Should a man call a woman on her bullsh*t?

[AlmostThere!]

If a chick says she'll see you but flakes, do you make no mention of it or smoothly call her on the BS?

 

[DonGorgon]

Only If You Already Fed And She Likes You Alot!!!

 

[AlmostThere!]

Only If You Already Fed And She Likes You Alot!!!

I don't know about the 'likes me a lot' part.

But under most circumstances, silence is better than pointing out her dumb sh*t?

 

[DonGorgon]

I don't know about the 'likes me a lot' part.

But under most circumstances, silence is better than pointing out her dumb sh*t?

DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH SHE RESPECT YOU.. if you F her very very well she will see more value in what you tell her.. If she does not want to lose you she will be glad that you let her know how to keep you..

 

[Da Realist]

According to Machiavelli either you remain silent or completely crush a person. I say use either at your discretion. Sometimes just giving someone the cold shoulder will do more than saying a word.

 

[giorgio]

I'm confused. I thought ur supposed to NC them

 

[SBW]

Maybe give her the benifit of the doubt and presume she had a genuine reason to flake, so offer the chance to reschedule but I certainly wouldn't be expecting to waste more time on her if that one falls through.

I would not however be making any great issue or calling her out on it and I don't think you would look any sort of good to her by doing so.

 

[AAAgent]

I never mention any of that crap if they're not my girlfriend. To me there's no point in wasting time talking to someone that's not important. I just don't contact them anymore. They do contact me later though.

 

[Telemear]

Personally I think No Contact works better than calling her on her BS simply due to my experiences in doing both. I find when I do call her on her BS, she may change in the short term and start acting the way you want, but it seems to be short lived and usually reverts back over time.

When you start ignoring them, it seems to have this magical power that messes up their thought processes and they suddenly come running back to you like they don't wanna lose you.

Another major factor is how long you've known her, I'd say the longer you've been together then its certainly worth calling her on her behaviour and perhaps understanding the reasons behind it.

 

[giorgio]

I never mention any of that crap if they're not my girlfriend. To me there's no point in wasting time talking to someone that's not important. I just don't contact them anymore. They do contact me later though.

what is your attitude to them when they contact you?

 

[Pickupmilitia]

This is one of those delicate things that true DJs gain aptitude for through experience.

I used to always call girls out on their BS and all it did was trigger resentment from them while simutanously showing my insecurity. Both are obviously Turn Offs

I then started doing the opposite.... acting like I was indifferent but that only made it seem like they could walk all over me or act how they like with me.

So I think the answer lies somewhere in between... You have to show them that your life isn't affected by their action but at the same time communicate to them that they must respect you.

The Cold Shoulder seems like a solid play

 

[hansol]

See it's weird. Girls love drama, but they don't love "logical drama", which is what us guys tend to do when we start chewing them out and asking them why they did the things they did. (I can get into this more if people care, but I think it's pretty self explanatory.)

So before you say/do anything, stop and ask yourself if this is going to turn into a big dramatic speech on your part. If it is, don't do it. That simple act has saved me a lot of hassle. Making a speech, however, wrecked anything good I had going at the time.

That's not to say be a pushover and never say anything. There are ways to be discreet about it, and girls are intuitive enough to pick up on when you're not impressed with them.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

If a chick says she'll see you but flakes, do you make no mention of it or smoothly call her on the BS?

No mention of it.

If you're going to bust a woman on BS, it needs to be done at the time the BS is happening and it should usually be done in person. Busting her on the phone just gives her the option to hang up or make up a reason she has to end the conversation. She holds the power. Also, if it's not done at the time the problem is happening, busting her has no real effect. In fact, she'll deny she did anything wrong and turn a fact into a debate. She needs to be busted when she's in the emotional/behavior state that is the problem. And, by bringing it up later she'll assume you've been constantly bothered by it since the time of the flake, which is not good. She's actually not lying from her own viewpoint. It's not that they are inherently evil, it's just she usually doesn't know her own motivations, she just "flaked" because of emotional feeling at the time, there's nothing *she* can do about it, and it is what happened, that's all.

It's far different from men. If I acted like an ass the night before and someone the next day tells me to stop being a ****, and they're right, I'll understand and try not to do it again. Women don't work that way. Telling them what not to do regarding an event that is in the past gets the opposite reaction no matter what she says when you tell her.

But, you CAN do something a bit like "preventative maintenance" the next time. If she indicates that she wants to try to get together sometime you can matter-of-fact say a statement like "hey babe, my time is very valuable and I don't like anyone wasting it. There are many people out there who are dependable and won't do that". That's "sort of" busting her for the last time but you haven't been dwelling on it. You were only reminded because she mentioned going out again, otherwise, it's not even on your mind, she's just in danger of being put in your mental "not a dependable person" file. If her IL is relatively high, she will not want to end up there.

That's a statement that makes the points clear and yet isn't something that can be turned around in any way. There's nothing to debate or discuss. And, it's a clear, calm warning/message wrapped in woomanese that if she keeps it up you'll be choosing other options for women.

 

[Dante420]

According to Machiavelli either you remain silent or completely crush a person. I say use either at your discretion. Sometimes just giving someone the cold shoulder will do more than saying a word.

If only he wrote a book on attraction.

 

[drak_ool]

It depends on who is doing the flaking. If my gf flaked on me, I would give her a lot of shyt. But that's because I care about her.

When I was single and ran into this situation I would just give them the cold shoulder, ignore them for a few days after the flaking. The girl will get it that you didn't appreciate what she did. If she has high IL, then she will find a way to make up for her flaking. If her IL is wavering, then she won't do anything and... NEXT!

Use flaking to your advantage: when dealing with girls who flaked in the past, or who you suspect might flake, just set up multiple dates with all these girls simultaneously (make sure you don't set them up in the same geographic area though). Wait until a few hours before the date, then assess your options. By that time you ve already got confirmation from one or two, silent treatment from another, while yet another chick already canceled. Now make your choice of who you wanna hang out with, and flake on the other chicks. Easy. Remember, it s a numbers' game

 

[The Decay of Meaning]

If someone disrespects me, I let them know or I avoid them. Simple as that.

It's all about self-respect. You don't go by and pretend nothing has happened if someone disrespects you, if you have respect for yourself, that is.

 

[2eggs]

...call her on the BS?

If she's flaking then she either has self-doubt or you are coming on too strong.

 

[pikachu69]

No mention of it.

If you're going to bust a woman on BS, it needs to be done at the time the BS is happening and it should usually be done in person. Busting her on the phone just gives her the option to hang up or make up a reason she has to end the conversation. She holds the power. Also, if it's not done at the time the problem is happening, busting her has no real effect. In fact, she'll deny she did anything wrong and turn a fact into a debate. She needs to be busted when she's in the emotional/behavior state that is the problem. And, by bringing it up later she'll assume you've been constantly bothered by it since the time of the flake, which is not good. She's actually not lying from her own viewpoint. It's not that they are inherently evil, it's just she usually doesn't know her own motivations, she just "flaked" because of emotional feeling at the time, there's nothing *she* can do about it, and it is what happened, that's all.

It's far different from men. If I acted like an ass the night before and someone the next day tells me to stop being a ****, and they're right, I'll understand and try not to do it again. Women don't work that way. Telling them what not to do regarding an event that is in the past gets the opposite reaction no matter what she says when you tell her.

But, you CAN do something a bit like "preventative maintenance" the next time. If she indicates that she wants to try to get together sometime you can matter-of-fact say a statement like "hey babe, my time is very valuable and I don't like anyone wasting it. There are many people out there who are dependable and won't do that". That's "sort of" busting her for the last time but you haven't been dwelling on it. You were only reminded because she mentioned going out again, otherwise, it's not even on your mind, she's just in danger of being put in your mental "not a dependable person" file. If her IL is relatively high, she will not want to end up there.

That's a statement that makes the points clear and yet isn't something that can be turned around in any way. There's nothing to debate or discuss. And, it's a clear, calm warning/message wrapped in woomanese that if she keeps it up you'll be choosing other options for women.

"hey babe, my time is very valuable and I don't like anyone wasting it. There are many people out there who are dependable and won't do that".

I don't follow how a flow of the conversation you'd fit the second sentence in, say she says 'lets meet up this saturday' and you say that line you wrote, the 'wont do that' part doesn't make sense.

Can you add to this maybe her response prior in order to saying this?

 

[SchoolBoy]

Just ignore and next her. Flakers are a waste of your time and if you truly value yourself, you'll get rid of her.

 

[AAAgent]

what is your attitude to them when they contact you?

Usually if they're contacting me, their interest level is high-higher than before. If i'm just dating them, this will make it a lot easier for me to make a move. If it was some bullsh!t that i won't tolerate, i just ignore the call and move on.

It really depends on the situation. If they don't call me, then i just don't sweat it and move on. I've done it so many times that i don't even notice if they don't call because by that time i've already forgotten about them.