She just broke up with her BF.. What should I do?

[IM0001]

Aight I tried using the search feature but it kept giving me way to many threads on completely different topics.

Anyway, there is this woman I know from down south that finally graduated and moved back home which is only 2 miles from mine.

We are friends from a waterski team and were planning to meet up here and there now that life has gotten back to normal. No more skiing for me, new job stabalizing here for her.

Well tomorow night was a Holloween party that she invited me to a week ago. I call her tonight to get info on where and when this is. When she gets on the phone she doesnt sound all good but I just go on saying how nationals was great, i need to fill you in on it all, and whats going on for tomorow night. She gives me the info and I then ask how her weekend was, she says it sucked due to BF issues, I ask what happened and she mentions how she ended it with him right before I called.

So im kinda in the middle of things. I dont want to act all cold and not caring, but at the same time i dont want to become a big panzy and listen to all her complaining, comfort her, and say something stupid how i should be the guy she is with.. (for example, i would never do this)

I think i left it in the clear but i wasnt sure if i should have asked her if she wanted to meet up for a quick bite or something or just leave it like i did with a nice note saying ill be there tomorow and she sounded like she would really like that. (she invites mostly friends from her HS days she knew and such since all her college friends still live down south.)


Ok enough story telling. I always do that.
I guess what I'm asking now is what do I do now.
I have the worst problem with meeting women I like that all already have a BF. Finally I have a shot at a beautiful, fun, smart, woman that is single but I do not want to move to quick or anything that would spook her or anything. I definitly will not bring him up any tomorow night but what can I do to just keep the ball rolling in my favor? I'm guessing just act casual, stay cool, have a good time, and show her that im not a dumbass that doesn't care about her. Care without caring too much so to speak. I was also thinking if i could setup a little date that might take her mind off things later next week. Some action date like dancing but if need be, a movie or just a drive would work.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Before Francisco says it.."Beware of being the rebound guy!"

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Before Francisco says it.."Beware of being the rebound guy!"

You forgot the ever present "No No" :nono: sign...

 

[Last Man Standing]

You forgot the ever present "No No" :nono: sign...

Haha, yeah, that is like your exclamation point!

 

[IM0001]

exactly. So im just planning to take it smooth and slowly, have a good time and hope she does the same. Then see where it goes from there. Not too fast, but not too slow again.

 

[Maxtro]

I too would like to know what to do with that situation. There are a couple of chicks that I am waiting for them to break up with their BF's.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Some guys must have been born masochists...

 

[Last Man Standing]

Some guys must have been born masochists...

Haha, Maxtro, I think Francisco was referring to you!

 

[Maxtro]

Haha, Maxtro, I think Francisco was referring to you!

ha ha
I love how this forum is so helpful to guys who don't have a clue what they are doing but they keep trying anyways.

Those types of responses are so typical one has to wonder why this forum even exists.

 

[Last Man Standing]

We're just having fun kid - don't take it personal - although I made it personal.

 

[aliasguy]

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Do her.

Don't wait around.

don't worry about "rebound guy."

Just have no "expectations."


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[Microfiltered]

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Do her.

Don't wait around.

don't worry about "rebound guy."

Just have no "expectations."


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Well said, don't fear being the rebound guy; they can be great DJ's too. You know what you want to do, so do it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Well said, don't fear being the rebound guy; they can be great DJ's too. You know what you want to do, so do it.

You guys obviously didn't read what IM0001 said. He wants to care for her without caring too much and also get her mind off of things by taking her out dancing, a movie or a drive. What do you think will happen because of her state of needed to get her mind off of things? Oh yeah, this one is already on the "Rebound Guy" path. This is why I call guys who want choose to deal with women who are still hung up on their ex as masochist.

 

[Maxtro]

Ok, after constantly seeing FDA post "Beware of being the rebound guy!" I decided that I had to see what his reasons were. I had to go back to 01-02-2007 to find the answer and here it is.

Being the rebound guy you inherit several things:

1. The past mistakes of her ex that she hasn't forgiven.
2. Any anger that she has towards men that she can't take out on her ex.
3. The possibility of being used to make the ex jealous
4. The possibility of being used just to boost her bruised ego
5. The possibility of being left in the dust if she isn't truly over him and he does something that an AFC would do to get her back.

This is why it is best for some other guy to be used to get these things out of her system and prove that she is over her ex. Your chances of success with her is greater if you're not the rebound guy but one of her subsequent guys if she doesn't go back to her ex.

So what is the best path to take? Wait till she gets a rebound guy, whom she fvcks for a month then maybe you get a shot at her after that? Why not be the rebound guy if you know what signs to look out for? If she leaves her boyfriend because of you are you still the rebound guy?

Somebody needs to write an article. "So you're the rebound guy. How to get what you want"

 

[Microfiltered]

I think FDA’s post for not being the rebound guy is lame. Here’s why:

1.The past mistakes of her ex that she hasn't forgiven.

Anything that she doesn’t like anybody else doing she will notice in you. It could be from her ex or it could be from her dad. Doesn’t matter. What turns people off will always turn them off until they change there perception. Time isn’t necessarily a perception changer.

2.Any anger that she has towards men that she can't take out on her ex.

So she can take her anger out on you if you let her. She doesn’t need a recently broken relationship for this to be the case.

3.The possibility of being used to make the ex jealous

Ok, so what. This is a possibility. But being used by a chick is always a possibility if you show weakness.

4.The possibility of being used just to boost her bruised ego

She doesn’t need a recently broken relationship for this to be the case. Wouldn’t even say it’s more of a possibility. In fact, worrying about being used in lame. Just be the DJ you were meant to be.

5.The possibility of being left in the dust if she isn't truly over him and he does something that an AFC would do to get her back.

You can at anytime for whatever reason be screwed over by a girl. It could be another guy, ex, girl, or an entire hockey team.

Just remember, time doesn’t solve our problems. It just makes us one day closer to death. Maybe in some situations patience should be used. But rarely; IMO patience is overrated. You can’t be the dominant man if you wait around for the right opportunity. Especially if you’re waiting for her to find another guy first. Why the **** would you want that; so you can rebound the rebound guy?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I think FDA’s post for not being the rebound guy is lame. Here’s why:


Anything that she doesn’t like anybody else doing she will notice in you. It could be from her ex or it could be from her dad. Doesn’t matter. What turns people off will always turn them off until they change there perception. Time isn’t necessarily a perception changer.


So she can take her anger out on you if you let her. She doesn’t need a recently broken relationship for this to be the case.


Ok, so what. This is a possibility. But being used by a chick is always a possibility if you show weakness.


She doesn’t need a recently broken relationship for this to be the case. Wouldn’t even say it’s more of a possibility. In fact, worrying about being used in lame. Just be the DJ you were meant to be.


You can at anytime for whatever reason be screwed over by a girl. It could be another guy, ex, girl, or an entire hockey team.

Just remember, time doesn’t solve our problems. It just makes us one day closer to death. Maybe in some situations patience should be used. But rarely; IMO patience is overrated. You can’t be the dominant man if you wait around for the right opportunity. Especially if you’re waiting for her to find another guy first. Why the **** would you want that; so you can rebound the rebound guy?

Everything that you retorted is true; for guys who don't know how to qualify women. The guys stick around even though the subject of her ex keep coming up, over and over and over again.

What you don't understand is that it's not that you are the next guy that she dates after a breakup which makes you the :nono: "Rebound Guy." It's when you are the sponge soaking up the issues which she has yet to resolve. If she has no outstanding issues with the ex, there isn't any need for her to rebound, now would there?

Take a look at the posts where I give the warning and read what's going on. In some instances it could be said that the woman is still dating her ex by her actions and how the guy is reacting to them. Yet these guys are so enamored by these broken women that they can not clearly see the situation they are standing knee deep in. Besides, a DJ wouldn't need to hang around situations like these. Hell, they wouldn't want to, the desperation isn't there.

 

[aliasguy]

Everything that you retorted is true; for guys who don't know how to qualify women. The guys stick around even though the subject of her ex keep coming up, over and over and over again.

What you don't understand is that it's not that you are the next guy that she dates after a breakup which makes you the :nono: "Rebound Guy." It's when you are the sponge soaking up the issues which she has yet to resolve. If she has no outstanding issues with the ex, there isn't any need for her to rebound, now would there?

Take a look at the posts where I give the warning and read what's going on. In some instances it could be said that the woman is still dating her ex by her actions and how the guy is reacting to them. Yet these guys are so enamored by these broken women that they can not clearly see the situation they are standing knee deep in. Besides, a DJ wouldn't need to hang around situations like these. Hell, they wouldn't want to, the desperation isn't there.

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I never really "got" your admonition about "Rebound Guy" until this post. Now I understand. Thanks.
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[young_gun]

This kinda sucks for you man, I feel you on this one. I seem to have that same problem - I'll meet an amazing girl and then she'll drop the news on me.

I'd definitely suggest some kind of action date. Dancing is great, laser tag is great, biking is great, etc. When you're out with her, don't mention the ex at all. If she has a good time with you, she'll probably forget all about him. There are a lot of unknowns here. BUT, it can't hurt to try. Just go out with her, show her a good time, and hopefully the ball will roll your way. If it doesn't, don't take it personally.

 

[StevenR]

One thing that frustrated me throughout my life is that almost all the beautiful women I knew ALWAYS had a boyfriend. Then they would have a new BF before I even heard about their breakup with their previous BF. Either that or they were in the condition of just having broken up with their BF. Then a few weeks later they have a new one.

During those few weeks is my only chance but of course I would be the "rebound guy". So when is a good time to try to get one of these beautiful women? Doesn't matter to me anymore anyway because I am passed that stage of life and all I have a shot at are overweight divorces mothers who would have nothing to do with me when I was younger.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

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I never really "got" your admonition about "Rebound Guy" until this post. Now I understand. Thanks.
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You're welcome. The picture is usually clearer if you just step back and really evaluate the situation instead of just forging through trying to force a situation via a path that's unstable.

And for anyone (Microfiltered perhaps?) who's willing to attempt Maxtro's suggestion of writing an article about the subject more power to 'ya. :rockon: You're going to have a interesting rollercoaster ride full of sh1t tests, assumptions and unknown expectations to muddle through. At least the woman's ex would have more first hand knowledge of her relationship history on his side; you're potentially walking blindly into a minefield.