she has more .... power than i do

[2xp]

hello guys,

i need your advice on this one, i thought about it all day but couldn't find a suitable solution. the problem is :

i began to work as a trainee in a big company one month ago. the team is good, job is interesting, doing the work of an engineer, pay check is ok, and i get to learn a lot of things every day.

there is this chick working with my team. SHE (let's call her SHE, capital letters meaning big trouble) is from another departement, but SHE handles a couple of projects, knows everyone, and i guess SHE has some influence here, going all political and all. AND SHE is a cute face, blonde type, nice body, great asz, and with great clothes. first time i met HER, i played cool, lots of humor, chatting, you know the stuff. i'm the kinda of guy that makes people at ease. ok, so i saw SHE is interested. it's a gut feeling. well there is a small maybe SHE is just an attention wh0re but i don't think i 'm wrong this time

i see everyone telling me i should go for it....

BUT :
- SHE is my "indirect superior", has worked here for years, knows people and can influence them,
- my boss is actually a sissy, discovered last week that he sleeps with a teddy bear (lol .... that i didn't belelieve it but was confirmed by one of his coworker when they went to a conference in california ), complains all the time about everything, chooses what he eats like a girlie, tries too much not to hurt other's feeling, phones to his ergirlfirend everyday and
buys her perfumes and expensive stuff (true........). actually, SHE is like a big sister to him and will do anything to please HER.
- SHE is 30, i am 24, that's why i didn't go for the number the first time. I admit i never dated girls older than me, feels uncomfortable to me. that's why i didn't tried to ask her out, and i feel she is getting impatient. like when we say hello (touching the cheeks, it's french customs, BTW) she's longing for more or by the way she smiles


i feel that if don't play my cards right, this workplace is going to turn into a nightmare and i 'll be a puppet in her hand. basically, she has all the powers and can make this very difficult.

that's it

right now, i feel i don't have enough experience dealing with girls who are my boss

waiting for your feedback, guys.......................................


i am just remembering actually, the boss suggested that we trainees work with her departement and found out yesterday that SHE was the one who ordered the whole thing. found out also she is dating (not seriously tough) somebody.

 

[mrExtreme]

I'm a little confused. Are you saying that she will make the workplace a nightmare if you don't ask her out? Or are you saying that if you do ask her out, and things don't work out well, that the workplace will be a nightmare?

 

[squirrels]

Heh, how much do you like your job?

You're treading on some real thin ice here. First of all, I'd stop entertaining thoughts of a relationship unless you know this woman REALLY well and know it would work. Because as soon as it falls through, your life will be a living hell.

You also have to consider what happens if other employees start accusing you of sexual misconduct or favoritism if she starts hooking you up after you hit it.

I'd keep playing the ****y/funny angle with her, but in this case, I would just not make ANY moves and look for other women to date, ones that don't have the leverage to go psycho and crush your career.

Maybe you can put the moves on her at the company Christmas party or something.

 

[Player_Supreme]

My son lives in paris. He is studying french law.

You on the other hand:

1. never ever ever date someone from work. I read these kind of post all the time and they make me want to heave. Of all the women in a mans environment for a symp to pick someone he works with is unforgiveable.

2. your infatuation is with HER power and her power over you.

3. leave this one alone. drop your ideas of the two of you cause it doesn't exist except in your own fantasies. she has a man, whom I sure she is either in control of him or he is a bad boy and controls her completely and totally.

4. find some other woman to put your infatuations on.

I can't state how many times I read some poor fools posts on some woman at their jobs. I was just talking with a guy in IM yesterday from this site on this subject. He admitted that he knew better and all that...but still it happens.

It happens when you don't have anything else going on in your life...when your weak and vulnerable and just want to get laid.

Look at the post where that one guy in Austrailia attacked a girl at a party from his office and licked her face.

Back away from this one...not even especially if her attentions are not returned or even if they are...

Like the above poster said "make your life a living hell"

 

[Skel]

It sounds like you are getting a lot of experience there and you should keep your mind on your career. That being said, I would keep the relationship professional unless she makes the first move.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by mrExtreme
I'm a little confused. Are you saying that she will make the workplace a nightmare if you don't ask her out? Or are you saying that if you do ask her out, and things don't work out well, that the workplace will be a nightmare?

It is posts like these that make me loose faith in most of the men on this site. Of all the woman to get goo goo gaa gaa over they pick someone they work with.

There must be some psycological reason for this happening!

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

I have to agree with what the others have said on this post.

It seems this is more of a "career" kind of a job and not just another job. That is the key point here.

You seem to like this job, you seem to think this job gives you good experience, and you seem to think your paycheck is currently ok.

Why take a chance just to get laid?

I will never date or even have a one night stand with somebody I work with.

When you think about it, for the few moments of pleasure, there are too many instances where things go wrong when you get involved with a women at work.

People, men mostly, are fired everday because of sexual harrassment cases. Some warranted, some not warranted.

There are too many instances where bad things happen because some guy either believes something that really isn't there or the women was a psycho.

Either way, you will pay if your a guy.

Where I work at now, every single employee, male and female, has to take a sexual harrassment training seminar. It lasts for like 6 hours and is basically a waste of time every year, but it's mandatory, so we all have to do it. ANd there are like over 20,000 people who work for the orginization that I do.

All I'm saying is, in these politically correct days, why even risk your career and future for some women you dont really know?

If you said you were working at a place like Chilis, where there are new waiters and waitresses everyday and its just a job to you, I'd still be cautious, but it wouldnt be as much as a problem.

But you are starting your career, why ruin it over a women whom you'll probably never see again after a few years anyway.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme
It is posts like these that make me loose faith in most of the men on this site. Of all the woman to get goo goo gaa gaa over they pick someone they work with.

There must be some psycological reason for this happening!

It's a head-trip. Everyone wants the woman they're not supposed to have/not supposed to be able to get. Co-workers, bosses, other people's wives/girlfriends, friends' moms, 16 year olds, hot cousins...the list goes on and on.

People enjoy these "secret adventures." Why? I don't know. Maybe the danger of "being caught" creates an adrenaline rush. Either way, you're right, sometimes when things like a career or a future are on the line, it's good to step back and let the brain do the thinking for a change.

How good's that going to look on a resume:

REASON FOR TERMINATION: Steamy love affair with superior turned dramatic

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

"How good's that going to look on a resume:

REASON FOR TERMINATION: Steamy love affair with superior turned dramatic"


The problem isn't even just in that. Even if nothing horrible happens like a sexual harrassment law suit, as most people find out, careers are built on networking, networking and networking.

YOu might not have burned your bridges, but if you get terminated or forced to resign because of a potentail love affair problem at work, you bet nobody will give you a great reference for you.

Most won't put you down, but in today's marketplace, a guy with great references and a set of resounding compliments will get a job over some guy whose references just say the "CLICHED" lines.

 

[Pulsar]

Originally posted by Player_Supreme


Look at the post where that one guy in Austrailia attacked a girl at a party from his office and licked her face.

Back away from this one...not even especially if her attentions are not returned or even if they are...

Like the above poster said "make your life a living hell"

lol, that guy was comedy gold, hahaha. I saved that thread to my hard drive too

I could understand that guys concern but it all turned out ok in the end..but geez, that would have been funny to see the reaction on her face as he kissed and then licked her face, LMAO..lol

 

[Crank_It_Up]

3 rules to follow,

1) no sex with the neighbors

2) no sex with your friends' or relatives' wives or girlfriends

3) no sex with the girls at work


however, if you don't have the courage to speak to women other than your co-workers and might not get a date for the next decade or so, then by all means go for this one.

 

[2xp]

OK, i hear you guys.

thanks for the replies.

i decided to close the case, she is going to stay as a coworker and my first objective is going to get this job done first. besides, i'm beginning to really like this job

for elvis aint dead yet and Crank it up, i am living in FRANCE. i guess rules aren't the same, and from my experience people are used to flirting in the workplace, it's like a social habit, i never heard about any "sexual harrasement cases", except the ones they are talking about in the us. i 'm fine about that, it's more natural by the way, and less frustrating. people are dating ( course not everyone, but it happens) , being ****y, and talk openly about sex

for squirrels , i don't think there is the "secret adventures" rush. well maybe a little, who knows . maybe i was thinking about trying something new and exciting ;-) and having a new experience

for Player_supreme, try in the future not to use "weak" or "fool". i really don't know who you are, and i may not be a native english speaker, but i do know you are assuming things too fast.

anyway, i'm off, i decided i won't have HER, and anyway i asked out a chick of my age this morning. from my workplace. same position, no "power" issues, not as hot as HER but will do the job. and i get along with with her quite fine.

and FUkC to all of you who dare to say no sex with co-workers

 

[2xp]

CO WORKERS

Player_Suprme : Of all the woman to get goo goo gaa gaa over they pick someone they work with.

think about this, i'm with these people eight hours a day, 5 days per week, we eat together at lunch time, and even if it's a big company, my departement is small enough to be considered as the "family"

why would go "gaa gaa" over a chick i meet while commuting, shopping, when doing my daily workout or such, why would i go for special missions to pick strangers on the streets. i don't know them, and it's unlikely that we fit, while at my workplace, i know these people are from the same background, we share the same passion (let's say interest) in tech stuff (i'm working in a r&d lab by the way), i even have the same hobbies and such with some members of the team.





i mean, do you really think that it is normal to be like a robot when you are working and shut off all of your "man" intincts and then turn them on again when you go out. i can't .


well i didn't say i am against meeting strangers or flirting with girls out there, i do that quite often, but I JUST SPEND HALF OF MY LIFE HERE, in my workplace, situations like this are more likely to happen. that's it. a fact.

 

[Señor Fingers]

Some words of wisdom...

"Don´t sh!t where you eat"

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Pulsar
lol, that guy was comedy gold, hahaha. I saved that thread to my hard drive too

I could understand that guys concern but it all turned out ok in the end..but geez, that would have been funny to see the reaction on her face as he kissed and then licked her face, LMAO..lol

The worst thing is that when he goes to testify during the sexual harassment suit, "I don't know what came over me...I was on this website called sosuave.com and I guess it just went to my head."

Instant notoriety.

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

"think about this, i'm with these people eight hours a day, 5 days per week, we eat together at lunch time, and even if it's a big company, my departement is small enough to be considered as the "family""


Well think about this. Most people on this site have been in many relationships. As have many others. The simple fact is, most relationships end.

And in many cases one party is still attached to the other party.

If you live in dream land and think "all is great and fine and we're awesome friends," then either you don't date much or you live in dream land.

Yes, there are many times people remain friends, but there are many times when people don't remain friends.

I mean geez, look at this site, half the guys here hate girls either cause they can't get the ones they like or they were hurt by a particular girl.

All I'm saying is, in most instances, one person still wants to be in a relationship while the other does not.

Think about that as you see that person 5 days a week, 40+ hours a week, around 350 days a year after you breakup.

Thats not a very healthy environment now is it, especially when either you still want her and she doesn't like you or she still wants you and you don't like her that way.

Nice to think everything is great and you'll remanin friends, But from experience, in most dating circumstances, one person usually isn't so cool with the breakup, even if they pretend it is.

And that makes for one tough work environment.

 

[mongoose01]

i can help you here.

dude just do your job. DO NOT mess around with someone at work. More than likely she is playing corporate games with you. Using her sex appeal for what ever reason. She is demonstrating her power over you in more ways that one.

Do your job and interact with just on a professional level. That's what you are right.

Don't hit on her, don't ask for her number, do don't sh!t.

NOW if she walks up to you and says she wants to fvck your brains out, then tell Ms. Big Time Corporate woman to pay for a nice room somewhere.

I've seen lots of guys get into trouble trying to fvck girls at work. It's a very bad idea.

I've dated corporate women and for whatever reason, some of the ones with some power use their sexuality for their own gains.