"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

Read more...

She wants it, Im leaning towards NO

Lil Magic

Don Juan
Joined
Apr 11, 2007
Messages
146
Reaction score
2
Age
35
Location
Nassau, Bahamas/ presently, Collegevill Minnesota
So, there was my oneitis who i actually wrote quite a few post about who ended up going with a friend of mine. This happened about mid summer and it still really gets to me. I saw her Friday and she still comes to me as if every thing is resolved and forgotten. I dont know if I am the one who gave her this impression, cause i've been avoiding her and kinda cut her off. So anyway, Friday i was prompted to send her a message. Im not gonna post that, but this is her response.

Her: I appreciate your honesty, no love lost on this end, but im glad you told me because I owe you an apology. Im truly sorry I failed to tell you that I was feeling Richard, I should have told form a long time ago, but I didnt. Now look what probs I created so IM SO SORRY AND I HOPE IN TIME THE LORD GIVES YOU THE STRENGTH TO FORGIVE ME AND BUILD THAT STRONG FRIENDSHIP RELATIONSHIP WE ONCE HAD. i DONT WANT TO LOSS YOU AS A FREN. OK
SOOOOO... CHURCH WE TALK OK

The fact of the matter is, I still wanna remain in contact, but if the result is that all I can ever be is friend and nothing more, i think i should just end this. Im tired of being the "friend." Then in addition to that, i've found out that girls tell you stuff like that to make themselves feel less guilty about hurting you. If im just getting token comfort or in a position where I'll always be seen as the guy who "likes me but knows I like this other guy," then screw it all to hell. Im tired of being second place, i've done it long enough so goodbye.What do you guys think?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

trv26

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Jan 2, 2008
Messages
265
Reaction score
2
Location
London
Agreed. You have nothing to gain by being friends. Assuming this was a strong case of the one-its, all you're going to do is regress.

However, there is a case for asking her about the possibilities of you two going out now. I'm a bit unclear on the facts here btw, is she and your friend still a couple?
 

Daddy The Pimp

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 22, 2007
Messages
1,642
Reaction score
50
Location
Cave
You acted like a wuss and you ended up on the friend zone . Close this chapter.

There's no way back of the friends zone . After getting some other girls , youll totally blame yourself for giving her a time of the day . You dont need b1tches that go for your friends . And you dont need friends who get your b1tches .

But if you really want her , CUT THE CONTACT with her , go get another chicks , have fun and completely forget about her . Than you can reinitiate contact in total different frame and get the b1tch .

But i wouldnt recommand you to even think about her again .

Good luck .
 

KontrollerX

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 11, 2005
Messages
4,476
Reaction score
182
You shouldn't of sent her any message.

A woman gets the best message she can ever receive by hearing the sounds of silence from you.

As any reaction/response you give will be interpreted as you being emotional over her in her mind because women love to think they are loved and cared for by people whether they are loved or hated they eat that sort of emotional reaction right up.

The only way to get back at some slvt legally who has crossed you is to not give her any reaction whatsoever and to cut her out of your life entirely and not talk to her if she tries to make any contact with you.

If you are out in public and she sees you and tries to talk to you walk on by as though she doesn't exist.

If she calls you and you hear her voice on the other end of the phone hang the phone up and its even better if you have one of those phone systems that tells you who is calling before you even pick up so you can let it ring and not answer.

Yeah though any explaining your feelings to a woman of why you no longer communicate with her will just be interpreted as a win by her as she will process this to mean you are emotionally effected by her and hence she is worthwhile and she gets validation.

Always maintain complete silence and no contact with a woman like this, it drives them nuts and gets back at them for being scum like nothing else because they thrive on drama and emotions and emotional highs.

Don't give that to them.

Remember all that I have said for the future should this situation arise again.

And no being friends with the guy that stole her from you or being friends with this girl.

Cut them both out of your life forever.

I understand that you are a Christian and hence forgiveness is important to you well understand that it is possible to forgive someone and still not want anything more to do with them so forgive them both for what they have done to you if you have to for your religion's sake but keep them both out of your life.

They have nothing positive to offer to it except a reminder of their betrayel.

Also remember that in god's mind the truly repentent are only those who stop committing sins or try to very hard.

So if someone asks for god's forgiveness for murdering people but keeps on murdering people they actually aren't sincere are they and likely of going to heaven?

Hell no they aren't.

Its the same for this girl or your friend asking for your forgiveness.

If they keep fvcking eachother and ask for your forgiveness they aren't exactly repentent for what they've done are they?

Hell no.

So in my mind you don't even need to forgive either of them if they stay together but hey you can if you want to.

Each Christian denomination has its own spin on the Bible and when to forgive and when not to forgive.

I just gave you my own from when I used to be a Christian.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

Read more...

decades

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 3, 2004
Messages
1,223
Reaction score
35
Location
sf ca
As usual The wise one, Kontroller, tells you exactly how to deal with this situation.
 

Bible_Belt

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 27, 2005
Messages
17,591
Reaction score
6,379
Age
50
Location
midwestern cow field 40
Lil Magic said:
... i've found out that girls tell you stuff like that to make themselves feel less guilty about hurting you. If im just getting token comfort or in a position where I'll always be seen as the guy who "likes me but knows I like this other guy," then screw it all to hell. Im tired of being second place, i've done it long enough so goodbye.What do you guys think?

I think you are learning a lot. Well done.
 

Bluesteak

Don Juan
Joined
Jul 17, 2008
Messages
135
Reaction score
1
Location
Kalifornia
KontrollerX said:
You shouldn't of sent her any message.

A woman gets the best message she can ever receive by hearing the sounds of silence from you.

As any reaction/response you give will be interpreted as you being emotional over her in her mind because women love to think they are loved and cared for by people whether they are loved or hated they eat that sort of emotional reaction right up.

The only way to get back at some slvt legally who has crossed you is to not give her any reaction whatsoever and to cut her out of your life entirely and not talk to her if she tries to make any contact with you.

If you are out in public and she sees you and tries to talk to you walk on by as though she doesn't exist.

If she calls you and you hear her voice on the other end of the phone hang the phone up and its even better if you have one of those phone systems that tells you who is calling before you even pick up so you can let it ring and not answer.

Yeah though any explaining your feelings to a woman of why you no longer communicate with her will just be interpreted as a win by her as she will process this to mean you are emotionally effected by her and hence she is worthwhile and she gets validation.

Always maintain complete silence and no contact with a woman like this, it drives them nuts and gets back at them for being scum like nothing else because they thrive on drama and emotions and emotional highs.

Don't give that to them.

Remember all that I have said for the future should this situation arise again.

And no being friends with the guy that stole her from you or being friends with this girl.

Cut them both out of your life forever.

I understand that you are a Christian and hence forgiveness is important to you well understand that it is possible to forgive someone and still not want anything more to do with them so forgive them both for what they have done to you if you have to for your religion's sake but keep them both out of your life.

They have nothing positive to offer to it except a reminder of their betrayel.

Also remember that in god's mind the truly repentent are only those who stop committing sins or try to very hard.

So if someone asks for god's forgiveness for murdering people but keeps on murdering people they actually aren't sincere are they and likely of going to heaven?

Hell no they aren't.

Its the same for this girl or your friend asking for your forgiveness.

If they keep fvcking eachother and ask for your forgiveness they aren't exactly repentent for what they've done are they?

Hell no.

So in my mind you don't even need to forgive either of them if they stay together but hey you can if you want to.

Each Christian denomination has its own spin on the Bible and when to forgive and when not to forgive.

I just gave you my own from when I used to be a Christian.

This should be in the hall of fame threads!
Great stuff!!!
 

DonJuan11

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 16, 2007
Messages
1,667
Reaction score
35
Lil Magic said:
So, there was my oneitis who i actually wrote quite a few post about who ended up going with a friend of mine. This happened about mid summer and it still really gets to me. I saw her Friday and she still comes to me as if every thing is resolved and forgotten. I dont know if I am the one who gave her this impression, cause i've been avoiding her and kinda cut her off. So anyway, Friday i was prompted to send her a message. Im not gonna post that, but this is her response.

Her: I appreciate your honesty, no love lost on this end, but im glad you told me because I owe you an apology. Im truly sorry I failed to tell you that I was feeling Richard, I should have told form a long time ago, but I didnt. Now look what probs I created so IM SO SORRY AND I HOPE IN TIME THE LORD GIVES YOU THE STRENGTH TO FORGIVE ME AND BUILD THAT STRONG FRIENDSHIP RELATIONSHIP WE ONCE HAD. i DONT WANT TO LOSS YOU AS A FREN. OK
SOOOOO... CHURCH WE TALK OK

Translation: Thank God you emailed me because now I know you are still emotionally attached to me and I don't feel as bad anymore. I'm also going to try to remain as close of friends with you because that will help me alot too and I won't feel like I've done anything wrong. If you completely ignored me and lost all contact with me because of what I did, then I probably would have felt a little upset and weird about what I did, and you would have the upper hand, but since you emailed me first, it proves that I have the hand. Again, thank you, I really appreciate it.

The fact of the matter is, I still wanna remain in contact, but if the result is that all I can ever be is friend and nothing more, i think i should just end this.
You are on to something there with the last two lines, my friend!
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

Pathgen

Senior Don Juan
Joined
Sep 8, 2008
Messages
331
Reaction score
6
Location
San Fran
Get out and stay out. I dont know if your like me but staying friends with a girl i cared deeply for resulted in me getting emotinal with her and wanting to confess my love to her. It was almost a mental disorder with me i would be like ok im going to give her space and see what she does. And then i would think but she must still have feelings for me like she used too (we dated) and try to get her to love me again whcih resulted in her backing off.

I havent talked to her in a week as of today and I feel so much better. Still think about her at times and want to talk to her, but life is so much sweeter if you just distance yourself from it all and i just keep reminding myself that.

Leave her alone if she wants to be friends with you and that will make you miserable its the best option.
 

Jitterbug

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
3,197
Reaction score
140
Lil Magic said:
... i've found out that girls tell you stuff like that to make themselves feel less guilty about hurting you. If im just getting token comfort or in a position where I'll always be seen as the guy who "likes me but knows I like this other guy," then screw it all to hell. Im tired of being second place, i've done it long enough so goodbye.What do you guys think?
You're a fast learner.

Also, if she uses the "I don't want to lose you as a friend" line while LJBFing you at the same time, note that you will never be treated even just as a friend. You're at best treated as an orbitor that she gets attention & validation from.

That's why guys here will often tell you to ask her to hook you up with one of her hot friends. It's an easy test to show you her true colours. Most chicks who LJBF you will never lift a finger to help you in that regard.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

Read more...

Top