she says she wants whatever we are to be "casual"

[PlatoPacks23]

she says she wants whatever we are to be "casual" ....

I've never heard a girl directly tell me that before... is that just code for "don't get too thirsty"?

I guess it's a way for her to make clear she doesn't want things going too fast too soon.. but at same time she also told me she likes love bombing and is always dropping hints to me about long term things.. so im unclear. maybe it's game on her part?

 

[sevbucmash]

Serious woman would suggest marriage. Had it happen to me. Not just hint, suggest directly.

Your girl does want to see other men while she is with you.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I've never heard a girl directly tell me that before...

Be grateful that she's communicating directly

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She's telling you she is down to be FWB and that's it

Which likely won't work for you since you seem to become a little lost puppy dog for any woman that lets you stick your d!ck in her.

 

[PlatoPacks23]

She's telling you she is down to be FWB and that's it

Which likely won't work for you since you seem to become a little lost puppy dog for any woman that lets you stick your d!ck in her.

chill im working on it

 

[Clockwerk50]

Basically, what she means is that she wants you to ask her out exclusively to have fun (have sex, hang out with friends, watch movies, go to dinner, the beach, dancing, drinking), and to keep it low-key (no deep relationship talks, no public displays of affection, don’t talk to others about your affair with her).

In exchange, if she enjoys how you make her feel and you continue to grow on her, she’ll keep the connection going by texting you regularly and gradually building a bond with you over time.

Keep in mind, though, that things can change instantly since her mind is fickle, and everything could be over just as quickly.

 

[Barrister]

When a woman says this to you it means you essentially are a Plan B that she is good with right now -- but not long term. She thinks she can do better than you (whether she can or not is immaterial).

Your only option in this situation is to simply agree and amplify: "No worries. I agree it's best we don't get too serious and keep this casual and fun. I like it better that way!" You probably will take her aback a bit with that and wonder if she shouldn't have said it. But the important part is following through on that then and getting some other women into your rotation if you don't have them there already.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Serious woman would suggest marriage. Had it happen to me. Not just hint, suggest directly.

This. 100%!

 

[PlatoPacks23]

Basically, what she means is that she wants you to ask her out exclusively to have fun (have sex, hang out with friends, watch movies, go to dinner, the beach, dancing, drinking), and to keep it low-key (no deep relationship talks, no public displays of affection, don’t talk to others about your affair with her).

In exchange, if she enjoys how you make her feel and you continue to grow on her, she’ll keep the connection going by texting you regularly and gradually building a bond with you over time.

Keep in mind, though, that things can change instantly since her mind is fickle, and everything could be over just as quickly.

thanks

 

[DJ Novice]

This is a win-win situation unless you have oneitis for her.

There is no commitment on either side and both of you are free to date other people as well as possibly sleeping with each other as well if that’s how things turn out.

Enjoy it while it lasts. Most women push for exclusivity or commitment at some stage.

 

[Westminster]

This is a win-win situation unless you have oneitis for her.

There is no commitment on either side and both of you are free to date other people as well as possibly sleeping with each other as well if that’s how things turn out.

Enjoy it while it lasts. Most women push for exclusivity or commitment at some stage.

I don't see such arrangements as a win-win because even a very average woman can get a lot more dates (and sex) than a top-drawer man. In other words, it's weighted in her favour. But, sure, you can roll with it for a bit if you're not too fussed about her.

 

[Solomon]

She is saying she wants to be FWB's; however, OP she is going to be shopping for other guys
If you're not able to catch feelings, then this is easy but I would say be careful I had a situation 2 years ago where the chick wanted to be exclusive. Then, within 2 weeks it ended after going on a "hoe trip" to Iowa (yes Iowa of all friggin places)

Lesson learned, don't become exclusive with a girl who literally just got out of a relationship, last I saw the chick is still on Tinder trying to find someone....the irony

 

[Smok1nAce]

Have sex with her until you get bored.

personally I’ve been down this route and it’s a bad investment on returns

All the time you spend building a relationship with her you could be spending on someone with more value.

 

[The Duke]

she says she wants whatever we are to be "casual" ....

I've never heard a girl directly tell me that before... is that just code for "don't get too thirsty"?

I guess it's a way for her to make clear she doesn't want things going too fast too soon.. but at same time she also told me she likes love bombing and is always dropping hints to me about long term things.. so im unclear. maybe it's game on her part?

I can see this two ways:

1. She isn't that into you. You will do for a while until she finds something better. Just wants to keep things "surface level" only.

or

2. She has a history of love bombing and gets too serious before she gets to know someone and its caused her problems in the past. So this is her way of dragging the brake so she doesn't get influenced by love chemicals and become blinded. She wants to slowly get to know you. Ask her about past relationships and you could probably get her talking about it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Have sex with her until you get bored.

personally I’ve been down this route and it’s a bad investment on returns

All the time you spend building a relationship with her you could be spending on someone with more value.

Or until she finds another guy

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

she says she wants whatever we are to be "casual" ....

I've never heard a girl directly tell me that before... is that just code for "don't get too thirsty"?

I guess it's a way for her to make clear she doesn't want things going too fast too soon.. but at same time she also told me she likes love bombing and is always dropping hints to me about long term things.. so im unclear. maybe it's game on her part?

If the dating goals don't align then you're wasting your time. Sex is everywhere, so why settle for some that you don't see long term potential in?

At the same time you shouldn't be seeking a relationship to feel secure in yourself, that's codependency. You should be self assured, independent, and then a relationship will be interdependence, which is ideal.

Making this thread comes off like you're worried you won't find what you really want or don't know what you want, or want it out of fear rather than love.

The good news you're aware, so don't BS yourself and don't feel you have to fuuck this girl. If it feels demeaning then simply don't do it and focus on women that show more respect.

A couple years ago I would echo what others are saying here, to just bang and think nothing of it, but over time I've realized that behavior reinforces a mindset I don't find beneficial to my relationship goals. So I say go focus on yourself and a higher caliber woman will appear when you're ready.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

If the dating goals don't align then you're wasting your time. Sex is everywhere, so why settle for some that you don't see long term potential in?

At the same time you shouldn't be seeking a relationship to feel secure in yourself, that's codependency. You should be self assured, independent, and then a relationship will be interdependence, which is ideal.

Making this thread comes off like you're worried you won't find what you really want or don't know what you want, or want it out of fear rather than love.

The good news you're aware, so don't BS yourself and don't feel you have to fuuck this girl. If it feels demeaning then simply don't do it and focus on women that show more respect.

A couple years ago I would echo what others are saying here, to just bang and think nothing of it, but over time I've realized that behavior reinforces a mindset I don't find beneficial to my relationship goals. So I say go focus on yourself and a higher caliber woman will appear when you're ready.

OP needs practice so I would engage with this one and work on things he needs to work on while actively looking for other opportunities as well so he is more apt to be able to have those opportunities stick.

Like anything else in life, you need to level up in areas and you do that by repeated exposure to them and practice, not by sitting on the sidelines and waiting til the right opportunity comes along, which you will not be ready for at that point.

 

[Sega Genesis]

I guess it's a way for her to make clear she doesn't want things going too fast too soon.. but at same time she also told me she likes love bombing and is always dropping hints to me about long term things.. so im unclear. maybe it's game on her part...

Instead of speculating and asking others (who don't know her) what she means why not simply ask HER?

The above is a mixed message if I ever heard one, so you're within your rights to ask her to clarify her statement. Communicate.

To me, it's sounds like a shyt test. Women are very rarely direct which is why shyt tests exist. It's a way for her to learn things without having to ask directly.

She's testing your reaction.

If you agree, she will say to herself "I knew he only wanted casual"! And you lower your value in her eyes.

If you choose to be honest and transparent and say "I'm seeking something with more substance possibly leading to serious eventually" she may admire that (I wouid) and you gain her trust.

Then again she could be playing head games and doesn't know what the hell she wants! You just don't know.

Lead by example, don't fall into her frame by just agreeing if that's not what YOU want.

Best to ask her, talk with her, openly and honestly.

You lead.

P.S. By the way, what was your response?

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

OP needs practice so I would engage with this one and work on things he needs to work on while actively looking for other opportunities as well so he is more apt to be able to have those opportunities stick.

Like anything else in life, you need to level up in areas and you do that by repeated exposure to them and practice, not by sitting on the sidelines and waiting til the right opportunity comes along, which you will not be ready for at that point.

Practice what? Behavioral techniques are a facade and don't build genuine security, it's putting the cart before the horse. Genuine internal security doesn't atrophy without female attention and doesn't require female attention to build. This forum largely focuses on technique and performance, but inner security through repeated exposure comes from keeping commitments to yourself, not from external validation. Then game comes naturally.

Choosing not to spend precious time with someone because you're interested in a real connection over hollow sex isn't settling and isn't sitting on the sidelines. Sex without real connection becomes increasingly unsatisfying, doesn't matter how hot she is. That time is much better spent staying true to what you want and filtering for that without exceptions.

Remember what I asked you in the other thread, if these women aren't worth committing to, why are they worth your time and intimacy?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Practice what? Behavioral techniques are a facade and don't build genuine security, it's putting the cart before the horse. Genuine internal security doesn't atrophy without female attention and doesn't require female attention to build. This forum largely focuses on technique and performance, but inner security through repeated exposure comes from keeping commitments to yourself, not from external validation. Then game comes naturally.

Choosing not to spend precious time with someone because you're interested in a real connection over hollow sex isn't settling and isn't sitting on the sidelines. Sex without real connection becomes increasingly unsatisfying, doesn't matter how hot she is. That time is much better spent staying true to what you want and filtering for that without exceptions.

Remember what I asked you in the other thread, if these women aren't worth committing to, why are they worth your time and intimacy?

Practicing dealing with women in various situations, how to transition from states, how to spot and handle sh!t tests, how to maintain frame properly, how to not lose your composure, calling a woman out properly, etc, etc, etc

All of that is stuff that is learned over time thru practice. If it came natural then everyone would be great at it. And don't give me the confidence nonsense, there are plenty of people with lots of confidence who are terrible with women because they have no idea how to navigate nuanced social intricacies.

Would be like saying all I need to do is be confident I can go out and drop 30 points in a pickup basketball game without having played in a year. Much better chance you'll be on the sideline watching after 15 minutes with a pulled hamstring or a busted nose from running into a hard screen from not knowing it was coming.