?

Medications, especially ones that impair your judgement. In a court case for, say, domestic violence / restraining orders, this ex could present pictures of the pill bottles and an accompanying sheet of side effects (may cause suicidal ideation etc) and say "ZTIME used to pop all these Xanax pills, drink beer and beat the sh|t out of me!" Pictures of beer bottles / hard liquor in your fridge or cabinets will then be shown, the undoubtedly female Judge will gasp with horror and you will be fvcked.

Diaries with negative information. Say you wrote "Dear Diary, today I am really angry at Insane-Spouse and got really drunk". It will be presented as evidence that you're a raging alcoholic with anger issues. You will be asked "Did you write this, ZTIME?" You, of course, are not required to admit anything, but if you say "Yes" you're fvcked, and if you're silent you're fvcked. No win.

Weapons, especially firearms. She will say you threatened her with them. No other evidence is needed other than her saintly word. In CA, that's enough to get them confiscated, the fact of which will be brought up later and used against you. "ZTIME has all these weapons and I'm SO SCARED he'll hurt me!"

Photo albums. Pictures of you drinking and partying can easily be twisted against you. You'll be portrayed as a vile, malodorous drunkard that beats women and children.

The list is endless, but you get the idea. Protect yourself! Keep her out!

Also, she left the doors open on purpose, to let you know she was there and you couldn't stop her. A bit of psychological warfare on her part to mentally break you down.

Additionally, this may not apply in your case, but there have been instances of ex-spouses installing eavesdropping devices in their ex's homes. I don't know the technical sophistication of your ex, but the newest technology is easy to use and relatively inexpensive. A previous client of mine had his home and business swept for bugs routinely, but he was in a business where corporate espionage was common.

Telephone wiretapping, keyloggers on computers, logging into your accounts by using the 'lost password feature' and your SSN, mother's surname, etc. Be aware and proactive. People have lost their jobs, businesses, homes and freedom from the aforementioned items. An electronic bug detector is the way to go if you think she installed any devices. For the rest, do some research and you'll be able to apply the correct remedy.

Hopefully, she just goes away on her own. However, her unlawfully entering your home tells me she is not done messing with you! She is displaying the typical symptoms of a stalker. It's pathological, there is no cure. She already stole your furniture, drained your join account and trespassed in your home. If she can hurt you, she will.

Remember, she is fully aware that you have a nice house, a successful business and therefore money. She wants that money and is, right now, at this very moment, scheming of ways to get it. You can bet on that one!

Again, at a minimum, get an alarm system as she may have a way to enter without you knowing. Yes, you changed the locks but there are ways to jam windows so they can still be opened, or she can call a locksmith and feign being locked out. Perhaps she drops one of her kids off to "gather a few things" and the kid leaves a side window or door unlocked. Don't think it can happen? That very thing did to a client of mine!

Regarding alarm co's, don't use ADT, Brinks etc. Get SimpliSafe or a reputable local alarm company. Do not sign any long term contracts. SimpliSafe is month-to-month.

Godspeed, ZTIME. You're going to need it.

Ok, I promise to everyone that I have secured the house and accounts and business.

Let's be honest, I did live with this girl for three and a half years and understand her mental capabilities as it pertains to her trying to accuse me of anything. (It's just not there)!

Drugs, firearms, and alcohol are things she would never be able to link me to.

The only thing she has right now is her mouth, which is spreading poison like wild fire. She may find new listeners which would come from her new dudes family or friends, but as for the people who know me and the history of this relationship...... They see right through it.

As for court... I have no criminal record at all. Which cannot be said of her ( DUI, hit and run, drug possession...etc), but I will watch out.

I do have a full photo collection of everything currently in my home. So I'm the event of any future problems, I'll be ready.

You are right about the doors being left open. A pure sign that she believes she has control over me.

Right now I'm focusing on me and cleansing the toxicity in every pour of my being.

As this moves along, I'll continue to keep you all updated.

 

[ZTIME]

ZTIME,

I work in a field that involves stalkers, lunatics and the mentally-depraved (don't worry, there's also a downside to this field).

Listen to me very carefully...

1) You need an alarm system.

2) Fire your dog walker, or get the dog a doghouse outside so entry is not needed.

3) Get surveillance cameras with DVR.

I've worked on cases and in fact am on one now involved in mitigating a vengeful, insane ex-spouse for a client. Recently, this ex-spouse managed to get access to my client's house and took a number of items, but most importantly, gathered evidence that they later used in court to damage my clients reputation. Due to confidentiality agreements, I can't disclose much else, but I'll give you some pointers.

What would be damaging?

Medications, especially ones that impair your judgement. In a court case for, say, domestic violence / restraining orders, this ex could present pictures of the pill bottles and an accompanying sheet of side effects (may cause suicidal ideation etc) and say "ZTIME used to pop all these Xanax pills, drink beer and beat the sh|t out of me!" Pictures of beer bottles / hard liquor in your fridge or cabinets will then be shown, the undoubtedly female Judge will gasp with horror and you will be fvcked.

Diaries with negative information. Say you wrote "Dear Diary, today I am really angry at Insane-Spouse and got really drunk". It will be presented as evidence that you're a raging alcoholic with anger issues. You will be asked "Did you write this, ZTIME?" You, of course, are not required to admit anything, but if you say "Yes" you're fvcked, and if you're silent you're fvcked. No win.

Weapons, especially firearms. She will say you threatened her with them. No other evidence is needed other than her saintly word. In CA, that's enough to get them confiscated, the fact of which will be brought up later and used against you. "ZTIME has all these weapons and I'm SO SCARED he'll hurt me!"

Photo albums. Pictures of you drinking and partying can easily be twisted against you. You'll be portrayed as a vile, malodorous drunkard that beats women and children.

The list is endless, but you get the idea. Protect yourself! Keep her out!

Also, she left the doors open on purpose, to let you know she was there and you couldn't stop her. A bit of psychological warfare on her part to mentally break you down.

Additionally, this may not apply in your case, but there have been instances of ex-spouses installing eavesdropping devices in their ex's homes. I don't know the technical sophistication of your ex, but the newest technology is easy to use and relatively inexpensive. A previous client of mine had his home and business swept for bugs routinely, but he was in a business where corporate espionage was common.

Telephone wiretapping, keyloggers on computers, logging into your accounts by using the 'lost password feature' and your SSN, mother's surname, etc. Be aware and proactive. People have lost their jobs, businesses, homes and freedom from the aforementioned items. An electronic bug detector is the way to go if you think she installed any devices. For the rest, do some research and you'll be able to apply the correct remedy.

Hopefully, she just goes away on her own. However, her unlawfully entering your home tells me she is not done messing with you! She is displaying the typical symptoms of a stalker. It's pathological, there is no cure. She already stole your furniture, drained your join account and trespassed in your home. If she can hurt you, she will.

Remember, she is fully aware that you have a nice house, a successful business and therefore money. She wants that money and is, right now, at this very moment, scheming of ways to get it. You can bet on that one!

Again, at a minimum, get an alarm system as she may have a way to enter without you knowing. Yes, you changed the locks but there are ways to jam windows so they can still be opened, or she can call a locksmith and feign being locked out. Perhaps she drops one of her kids off to "gather a few things" and the kid leaves a side window or door unlocked. Don't think it can happen? That very thing did to a client of mine!

Regarding alarm co's, don't use ADT, Brinks etc. Get SimpliSafe or a reputable local alarm company. Do not sign any long term contracts. SimpliSafe is month-to-month.

Godspeed, ZTIME. You're going to need it.

Ok, I promise to everyone that I have secured the house and accounts and business.

Let's be honest, I did live with this girl for three and a half years and understand her mental capabilities as it pertains to her trying to accuse me of anything. (It's just not there)!

Drugs, firearms, and alcohol are things she would never be able to link me to.

The only thing she has right now is her mouth, which is spreading poison like wild fire. She may find new listeners which would come from her new dudes family or friends, but as for the people who know me and the history of this relationship...... They see right through it.

As for court... I have no criminal record at all. Which cannot be said of her ( DUI, hit and run, drug possession...etc), but I will watch out.

I do have a full photo collection of everything currently in my home. So in the event of any future problems, I'll be ready.

You are right about the doors being left open. A pure sign that she believes she has control over me.

Right now I'm focusing on me and cleansing the toxicity in every pour of my being.

As this moves along, I'll continue to keep you all updated.

 

[ZTIME]

Twisted thought of the day. Your mind always makes you to think of what you perceived to be the "good things" of your relationship.

I woke up this morning, read posts and replied, worked out and got ready to go. However, while doing all of this my mind allowed me to remember that today is her birthday. I actually thought about what "new dude" is going to do for her birthday and started thinking competitively about what I should do. (I can't make this s*** up).

I choose to do nothing. I choose to let today go by as "just another day". I choose to read through these posts to understand just how toxic things were.

It's day 18 of NC. I'll make it!