She lost interest after I talked about my boundaries

[pipeman84]

OP appears to be thoroughly confused.
Firstly, he's looking for a plate yet he goes on 6 dates with a woman and the most sexual thing he does is light kissing.
Secondly, he insists on the Red Pill mantra about not accepting his girlfriend to have male friends, forgetting he's talking to a potential plate (thus it's an irrelevant subject) and also that the mantra doesn't describe an absolute truth - there are nuances regarding who the guy is.

She told me that i seem like a jelous, possesive man who isn't sure of himself.

I agree with her.

 

[SW15]

he's looking for a plate yet he goes on 6 dates with a woman and the most sexual thing he does is light kissing.

Even if a man is looking for a girlfriend, 6 dates is too long to wait for that.

2-3 dates is about what it should take for that.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why are you setting boundaries with a woman who has low interest at best(no sex after 6 dates is an obvious sign of that) and who isn't your girlfriend?

Seems like a fail on multiple levels by you.

At least she did you a favor so you can stop wasting your time and going home with blue balls.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Why are you setting boundaries with a woman who has low interest at best(no sex after 6 dates is an obvious sign of that) and who isn't your girlfriend?

Seems like a fail on multiple levels by you.

At least she did you a favor so you can stop wasting your time and going home with blue balls.

Yes… things were done here way out of order. If she wants a long drawn out courtship then that’s his choice to make. It sounds like he was getting super resentful of the courtship and had an entitlement that she was somehow his girl now without any physical contact. If I had to guess he’s been verbally communicating too many sexual thoughts and made her feel objectified. I just think his actions and his words were inconsistent. He’s going after the wrong women, and I don’t think he’s talking to many.

Regarding male friends, I totally agree their intentions are not forward. You could be balling her in front of some of these guys and they’re just not going to let it go. I personally am a drop the outbound contact kind of guy. They may inbound but you simply don’t respond. They’ll fade away eventually. And truly she should be doing that her own in 9/10 of the instances anyway. Some take longer than others for any number of reasons. But importantly here, that’s a day two, I don’t think this guys even in first base if I am reading this right.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

6 dates in, still no sex and she won't go to your place...this girl is not interested in being your "plate".

Women don't like guys who are wishy-washy. They want to see that you are congruent with who you say you are.

Next time instead of telling someone who they need to be, let them show you who they are and then you decide if you can acccept it. If you can't then you stop seeing her, or fuhk her and just keep it casual.

She isn't interested in being his plate or anything else that involves her getting naked with him either.

Take it slow = trying to make myself attracted to you even tho I am not.

 

[SW15]

Take it slow = trying to make myself attracted to you even tho I am not.

It can happen. I have one friend and one acquaintance right now in 10+ years long relationships that had to wait 2-3 months for first time sex. Those are 2-3 months with at least 1-2 dates per week.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It can happen. I have one friend and one acquaintance right now in 10+ years long relationships that had to wait 2-3 months for first time sex. Those are 2-3 months with at 1-2 dates per week.

That's on him then. The reason it didn't happen sooner is because he didn't escalate well enough or wasn't bold enough.

There is not much that suggests this is the case from the OP's post.

There should at the very least be progressive movement towards that, not getting stonewalled halfway down first base like OP has been for 6 dates straight.

I've had more action within 10 minutes of meeting a woman than OP has gotten in 6 dates worth of time.

OP needs to really work on his escalation game desperately.

 

[SW15]

That's on him then. The reason it didn't happen sooner is because he didn't escalate well enough or wasn't bold enough.

There is not much that suggests this is the case from the OP's post.

There should at the very least be progressive movement towards that, not getting stonewalled halfway down first base like OP has been for 6 dates straight.

I think both that friend and that acquaintance didn't escalate fast enough or have a strong enough EFA (Early Frame Announcement). My EFA is that I am very sexual and that's why I get to sex faster than some. There are some who get to sex faster than I do.

@summersky will be moving on from this woman because the interaction is dead one way or another. The important thing is learning the right lessons from it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I think both that friend and that acquaintance didn't escalate fast enough or have a strong enough EFA (Early Frame Announcement). My EFA is that I am very sexual and that's why I get to sex faster than some. There are some who get to sex faster than I do.

@summersky will be moving on from this woman because the interaction is dead one way or another. The important thing is learning the right lessons from it.

Namely don't allow a woman to blue balls you for 6 dates when she obviously is t interested in anything more.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I think both that friend and that acquaintance didn't escalate fast enough or have a strong enough EFA (Early Frame Announcement). My EFA is that I am very sexual and that's why I get to sex faster than some. There are some who get to sex faster than I do.

@summersky will be moving on from this woman because the interaction is dead one way or another. The important thing is learning the right lessons from it.

Learning the right lesson is absolutely what needs to be done here. With maybe 100 words in the first paragraph describing the situation and 1,000 bitvhing on the imposition of boundaries in this environment, I certainly hope that the lesson clicks.

early frame announcement is still my favorite thing ever.

 

[Solomon]

She is already in control of the frame, obviously OP wants to get busy, but she is dictating the pace, you do not want a relationship with her and already have gone on 6 dates?. SMH why are you wasting your time? if you wanted to be in a relationship with her then fine I get waiting. But you're basically playing the sucker hoping to get exclusivity to hit them walls. Talk about wasting your time, money and resources. This is why I'm not mad at the Mode1 guys because if you had it framed from the jump you wouldn't be dealing with this b.s.

In regards to boundaries, I don't see anything wrong with what OP said or even mentioning them, if she decided to cut OP by "Breadcrumbing" or "Slow ghosting" him than so be it, OP should have pursued other options by the 2nd date when he saw it wasn't going anywhere. However OP might be a sadist hence he's put himself in a position to be a simp and take her on dates and all he is getting is "light kisses". I expect this from some 20 year old not a guy almost in his 40s

Perosnally, I don't see this going anywhere, and I would look for other options. Men need to be honest with themselves about what they want.

 

[summersky]

I have a small update: I called her and we had a good conversation. I suggested to meet each other but she told me she is not sure and doesn't know what to say. Is this thing done or is there any way to save this?

 

[Sega Genesis]

She is already in control of the frame, obviously OP wants to get busy, but she is dictating the pace, you do not want a relationship with her and already have gone on 6 dates?. SMH why are you wasting your time? if you wanted to be in a relationship with her then fine I get waiting. But you're basically playing the sucker hoping to get exclusivity to hit them walls. Talk about wasting your time, money and resources. This is why I'm not mad at the Mode1 guys because if you had it framed from the jump you wouldn't be dealing with this b.s.

Perosnally, I don't see this going anywhere, and I would look for other options. Men need to be honest with themselves about what they want.

I wholeheartedly agree with this, with emphasis on bolded (going Mode 1).

If a man is only seeking a plate or occasional FB to keep on rotation, please DO make that clear from the get-go!

Depending on how you present it (i.e. you're hot, down to fukk tonight? which I've had happen on apps), I may think you're rude but so what? Why would you care what I think?

Or you could be more polite about it.

In any event, you'd be doing us both a tremendous favor by not wasting each other's time and effort. And in your case 95% of the time, money.

If on the other hand, you're seeking a "relationship" then continue dating and respect her timetable/boundaries for sex and control your thirst.

If you can't, then walk. However, as long as she's accepting your date invites, not flaking, displaying physical affection and showing you verbally and non-verbally she's attracted to you, then slow down on the sexual talk which she may view as you obectifying her.

Best to wait for her to bring up sexual "dirty" talk and/or some sort of green light. Again only if you're seeking an exclusive relationship.

P.S. No need to spell out boundaries if she's gonna be just a plate.

When seeking a relationship I see nothing wrong with what you did. She is free to move on if that doesn't align with her standards and what she wants or agrees with.

 

[Solomon]

I have a small update: I called her and we had a good conversation. I suggested to meet each other but she told me she is not sure and doesn't know what to say. Is this thing done or is there any way to save this?

OP, you're done Time to move on, she basically told you what it is
Learn from this and do not take a girl on 6 dates that you have no intention to pursue beyond a plate.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I have a small update: I called her and we had a good conversation. I suggested to meet each other but she told me she is not sure and doesn't know what to say. Is this thing done or is there any way to save this?

Why are you so desperate to save it?

She. Is. Not. Interested.

Next time don't go on 6 dates without sex and save yourself a lot of wasted time and headaches.

 

[Prepostereax]

Orbiters should never concern you.
A woman will only ever bonk an orbiter if:
- you split up (in which case, why would you care?)
- she's alone with him in a moment of vulnerability, eg drunk/high+horny (in which case, she's not worth investing in)
If you are truly a prize, and you are within reach, your woman will never settle for an orbiter.

On the other hand, you do not want to become an orbiter yourself, which I think is how this situation is developing, should you continue with this girl, OP.
I can smell Oneitis coming on..

I have a small update: I called her and we had a good conversation. I suggested to meet each other but she told me she is not sure and doesn't know what to say. Is this thing done or is there any way to save this?

She hasn't stated a clear date when she's available for you.
This is her way of saying that you two are done.
You are no longer her priority, if ever you were before.
You don't have to block her or end it all, but you do need to ghost her, and start doing your own thing, ideally start seeing other women.
The ball is in her court now.

 

[Vanderdonck]

I know I should't have come up with this topic before sex happened but I did.

No boyfriend vibes before sex. Remember that.

Read what @Clockwerk50 said. Do exactly as he directed.

If she accepts, awesome, go have fun & be cool. If she won't accept or accepts but flakes? Move on.

Just digest what you have learned for next time if this is done.

Agree.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Why are you so desperate to save it?

She. Is. Not. Interested.

Next time don't go on 6 dates without sex and save yourself a lot of wasted time and headaches.

It's surprising that he's been a member since 2014 and still doesn't know the fundamentals. I understand that life can get in the way, but reading the principles should be second nature when opening an account.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It's surprising that he's been a member since 2014 and still doesn't know the fundamentals. I understand that life can get in the way, but reading the principles should be second nature when opening an account.

Falls under the category of "Desperate Dudes Do Desperate Things"

 

[Divorced w 3]

I didn’t speak to this one woman for like three years. We hooked up once and were phone buddies for like 100 days. It was in the thick of the divorce and she was an amazing outlet, became some sort of friend, I have no idea what you’d call it. We would speak but we wouldn’t get together.

There were two things she wanted that I couldn’t do for her: I would not make the kids disappear (and she never asked but it was just an issue) and I would not stop being attractive and so seeing me was too much for her to bare. So we didn’t hang out.

I got super super hung up on her. So hung up that I started doing really crazy things. I started lying about things to manufacture reasons to maybe see her and I realized I was going bananas. The fact that she gave me a lot of grace as well as intermittent wrote me back made it worse. Then she went into no contact.

I found the rational male via a blog and rational male lead me here. This place got my head on straight.

I reached out to this woman a couple months ago. We texted but, the texts were short, they were low interest, and I still realized I had feelings and thought about this woman. I stopped obviously.

there are just some women that are going to hang on your mind. It’s the phenomenon of anchoring. If I met her at a different time not so emotionally vulnerable then I doubt I would feel this way. But it’s not healthy it’s super unhealthy.

thank this woman in your head for whatever she did for you, I suppose probably gave you a big emotional boost, and then let her go. It’s not going to happen. Do not let it get into stalker territory. She deserves peace as do you.