She wants me. I want her. But this isn't your average love affair.

MrJibbles

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You see, she's my cousin. F***ed, I know. Don't judge me (Let's be honest, people sometimes have hot cousins...). We have feelings for each other. I can't deny this. I want to hook up with her, and I know she wants the same. The problem is, she's my f***ing cousin. And she has a boyfriend. I'd feel bad because her boyfriend is a good guy, and I don't want her to feel guilty.

A few months ago during the summer, we used to flirt A LOT. She used to give me major IOIs. Our chemistry is great. I have a depressive personality and spend a lot of time miserable, but feel amazing when I'm around her.

During a camping trip, we both got drunk. In the midst of the drunken craziness, she suddenly touched my hand in an affectionate manner under the picnic table. Another time, people were telling jokes and laughing alot, and generally distracted, so she took advantage of the moment to covertly touch my d*** for a moment.

A few days later, she tried getting me alone. She, I, and some friends were going to go to the amusement park later one evening, and she told me to come early. She was wearing a revealing outfit, had all her makeup done, and it was just her and I at her house for an hour or so. It was obvious what she wanted to do. I had my chance, but p**sied out, trying to justify that doing it would be wrong somehow.

During the holidays, we were at family parties a lot, and, especially since I was drunk, I hit on her A LOT. Eventually she caught on to the fact that I was maybe in love with her, and suddenly went cold. She started mentioning her boyfriend every second sentence, challenged everything I said, gave me sh** tests left and right, and generally bombarded me with indicators of disinterest. She had friendzoned me at this point, and kept egging me on to hook up with her best friend to divert attention away from herself.

But at another party later, while I was super drunk and floating in out of consciousness, I took my cousin's friend's hands and told her "I love you" a bunch of times (I mentioned this story in one of my earlier threads).

The next day, my cousin changed completely. As soon as I glanced at her, she looked down immediately. I could tell she felt "defeated," as I had declared my love for someone who WASN't her. I was now wearing the pants in the relationship; she would get nervous and shy around me, a complete turnaround of how we used to interact. After that, I stopped showing interest in her.

A couple or so months later, she's now trying to get my attention again. Leaving me messages on facebook, trying to impress me with her new earring, sitting up close to me and initiating kino whenever we meet. Pook says to "go with the gut", and the longing way she looks at me these days reinforces this notion for me. I think maybe she is bored with her boyfriend or something, and she still digs me.

The problem is, how can I get her alone? Every time we hang out, it's around tons of family; if she and I went alone somewhere, it would be sketchy. She is about to graduate high school and sends me facebook messages to ask for help with her homework sometimes; I'm thinking maybe I could stage a "tutoring session" with her. I don't know for sure though.

What could come other options be? Ideas/thoughts?
 

Wildebeest

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I will not judge you, but the vast majority of people will and it is because of cultural/social programming.

Statistically, mating with a cousin is not even close to how bad it is made out to be. You are not a freak for feeling attraction toward her, especially if you did not grow up with her.

http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/12/cousinmarriage/

"Whatever their motivations, the laws are not supported by science. According to the National Society of Genetic Counselors, birth defects are 2 to 3
percent more common in children born to first cousins than among the general population — a real risk, but not enough to justify the bans."

As far as I have read, the increased birth defects of mating with a first cousin are almost statistically insignificant. There was probably more dominating social forces behind the regulation that caused the bans and the later social taboo than the tiny increase in birth defects.

Will most people understand this? no, they will villify this point of view and all of its proponents. Why are they blinded? People are stupid, and lazy. They make associations and stereotypes to simplify their model of the world. They make the association that incest = incredibly bad (which it is), than they say, mating with a cousin = incest, therefore mating with cousin = incredily bad.
In other words, they think cousins mating is as bad as a brother and sister. They will also backwards rationalise the situation, 'well if the government banned it, it must be absolutely horrendous for the birth defects for cousins to mate'

The government and the powers at work may of had other motivations for banning the first cousin marriage over history. Wasn't the right for marriage to a first cousin an issue in the american civil war? The point is, a way of retaining and consolidating family wealth and power would have been marrying cousins. (this is why egyptian pharaohs were all inbred, to protect their wealth). Banning the marriage of first cousins causes a further dissipation of wealth. Birth defects is how it is marketed but may not be the primary underlying reason over the course of history for the banning of first cousin marriage.

Im guessing you didnt see her much when you grew up, because you dont have that inbuilt human response that blocks your attraction and says No! (brothers and sisters have this mainly because they grew up together).


Maybe she's so hot that your instinctual programming says, oh well, the marginal increase in birth defects is outweighed by her premium DNA :D haha
 

Johnnyventana

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You want her, because you can't have her. Period.

Imagine you got her. Then what? I bet you would not enjoy introducing her to people. "Hi, this is my cousin, I mean my girlfriend. Well, my cousin and girlfriend." [Looks of shock.]

It ain't happening, and thus you are attracted to wanting it. It's how it works. Now find a non-relative, and you'll see this is true.
 

theblackcat

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Johnnyventana said:
You want her, because you can't have her. Period.
Spot on. We don't judge you, but your family, relatives & friends will.
 

ezio

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Its better to let go now and save yourself a lot of drama later
 

PrettyBoyAJ

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Times can't be that hard man. Comon dude. Theres a million girls in the world and your flirting with your cousin. Are you a virgin? Not to be rude but this will explain a lot.
 

MrJibbles

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PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
you're showing AFC behavior. Any defect in the woman should be enough to next her. Much less her being your COUSIN. You are not respecting yourself enough and this is just a manifestation of it.
How? I don't see this as a defect. I don't plan to impregnate her. Yes, we are blood-related but I didn't grow up with her. What the f*** this does have to do with self-respect or being an AFC? She's hot, she wants me, this is what thousands of generations of genetic variance passed down have conditioned me into thinking. It's completely natural and, as Wildebeest mentioned, excessively stigmatized, at least from a statistical perspective.

To other posters, no I don't want her because I can't have her. Although I will admit this certainly amplifies the elements of lust involved. I don't plan to have a "relationship" with her. Just hook up with her once or twice and never speak of it again. Call it affair if you will; I don't plan on introducing her to tons of people and such.

PrettyboyAJ, yes I am a virgin. And yes, you are probably right... this does explain a lot. I have tried pursuing other girls in the past but to no avail. Ironically enough, the reason my cousin became so attracted to me in the first place was because I had no intention of hooking up with her for so long. I was outcome independent, confident, and SHE was trying to chase me. Every time I am attracted to a girl, I mess up the conversation, or she loses interest when I show interest.

In short, yes, times are hard for me right now. I have neither the patience confidence, nor stability of mental helath to go out and get a girlfriend right now. My cousin is an easy hook up for me. No strings attached. When you reach the age of 21 and still haven't even kissed a girl yet, it affects how you interact with chicks.

Sure, I could go out and take advantage of a drunk, uggo, fatty, but I'd rather go for my cousin who I actually have feelings for. Finding some cute girl somewhere and going on a bunch of dates is out of the question for me, as this is what normal people do.
I am not normal. I am abnormal. Even some doctors diagnosed me as abnormal.
 

Handsfull

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Please dont do it, dude. You'll kick yourself later down the road. Whether that's the nexy day, or ten years from now.
 

Jariel

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I have a smouldering hot cousin and she is one awesome girl. I also have a HB9 second cousin. I would never pursue either of them while in my logical frame of mind, but I have to admit if the opportunity ever presented itself I wouldn't kick them out of my bed. Hell, I'd even have them both together.

There is a stigma and some people consider it weird, but it's actually quite common and legal in the UK. The Queen and Phillip are second cousins.

I also read a statistic that 20% of all current married couples are first cousins and if you look back in history, that figure is significantly higher.

If she feels the same way maybe you should talk it over with her. The big problem is that it could cause big disagreements in your family, especially if you break up badly down the line. This is where you have to put your head before your heart (and balls).
 

Alex DeLarge

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Dude, even if you find her attractive and this idea does not bother you.. You never know how it may affect her. Let's not forget her reaction if you were to make an unsuccessful move.

Even if she's hot and you know you can bang her, this is totally not worth it. I'm not saying it's necessarily wrong, but incredibly stigmatized in western society.
 

sicsec

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Dualing banjos anyone??? Deliverance? Sure do got a pretty mouth!!! won't judge but I would feel very very weird in that situation.
 

The Experience

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sicsec said:
I have a depressive personality and spend a lot of time miserable.

I was outcome independent, confident, and SHE was trying to chase me. Every time I am attracted to a girl, I mess up the conversation, or she loses interest when I show interest.

In short, yes, times are hard for me right now. I have neither the patience confidence, nor stability of mental helath to go out and get a girlfriend right now. My cousin is an easy hook up for me. No strings attached. When you reach the age of 21 and still haven't even kissed a girl yet, it affects how you interact with chicks.

Sure, I could go out and take advantage of a drunk, uggo, fatty, but I'd rather go for my cousin who I actually have feelings for. Finding some cute girl somewhere and going on a bunch of dates is out of the question for me, as this is what normal people do.
I used to be and think somewhat like this. Thinking about one girl that I probably could get with and at the same time thinking that I could get with the 'uggos,fatties..etc.' easy, but in reality I had no experience whatsoever. What's keeping you together or holding you back is that you fantasize outcomes which you prefer, but there are so many more possible outcomes that could happen.

So what happens when this feeling of lust/infatuation runs its course, what will you do after? Also, don't believe that there are no strings attached, she's your cousin, therefore you both are already attached in some way.

And stop calling yourself 'abnormal', it's an excuse. Every time you say this you make yourself more 'abnormal' and therefore act as such.
 

Wildebeest

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http://www.wired.com/wiredscience/2008/12/cousinmarriage/

"Women over the age of 40 are not prevented from childbearing, nor is anyone suggesting they should be, despite an equivalent risk of birth defects,"


"The laws against cousin marriage are archaic, outdated and counterproductive,"

"In an age of sexual liberation, marriage between cousins remains taboo, at least in the United States — and from a scientific perspective, laws against the unions are a socially legitimized form of genetic and sexual discrimination"


But mate, you are not fighting against informed and open minded individuals like myself. You will be fighting against hordes of people who believe it is wrong, based on cultural and social programming. You will be fighting against your family, most of whom will never be as understanding.

I dont want to influence you either way, I just want to make you realise that you arent abnormal, you arent a freak for feeling this way. Just realise it probably isnt worth it based on the sheer weight of ignorant people who cant understand.
 

sighsigh

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The only reason you are chasing her is because you are desperate. She has an unstable IL AND she is your cousin (a huge red flag) and yet you are still pursuing her. These posters get the idea.

PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
you're showing AFC behavior. Any defect in the woman should be enough to next her. Much less her being your COUSIN. You are not respecting yourself enough and this is just a manifestation of it.
PrettyBoyAJ said:
Times can't be that hard man. Comon dude. Theres a million girls in the world and your flirting with your cousin. Are you a virgin? Not to be rude but this will explain a lot.
 

Kool4Katz

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Not just freaky but lame as hell. One-itis for the only girl you've probably even touched hand to hand. You are obsessing enough to warrant telling you to back away even if it were with an unrelated girl. You need some help and I say that as an honest assessment.
 

Kool4Katz

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Onto the next post - "my dog is totally attracted to me! Kino escalation every time!"
 
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