She stopped initiating contact after 3 months of dating

[AM349]

So i have this plate that i have been seeing for 3 months. We see each other about 1 time a week and each time we have s3x and fun.

In the beginning she would complain that i didn't contact her as much as she would like to.

But i noticed that for the last 4 weeks i am the one initiating the contact. She never rejected a date or something and the dates are fun but, why isn't she chasing my attention? After 3 months she should be attached right, so what am i messing up?

I haven't texted her for a week know since our last date so see if her behaviour would change, but still no text.

I usealy just text her once a week to setup a date, but this week decided to skip.

I also am starting to lose interest because why the **** would i always put in the effort to see her and arrange activities, what would you guys do?

 

[pipeman84]

why isn't she chasing my attention?

Between other guys, her vibrators and dildos, what's so special about you so that she should chase you?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You just found out that plates always have an expiration date.

Women for the most part are looking for a relationship and once they realize it isn't going to happen with you or you simply are happy with an FWB situation, they will go along with it for a while in the hopes it develops into something more but then when it is clear it won't, they end up breaking it off so they can go find what they are looking for.

There isn't anything you can do in this situation. You should always expect this to happen with plates within 3-4 months, that's usually how long you get before they make a decision about the relationship and it not having a future.

Time to move on and you should have been working on keeping your pipeline full. Big mistake most guys make is letting their pipeline slip in these situations and ending up with nothing for a few months.

You are looking at this completely wrong and I am going to guess you don't have a lot of experience in these situations or you would know this is very common especially within the timeframe you mentioned.

This woman is not going to chase after you, you are simply making it much easier for her and reinforcing the decision she made which is that she needs to stop wasting her time with you and a relationship that is going nowhere.

 

[RangerMIke]

This typically happens after about 3 months. You really can't worry about this, she has just discovered this isn't working out. The only advice I can give is to NOT double down on effort... just let her drift off and find a new girl.

 

[Chow Mein]

Nothing to worry about, OP. Just ask her out and bang, if she doesn’t then you know what the status is.

I would be happy in your shoes where there’s no communication between dates. Seems like you are getting attached to her by just caring about why she doesn’t initiate contact

 

[AM349]

okay, but what whould be the correct course of action right now?
- initiate contact and keep dating until she cancels one and just bang her for now?
- don't do anything and keep spinning my other plates?
- just ask her why her behaviour has been of lately and just talk it out as 2 grown people?
- should i just text her or?

I would not marry this plate, but the time we have is fun.
I am also seeing other woman right now, but iam just trying to learn how to handle situation like these in the future.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

I would not marry this plate.
initiate contact and keep dating until she cancels one and just bang her for now?

Yes. As long as you keep tappin it, you should keep initiating

 

[BeExcellent]

As the time progressed, you did the opposite that hooked her up. I'm going to tell you what changed.


This is good. A woman spouting feelings from her mouth mean she has some level of investment, this is good, this is what you want.


You got to understand that women test men. She telling you that you didn't initiate was a test, to see how invested you were, since she was very invested, and you failed.


Exactly, you are following your instincts which is fine, you have good instincts.

This is what happened:

In the beginning you appeared like an alpha guy, who was busy, didn't have time to text, she was chasing for your time and validation, this is how every situation with a woman should be, she MUST chase you, it is in their DNA, women are hardwired to chase men, to try to get men to commit, women want to work hard for her prize.

When time went on, she complained that you didn't initiate, well, in you male brain thought "we've been having fun and sex, I should initiate more often", then you started to initiate, and poof everything went to $hit, that was your problem, doig what you thoguht she wanted, instead of doing what she needed.

You should've kept it lite, once per week with a lot of fun, and then a very cold silence from your part, that way she wonders about you. You should've been busy doing other stuff and dating other women but being silent. Women have a lot of orbiters who text them, and you not texting her, you were different, so she was hooked, but as soon as you behaved like other orbiters and giving her free attention, she despised that.

If I were you, the time she texts, reply one text normal, don't invite her to do anything, if she asks say you are busy for that week and do not give any other time to meet, is she ask you say you'll let her know, and then go on with your life dating other women. I would invite her to go out two weeks after she texts you. You need to become the guy she was attracted before, the one she was chasing, but you need to be busy living you life and not waiting for her.

No man will make a woman wait for sex, but when someone does it, it creates mystery, cause men love sex, so if you're not ****ing her given the opportunity, you must be fvcking someone else, at least in her mind, and that's what you want.

Like @BackInTheGame78 and @RangerMIke said, plates always have expiration dates; they fall out of the rotation and for exactly the reasons the guys cited.

I disagree with @New_Journey s bit here. The only women who will ever chase men are lower self esteem/less value/emotionally unstable women. Women who are high value (and know it) will NOT chase after guys. They don't need to and they have plenty of good options showing interest in them, which allows them to relax into the responsive feminine role.

My grandmother had a wise saying:

"Wise women let the man chase her until she catches him....."

And all the women in my family were married to very alpha men, my grandmother twice (and widowed twice).

That is a very different mindset than New Journey expects to see, and quality women still do that today because it promotes masculine/feminine polarity.

Plates are always going to break; and your plates are often going to be seeing (and sexing) other guys. Neither should surprise you.

She's not marriage material in your book, let her go.

NEXT.

 

[pipeman84]

If I were you, the time she texts, reply one text normal, don't invite her to do anything, if she asks say you are busy for that week and do not give any other time to meet, is she ask you say you'll let her know, and then go on with your life dating other women. I would invite her to go out two weeks after she texts you. You need to become the guy she was attracted before, the one she was chasing, but you need to be busy living you life and not waiting for her.

No man will make a woman wait for sex, but when someone does it, it creates mystery, cause men love sex, so if you're not ****ing her given the opportunity, you must be fvcking someone else, at least in her mind, and that's what you want.

Why would a plate (which by definition is a low quality woman who most probably has multiple guys she has sex with and doesn't take more than 1-2 dates to add new guys to the roster) act the way you describe for a random guy like OP? If he were a celebrity/millionaire, then what you say would begin to make sense.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Damn OP, how many times did you initiate contact? What did you guys talk about? I’m not sure if you fully understand what “spinning plates” means, so let me break it down. Essentially, it refers to distributing your attention and effort between multiple romantic interests to keep them all “spinning,” or in motion, without letting any of them fall. This helps you avoid coming off as clingy or needy, which is generally unattractive. This is also why people are often advised not to text too much—so they don’t appear overly available or desperate.

Now, what might you have done wrong? There are several possibilities, and with the little information you’ve provided, it’s tough to say if it’s one issue or a combination. First, you may have come across as extremely relationship-focused. As you might know, feminine energy is often relationship-based, and she should ideally be the one driving that aspect. You might have treated her like she was already your girlfriend, even though she never agreed to that role.

Secondly, as I mentioned earlier, after a couple has sex, there’s usually a shift in energy. One partner might see the other as "weak" for giving in, and the other stops idealizing them and starts noticing flaws. To counteract this, you need to fight against this negative inertia. You have to keep the excitement alive—keep proving yourself, keep your attention on her, and let her know you’re not taking her for granted.

Finally, I believe that, combined with the first issue, you lost some of the mystery in the relationship. She got too familiar with you, you didn’t use absences effectively, and you became too reliable. The relationship started feeling too comfortable, and it lost the erotic tension and excitement that fuels desire.

So, what should you do now? Text only for logistics—don’t overdo it. If she initiates contact during your weekly initiation, you respond. This week, reach out and invite her out. Get your logistics in place, and use DREAD. Let her reach out to you, and remember that you’re the prize. If she doesn’t want to hang out this time, give her space and let her come to you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

okay, but what whould be the correct course of action right now?
- initiate contact and keep dating until she cancels one and just bang her for now?
- don't do anything and keep spinning my other plates?
- just ask her why her behaviour has been of lately and just talk it out as 2 grown people?
- should i just text her or?

I would not marry this plate, but the time we have is fun.
I am also seeing other woman right now, but iam just trying to learn how to handle situation like these in the future.

Go find more women and leave her alone. This one is done. Accept it and move on

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why would a plate (which by definition is a low quality woman who most probably has multiple guys she has sex with and doesn't take more than 1-2 dates to add new guys to the roster) act the way you describe for a random guy like OP? If he were a celebrity/millionaire, then what you say would begin to make sense.

Many women do not have sex with multiple guys...they will date multiple guys but once they start having sex with one of them, the other ones start fading away.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Damn OP, how many times did you initiate contact? What did you guys talk about? I’m not sure if you fully understand what “spinning plates” means, so let me break it down. Essentially, it refers to distributing your attention and effort between multiple romantic interests to keep them all “spinning,” or in motion, without letting any of them fall. This helps you avoid coming off as clingy or needy, which is generally unattractive. This is also why people are often advised not to text too much—so they don’t appear overly available or desperate.

Now, what might you have done wrong? There are several possibilities, and with the little information you’ve provided, it’s tough to say if it’s one issue or a combination. First, you may have come across as extremely relationship-focused. As you might know, feminine energy is often relationship-based, and she should ideally be the one driving that aspect. You might have treated her like she was already your girlfriend, even though she never agreed to that role.

Secondly, as I mentioned earlier, after a couple has sex, there’s usually a shift in energy. One partner might see the other as "weak" for giving in, and the other stops idealizing them and starts noticing flaws. To counteract this, you need to fight against this negative inertia. You have to keep the excitement alive—keep proving yourself, keep your attention on her, and let her know you’re not taking her for granted.

Finally, I believe that, combined with the first issue, you lost some of the mystery in the relationship. She got too familiar with you, you didn’t use absences effectively, and you became too reliable. The relationship started feeling too comfortable, and it lost the erotic tension and excitement that fuels desire.

So, what should you do now? Text only for logistics—don’t overdo it. If she initiates contact during your weekly initiation, you respond. This week, reach out and invite her out. Get your logistics in place, and use DREAD. Let her reach out to you, and remember that you’re the prize. If she doesn’t want to hang out this time, give her space and let her come to you.

You are missing the overarching issue and that is around 3-4 months women often decide whether they want to push the relationship forward or end it and find someone else.

Essentially they have committed to "seeing how things go" for a period of time, sort of like a probationary period at work when you first get hired.

Clearly she doesn't see any future with OP, mainly because he did a poor job of showing that he was interested in anything more than fvcking her.

This is simply called the expiration date of the relationship, nothing more nothing less.

Now, if that's all OP wanted then that's fine. But he needs to understand that this is going to happen frequently because most women don't want to just have sex with a guy and nothing else. She gave him a chance to see if he wanted anything else from her, he confirmed he did not, and she decided it was time to find something more than he was willing to offer.

He isn't in the wrong here, he just needs to accept that he can't have it both ways. Doesn't work that way in life.

Would be like trying to be in New York and San Francisco at the same time. Gotta pick one or the other.

 

[BeExcellent]

Actually I understand women (and men) very very well. I know what works and have the results to show for it. But of course that is for each reader to discern.

 

[Gamisch]

Like @BackInTheGame78 and @RangerMIke said, plates always have expiration dates; they fall out of the rotation and for exactly the reasons the guys cited.

I disagree with @New_Journey s bit here. The only women who will ever chase men are lower self esteem/less value/emotionally unstable women. Women who are high value (and know it) will NOT chase after guys. They don't need to and they have plenty of good options showing interest in them, which allows them to relax into the responsive feminine role.

My grandmother had a wise saying:

"Wise women let the man chase her until she catches him....."

And all the women in my family were married to very alpha men, my grandmother twice (and widowed twice).

That is a very different mindset than New Journey expects to see, and quality women still do that today because it promotes masculine/feminine polarity.

Plates are always going to break; and your plates are often going to be seeing (and sexing) other guys. Neither should surprise you.

She's not marriage material in your book, let her go.

NEXT.

I get what you're saying. Still I think that GENERALLY speaking @New_Journey is right. I've heard many women say this as well..on the other hand I also heard what you say very often.

If we analyze why these 3 to 6 months relationships fail I think his advice is sound. A man shows his cards way to soon, becomes invested while the woman loses interest. In this case we all know she didn't wake up and decided out of nowhere that she wanted to GHOST OP. My guess is that somewhere around the 1 /1,5 mark ( and some sexual encounters) the swift happened.

It's difficult for average men to date with a purpose. You are obviously highly dependent on the woman you deal with and her state and dating preferences, other prospects ect. Arguably a man should vet like a pro but assuming you meet her via OLD it's not gonna be that easy...a man who walks around with a ring in his pocket will more often than not be seen as a freak/ creep and he will " suffocate " the women he tries to date.

I'd say that a single man must be able to apply both of the scenarios you guys painted:
- let a woman chase when it's called upon
- and do the chasing when it's necessary.

Experience teaches us to recognize who is who.

 

[Gamisch]

You just found out that plates always have an expiration date.

Women for the most part are looking for a relationship and once they realize it isn't going to happen with you or you simply are happy with an FWB situation, they will go along with it for a while in the hopes it develops into something more but then when it is clear it won't, they end up breaking it off so they can go find what they are looking for.

There isn't anything you can do in this situation. You should always expect this to happen with plates within 3-4 months, that's usually how long you get before they make a decision about the relationship and it not having a future.

Time to move on and you should have been working on keeping your pipeline full. Big mistake most guys make is letting their pipeline slip in these situations and ending up with nothing for a few months.

You are looking at this completely wrong and I am going to guess you don't have a lot of experience in these situations or you would know this is very common especially within the timeframe you mentioned.

This woman is not going to chase after you, you are simply making it much easier for her and reinforcing the decision she made which is that she needs to stop wasting her time with you and a relationship that is going nowhere.

In order to spin plates you need to be dating multiple women at once. We like to call every woman a plate to downgrade her when shyte goes south ( and to safe face among our fellow men) , but the truth is its actually a "potential GIRLFRIEND. "

Plate became a cool word in the redpill, but most of the times it's an incorrect title for said woman.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I get what you're saying. Still I think that GENERALLY speaking @New_Journey is right. I've heard many women say this as well..on the other hand I also heard what you say very often.

I agree with @Be however there is some truth to what @New_Journey said as well.

Speaking for myself when I'm really into a guy, it's difficult sometimes to NOT initiate a text, not so much for reassurance or because I'm insecure or damaged, but rather because I like him and want to talk to him, connect with him!

I never considered it "chasing" or even pursuing per se, simply showing interest and again wanting to talk and connect.

The men I have dated have always appreciated it and in fact drew them closer and made it easier for them to pursue me without fear of rejection.

It's always a delicate balance. Not too much, not too little. For both her and him!

My experience.

 

[Clockwerk50]

You are missing the overarching issue and that is around 3-4 months women often decide whether they want to push the relationship forward or end it and find someone else.

Essentially they have committed to "seeing how things go" for a period of time, sort of like a probationary period at work when you first get hired.

Clearly she doesn't see any future with OP, mainly because he did a poor job of showing that he was interested in anything more than fvcking her.

This is simply called the expiration date of the relationship, nothing more nothing less.

Now, if that's all OP wanted then that's fine. But he needs to understand that this is going to happen frequently because most women don't want to just have sex with a guy and nothing else. She gave him a chance to see if he wanted anything else from her, he confirmed he did not, and she decided it was time to find something more than he was willing to offer.

He isn't in the wrong here, he just needs to accept that he can't have it both ways. Doesn't work that way in life.

Would be like trying to be in New York and San Francisco at the same time. Gotta pick one or the other.

I agree that most “situationships” tend to have a shelf life of 3-4 months, often because the woman doesn’t see a future with the man, or someone else enters the picture. However, I believe boredom is the primary reason things end. Without shared experiences—like planning trips as a couple, double dates, meeting each other’s friends and families, or attending events together—there’s not enough excitement or anticipation to sustain the connection. You can only rely on casual nights in, drinks at bars, or being stuck in a room together for so long before things feel stagnant and stale.

OP’s real mistake, in my opinion, was overcorrecting. When she expressed wanting more frequent communication, he gave in out of fear she’d lose interest. Ironically, this likely had the opposite effect. By relinquishing his power and abandoning the dynamic that initially intrigued her, he unintentionally shifted the balance and diminished her interest. It seems like he initiated contact more frequently than “once per week” as he claims to have done for a whole month.

I also agree that moving on is the best course of action here. If OP has plates, as he claims he has, he’ll bounce back fine. He just needs to learn from this: maintaining balance and mystery is key to keeping interest alive.

 

[Gamisch]

I agree with @Be however speaking for myself when I'm really into a guy, it's difficult sometimes to NOT initiate a text, not so much for reassurance or because I'm insecure or damaged, but rather because I like him and want to talk to him, connect with him!

I never considered it "chasing" or even pursuing per se, simply showing interest and again wanting to talk and connect.

The men I have dated have always appreciated it and in fact drew them closer and made it easier for men to pursue me without fear of rejection.

It's always a delicate balance. Not too much, not too little. For both her and him!

My experience.

Hey are you back already? How ya doing mam'?

Interesting to hear two women say the same thing. I guess that does kinda forces me to rethink my statement somehow..

Perhaps the "miscommunication " (for the lack of a better word )happens because;

Sometimes a man (like OP) deals with women with lukewarm interest. The way you describe how you liked to be conquered is ofcourse an easy layup (Assuming you provide a man with enough choosing signals ). The way it should be and I think most men would be happy of the rules of the game were that clear.

Unfortunately most men often deal with wishy-washy women who consider multiple options at once and jump from one man straight to the next without any explanation. In this case a simple explanation from his " plate" would've made the situation 10 times more clear. Now we're left guessing and use personal experiences as reference.

But thanks for saying this to both our ladies! Personally I find it encouraging to hear this from you both because it's a positive way to go about things. Me being a man, I've been knocked down so often by doing what seems logical and intuitive that I automatically assume the worse ..

 

[Sega Genesis]

@Gamisch first off thanks for the warm welcome back I do appreciate it!

Secondly yes I do agree with @BeExcellent and posted about it previously however again there is some truth to what you and @New_Journey posted too.

Where @Be and I differ is that like I said when really into a guy, I will initiate a text occasionally.

I'd never fall off his radar for a week and I've come up with some pretty "creative" reasons to reach out and connect with him.

However HE is still pursuing me for the most part.

Here I agree with a post from @BackInTheGame78; she basically got tired of being a "plate," expressed she needed more, he failed to act and she lost interest.

The expiration date theory is very true!