"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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she asked to bring a friend... and I said sure

handle

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****.

The plan was to head downtown and just stroll around with this girl, I had something I wanted to get while I was down there, we could go to a cafe and all...

And anyway, now she's bringing along this friend who adores me and has had a crush on me for like 2 years (and who I would never ever ever consider dating). This is _not_ going to be the day I planned.

What are some options I have in this situation? Do I just treat this as a friendly get-together or what? There must be ways to play off the dynamic of having two of them there.

and, in the future how do I avoid this? or is it a blessing in disguise somehow?
 

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

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Obsidian

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lol I don't really know, but it sounds kind of crummy. If it were just a second girl, that'd be one thing. But if it's an uattractive girl who is attracted to you, that doesn't sound promising.

You could flirt with the unattractive girl and conceivably make the target girl jealous and want you more.

but alternatively,

If you start to get anywhere with the target girl, the unattractive girl might c0ck-block you. This isn't *always* the case when you have two girls, but if the non-target likes you, then why the hell would she let you go after the target? Isolation is key, as they say.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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handle

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alright, I highly doubt any of that stuff is going to work. So I can either go and get nowhere (well, probably deep into the friend zone) or,

the alternative: she noticed on the phone I had a bit of a cold I said I was recovering from, I could call the day before and say there's no way I can make it (got worse).

but, if I do that, is it likely I have a real shot later of calling her up and going out 1 on 1?
 

Derek Flint

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Obsidian said:
there's always "Something suddenly came up."
That's weak. If you don't want 3's a crowd, then tell her so.

"No, I asked you out. Not you and your friend"

It's your way or no way - got it?

Myself, I don't mind if a girl brings another girl, as that doubles the odds of getting laid.
 

handle

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Derek Flint said:
That's weak. If you don't want 3's a crowd, then tell her so.

"No, I asked you out. Not you and your friend"

It's your way or no way - got it?
But the fact is I already screwed up, now what's better?
flaking out like that is weak as hell, I'd prefer not doing it.
But, considering the situation, do I get any benefit at all from going through with this?
 

Derek Flint

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handle said:
But the fact is I already screwed up, now what's better?
flaking out like that is weak as hell, I'd prefer not doing it.
But, considering the situation, do I get any benefit at all from going through with this?
You also wrote: "and, in the future how do I avoid this?"

And I just told you how.

As for this situation, call her and tell her that you changed your mind.

It could be a s#!t test, or maybe not.

Bottom line is, if you don't want to go with her and her friend, don't go, but at least be honest with her about it.

If she doesn't like it, too bad. There are plenty of other girls out there, so don't worry too much about "blowing" it with this one.

You could also bring a wing to keep the CB occupied.
 

handle

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How effective do you think a wingman would really be if the CBing chick is already really into me?

and as for calling and saying I changed my mind, I considered that, but figured it'd be a pretty wussy type move. if I am to do that, should it be quickly after the call (i.e. now)? Or later?

and... which of these options is preferred?
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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PRMoon

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I hate group dating. It sucks because I'm trying to get to know the girl one on one and another female or male in the picture inhibits that process. If I had agreed to one hypothetically, I'd probobly end up bringing a drinking buddy and we'd get drunk, quickly. After I thorughly embarrased the girl with drunken antics, sports talk, sexist jokes, and the like, she'd either think i was a really fun guy to be around and want to come home with me or a complete jerk and walk out. At that point it's all about me anyway so i could deal with either.
 

Derek Flint

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handle said:
How effective do you think a wingman would really be if the CBing chick is already really into me?

and as for calling and saying I changed my mind, I considered that, but figured it'd be a pretty wussy type move. if I am to do that, should it be quickly after the call (i.e. now)? Or later?

and... which of these options is preferred?
Stop worrying about what she will think.

Do what you want to, not what you think she wants you to do.

If you don't want the other girl along, then tell her.

Just who is the Man here anyways?
 

Chemistry

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Derek Flint said:
That's weak. If you don't want 3's a crowd, then tell her so.

"No, I asked you out. Not you and your friend"

It's your way or no way - got it?

Myself, I don't mind if a girl brings another girl, as that doubles the odds of getting laid.

Listen to this dude and his posts....
 

Burgundy

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This can be a SH%T test. She could be testing how much control she has in relationship early on.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Makkaveli101

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Go out with both of them. Be the confident guy that you are, show them BOTH a good time. When you arrange the next date, tell her how much you really enjoyed being with her and that you want to see her again.....on a one2one basis this time. Advise her that it isn't a good idea to bring her friend with her because she has feelings for you. I've found situations like this can work REALLY well for me. It's never a bad thing for one of your targets to know another woman wants you even if it is their friend. Use it and work with it, mould a good outcome with it for yourself.
 
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