She doesn’t know what she wants

[RicBoy]

Just wonder if she is going through the normal 3 to 6 months phase where usually women wonder if is this really what they want or if she really has no feelings for me for real as she claims? Obviously her never having had a relationship before is a red flag too at her age.
Or maybe all this convo yesterday is just her to try to take the pressure of things and out me more at her investment level? She is sleeping with me and cuddling I would think she is attracted st least

 

[RicBoy]

When a woman says she doesn't know what she wants it means she is still looking around for her "best option ".

She looks more in the mirror on a daily base than you do in a month. She KNOWS her SMV. And yours, especially in combination with your behaviour. The cuddling ect =you treating her like she is your WIFE. I doubt if you are actually capable of turning down on that shyte and basically become a completely different person (more like the ones who keep pumping and dumping her constantly).

You can stay, but she warned you once. If i have to be (realistically) "negative" I'd even say that there's already someone else in the picture. The latter can be used to be principal and walk away RIGHT now.

I really don’t think she has another guy or even talking to anyone at this plot but I can’t be sure. Judging she never had a serious relationship in her 35 years of age it’s not like she is going to get married tomorrow with another guy she just met.

 

[MtmVaott]

I’m seeing a girl for 3 months. She is 35 and never had a serious relationship only fwb type of relationship. We meet twice a week at her place.

Tonight she told me she likes me and enjoys the sex but doesn’t have feelings for me. She doesn’t know yet what she wants but she thinks she probably doesn’t want a serious relationship in the future.
She said she is happy with what we have now exclusive sex and hangout at her place. But if she figures out someday she doesn’t want a serious relationship, then she doesn’t want to be keep this sex thing we have now forever.

I asked why she is telling me this? She said she feels I want more from this in the future and she doesn’t want to end it someday and then I blame her that she was just leading me on and didn’t want a relationship from the beginning.

Plan of action? I think I’ll keep meeting her and just text for meet ups?

Is she on her way out ?

She told you very clearly what she wants and what you can expect from her.
To me, that doesn't sound like a weird woman, like some members here like to frame it.
She even had the decency to give you a super clear intervention. Farer than that she won't go without disrespecting you and herself (e.g. by her ending things prematurely for the sake of your mental health).

So, I suggest you take a look again at your OP.
Your questions to us tell me you didn't acknowldege what she said. You should start by valueing her as a person by really asking her questions who she is as a person and trying to get to know her. The same you should do to yourself, i.e. asking you questions who you are, what you like, where you come from, why you are doing things the way you do, etc.
This will become frightening because it creates (real) intimicy. It could be it's too uncomfortable for her as well/ not what she wants, and she will end things. That's when you know she was unable to have a relationship, or that you and her did mismatch.
The best that may happen is when she asks you questions back about you, so you get to know yourself by interacting with her.

 

[RicBoy]

She told you very clearly what she wants and what you can expect from her.
To me, that doesn't sound like a weird woman, like some members here like to frame it.
She even had the decency to give you a super clear intervention. Farer than that she won't go without disrespecting you and herself (e.g. by her ending things prematurely for the sake of your mental health).

So, I suggest you take a look again at your OP.
Your questions to us tell me you didn't acknowldege what she said. You should start by valueing her as a person by really asking her questions who she is as a person and trying to get to know her. The same you should do to yourself, i.e. asking you questions who you are, what you like, where you come from, why you are doing things the way you do, etc.
This will become frightening because it creates (real) intimicy. It could be it's too uncomfortable for her as well/ not what she wants, and she will end things. That's when you know she was unable to have a relationship, or that you and her did mismatch.
The best that may happen is when she asks you questions back about you, so you get to know yourself by interacting with her.

To me she just wanted casual exclusive sex from the beginning and also wanted to find out if she had romantic feelings for me. 3 months later she is probably arriving to the conclusion she likes sex and my company but no real feelings for a serious relationship down the road. She also mention if this doesn’t go forward it will end the casual too for obvious reasons. But she mentioned again she doesn’t know what she wants yet.

res flags are she never had a serious relationship in her 35 years of life just fwb and one night stands and the casual fling that lasted 5 or 6 encounters. She pointed out that all guys who wished to have more serious thing with her she ghosted them. She said she will never ghost me because I’m a funny not boring guy at all and she likes sex and company.

do you think pulling back , not initiating msgs,cut all emojis from texts can possible create anxiety in her and make develop feelings for me ?

i know my mistakes, I jump the honey moon get comfortable too soon and act like married after a month always available to meet etc too much communication. I’m hoping taking a step back and kinda start all over will fix things

 

[SuckItUp]

She’s literally giving you the plot of the movie. Yes actions and words need to match but when a woman is laying it all out or acts like she’s not good enough for you it’s because she’s not.

Be ready for this fling to end at any minute and start looking for something new.

 

[RicBoy]

She’s literally giving you the plot of the movie. Yes actions and words need to match but when a woman is laying it all out or acts like she’s not good enough for you it’s because she’s not.

Be ready for this fling to end at any minute and start looking for something new.

What you think it’s the problem here ?

 

[SuckItUp]

What you think it’s the problem here ?

The problem is that you are a placeholder and/or she cannot form healthy attachments.
Anytime a woman is extremely direct in saying she’s not sure what she wants or she’s not good enough for you it means it’s not going to last.

Be prepared ant any time to walk.

 

[RicBoy]

The problem is that you are a placeholder and/or she cannot form healthy attachments.
Anytime a woman is extremely direct in saying she’s not sure what she wants or she’s not good enough for you it means it’s not going to last.

Be prepared ant any time to walk.

I wonder is she is just bringing this up to take the pressure out of the whole thing and the future so she feels more relaxed that we are on the same page as feelings are concerned. Reality is we are meeting twice and week lots of sex cuddling and all good.

 

[MtmVaott]

To me she just wanted casual exclusive sex from the beginning and also wanted to find out if she had romantic feelings for me. 3 months later she is probably arriving to the conclusion she likes sex and my company but no real feelings for a serious relationship down the road. She also mention if this doesn’t go forward it will end the casual too for obvious reasons. But she mentioned again she doesn’t know what she wants yet.

res flags are she never had a serious relationship in her 35 years of life just fwb and one night stands and the casual fling that lasted 5 or 6 encounters. She pointed out that all guys who wished to have more serious thing with her she ghosted them. She said she will never ghost me because I’m a funny not boring guy at all and she likes sex and company.

do you think pulling back , not initiating msgs,cut all emojis from texts can possible create anxiety in her and make develop feelings for me ?

i know my mistakes, I jump the honey moon get comfortable too soon and act like married after a month always available to meet etc too much communication. I’m hoping taking a step back and kinda start all over will fix things

I don't know why you try to devalue her by mentioning her 'red flags'. Based on your last threads, she seems to be equally fvcked up as you. And that's actually quite 'sweet'. She also showed respect and appreciation for you by giving you the intervention.

You intend to manipulate her into 'loving' you. But that's not love. Maybe more importantly, you would lose a learning opportunity for loving yourself and getting a step closer to healthy relationships. What you described so well as your mistakes is a consequence of your current low skill and training level in appreciation, empathy and responsibility for yourself. But as I imply, you can train this.

I would suggest you take a big step forward and tell her you appreciated that she told you how she sees the things between the two of you. And that her assumption that you want more is true. And that if she wants to give something more serious a chance, you'd be very happy, but else you think it would be best to end things and you wish her all the best.

This way, you'd exit with appreciation for yourself, and respect for her, and with her respect for you.
And that memory will be an asset to bring to the table when you will meet a woman that is actually available for a real relationship. And a learning opportunity, as I said.

 

[MtmVaott]

I wonder is she is just bringing this up to take the pressure out of the whole thing and the future so she feels more relaxed that we are on the same page as feelings are concerned. Reality is we are meeting twice and week lots of sex cuddling and all good.

Do you have a male friend you vibe with and where you have fun every time you meet?
Do you have feelings of infatuation or romantic love for him?
Another point how to see it: Did you notice there are women who are objectively attractive, where your friends say they find her hot, but you are like 'naaaahh, I don't care' ?

 

[RicBoy]

Do you have a male friend you vibe with and where you have fun every time you meet?
Do you have feelings of infatuation or romantic love for him?

We are having lots of sex and cuddling. Women don’t have sex with guys they don’t like or are attracted to. I could be wrong. It’s been 3 months and we meet twice a week at her house. Each time we spend around 5 to 6 hours together.
We never took things outside of her house only one time. She doesn’t want sleepovers or hangout outside. I slept over twice and she couldn’t sleep

 

[AureliusMaximus]

Tonight she told me she likes me and enjoys the sex but doesn’t have feelings for me.

Spin the wheel dude. Don't linger on her.

She said she is happy with what we have now exclusive sex and hangout at her place.

Why are you exclusive with a person that doesn't want you?
Do remember that time is precious and limited. Memento mori mate.
Invest it well on the right things and the right persons in your life that deserve your company; reject everyone else.
You always get from life what you accept in life.
So chose wisely.

I asked why she is telling me this?

She already told you. She doesn't have any feelings for you. So you have already answered your own question.

 

[MtmVaott]

You should also know that women don't despise weakness.
They are human, they have a lot of contact to other humans, and they just know people.

But what they really despise is an attitude of victimhood.
Especially, when you try to use it to get something out of them, e.g. consolation or help.

I don't know anymore why I came up with this in your particular context, but I think you are currently going the victim route. Especially when you'd continue like nothing happened or if you'd start to manipulate her. Doing what I suggested would be accepting your weak position, owning it and then leaving your weak position.
Anyway, I wish you best of luck, for whatever path you choose!

 

[RicBoy]

You should also know that women don't despise weakness.
They are human, they have a lot of contact to other humans, and they just know people.

But what they really despise is an attitude of victimhood.
Especially, when you try to use it to get something out of them, e.g. consolation or help.

I don't know anymore why I came up with this in your particular context, but I think you are currently going the victim route. Especially when you'd continue like nothing happened or if you'd start to manipulate her. Doing what I suggested would be accepting your weak position, owning it and then leaving your weak position.
Anyway, I wish you best of luck, for whatever path you choose!

Honestly I think I’m gonna continue seeing twice a week and have fun and no more serious conversations. I told her I want to have fun when we meet and drop all this future and serious conversations. To just let things happen naturally and she agreed.

 

[Ricky]

Just wonder if she is going through the normal 3 to 6 months phase where usually women wonder if is this really what they want or if she really has no feelings for me for real as she claims? Obviously her never having had a relationship before is a red flag too at her age.
Or maybe all this convo yesterday is just her to try to take the pressure of things and out me more at her

i know what you mean about the early relationship assessment point.

i dated a girl for 3 years who had early on made a horrible comment about a “pro and con list” she made about me a few months in. I pretty much ignored it.

A little while later, She broke up with me but we got back together. i started my PUA journey around here. I essentially starting monkey branching. Taking the tricks i knew women did because i knew i could do better. I would meet and flirt with other women anytime i wasnt with my girlfriend.

We had another break up makeup a year and a half. I didnt care because while she might have been a primary at that time she was still a plate. Although i didnt call it that. I may have called her one of my rotation like baseball pitchers in the rotation.

at the 3 year point i broke up with her because i knew I couldn’t marry her and i was getting ready to move to another city. I was also getting better and better at picking up women by that point. Having been with otjer women during that time. Had sex with a few and played catch and release with several.

she would call me alot over the years… probably because i was the one who ended things. I am not sure i alpha widowed her but i did change alot for the better in those early days of learning game and she always seemed to want me back.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

You should also know that women don't despise weakness.

If you are born with a penis they do despise you for your weakness. You need to be the absolute solid rock in their life.
Any signs of the that rock is crumbling and she will lose the respect for you, (and eventually find a new rock).

For any other animals, creatures, aliens, children and female sisters exception applies and she you will love that are showing her feelings and weakness which she can connect too..

 

[RicBoy]

If you are born with a penis they do despise you for your weakness. You need to be the absolute solid rock in their life.
Any signs of the that rock is crumbling and she will lose the respect for you, (and eventually find a new rock).

For any other animals, creatures, children and female sisters exception applies and she you will love that are showing her feelings and weakness which she can connect too..

What you recommend I do? Keep seeing her cut off all the serious topics just have fun sex and no msgs between dates or keep it to a minimum ?

I told her Let’s have a good time, ****ing and chill, no more serious talks and future from now on, a day at the time, just enjoy the moment. Let things happen naturally they they should be. And she agreed.

we are meeting Friday.Twice a week as usual at her place for dinner sex and chill

 

[EyeBRollin]

we are meeting Friday.Twice a week as usual at her place for dinner sex and chill

Cut it down to once per week.

You are getting “busy” at work. Don’t discuss this overtly, just reduce the frequency of your availability. When she hits you up, instead of jumping like a whipped dog, push the meeting to a week out.

 

[Gamisch]

I really don’t think she has another guy or even talking to anyone at this plot but I can’t be sure. Judging she never had a serious relationship in her 35 years of age it’s not like she is going to get married tomorrow with another guy she just met.

You are extremely naive to think that

- a woman you've met through OLD 3 months ago doesn't have other men lined up. Its not like you met her through savage cold approach. Easy come....easy go.

-to even believe she never had relationship..I've been with more than 150, and( got) rejected/hung out with TONS of women. Never have I met ONE woman who never had a bf. Even ugly women, fat women, and a combination of these things had boyfriends.


-you are dealing with a self proclaimed certified sl00t. When I meet a woman who NEVER had a relationship (....) i know that's womeneze for " never had one LIKE you . Never had one i liked. Never had one that lasted longer than x amount of time.

-you act like she is the holy virgin Maria. She's not. 3months has passed, and her subtle ways of telling you ( like never had a bf, don't sleep over) don't work. You gooooood. Fecking twice a week and maybe maybe if you play the game right she'll become more ..WRONG!!! She tried to be obvious through words as you were oblivious to actions, yet you don't change anything about your way of interacting with her. Imagine having a job where they say they think you are not good enough to get a contract. Would you continue this job like nothing is wrong? Or would you drastically change your mind about the job...

-she definitely won't marry you. How can one believe she never had a bf. I've seen the most ugly, disabled dwarf women having bf's.

 

[RicBoy]

Cut it down to once per week.

You are getting “busy” at work. Don’t discuss this overtly, just reduce the frequency of your availability. When she hits you up, instead of jumping like a whipped dog, push the meeting to a week out.

Your advice seems pretty good. I’m meeting her Friday and then I’m not planning next date as we normal do, I’ll just leave and wait she reaches out, rinse and repeat.
She is sleeping with me and meeting me regularly he obviously has something for me me. I’m just hoping she is going through that stage women start to wonder what they want and eventually things get back to normal