She says there's no spark

[Wyldfire]

I doubt he called her stupid on the date...but based on what he did say ON HERE...there is a very high likelihood that his belief that she was being dumb were projected and that she picked up on that. We women are very intuitive about those things. We pick up on things you would never think we'd even notice. But we're sly little buggers, too...we don't tell you we picked up on it and some of us will remember it the rest of our lives and hold it against you and use it for ammunition at a later date.

 

[Abcd]

I doubt he called her stupid on the date...but based on what he did say ON HERE...there is a very high likelihood that his belief that she was being dumb were projected and that she picked up on that. We women are very intuitive about those things. We pick up on things you would never think we'd even notice. But we're sly little buggers, too...we don't tell you we picked up on it and some of us will remember it the rest of our lives and hold it against you and use it for ammunition at a later date.

I think you're kidding yourself if you think a difference in opinion over a single complicated issue is going to turn you off to a guy in any meaningful way. I didn't call her dumb, of course. Whenever you have a difference of opinion with someone, that person is going to know you think she is *wrong,* but not dumb. In many cases, showing that you have an opinion of your own makes the girl want you more.

That said, I think it harkens back to the real problem with all of our dates that others have pointed out, which was that they were too serious. That's partially because we met at an action darfur rally, so it's a bit hard/unseemly to transition from chit-chat about hacking and burning people alive over to chit-chat about, say, passionate lovemaking. And cute kino is tough to pull off when you're bemoaning sudanese militias. But I defiintely should have gotten off of that stuff more often if I wanted a girlfriend instead of a foreign policy advisor.

 

[Wyldfire]

You'd be surprised what differences of opinions over anything political or religious can do to turn someone off. I've seen a couple break up over disagreeing on who should run against Bush last election.

 

[mrRuckus]

And I'm also
sorry about doing this on email, because I know thats not
cool, but it is the best way to express myself clearly. If

"I'm sorry (not really) about the email because i mostly disregard proper etiquette towards you, but it's the best way i can avoid direct confrontation and continue looking out only for myself - but hey, i can fake some sincereity at least so that you don't hate me because i couldn't stand someone in the world disliking me."

 

[mrRuckus]

You'd be surprised what differences of opinions over anything political or religious can do to turn someone off. I've seen a couple break up over disagreeing on who should run against Bush last election.

That was probably in how the big disagreement was handled (badly)... not the fact that "ohmigod you can't possibly think that!"

 

[Abcd]

"I'm sorry (not really) about the email because i mostly disregard proper etiquette towards you, but it's the best way i can avoid direct confrontation and continue looking out only for myself - but hey, i can fake some sincereity at least so that you don't hate me because i couldn't stand someone in the world disliking me."

Yeah I suppose it shows a certain lack of spine, but she is a Woman, after all. It's still far and away better than the **** most girls pull. And who really wants direct confrontation?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Derek, thanks for the props.



I don't know what the big deal is, all I was trying to say was yeah, don't worry about it, that hurts but I'll get over it like a normal person. Maybe I should have worded it differently, but I don't know why you'd say it makes me look retarded.

LOL!! All you were "trying to say was don't worry about it, that hurts but I'll get over it..." BUT YOU DIDN'T SAY THAT!! You changed the whole way she took that email with your last line about "not being head over heels either." Which was CLEARLY a last ditch effort by you to save face, that's what I was referring to when I said "it made you look like a retard." You are seeing it right when you say you should have worded it differently, but it would have been even better if you didn't reply. There was no need to say anything to her once she told you she wasn't interested.


I don't really care whether she calls me or not, all I was trying to do was smooth things over for the future with her and any other friends of ours. And as for your "of course" assesment, I don't know why you'd think "of course" anything, but I guess you're a "pimp." We went out twice after break and she seemed the same to me up until this email.

You don't care if she calls or not but you want to smooth things over with her and your other friends...If she was truely part of your group of friends and you weren't butt-hurt over this whole deal like you were trying to lead her to believe, you wouldn't have said anything. You even pointed out in your initial post that you "negged her." Your starting to contradict yourself. Oh and throwing jabs at my username fits right in with your whining about this girl


Now, after finishing my homework at 3AM, I realized I am still thinking about this and posting about this, and I realized that means I'm thinking about it way too much. Especially because, though I didn't think of this before, her email cannot be read as anything more than "i'm not interested for unspecified reason(s)." If you think about it, when you get sick of a girl, or when you meet another girl, or when you decide you're gonna join the seminary, whatever the reason, that has no bearing on how you dismiss the girl. You get rid of her in the easiest way possible, in the way that will make her feel the least bad and cause you the least trouble.

I see where your going with this but your ASSUMING that everyone handles things like you. Clearly that's not the case. Girls often feel bad giving guys the boot so they say superficial things like "I still want to be friends" or "I'll call you and we can hangout" etc etc. If everyone handled things in the easiest way possible there wouldn't be half the drama that there is between guys and girls.


So really anything could have happened here, regardless of what she says, and so perhaps all of this analysis is silly. Or perhaps not, who the heck knows.

Exactly your completely right here! Who knows what the real reason was behind her LJBF'd you. She could've been someone who was just hanging out with you because she had nothing better to do, she could have geninuely liked you at one point or she could have been utterly confused. However that's not your job to dissect or figure out. You have the only important news you need to know: She's not interested so move on.

ABC: I honestly wasn't trying to come off as an @sshole but looks like you took my "makes you look like a retard statement" a little too harshly. All I was trying to do is give you some perspective and tough love on this situation. In either case you should just move on like your planning on doing and keep meeting new girls.




PIMP

 

[Pimp-sicle]

(shakes head)

No. It's not weak and childish. In fact, this might given her an explanation of why he never made the move into the bedroom and didn't give her much physical contact.

If that were the truth then I'd support you on your assessment here but obviously ABC wanted to nail this chick and was vey interested in her. It might give the girl an explaination but not one she will believe.

If what you said were true, then it would be true for her. She also went on those 5 dates and then she decided that she didn't feel a connection? He went on those 5 dates, barely touched her... But of course he HAD TO have felt a connection since he went on 5 dates with her. Right?

Guys don't have to feel a connection to anything if they want a girl in any fashion. While girls on the other hand need that emotional spark if anything of substance will ever occur between them and a guy they're interested in.

You can shake your head all you want but your failing to see our side of the argument. The BEST way ABC could have handled that e-mail was to do nothing at all. No matter what you think his statement about "I wasn't head over heels either" will clearly be intrepreted by the girl as a "save face" attempt. Like I said above, if he truely didn't care or wasn't feeling it he wouldn't have even said anything. Or if he did reply he wouldn't feel the need to throw in a "neg" as he said.

He didn't call her a byatch, slvt or a w-hore but he still went for the juggular with that last line. But it still had a similar affect into how she would now look at him compared to how she thought of him before.


That's what you don't get.




PIMP

 

[Abcd]

You can shake your head all you want but your failing to see our side of the argument. The BEST way ABC could have handled that e-mail was to do nothing at all. No matter what you think his statement about "I wasn't head over heels either" will clearly be intrepreted by the girl as a "save face" attempt. Like I said above, if he truely didn't care or wasn't feeling it he wouldn't have even said anything. Or if he did reply he wouldn't feel the need to throw in a "neg" as he said.

He didn't call her a byatch, slvt or a w-hore but he still went for the juggular with that last line. But it still had a similar affect into how she would now look at him compared to how she thought of him before.


That's what you don't get.
PIMP

Yeah well you can have your strangely adamant opinion, but you obviously operate on a different social playing field than I do, and I think I'll stay where I'm at. When I get a thoughtful email from another student who I've been seeing twice a week for a month, I reply. And this was just a way of diffusing the situation and leaving things non-awkward between us. Telling a girl that just said "there's no chemistry between us" that you weren't head-over-heels either is totally believable, and even if she's big-headed and thinks I'm lying and that I'm sitting at home crying right now, which I'm not, then it still operates the same way - socially speaking, we're on relatively equal terms.

It's funny, this has made me realize how strange men are when it comes to letdown. We really do get attached to women, and I think attachment is more a function of time spent together than the quality of the person. I'm sitting here the day after getting dumped by the hottest, coolest girl I ever dated, and I don't really care that much. When my LTR of 1 year broke up, I was really, really depressed for a significant chunk of a semester - and I never even really liked that girl.

 

[Wyldfire]

That was probably in how the big disagreement was handled (badly)... not the fact that "ohmigod you can't possibly think that!"

Maybe...but they were both very passionate about their political beliefs. One of them was really, really liberal...a big Ralph Nader fan. The other one was more middle of the road Democrat and was righteously pissed off with Nader because they felt he lost Gore the presidency. They weathered all those dimpled chads from 2000...but when the democratic primaries for the 2004 election came around one was adamant they would vote for Nader and the other was furious over it and it wasn't too long before they split.

 

[speedo_meme]

Maybe...but they were both very passionate about their political beliefs. One of them was really, really liberal...a big Ralph Nader fan. The other one was more middle of the road Democrat and was righteously pissed off with Nader because they felt he lost Gore the presidency. They weathered all those dimpled chads from 2000...but when the democratic primaries for the 2004 election came around one was adamant they would vote for Nader and the other was furious over it and it wasn't too long before they split.

They should have just voted for Bush, and there wouldn't have been a problem.

 

[thederekeffect1]

They should have just voted for Bush, and there wouldn't have been a problem.

Yeah, I don't see the problem in voting for Bush either. Well, you know, minus the whole Iraq thing. Oh, and taking away financial aid for college students thing. Other then that, and the whole thing about him ****ing poor people out of medical care, and the whole "no student left behind" thing that caused some schools to actually get rid of "penmenship" due to the fact that it's too time consuming to teach and the fact that stupid kids are graduating and finding out they don't know **** about anything. Other then that, I don't see a problem with voting for a complete moron... Not once, but twice.

 

[Wyldfire]

Yeah, I don't see the problem in voting for Bush either. Well, you know, minus the whole Iraq thing. Oh, and taking away financial aid for college students thing. Other then that, and the whole thing about him ****ing poor people out of medical care, and the whole "no student left behind" thing that caused some schools to actually get rid of "penmenship" due to the fact that it's too time consuming to teach and the fact that stupid kids are graduating and finding out they don't know **** about anything. Other then that, I don't see a problem with voting for a complete moron... Not once, but twice.

lol...Bush is very good at coming up with destructive programs and then slapping names on them that imply the opposite of what they actually do. Some examples...

No Child Left Behind...basically makes it impossible for already underfunded public schools to qualify for sorely needed funding.

Clear Skies...removes known pollutants from list of pollutants regulated by the government. Hey...if we don't put it on the list it won't show up as polluting...yay! Our skies are clearer.

Patriot Act...this sounds good and patriotic...but you just lost the right to sue some doctors for malpractice if they kill your family member via negligence..woo hoo!

This is what happens when people don't read that fine print. :woo:

 

[Tazman]

Abcd, I didn't really see anything wrong with your actions. If you're the type of guy that wants to jump through hoops for a piece of ass then yes, you can make up a list of what you could have done and later analyzed and revised your strategy. Just because things didn't work out the way you would've liked doesn't mean YOU did anything wrong necessarily. You already know that women who are in high demand are more flakey because they have many options (they deem valuable) to choose from. How much time and energy are you willing to devote to hooking with chicks like this? I've seen guys do much less and still score with relatively attractive women.

 

[Abcd]

Yeah, I think you're right Tazman, you win some and you lose some. But I do think I should have been more kino/chemistry oriented than I was. Still not sure what happened to turn the girl off, or if I just lost her to another guy, or if she was never interested chemically in the first place and was just trying to make it work... we'll never know. Just got her email reply to mine:

Hey ____!
wow thanks so much for being so cool and understanding,
that's awesome. i'm sure another girl who is totally
fantastic is gonna snatch you up one of these days cuz you
are definitely a super cool guy! have a great week!
~____


if anybody would respond to that for any reason, let me know. I wonder why she waited three days to respond like that at 2:20AM...

 

[KingRich]

Hey ____!
wow thanks so much for being so cool and understanding,
that's awesome. i'm sure another girl who is totally
fantastic is gonna snatch you up one of these days cuz you
are definitely a super cool guy! have a great week!
~____


if anybody would respond to that for any reason, let me know. I wonder why she waited three days to respond like that at 2:20AM...

:nono: You better not respond kiddo....how often do you like getting kicked in the nuts?

Nothing like receiving the nice guy e-mail is there?

Let it go dude and who give a fvck what time she sent the reply....Quit analyzing this, you're digging a deep hole...

 

[JMillion]

As far as this particular situation, totally NEXT her, as you already know. The only contact with her should be to use her as a pivot or something. Female friends do have benefits.

The lesson to be learned for next time: KINO ESCALATION.

 

[Abcd]

Yeah I'm a really nice guy!

I sent her back:
Well please, friend, bring this totally fantastic girl you speak of
over to my little apartment tomorrow night - I'm havin a party.
You'll know some people, ... will be here and ... probably, and
... from the SAO. 707 S. Fifth, # 505 (Apt's above JJT bookstore,
try 11:30 or so)

_

Probably there were more reasons not to send that than to send it as I did, but she does have some hot friends... and I don't really care

 

[undesputable]

you were doing good. but you were too predictable and she led you on most of the time. 1) you should have taken more control in the dates 2) you should have made each date different to keep her guessing and to add a little depth to your personality. All dates you went on with her were pretty much on the same grounds, she probably just thought it was too predictable or as she said it, just no spark at all. 3)You agreed on all her requests, again too predictable and it doesnt sends a message that youre a busy man that a lot more women want.

First date was good...Coffee is a good first date because you can talk to her about her and find out a lot about her which you can later use to your advantage to like tailor fit your later dates with this girl. know their weaknesses, their ideals, their feelings and if you can exploit them to the best, youll have her sending you emails of how much she wants you instead.

 

[Abcd]

I sent her back:
Well please, friend, bring this totally fantastic girl you speak of
over to my little apartment tomorrow night - I'm havin a party...

What do you know, she didn't come.