She just broke up with her BF.. What should I do?

[Maxtro]

One thing that frustrated me throughout my life is that almost all the beautiful women I knew ALWAYS had a boyfriend. Then they would have a new BF before I even heard about their breakup with their previous BF. Either that or they were in the condition of just having broken up with their BF. Then a few weeks later they have a new one.

I've noticed the exact same thing. The vast majority of women have boyfriends whether they like the guy (their BF) or not. They just don't want to be single and they are waiting for the next best thing. A philosophy I am starting to live by is that I must treat all women as if they had boyfriends or I must treat all women as if they were single. It's more fun to pretend that they are single.

Some questions I have been wondering is; what exactly is the rebound? Does it matter about who dumped whom? How long does the rebound last? How long should a guy wait to hook up with a girl to avoid being the rebound guy? If she leaves her current BF for you is there a rebound period?

I got plenty more questions which might even come in handy if somebody ever wanted to write the rebound guy article. It might be a good idea for it to be a collaboration of various well informed men.

 

[DJKid]

Nice

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...Some questions I have been wondering is; what exactly is the rebound?

Ever break up with a woman and then sarge a woman mainly to boost your ego or make you feel better by hopefully forgetting about the ex?

...
Does it matter about who dumped whom?

Why would it? It's about how you react to the breakup.

...
How long does the rebound last?

Depends on how long it takes for the person to engage other people not to prove their own worthiness or to prove something related to the past relationship. Most times there is a cooling off period but it could take anywhere from a few moments to forever and a day, it's all about moving on without the baggage.

...
How long should a guy wait to hook up with a girl to avoid being the rebound guy?

No need to wait if you are spinning plates. Besides, what's the attraction with a woman who's still hung up on the ex?

...
If she leaves her current BF for you is there a rebound period?...

Again it depends on whether she has dealt with the issues of the old relationship in addition to feeling comfortable that their actions are authentic and not reacting from needing to prove their own worth.

What you guys need to understand is that by understanding on how to qualify a woman beyond just her looks you can avoid falling into the rebound guy trap. Why do you think that women can easily 'next' guys after a date or two? They have qualifiers beyond looks and they usually figure these things out via what we believe are 'sh1t tests.'

Guys need to to be more on the offensive and filter the women they are sarging. It should go way beyond her just being hot and single. Unfortunately it seems that the typical state of guy is based on whats going on in his groin rather than whats in his head.

 

[IM0001]

Interesting info. I see truth in it but also it depends on the woman and her views as well as her maturity in dealing with the breakup.

The party at her house I went to last night was low key and fun. No real chances to get her straight alone but enough to talk a bit and just have a good time. It seams that she took the breakup we'll and is very happy she did because to her, he is not the same guy she got together with. (He did a few things that seamed childish and pouty and really rude like calling her stupid and saying she said things that she didnt) So in all there is no broad hostility against men in general and since her life is a little busy it was kind of a relief to loose a bad long distance relationship.
I just kept cool and had a good time being a pirate and ended the night with plans to pick her up sunday to grab a quick bite to eat then go salsa dancing.

Hopefully all goes good and I can show her that there are real men out there that don't act like bratty children.

 

[DJ1234]

I never really got the "rebound guy" until now either.....I guess that makes it more clear.....but I still have a question about that.. FDA check ur pm....

 

[Serialized3]

Everything that you retorted is true; for guys who don't know how to qualify women. The guys stick around even though the subject of her ex keep coming up, over and over and over again.

What you don't understand is that it's not that you are the next guy that she dates after a breakup which makes you the :nono: "Rebound Guy." It's when you are the sponge soaking up the issues which she has yet to resolve. If she has no outstanding issues with the ex, there isn't any need for her to rebound, now would there?

Take a look at the posts where I give the warning and read what's going on. In some instances it could be said that the woman is still dating her ex by her actions and how the guy is reacting to them. Yet these guys are so enamored by these broken women that they can not clearly see the situation they are standing knee deep in. Besides, a DJ wouldn't need to hang around situations like these. Hell, they wouldn't want to, the desperation isn't there.

You are correct in saying that you should avoid being the rebound guy if you are seeking a relationship with a girl, you know, trying to be the knight-in-shining-armor or cap'n save-a-ho. More trouble than it's worth, and the whole thing starts off on a shaky foundation (although I've seen a couple instances where the rebound guy and the girl have had a seemingly successful relationship).

However, if you're horny and just looking for ass, go ahead. Girls on the rebound are generally needing some validation/revenge sex or whatever. Just don't get attached. :nono:

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I never really got the "rebound guy" until now either.....I guess that makes it more clear.....but I still have a question about that.. FDA check ur pm....

Here's an exerp from DJ1234's question in PM:

I really don't understand the "rebound guy" concept...
Is it just basically to not have her issues of her previous man not be carried over or attactched to you?

First and foremost a little clarification about my ' :nono: Beware of becoming the "Rebound Guy" ' warning. It's just that, a message to warn you of stepping into the role of "rebound guy" (RG). It's not a given that just because the woman has broken up with an ex you will become the RG, it's what the woman does to you (and what you accept) that puts you into that role. Remember how we use to warn guys about becoming "emotional tampons" for women? Well the RG is similar but there's more pressure on you. Do you really want to be in that position? :nervous:

Let's face it, women have issues just as men do in regards to relationships that haven't worked. DJs handle issues differently from Players and AFCs handle things still another way. It seems that the difference between the three comes down to two things:

1. How quickly they get over a woman
2. Their attitude toward women after the breakup

It's not to say that any one way is best, they each have seemingly positive and negative aspects; they're just different.

Given that, women are the same way. The major factors are how quickly she gets over the ex and her attitudes towards men after the breakup. Personally, I think those are two very important things to consider when qualifying women. Which woman do you feel would be more receptive to being sarged; one who is over her ex without being afraid that the next guy will hurt her the same way or a woman who's still hung up on the ex and such that you seem to know more about him than her?

Now the big question seems to be how the heck can you tell if you are the RG or not, it's actually pretty easy. First ask yourself how does she make you feel (besides horny)? Does she make you feel as if you are competing with her ex? Do you feel that she isn't over him? Is she mistrusting of you even though she hasn't caught you doing anything wrong (yet)? In other words, does it seem that you have to take a lot of effort in trying to hold things together because if you don't she may go back to her ex? Even if she says that she hates him???!!!

All of these things points to her not being completely over the ex (and yes, even hating him so much that she can't stop talking about him means that she isn't over him). These things also point to her having a less than approving attitude towards men (at least not yet).

As men you have to ask yourself whether or not the work is worth the extra effort. Here's something to consider when making that decision; are you determining the worth by something tangible or are you speculating (hoping) that things may work out? Hey, you can use your entire paycheck to buy lottery tickets in hopes that you may win the big jackpot, right? It could happen!

It's also been asked how long do you wait. I swear that this type of question is just further proof that men are linear in nature and aren't born multitaskers. They focus on only one woman at a time, linearly and methodically rather than multitask and spin a few plates.

Guys, learning to juggle is really worth the effort. It helps you from contracting "one-itis," form becoming :nono: the "Rebound Guy," and from becoming frustrated by the aftermath of the two. Another thing which I feel a lot of guys are afraid of doing is putting a woman on the backburner or dropping her from the roster altogether. Keep those plates spinning a drop the ones that are wobbly and unbalanced. When done with intention it can be a boost to your ego too!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...
However, if you're horny and just looking for ass, go ahead. Girls on the rebound are generally needing some validation/revenge sex or whatever. Just don't get attached. :nono:

I have nothing against playing hit and run but is it worth it if you have to drive through two feet of snow, uphill during a icestorm? We're talking about guys who could be considered as being treated like crap or even possibly being dropped into the LJBF zone. That's completely different than guys dealing with women who just want a good FB to clean out the pipes; kinda like a woman who's unhappily married (oh let me shut up..)

 

[Maxtro]

Wow lots of good information here. Lots of stuff to think over and watch out for.

 

[The Inside Man]

I think alot of guys have been there before and the simple answer is just.......NO!. If you like gambling with your heart and emotions go for it, but its a tough lesson to learn that way. She is most likely confused/hurt/not looking for anything serious/going back to the bf or all of the above. Do not touch, may be harmful if swallowed, seek medical attention immediately if ingested.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Wow lots of good information here. Lots of stuff to think over and watch out for.

The main thing is to realize where you stand when compared to her ex, her history or both. Being in competition with those things is seldom good. Being appreciated more than either of those things by a woman is much better, at least in my world.

I'm still curious to understand from anyone how being the RG and putting up with the drama would be beneficial? Yes, there may be women out they who could have potential but I still don't get how being treated badly merits enduring through it in hopes that things may change.

 

[Maxtro]

The only reason that I would consider being the rebound guy is that the pool of women available to me is very limited. Most of the women I run into are in relationships. I think it's better to be prepared on how to handle women who may be on the rebound then to completely ignore those women and hope I'll run into a girl that is single and looking.

Yes I am aware that I need to put myself in more situations where I will be around more women.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...Yes I am aware that I need to put myself in more situations where I will be around more women.

It makes a world of difference.

 

[DJ1234]

Here's an exerp from DJ1234's question in PM:


First and foremost a little clarification about my ' :nono: Beware of becoming the "Rebound Guy" ' warning. It's just that, a message to warn you of stepping into the role of "rebound guy" (RG). It's not a given that just because the woman has broken up with an ex you will become the RG, it's what the woman does to you (and what you accept) that puts you into that role. Remember how we use to warn guys about becoming "emotional tampons" for women? Well the RG is similar but there's more pressure on you. Do you really want to be in that position? :nervous:

Let's face it, women have issues just as men do in regards to relationships that haven't worked. DJs handle issues differently from Players and AFCs handle things still another way. It seems that the difference between the three comes down to two things:

1. How quickly they get over a woman
2. Their attitude toward women after the breakup

It's not to say that any one way is best, they each have seemingly positive and negative aspects; they're just different.

Given that, women are the same way. The major factors are how quickly she gets over the ex and her attitudes towards men after the breakup. Personally, I think those are two very important things to consider when qualifying women. Which woman do you feel would be more receptive to being sarged; one who is over her ex without being afraid that the next guy will hurt her the same way or a woman who's still hung up on the ex and such that you seem to know more about him than her?

Now the big question seems to be how the heck can you tell if you are the RG or not, it's actually pretty easy. First ask yourself how does she make you feel (besides horny)? Does she make you feel as if you are competing with her ex? Do you feel that she isn't over him? Is she mistrusting of you even though she hasn't caught you doing anything wrong (yet)? In other words, does it seem that you have to take a lot of effort in trying to hold things together because if you don't she may go back to her ex? Even if she says that she hates him???!!!

All of these things points to her not being completely over the ex (and yes, even hating him so much that she can't stop talking about him means that she isn't over him). These things also point to her having a less than approving attitude towards men (at least not yet).

As men you have to ask yourself whether or not the work is worth the extra effort. Here's something to consider when making that decision; are you determining the worth by something tangible or are you speculating (hoping) that things may work out? Hey, you can use your entire paycheck to buy lottery tickets in hopes that you may win the big jackpot, right? It could happen!

It's also been asked how long do you wait. I swear that this type of question is just further proof that men are linear in nature and aren't born multitaskers. They focus on only one woman at a time, linearly and methodically rather than multitask and spin a few plates.

Guys, learning to juggle is really worth the effort. It helps you from contracting "one-itis," form becoming :nono: the "Rebound Guy," and from becoming frustrated by the aftermath of the two. Another thing which I feel a lot of guys are afraid of doing is putting a woman on the backburner or dropping her from the roster altogether. Keep those plates spinning a drop the ones that are wobbly and unbalanced. When done with intention it can be a boost to your ego too!

Thanks for answering my question FDA, appreciate it. Should have just posted it up here but I thought I'd be highjacking the OP thread and I wanted to make sure I specifically got your attention to my question, it has become much more clear what to watch for in the RG :yes:

 

[Last Man Standing]

I told you, Francisco is the rebound guy expert! Does he speak from personal experience? Maybe.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I told you, Francisco is the rebound guy expert! Does he speak from personal experience? Maybe.

Life is full of experiences, what matters is how you choose to be effected by them.

 

[Serialized3]

I have nothing against playing hit and run but is it worth it if you have to drive through two feet of snow, uphill during a icestorm? We're talking about guys who could be considered as being treated like crap or even possibly being dropped into the LJBF zone. That's completely different than guys dealing with women who just want a good FB to clean out the pipes; kinda like a woman who's unhappily married (oh let me shut up..)

Right, I know your advice was directed towards the OP, and that only people who understand and accept what they are getting into should take my suggestion to heart.

However, if one is any sort of DJ, the analogy of hooking up with a girl on the rebound is less "uphill in two feet of snow during an icestorm" and more "going down a snowy mountain pass during a blizzard with no brakes"

Sorry for all the snow analogies, but ski season is ON!