She says I'm too quiet-how to fix this

[Stephen89]

So at the bar last week I was with my friends cousin and she kept saying 'I'm too quiet'.

I was just sitting there quiet.

I cannot say "how are you" "what do you think of this pub etc". I get stuck.

 

[Medina]

Ask fun questions. Poke fun of her answers

Girls should be doing about 70% of the talking anyway

It's not bad for a guy to be quiet. It can be part of the mystery

But it's really a bad thing to be boring

 

[Serenity]

I cannot say "how are you" "what do you think of this pub etc". I get stuck.

Why?

 

[Stephen89]

Why?

I already know her a bit. It sounds boring saying that.

I just get stuck on things to say or how to make a conversation.

Even with my friends I just there quiet and just ask general questions about 'how's work' 'what you up to' and my friend talks to me too.

So most of the time I sit there quiet.

 

[sazc]

I already know her a bit. It sounds boring saying that.

I just get stuck on things to say or how to make a conversation.

Even with my friends I just there quiet and just ask general questions about 'how's work' 'what you up to' and my friend talks to me too.

So most of the time I sit there quiet.

So you don't care to get to know anyone but they can ask you questions, get to know you and carry the entire conversation? Sounds kind of selfish to me

 

[deaderinred]

I already know her a bit. It sounds boring saying that.

I just get stuck on things to say or how to make a conversation.

Even with my friends I just there quiet and just ask general questions about 'how's work' 'what you up to' and my friend talks to me too.

So most of the time I sit there quiet.

You sound really boring. I had a friend like that, just sitting there saying nothing. Yawn. Either get better at having light hearted conversations and not being a boring mute or dont expect to have success with women.

 

[backseatjuan]

Whenever you feel like quiet and don't know what to say, simply turn conversation into sexual direction. If that get's old, change venue to where you can escalate physically.

 

[Serenity]

I already know her a bit. It sounds boring saying that.

I just get stuck on things to say or how to make a conversation.

Even with my friends I just there quiet and just ask general questions about 'how's work' 'what you up to' and my friend talks to me too.

So most of the time I sit there quiet.

Aside from the common conversation starters you already know like:

• How are you?
• Done anything interesting lately?
• How is work?
• What do you like?
• Etc.

You can also start conversation by talking about yourself, start by talking about something interesting you've done lately, something you've seen, something you have an interest in or something you plan on doing. You might get questions and hey there's your conversation. I do this a lot, sometimes people aren't interested, but sometimes they are. The best thing about this is that you'll always be talking about something you know or have an interest for. If the other person happens to get interested in it or already share that interest, you've set yourself up for an endless conversation.

If you think it's weird to start talking like that out of the blue, it's not! Everyone does it, you should too. You don't need a cue to do this, in fact silence is the best cue.

 

[cola]

Own it. Watch Ryan Gosling in the movie Drive and how he makes being quiet work for him.

 

[Roober]

This isnt an easy simple fix. Go read some books, you can start with dale Carnegie. Another idea is to read the news everyday, so you have interesting stuff to talk about.

 

[sph21]

I was exactly like you. I didn't want to talk to others because I didn't have any interest in knowing other people. But I wanted to change that, so I practiced talking everything to anyone I could talk to. I also developed an understanding that I need to be interested in his/ her life so that I can be an interesting guy. Part of it was being influenced by reading "how to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. You see, we all care about ourselves and what we can get from others. So, if you let them talk about themselves, you don't have to think about some awesome topics to start a conversation. Once they talk about something, just pay attention to the little details they're leaking. That's how you make the conversation last longer. In short, you can be an interesting person by becoming interested in others and by caring for what they're feeling right now.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

So at the bar last week I was with my friends cousin and she kept saying 'I'm too quiet'.

I was just sitting there quiet.

I cannot say "how are you" "what do you think of this pub etc". I get stuck.

You can choose to talk a little more. Improve at small talk. But the best bet is to switch her out for a babe who LIKES the amount you talk.

 

[redskinsfan92]

Bars are boring. Take her on an action date.

 

[Stephen89]

Thank you all for your comments, suggestions and advice.

I'll look into the books some of your have mentioned such as 'how to win friends and influence people' and also other books I've researched such as 'how to talk to people' 'how to win friends'.

I'll take all what is mentioned on board and advance my conversation skills from all of your suggestions and advice.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thank you all for your comments, suggestions and advice.

I'll look into the books some of your have mentioned such as 'how to win friends and influence people' and also other books I've researched such as 'how to talk to people' 'how to win friends'.

I'll take all what is mentioned on board and advance my conversation skills from all of your suggestions and advice.

Just take your time. Improve the skill. Do it for yourself. Not her. I predict this one will be gone anyways. Make it your secret project.

 

[RickTheToad]

Always do the opposite of what a lady says. Quiet isn't nessarily bad, as long as you keep yourself mysterious and aloof. There's a big difference between mysterious and aloof and anti-social and awkward. Make sure you are not the later.

 

[lamath]

Always do the opposite of what a lady says. Quiet isn't nessarily bad, as long as you keep yourself mysterious and aloof. There's a big difference between mysterious and aloof and anti-social and awkward. Make sure you are not the later.

+1
Was gonna say you dont fix this.

 

[sangheilios]

I'm naturally more introverted and spend a lot of time not saying much of anything around people. My mind isn't blank, I'm generally in a state of chronic deep thought or I am actually listening to what the other person has to say, which is shocking lol. I actually listen to people and will later recite something they mentioned to me.

For example, a while ago there was a girl at my gym that I had spoken to a few times. Anyway, during one conversation she mentioned her birthday was coming up and all that. I later asked her how it went and she reacted in a startled manner by asking me how I knew it was her birthday. I simply said "because you told me" lol. People are so unused to those who actually listen it makes them uncomfortable lol.

From my experience, people that are uncomfortable around those who are quiet are often insecure. The silence makes them feel uncomfortable, though I'm not particularly sure why. I think to some they feel as if you are judging them or if you aren't really all that interested in what they have to say. I personally feel that some people are so uncomfortable with themselves, their own thoughts, etc. that they cannot be in a position where self reflection may occur....so their response is to babble on and on about random stuff.

 

[lamath]

I'm naturally more introverted and spend a lot of time not saying much of anything around people. My mind isn't blank, I'm generally in a state of chronic deep thought or I am actually listening to what the other person has to say.

From my experience, people that are uncomfortable around those who are quiet are often insecure. The silence makes them feel uncomfortable, though I'm not particularly sure why. I think to some they feel as if you are judging them or if you aren't really all that interested in what they have to say. I personally feel that some people are so uncomfortable with themselves, their own thoughts, etc. that they cannot be in a position where self reflection may occur....so their response is to babble on and on about random stuff.

Silence can be a great way to make the other talk and gather information.
Many ppl when you are silence with them will talk and talk to fill the silence

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm naturally more introverted and spend a lot of time not saying much of anything around people. My mind isn't blank, I'm generally in a state of chronic deep thought or I am actually listening to what the other person has to say, which is shocking lol. I actually listen to people and will later recite something they mentioned to me.

For example, a while ago there was a girl at my gym that I had spoken to a few times. Anyway, during one conversation she mentioned her birthday was coming up and all that. I later asked her how it went and she reacted in a startled manner by asking me how I knew it was her birthday. I simply said "because you told me" lol. People are so unused to those who actually listen it makes them uncomfortable lol.

From my experience, people that are uncomfortable around those who are quiet are often insecure. The silence makes them feel uncomfortable, though I'm not particularly sure why. I think to some they feel as if you are judging them or if you aren't really all that interested in what they have to say. I personally feel that some people are so uncomfortable with themselves, their own thoughts, etc. that they cannot be in a position where self reflection may occur....so their response is to babble on and on about random stuff.

Interesting. I have a few theories on this...

1. Extroverts are lonely AF lol. They can’t go too long without human interaction. Even in my worst incel days, I was never “lonely” as an introvert. My own brain provides plenty of entertainment.

2. Because it’s typically women that utilize the “silent treatment,” women are most likely to assume the worst and think you are pissed off because you are quiet.

But yes, like you, I prefer to listen, analyze and take in what others are saying.

All that aside, I am also a very empathic person. I get that silence can make a lot of people uncomfortable. That’s never my intention. So lately, I’ve been trying to fill in silence with some random fluff talk because I accept that most people won’t be as comfortable with silence as I.

I think that’s the point here. Sure, I’m all for just “owning” who you are. But I don’t want to unnecessarily make people uncomfortable.

IME, fluff talk (ie small talk) is NOT used because pop culture theory tells us that people like to talk about themselves. It’s because, all else being equal, most people feel more comfortable and bond better with some small talk.

TLDR: Be yourself, even if you are quiet. But at least try to throw in some small talk during the gaps in conversation so you don’t unnecessarily make others uncomfortable.