Grasshopper85
New Member
- Joined
- Dec 25, 2016
- Messages
- 3
- Reaction score
- 1
- Age
- 38
Hey guys!
Can't say I am 'new' to the forums. I've been reading here on and off for some time, but finally decided to register. Mostly because I am caught up in a situation I just cannot wrap my head around, but would definately like to understand for future reference so to speak.
To be clear and honest. While I did somewhere fck up with this girl I am not looking for advice how to get her back. Truth is that I indeed did get a little crush but realise that even if I can reattract her I know it's never gonna work out in a way that actually will make me feel good. Rather worse. So I walked away, and plan on being very congruent with that. Yet the current situation keeps bothering me.
So I met this girl at work. Didnt have much interest in her at first but coworkers clearly pick up all kind of signs that she is interested in me ( I didnt really pay attention). All I know is she is having a boyfriend and are looking for a place to start living together. So fast forwarding basically by accident we start hanging out and have fun. I learn she broke up with her boyfriend and the LTR (almost 5 years) was quite abusive. We hook up at our 2nd 'date' and I know I am being set up as the rebound. She also straight away told me that she has no regrets of hooking up, that she wants to spend time with me but that I should not expect anything. She claims she is an emotional wreck. Well, who wouldnt be after a long abusive relationship, right? I am cool with that, hang back and make sure I don't get too invested.
It actually works. She gets invested more and more, shows all kinds of ioi's, we keep hanging out and hooking up. She initiates most of it and even gets out of her way to be with me. She clearly gets more attached to me. She is making plans with her friends to 'double date', etc. etc. Yes, she has her 'cold' periods, mostly the day right after we hook up, but I just let her come and go as she pleases. No biggie. Than, texbook stuff, from one day on another she is really upset, and doesnt want me to kiss her anymore. She claims things are moving too fast, she isnt ready for this, etc.
So I think, ok, no biggie. Most probably there is another dude in the picture, or her ex is, or both, or I still pressured her somehow, or a combination of those. In any case I did manage to screw up somewhere and lower my value. Sucks, but it's how it is. So I give her space, LOTS of it.
This created a very tense situation at work. Her avoiding me and all kinds of negative energy. That affected me, and I didn't like it. So after a few weeks I decided to meet up with her. Not to reattract, but just hoping to clear the air and be able to continue as collegues w/o all the negative bull****. First time I ask she ignores the actual question but puts quite some effort in sparking a convo, I leave it be for a week. Then try again, she is clear she does want to meet up but wishy washy about setting a definate date so I tell her to contact me again if she has more certainty. 1 day later she wants to set the date on one of the days she was wishy washy about and we meet up.
So here I start being confused. I mean if she truly didn't want to meet up, she could have just left it at that. But any way, wanting to meet up has nothing to with romantic interest, so nothing to speculate about really.
We meet up, have loads of fun but I notice the following: She keeps negging me all the f.cking time. I got a bit fed up with this **** and called her out on it. She then says she 'needs to lower my ego', that I am 'too ****ey' and all other kinds of things I learned chicks basically say when you are confident in their eyes (but maybe I am mistaken). I am like wtf, I thought my value dropped so farking much, and now you are talking about my ego etc. I playfully confront her with the fact that I think her 'acting tough' and having a 'big mouth' is just an act and it doesnt suit her. Mind you, I was truly fed up with this **** and it also started to feel as 'dominance test' I didn't really felt like dealing with.
Anyway, after our hangout I decide to go for the kiss. I mean the overall vibe was a lot of fun and I wanted to be sure the previous rejection was not a 'situational' one. She rejected my kiss and I told her I am glad we talked, but that this should be the end then. We never been 'friends' and I have no interest in that. I told her I did have interest in being her lover but that I understand she is not ready for this.
And now at work, she is still going out of her way to get my attention, is again constantly negging me and throwing all kinds of things that basically scream 'compliance test' and 'dominance test'. Obviously I just let it slide and don't acknowledge her bs. Untill it gets disrespectfull, then I call her out on it. But yes, it bugs me. Basically I thought I was at the point where I fcked up somehow and another dude 'took over' the rebound function. While this still may be the case, why does this girl keep trying do get control over me instead of just being indifferent?
Can't say I am 'new' to the forums. I've been reading here on and off for some time, but finally decided to register. Mostly because I am caught up in a situation I just cannot wrap my head around, but would definately like to understand for future reference so to speak.
To be clear and honest. While I did somewhere fck up with this girl I am not looking for advice how to get her back. Truth is that I indeed did get a little crush but realise that even if I can reattract her I know it's never gonna work out in a way that actually will make me feel good. Rather worse. So I walked away, and plan on being very congruent with that. Yet the current situation keeps bothering me.
So I met this girl at work. Didnt have much interest in her at first but coworkers clearly pick up all kind of signs that she is interested in me ( I didnt really pay attention). All I know is she is having a boyfriend and are looking for a place to start living together. So fast forwarding basically by accident we start hanging out and have fun. I learn she broke up with her boyfriend and the LTR (almost 5 years) was quite abusive. We hook up at our 2nd 'date' and I know I am being set up as the rebound. She also straight away told me that she has no regrets of hooking up, that she wants to spend time with me but that I should not expect anything. She claims she is an emotional wreck. Well, who wouldnt be after a long abusive relationship, right? I am cool with that, hang back and make sure I don't get too invested.
It actually works. She gets invested more and more, shows all kinds of ioi's, we keep hanging out and hooking up. She initiates most of it and even gets out of her way to be with me. She clearly gets more attached to me. She is making plans with her friends to 'double date', etc. etc. Yes, she has her 'cold' periods, mostly the day right after we hook up, but I just let her come and go as she pleases. No biggie. Than, texbook stuff, from one day on another she is really upset, and doesnt want me to kiss her anymore. She claims things are moving too fast, she isnt ready for this, etc.
So I think, ok, no biggie. Most probably there is another dude in the picture, or her ex is, or both, or I still pressured her somehow, or a combination of those. In any case I did manage to screw up somewhere and lower my value. Sucks, but it's how it is. So I give her space, LOTS of it.
This created a very tense situation at work. Her avoiding me and all kinds of negative energy. That affected me, and I didn't like it. So after a few weeks I decided to meet up with her. Not to reattract, but just hoping to clear the air and be able to continue as collegues w/o all the negative bull****. First time I ask she ignores the actual question but puts quite some effort in sparking a convo, I leave it be for a week. Then try again, she is clear she does want to meet up but wishy washy about setting a definate date so I tell her to contact me again if she has more certainty. 1 day later she wants to set the date on one of the days she was wishy washy about and we meet up.
So here I start being confused. I mean if she truly didn't want to meet up, she could have just left it at that. But any way, wanting to meet up has nothing to with romantic interest, so nothing to speculate about really.
We meet up, have loads of fun but I notice the following: She keeps negging me all the f.cking time. I got a bit fed up with this **** and called her out on it. She then says she 'needs to lower my ego', that I am 'too ****ey' and all other kinds of things I learned chicks basically say when you are confident in their eyes (but maybe I am mistaken). I am like wtf, I thought my value dropped so farking much, and now you are talking about my ego etc. I playfully confront her with the fact that I think her 'acting tough' and having a 'big mouth' is just an act and it doesnt suit her. Mind you, I was truly fed up with this **** and it also started to feel as 'dominance test' I didn't really felt like dealing with.
Anyway, after our hangout I decide to go for the kiss. I mean the overall vibe was a lot of fun and I wanted to be sure the previous rejection was not a 'situational' one. She rejected my kiss and I told her I am glad we talked, but that this should be the end then. We never been 'friends' and I have no interest in that. I told her I did have interest in being her lover but that I understand she is not ready for this.
And now at work, she is still going out of her way to get my attention, is again constantly negging me and throwing all kinds of things that basically scream 'compliance test' and 'dominance test'. Obviously I just let it slide and don't acknowledge her bs. Untill it gets disrespectfull, then I call her out on it. But yes, it bugs me. Basically I thought I was at the point where I fcked up somehow and another dude 'took over' the rebound function. While this still may be the case, why does this girl keep trying do get control over me instead of just being indifferent?
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