"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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she avoids questions and it's annoying as fvck

*******

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this girl im dating exclusively answers a large portions of my questions by replying "nothing" or "I don't known". This has been going on since i met her (feb '06), but the more we last the more annoying it gets. She admits that half of the time she just dosen't want to tell me. Obviously she's either hiding something or dosen't trust me. Problaby both. She is pretty secreative and dosen't really tell people her bussiness, but im her BF and questions are pretty simple. Any thoughts?
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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WC2

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If she can't be truthful with you, then you shouldn't really consider her your GF.

While it's fun to be secretive in relationships in a joking way, if she's intentionally being shady and not doing it to get a laugh out of you, then in all honesty NEXT her before you find out something you don't want to.
 

penkitten

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sounds like she just isnt that into you.
most of us women cant shut up when we like a guy. we tell them everything and later wish we hadnt have said as much. we cant help it.

even if she is shy, she should be coming out of her shell with you if you are her boyfriend.
 

Ace of Flames

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If she's so annoying and her behavior bugs you, remind me again why you like her. I mean, I'd want my gf to be someone that doesn't annoy me, at least not more than usual. All I heard in your post was complaints, so if you don't have anything redeeming to say about her, move on.
 

*******

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lmao...Man you guys love getting it wrong. first of all i never said she was annoying. I said the above example is annoying, but not her. her interest is not in question. And yes, i am her boyfriend. I wouldn't know her family if i wasen't.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Ace of Flames

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Its all subconciously translated in your post, and what you wrote. Also, the other thread you made that you should have combined with this one says pretty similar stuff, about how you're annoyed or bothered by some problem she creates for you. If the problem is big enough to make you ask how to fix it, its significant. You can't argue that. Little things, people just deal with. Big problems, people try and fix. Something one does that is annoying, makes the person that does that annoying thing, annoying themselves. Its coming from the person, its something the person does, so its part of them.

I don't think her interest is the point here. Its yours. If these annoying things are really bothering you as much as you say, are you just going to keep seeing this girl? My ideal gf wouldn't be so annoying as to make me go online and ask a message board how to fix it. If you really don't like this problem, and it isn't going to change any time soon, then either deal with it, or find a new girl.
 

Phyzzle

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Keep it light and funny. For the 1st 2 months or so.

I'm guessing you're trying to get to know the Real Her after a few weeks.

Wait for her to start bugging YOU about the real you.
 

chandidas

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penkitten said:
sounds like she just isnt that into you.
most of us women cant shut up when we like a guy. we tell them everything and later wish we hadnt have said as much. we cant help it.

even if she is shy, she should be coming out of her shell with you if you are her boyfriend.
what if a girl starts talking about something, and when im willing to listen she just stops and doesn't wanna talk.....then when i say i don't wanna listen, she tells me everything?:confused:
 

Kings_royalty

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******* said:
this girl im dating exclusively answers a large portions of my questions by replying "nothing" or "I don't known". This has been going on since i met her (feb '06), but the more we last the more annoying it gets. She admits that half of the time she just dosen't want to tell me. Obviously she's either hiding something or dosen't trust me. Problaby both. She is pretty secreative and dosen't really tell people her bussiness, but im her BF and questions are pretty simple. Any thoughts?

That situation would probably annoy me too. Tell her that you understand if she wants to keep certain things to herself, some people are private people, and that's o.k., but if she can't answer simple questions, then there is a problem.

1. Tell her you are starting to grow suspicious because she doesn't answer your questions.

2. If she isn't interested in the relationship (just put it out there even if you know it's not the case, get her thinking), she needs to say something now so you can move on.

Then take a step back from her for a while, go out with your friends, do your own thing. Give her time to think and sort out whatever issue she has.
 

Kings_royalty

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chandidas said:
what if a girl starts talking about something, and when im willing to listen she just stops and doesn't wanna talk.....then when i say i don't wanna listen, she tells me everything?:confused:

Well, if you KNOW how to get her to tell you everything (by acting like you don't want to listen), then act like you don't want to listen. Where is the confusion?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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chandidas

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Kings_royalty said:
Well, if you KNOW how to get her to tell you everything (by acting like you don't want to listen), then act like you don't want to listen. Where is the confusion?
im not confused, but wondering why she acts this way?
 

cant think of a user name

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What sort of questions are you asking?

It could be possible that the more questions you ask the more it irritates her, hence her answering with "nothing" and "don't know", which in turn annoys you, and you end up annoyed at her and her annoyed at you.
 

Kings_royalty

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chandidas said:
im not confused, but wondering why she acts this way?
That's a never ending subject chandidas, we could be here all day with that one.

I suggest you start reading D.D.'s material if you want a better understanding on the way women behave and why. I've read numerous books on the subject and I think he draws a very clear picture.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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chandidas

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Kings_royalty said:
That's a never ending subject chandidas, we could be here all day with that one.

I suggest you start reading D.D.'s material if you want a better understanding on the way women behave and why. I've read numerous books on the subject and I think he draws a very clear picture.
thanks!!!
i think i gave up on trying to 'understand' women! lol
 

chandidas

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cant think of a user name said:
What sort of questions are you asking?

It could be possible that the more questions you ask the more it irritates her, hence her answering with "nothing" and "don't know", which in turn annoys you, and you end up annoyed at her and her annoyed at you.
lol i hardly ask her questions...she tries to tell me!:D
 

*******

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of course she get's irritated. Hiding stuff is hard work.
I know when she gets irritated though, and it's not common.

But let's get back to the question. How do i get her to open up?

She told me she basically isn't comfortable talking too much about her bussiness even to her friends
 

diplomatic_lies

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Maybe she reads the DJ forums and is pretending to be mysterious!

Be warned, she may do c&f and try to AMOG other girls around you!
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Has she always been this way or has something changed in her life?
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

Read more...

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