She shows up but won't show up

[Redwolf]

I have this chick I know who texts me fairly regular about once a week. We used to work together and there was attraction and some flirting but she held back because we worked together. We got pretty close and for a period was blowing up my phone, sending sexy pics.

She tells me she misses me, that I'm the best etc. Every time I have ever offered a meet up I get an excuse. I am to the point where I don't really give her any attention other than to respond to her messages and I keep it short.

What's her deal? Is she just on some attention ***** bs or what. How should I deal with her?

 

[marmel75]

By paying her no attention

 

[Billtx49]

How should I deal with her?

Treat her like any other activity in life that you put your effort into, but don’t get what you want in return. Exit and find someone more productive …

 

[Medina]

I wouldn't get rid of women like this

Imagine dating someone and that girl sends you a nude. Your value will go up

Use them, they have no problem using you

I only ever delete when I am betrayed or disrespected

All other women can stay, sex or not, it increases your social proof

 

[DariusTheBartender]

Her actions speak louder than words. I'm sure she likes you to some degree but clearly you are not her main priority. But I wouldn't slice it. Have fun w her but keep spinning other plates.

 

[backseatjuan]

What's her deal?

Unless pretty close means you fcked her at some point, then she's an attention whre. Sounds like her whole life revolves around attention getting, no dates, no sex, nothing more than bull sht attention over the phone, or back when you two working together, at work. You distinguish an AW by asking her out, she won't go, other than that she acts all interested and sht.

 

[Redwolf]

I definitely think she's an attention *****. I'll keep her around and use her as dread game for my #1, competition is good. We've never hooked up just a lot of flirting. I do have other girls I am into.

I actually told her one day "don't apply for the position if you don't want the job" and she told me she "just wanted to see if she would get accepted". I felt like her statement spoke volumes.

 

[Hal9000]

Unless you are in the market for a texting buddy then I'd suggest offering to get together and if she refuses moving on. If she texts you later offer to get together again and if she refuses do the same thing.

 

[sazc]

I definitely think she's an attention *****. I'll keep her around and use her as dread game for my #1, competition is good. We've never hooked up just a lot of flirting. I do have other girls I am into.

I actually told her one day "don't apply for the position if you don't want the job" and she told me she "just wanted to see if she would get accepted". I felt like her statement spoke volumes.

Unless you ghost, this chick definitely is gaming you and has you in her frame

 

[Dash Riprock]

RULE: One thing I've learned over the years is women who are interested in you make it super easy to meet. I have two like this now. The ones that are lukewarm or have a bf and just want you for play and validation (I think this is your situation OP) always make excuses or flake.

Side note: I've noticed this really annoying trend on OLD lately in maybe 50-75% of the women I chat with (and some preemptively contact me first) where we'll have 2-3 rounds of messages and then I'll recommend a date idea. They usually respond with something about what they're doing today or will comment on my previous message but will never answer or address my date recommendation. And these are women usually 38-44 years old. I never ask twice and I usually delete if they don't address the date in 3 days. So, the whole Paradox of Choice/Hypergamy thing never really washes out of them. Truth is, they are f*ucking themselves by constantly waiting for something better to come along. Kind of the like the prettiest girl in school who sits home alone on prom night because she turned down 7 guys that "weren't good enough."

 

[dude99]

I have this chick I know who texts me fairly regular about once a week. We used to work together and there was attraction and some flirting but she held back because we worked together. We got pretty close and for a period was blowing up my phone, sending sexy pics.

She tells me she misses me, that I'm the best etc. Every time I have ever offered a meet up I get an excuse. I am to the point where I don't really give her any attention other than to respond to her messages and I keep it short.

What's her deal? Is she just on some attention ***** bs or what. How should I deal with her?

She wants you as an orbiter. Nothing more

 

[matteo-d]

Yeah pretty much the same opinion as above,
she seems to like being chased by guys, that's very often a sign of low self esteem, needing to have so much male attention...

The way I see it, you have two major options:
- if your thoughts about her are really overwhelming, your only option is to tell her honestly about it, and ask for explanation once and for all. But you really don't look like you're obsessed with the matter, which brings to second option

- You just ignore her, stop answering, and when she tries to grab your attention again, make her try reaaaallly super hard to get your attention. Tell her "I'm really busy right now, do you have something serious to ask me or is it just random chatting ?".
If she considers you as her toy, it is always because your behavior is allowing it in some way. No girl allows herself to do that with an alpha male that she feels is above her. If she plays games with you, it means you don't deserve more. So start being the guy who has much more value than her, and that guy doesn't bother about such childish behavior like she's doing

 

[Mazer]

RULE: One thing I've learned over the years is women who are interested in you make it super easy to meet. I have two like this now. The ones that are lukewarm or have a bf and just want you for play and validation (I think this is your situation OP) always make excuses or flake.

Side note: I've noticed this really annoying trend on OLD lately in maybe 50-75% of the women I chat with (and some preemptively contact me first) where we'll have 2-3 rounds of messages and then I'll recommend a date idea. They usually respond with something about what they're doing today or will comment on my previous message but will never answer or address my date recommendation. And these are women usually 38-44 years old. I never ask twice and I usually delete if they don't address the date in 3 days. So, the whole Paradox of Choice/Hypergamy thing never really washes out of them. Truth is, they are f*ucking themselves by constantly waiting for something better to come along. Kind of the like the prettiest girl in school who sits home alone on prom night because she turned down 7 guys that "weren't good enough."

I notice this as well. I have a few male friends who have matched up with a girl who goes to my gym (good looking dudes) but she never accepts their offers for a date. She is on all the dating apps and yet she is at the gym every night, Friday and Saturday included, walking on the treadmill for hours, and she isn’t in that great of shape. My girlfriend and I sometimes hit the gym up on Saturday evenings, we wonder why she is on dating apps if she isn’t going to date. Makes no sense but then again we are dealing with women.

OP- I would just completely ghost on this chick and let her chase you, when she texts to find out where you have been, just say busy and make sure you take days to respond, then set up a date.

 

[Redwolf]

Thanks for all the input guys. I feel like I'm on the right track. She is a cool chick but there are lots of cool chicks. I am pretty much ignoring her at this point since she hasn't made any effort to see me and I'm not interested in being just friends or text buddies and I am sure she gets that. She can be real or f*** off.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah pretty much the same opinion as above,
she seems to like being chased by guys, that's very often a sign of low self esteem, needing to have so much male attention...

The way I see it, you have two major options:
- if your thoughts about her are really overwhelming, your only option is to tell her honestly about it, and ask for explanation once and for all. But you really don't look like you're obsessed with the matter, which brings to second option

- You just ignore her, stop answering, and when she tries to grab your attention again, make her try reaaaallly super hard to get your attention. Tell her "I'm really busy right now, do you have something serious to ask me or is it just random chatting ?".
If she considers you as her toy, it is always because your behavior is allowing it in some way. No girl allows herself to do that with an alpha male that she feels is above her. If she plays games with you, it means you don't deserve more. So start being the guy who has much more value than her, and that guy doesn't bother about such childish behavior like she's doing

It means SHE thinks you dont deserve more. With another babe she may see you at a much higher worth. Deal with women who choose you.

 

[Redwolf]

Alright been ignoring her the last few weeks. Removed all attention from her. She will be at a race I am running in a few weeks. Her text today reads:

"Let's goooo"
"You and me mud run obstacles in two weeks"

How to even respond to this or should I just ignore?

 

[Billtx49]

Alright been ignoring her the last few weeks. Removed all attention from her. She will be at a race I am running in a few weeks. Her text today reads:

"Let's goooo"
"You and me mud run obstacles in two weeks"

How to even respond to this or should I just ignore?

Wait and let her actions, if any, at the event speak for themselves. All she did was throw some nonessential words at you…
You reply, you’re a pawn in Her game, but if you do reply, ‘see you there’, is All that’s necessary until the event.

 

[SoSuave666]

If you have an iPhone just exclamation point her last text to you about the mud run. If she texts again no matter what she says just like it. She isn’t even worth any words

 

[Billtx49]

If you have an iPhone just exclamation point her last text to you about the mud run. If she texts again no matter what she says just like it. She isn’t even worth any words

Actually, sending things like only exclamation points, etc. are so ambiguous, she will likely decide it means what she wants it to mean and feed her frame. Not his problem, but being Direct and minimal if he replies may be better.

 

[SoSuave666]

Actually, sending things like only exclamation points, etc. are so ambiguous, she will likely decide it means what she wants it to mean and feed her frame. Not his problem, but being Direct and minimal if he replies may be better.

She’s got the man confused. Time to play the game. If he hasn’t tried to fvck her previously what makes you think direct game will work for him now? It’s good because it will get him rejected. But if he plays the game a little he may just confuse her into his bedroom