She stopped initiating contact after 3 months of dating

[Divorced w 3]

That is an irrelevant, off topic unnecessary insult that contributes nothing to the discussion. Furthermore it's untrue. I was there; you were not.

I didn’t expect it to land softly but it’s not an insult, off topic, untrue, or noncontributory.

You have mentioned many times that your first husband had significant character flaws including inability to employ himself effectively or raise a family, or control his vices. You speak of him as an inferior and nobody here would disagree.

You speak now of your husband as immature, unfocused, subordinate and that he moved in with you, and that he knows where the bread is made and who makes it.

The reason this is relevant is because you counsel men here on the virtues and importance of alpha men while you diminish the value of your own husband and the one prior.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Our OP got his feelings hurt and then lost any shred of respect from her by sending a whiny text...

I'm lost, what "whiny" text did he send? Would someone clarify?

He wrote this (below) in his initial post

I haven't texted her for a week know since our last date so see if her behaviour would change, but still no text.

She had complained she needed more effort (more texts in between dates) he did nothing.

Neither did she.

Ĥe texted later and ended it.

Yes, i just told her that we shouldn't see each other any more and wished her good luck.

Where's the whiny text?

 

[BeExcellent]

I didn’t expect it to land softly but it’s not an insult, off topic, untrue, or noncontributory.

You have mentioned many times that your first husband had significant character flaws including inability to employ himself effectively or raise a family, or control his vices. You speak of him as an inferior and nobody here would disagree.

You speak now of your husband as immature, unfocused, subordinate and that he moved in with you, and that he knows where the bread is made and who makes it.

The reason this is relevant is because you counsel men here on the virtues and importance of alpha men while you diminish the value of your own husband and the one prior.

My current husband has ASD. He is an "Aspie". So are many successful alpha men. He heads a global team in tech for a Fortune 500 company, makes a solid 6 figure income, is an elite level athlete in an adventure sport, is an elite level skier as well, is tall, fit, stylish, very intelligent and extremely handsome. Does he struggle some socially because of the ASD? Yes he does. At dinner last night one of my friends and I were laughing about the adventures of being married to the spectrum. Her husband is a very handsome man who happens to be one of the top cardiac surgeons in our region...and also on the spectrum.

My husband is the furthest thing from a whiner imaginable, and I share openly here about some of the struggles that arise from the spectrum. That doesn't make him any less "alpha".

Perhaps you are not aware of the history with my first husband.

My first husband was a very successful nightclub owner running the most popular and well known venue in a city famous for nightlife when we met, dated, and married. His business partner was a friend he grew up with and knew since he was 10. The father of the friend and my first husband's father flew fighter jets together and were elite instructors for the military. My first husband's father was the pilot; the friend's father was the backseater. When the boys were 12 a low altitude training accident happened. The wing tore off the fuselage and the plane immediately flipped and spun. The friends father punched out a split second before my first husband's father, whose emergency eject trajectory sent him into the ground. The friend's father survived. The wing was found 3 miles away from the fuselage and the maker of the jet settled with my first husband's family.

Those two men had a strong bond (or so my first husband believed). My first husband had been through a tragedy losing his father; had seen the legal battle to do with responsibility, and had built himself into a successful businessman in spite of all that. THAT was who he was when we married. He NEVER saw the friend's treachery coming because they had known each other so long and been through so much.

After my first husband and I were married and expecting it became evident that the friend was mismanaging the books at the club. The ensuing business fiasco was ugly and my first husband was screwed out of the business in a very shady deal. My dad (a bad ass attorney) forced the partner to fairly compensate my first husband as the dust settled, but he never recovered from the betrayal of that friend/partner. He became depressed, lost motivation etc., but it wasn't that way when we married. He didn't drink at all when he had the club; thought it was bad form. Because he wasn't that way when we married I kept trying to help/be patient/encourage/etc. I thought he would pull out of it (the depression etc.) but he never did.

So take your potshots as you wish @Divorced w 3 but understand you are taking things entirely out of context.

Obviously I divorced my first husband as a result of his behavior after it became obvious there was nothing else I could do, and I was not going to let the example of how to be a man stand for my children by staying.

The truly salient thing is that my son has developed into an alpha male himself. He was in leadership at his ROTC unit in college, has commissioned as a military officer himself, has gotten married to his high school sweetheart, they are expecting, and he has already started building wealth. He is respected everywhere he goes and amongst his peers and his elders. He following in the footsteps of his grandfathers, and sees his father's life as a cautionary tale.

He is 22. His wife is 21.

So if I've been able to raise a solid young man with the same principles I promote here I'd say my contributions might have some weight.

Very few here share as transparently as I do. No relationship is perfect and people all have their flaws. I share so others may benefit from my life experiences.

If you think that deserves ridicule? By all means please proceed.

Again. I was there. You were not.

 

[AM349]

I'm lost, what "whiny" text did he send? Would someone clarify?

He wrote this (below) in his initial post



She had complained she needed more effort (more texts in between dates) he did nothing.

Neither did she.

Ĥe texted later and ended it.



Where's the whiny text?

Yea i texted her and told her that it is better to not see each other anymore.

Here is the exact text i sent:

“hey it is my turn to send a long paragraph but luckily it is the only one i will send .

i have told you in the beginning that certain behaviours of yours would only push me further away from you and cause me too lose interest.

and i have reached the point that it is enough for me.

i think it is better to not see each other again.

i wish you good luck in the future .”

Did i care about her? We had fun, had good talks, so yes of course i was invested in some way into her because we spend the last 4 months together. That is normal.

But it is not that i am crying or anything lol. Just wanted to learn and understand why it ended like this and how to prevent it in the future

I just wanted to clarify things and end things on a good note.

i dont want to see someone who doesn’t put in the effort. It is about respect for me.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Bottom line, you're incompatible.

She needed more effort from you (which she asked for) YOU needed more effort from her.

That's called a "stalemate," ending things was for the best.

Life goes on.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Yea i texted her and told her that it is better to not see each other anymore.

Here is the exact text i sent:

“hey it is my turn to send a long paragraph but luckily it is the only one i will send .

i have told you in the beginning that certain behaviours of yours would only push me further away from you and cause me too lose interest.

and i have reached the point that it is enough for me.

i think it is better to not see each other again.

i wish you good luck in the future .”

Did i care about her? We had fun, had good talks, so yes of course i was invested in some way into her because we spend the last 4 months together. That is normal.

But it is not that i am crying or anything lol. Just wanted to learn and understand why it ended like this and how to prevent it in the future

I just wanted to clarify things and end things on a good note.

i dont want to see someone who doesn’t put in the effort. It is about respect for me.

And now that you got the ‘last word’, do you feel any better?

 

[Divorced w 3]

My current husband has ASD. He is an "Aspie". So are many successful alpha men. He heads a global team in tech for a Fortune 500 company, makes a solid 6 figure income, is an elite level athlete in an adventure sport, is an elite level skier as well, is tall, fit, stylish, very intelligent and extremely handsome. Does he struggle some socially because of the ASD? Yes he does. At dinner last night one of my friends and I were laughing about the adventures of being married to the spectrum. Her husband is a very handsome man who happens to be one of the top cardiac surgeons in our region...and also on the spectrum.

My husband is the furthest thing from a whiner imaginable, and I share openly here about some of the struggles that arise from the spectrum. That doesn't make him any less "alpha".

Perhaps you are not aware of the history with my first husband.

My first husband was a very successful nightclub owner running the most popular and well known venue in a city famous for nightlife when we met, dated, and married. His business partner was a friend he grew up with and knew since he was 10. The father of the friend and my first husband's father flew fighter jets together and were elite instructors for the military. My first husband's father was the pilot; the friend's father was the backseater. When the boys were 12 a low altitude training accident happened. The wing tore off the fuselage and the plane immediately flipped and spun. The friends father punched out a split second before my first husband's father, whose emergency eject trajectory sent him into the ground. The friend's father survived. The wing was found 3 miles away from the fuselage and the maker of the jet settled with my first husband's family.

Those two men had a strong bond (or so my first husband believed). My first husband had been through a tragedy losing his father; had seen the legal battle to do with responsibility, and had built himself into a successful businessman in spite of all that. THAT was who he was when we married. He NEVER saw the friend's treachery coming because they had known each other so long and been through so much.

After my first husband and I were married and expecting it became evident that the friend was mismanaging the books at the club. The ensuing business fiasco was ugly and my first husband was screwed out of the business in a very shady deal. My dad (a bad ass attorney) forced the partner to fairly compensate my first husband as the dust settled, but he never recovered from the betrayal of that friend/partner. He became depressed, lost motivation etc., but it wasn't that way when we married. He didn't drink at all when he had the club; thought it was bad form. Because he wasn't that way when we married I kept trying to help/be patient/encourage/etc. I thought he would pull out of it (the depression etc.) but he never did.

So take your potshots as you wish @Divorced w 3 but understand you are taking things entirely out of context.

Obviously I divorced my first husband as a result of his behavior after it became obvious there was nothing else I could do, and I was not going to let the example of how to be a man stand for my children by staying.

The truly salient thing is that my son has developed into an alpha male himself. He was in leadership at his ROTC unit in college, has commissioned as a military officer himself, has gotten married to his high school sweetheart, they are expecting, and he has already started building wealth. He is respected everywhere he goes and amongst his peers and his elders. He following in the footsteps of his grandfathers, and sees his father's life as a cautionary tale.

He is 22. His wife is 21.

So if I've been able to raise a solid young man with the same principles I promote here I'd say my contributions might have some weight.

Very few here share as transparently as I do. No relationship is perfect and people all have their flaws. I share so others may benefit from my life experiences.

If you think that deserves ridicule? By all means please proceed.

Again. I was there. You were not.

I was waiting for you to reference your son. Whatever you did with the hand you were dealt, you did a great job and taking a lesson from you on parenting in a total rebuild would be something I would be interested in reading any day. Please tell him that some d1ckhead on the internet thanks him for his service to our country.

 

[BeExcellent]

I was waiting for you to reference your son. Whatever you did with the hand you were dealt, you did a great job and taking a lesson from you on parenting in a total rebuild would be something I would be interested in reading any day. Please tell him that some d1ckhead on the internet thanks him for his service to our country.

When he is thanked for his service he always says:

You're worth it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

When he is thanked for his service he always says:

You're worth it.

That is perfect. Hr sounds like a true servant leader.

 

[Gamisch]

I'm lost, what "whiny" text did he send? Would someone clarify?

He wrote this (below) in his initial post



She had complained she needed more effort (more texts in between dates) he did nothing.

Neither did she.

Ĥe texted later and ended it.



Where's the whiny text?

“hey it is my turn to send a long paragraph but luckily it is the only one i will send .

i have told you in the beginning that certain behaviours of yours would only push me further away from you and cause me too lose interest.

and i have reached the point that it is enough for me.

i think it is better to not see each other again.

i wish you good luck in the future .”

Here it is. Texting this to a woman who clearly moved on is whiney at BEST.

It's a big what if whether more effort would turn into better results..I agree with @New_Journey that a woman needs to show some form of effort. As you see all of the things he described were free things such as cooking cleaning ect..small gestures that will enlighten our hearts.

You really try your best to speak " our language " so my advice to you is don't be insulted by this. We don't want a "slave or a maid" but we do know we will have to pay most of the time and more importantly: if another man is threatening you we might have to put out life on the line to protect you. So all we ask in return are simple gestures. And bigger ones like loyalty and love.


We can speculate all we want , at the end if the story she didn't liked him like that and she went Casper on him. He'll learn to deal with it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yea i texted her and told her that it is better to not see each other anymore.

Here is the exact text i sent:

“hey it is my turn to send a long paragraph but luckily it is the only one i will send .

i have told you in the beginning that certain behaviours of yours would only push me further away from you and cause me too lose interest.

and i have reached the point that it is enough for me.

i think it is better to not see each other again.

i wish you good luck in the future .”

Did i care about her? We had fun, had good talks, so yes of course i was invested in some way into her because we spend the last 4 months together. That is normal.

But it is not that i am crying or anything lol. Just wanted to learn and understand why it ended like this and how to prevent it in the future

I just wanted to clarify things and end things on a good note.

i dont want to see someone who doesn’t put in the effort. It is about respect for me.

Not sure what the purpose of that text is but it makes you sound butt hurt simply from feeling like you needed to send that text.

 

[AM349]

Ok, but what would have been the correct course of action?

some guys proposed to text her and setup a date?

otherw suggested to do nothing and let her reach out?

 

[Chow Mein]

Dudes, we are pushing back and forth in this thread on what OP should presumably do with a chick probably his own age, 20.
Let this thread die and have OP read this 5 years from now and a few more notches on his belt. He ain’t learning now, but he will

 

[BeExcellent]

This sounds like you're trying to convince yourself that you married a winner.


You making of fun of your husband for having a condition says a lot about you, you appear having a successful life, but a wife who respects her husband won't fun of him, and much less with another female. Congrats, you married a trophy hubby so you can present him to everyone like he's the Chad with all the great qualities, but in reality is an outcast of society with zero social skills, you are the equivalent of a male millionaire who marries a trophy wife cause she's hot, but in reality she is a retard.

A bit judgy perhaps ol' boy?? Well once you get off your high horse of self righteousness you'll see that humour is a way to be lighthearted about life.

I am flattered that you seem to think he is a trophy.....certainly plenty of men would love to trade places with him in many ways.

The TV show "The Big Bang" features an Aspie main character, Sheldon, and much of the humor in that show derives from his misadventures in social cues, while also demonstrating his intelligence and nerdiness and sweet nature. Another show "The Good Doctor" also features an autistic main character, who is a physician. The reason those shows are so popular is they resonate with people; art imitating life as it were.

ALL the men I date are very handsome & accomplished. That's my landscape and always has been. I don't see looks or accomplishment as a trophy, lol. Those things are prerequisites for me. Clearly you seem to think neurodiversity is a "retard" of some sort, but it is simply a difference in neurologic composition and focus, and it can be quite amusing the miscues that occur between a neurotypical individual and a neurodiverse individual.

You are probably that guy who gets super offended when comedians make jokes about racial generalities, but give it a rest about my husband. Jeez.

The medical community is still trying to figure out how to properly characterize neurodiverse people, and if you look at the versions of the DSM since the early 1980s forward you will see this. The social aspect of interpersonal interactions can be quite difficult for people with these conditions, but it varies widely.

I married my husband because I love him. And I love him for all the right reasons. Yes he's handsome. But so is any man I'd consider, sheesh.

I find it funny that you are so indignant about by life, which I am living just fine, thank you so much.

Relax. Take a deep breath. Worry about your own life. We are all good over here.

Cheers.

 

[BeExcellent]

Yes. Imagine a 55 year old man advising 18 year old women. There is a name for that:

Father.

The same as I advise my children who are 22, 19 and 16. You see people with life experience are never at the mercy of someone with a theory.

Only there are so many young women running around with "daddy issues" that there is an obvious shortage of good fathers these days. Fortunately my ex husband, for all his personal shortcomings, is a great father. He is open and transparent about why his life is how it is; he owns and is accountable.

@New_Journey my husband knows I am here. So does my son. My husband knows some people here through me. This is an anonymous forum for obvious reasons. Because of that I can share freely. So I do.

And there are people, like you, who insult me and shame me from time to time. Big deal. You think you can hurt my feelings? You aren't important enough to be able to. Sorry to burst your bubble. If I posted the same advice but as a man, it is still the same good advice but without the flak for being female. No worries. It's a male space & I believe the world needs more capable men.

Know why I start posts with the tag line "Advice from the old lady"? It's transparent. It started as a nod to some young men nearly 10 years ago who think some woman old enough to be their mother or grandmother must be a cat lady and ugly and couldn't possibly have anything worthwhile to contribute. The avatar is me in my 50s. I am obviously attractive and always have been.

There are a number of posters here who are 50+, from all over the world. But here's the thing my dear. People who are 40+, 50+, 60+, 70+? We were in our teens/20s/30s before. In some cases before you were born. We didn't just get born at 50+ with no other life experience, and our brains did not get erased, and NO, people and dating are not THAT different. Technology has changed. People? Not so much.

You have an ignore button. Feel free to use it. But don't worry about saving other posters from my advice. They have brains. They can read & discern things.

Worry more about your own qualifications, you who won't even list his age. Lol.

Let me guess, 34, never married, no kids, living somewhere outside the US. Obviously lacking a sense of humor but with an ego the size of Austraila.

You aren't the first new guy to come at me & you won't be the last. Yawn.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yes. Imagine a 55 year old man advising 18 year old women. There is a name for that:

Father.

The same as I advise my children who are 22, 19 and 16. You see people with life experience are never at the mercy of someone with a theory.

Only there are so many young women running around with "daddy issues" that there is an obvious shortage of good fathers these days. Fortunately my ex husband, for all his personal shortcomings, is a great father. He is open and transparent about why his life is how it is; he owns and is accountable.

@New_Journey my husband knows I am here. So does my son. My husband knows some people here through me. This is an anonymous forum for obvious reasons. Because of that I can share freely. So I do.

And there are people, like you, who insult me and shame me from time to time. Big deal. You think you can hurt my feelings? You aren't important enough to be able to. Sorry to burst your bubble. If I posted the same advice but as a man, it is still the same good advice but without the flak for being female. No worries. It's a male space & I believe the world needs more capable men.

Know why I start posts with the tag line "Advice from the old lady"? It's transparent. It started as a nod to some young men nearly 10 years ago who think some woman old enough to be their mother or grandmother must be a cat lady and ugly and couldn't possibly have anything worthwhile to contribute. The avatar is me in my 50s. I am obviously attractive and always have been.

There are a number of posters here who are 50+, from all over the world. But here's the thing my dear. People who are 40+, 50+, 60+, 70+? We were in our teens/20s/30s before. In some cases before you were born. We didn't just get born at 50+ with no other life experience, and our brains did not get erased, and NO, people and dating are not THAT different. Technology has changed. People? Not so much.

You have an ignore button. Feel free to use it. But don't worry about saving other posters from my advice. They have brains. They can read & discern things.

Worry more about your own qualifications, you who won't even list his age. Lol.

Let me guess, 34, never married, no kids, living somewhere outside the US. Obviously lacking a sense of humor but with an ego the size of Austraila.

You aren't the first new guy to come at me & you won't be the last. Yawn.

Good advice is good advice no matter who is giving it.

Only fools try to claim advice is good or bad due to someone's gender.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I worry about my life and what advice I give because of what this gentleman wrote:




Smart people challenge each other as a form of learning, so if you are going to teach, expect to be challenged.

- Your hubby is the perfect Adonis with all the quality of a HVM but without kids. Other members questions why would a perfect guy will marry a 50yo woman and when he has no kids, like he is the exception to the rule. But the reason is he has asperges or autism which is fine, but is good to know that your experiences do not reflect the average HVM (or Alpha) which men in here should aim to become.

- In other posts you throw the dirty laundry of you husband onto us

- In other post you make fun of him with your female friend which is in the same circumstances.

Gentlemen, this the perfect example of a woman not respecting her husband. What would you guys do if you find your woman is saying your dirty laundry to a bunch of online randoms? Your advices do not reflect what the average HVM go through. Otherwise, you would not be here, a 55 yo woman in a forum a 99% men from 18-40 active members. Imagine 55 yo guy in a forum where 18 yo girls ask for dating advice. That's why I challenge your advices.

For what it’s worth, she is in here explaining her rationale. There is a lot to be said about being open to criticism. I asked @Manure Spherian the following a couple of weeks ago when he was suggesting that certain age groups don’t mix, which directly contradicts my personal experience . I didn’t get an answer. I’m just pointing it out, because he liked my original post to @BeExcellent

In the 90’s when I was in my teens, where I went to school and grew up, few people cared about sports and lifting and few were gorgeous men. Those who got first dibs were scumbags, criminals, and rich boys. I’m not kidding.

You’re over 50 years old and memory serves your married to a childhood sweetheart. What would be your basis for giving any advice on the dating tendencies of younger women and middle age men?

I ask this because I am 40, and at 37, the only women I seriously fooled around with post separation were attractive, in their 20’s, save for the 36 year old that jumped on me 8 days removed from my marriage.

What forms the basis for what you are trying to say and what good does it honestly serve to try and dissuade men from doing what they want to try and do?

 

[BeExcellent]

I don't need to ignore you, like I said I challenge everyone's advice and you no different. A 55yo guy in a dating advice site is not a father, he's not related to any of those young girls, he's a creep.

But if you as a teacher and mother, don't like people challenging your advice and taking it like it is, from a stranger on the internet who can have a virtual fake life, then you have to say it.


35 living in Texas, advising guys how to be better.

Not too far off base.

It doesn't bother me at all being challenged. But it can be done with a bit more decorum. As a native Texan myself I know many women that would be referred to as "a pistol". I have been called same and think it fits.

Cheers.

 

[Sega Genesis]

my husband knows I am here.

Hi @BeExcellent , just curious but since your hubs knows you're here and could easily browse the site and find your posts, are you at all concerned that he would do so and how he might feel upon reading some of the "less than flattering" things you post?

One need not become a member to browse and read.

I recall one particular post wherein you stated that some of his actions were causing you to lose respect for him. Ouch.

I mean no offense I promise, I'm just genuinely curious about it.

 

[BeExcellent]

Hi @BeExcellent , just curious but since your hubs knows you're here and could easily browse the site and find your posts, are you at all concerned that he would do so and how he might feel upon reading some of the "less than flattering" things you post?

One need not become a member to browse and read.

I recall one particular post wherein you stated that some of his actions were causing you to lose respect for him. Ouch.

I mean no offense I promise, I'm just genuinely curious about it.

This forum is anonymous. Also, there is NOTHING here that I have not discussed with him directly. There are plenty of things that we discuss (good, bad & neutral) that I do not discuss here.

I am VERY direct & transparent with him. If he reads....he reads. There won't be any surprises. He knows a little about occassional situations where someone reached out in DM for advice to me for example...and those situations are kept anonymous too.

There have been members along the way who have jettisoned their participation here because the woman/women in their life found out etc.

What I'm curious about is why you appear to assume I'm saying things here I wouldn't say to his face?

Perhaps I'm wrong about you making that assumption.....I certainly hope I am wrong.

I am also curious about the fascination with the details of my life as well as the focus on the negative side of things. We love one another and the relationship is imperfect. Imperfect does not mean bad. It means we are a married couple figuring it out as all married couples do given their particulars.

I mean if someone says "Aha! All is not unicorns and rainbows!!!" Well duh. Real life is not fantasy land, although its generally good.

Unlike many women I am very direct and I am not conflict averse. I tell it how it is and I'm honest. Are those tough conversations sometimes? Sure. Do you want the truth or do you want someone to blow sunshine up your backside? I want the truth, however raw it may be. He appreciates that about me; it builds trust.