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She’s accepted her ex’s friend request. Is this a reason to be worried?

Barbu

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Update:



Turns out that my friend told her ex that she “likes the idea of them doing something together but she’s afraid of the result”

This is probably why he’s told her he still has feelings for her and that he thinks he has a chance.
 

AttackFormation

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She was ditched by him like an old towel with no explanation whatsoever, and he’s waltzed back into her life saying sorry and telling her he still loves her.

She’s accepted his friend request.

Part of me thinks that she may have unresolved feelings for him and I’m trying my best not to think of that. Maybe it’s just a friend request... I don’t know

What do you think is going on?

I really don’t want her to be hurt like last time.
I've only read the opening post. Does this come off as a troll OP to anyone else, or am I just so hard-nosed from spending time here that I can't believe a guy could have doubts about this situation? Genuine question, but it feels like a troll for sure.
 

Barbu

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I've only read the opening post. Does this come off as a troll OP to anyone else, or am I just so hard-nosed from spending time here that I can't believe a guy could have doubts about this situation? Genuine question, but it feels like a troll for sure.
I’m not a God damn troll. Why would I be trolling about this anyway? I’m genuinely worried about my friend.
 

Atom Smasher

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@Barbu , you don’t realize it, but this girl is your “pretend” girlfriend. She is partially fulfilling that need in you, hence your inclination to white knight.

You are dissipating your energy with her. The energy that you should be harnessing toward finding a woman is leaking away from you.

It’s the same dynamic as how excessively playing video games dissipates a man’s ambition. Each man has a certain need to accomplish. When that need is satisfied in virtual video game accomplishments, there is little drive to actually accomplish in the real world, because your thirst for success has been satisfied.

You really should consider what your pretend girlfriend is satisfying in you. There is absolutely no such thing as a platonic relationship with a woman. Each party is receiving partially what they want and need from a mate.

There is more going on here than meets the eye. You’re dealing with some very experienced men on this forum. We’ve been through it all. We are trying to wake you up to a more objective assessment of your relationship with her.

You love her smile and her feminine ways, don’t you? You love the way she looks up to you for advice, correct? All this is satisfying your drive to find a woman.

We humans are prone to be very sure of our motivations, but wise is the man who at least seriously considers the counsel of men with experience and insight.
 

Barbu

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@Barbu , you don’t realize it, but this girl is your “pretend” girlfriend. She is partially fulfilling that need in you, hence your inclination to white knight.

You are dissipating your energy with her. The energy that you should be harnessing toward finding a woman is leaking away from you.

It’s the same dynamic as how excessively playing video games dissipates a man’s ambition. Each man has a certain need to accomplish. When that need is satisfied in virtual video game accomplishments, there is little drive to actually accomplish in the real world, because your thirst for success has been satisfied.

You really should consider what your pretend girlfriend is satisfying in you. There is absolutely no such thing as a platonic relationship with a woman. Each party is receiving partially what they want and need from a mate.

There is more going on here than meets the eye. You’re dealing with some very experienced men on this forum. We’ve been through it all. We are trying to wake you up to a more objective assessment of your relationship with her.

You love her smile and her feminine ways, don’t you? You love the way she looks up to you for advice, correct? All this is satisfying your drive to find a woman.

We humans are prone to be very sure of our motivations, but wise is the man who at least seriously considers the counsel of men with experience and insight.
She’s just my best friend. I honestly don’t know what else I can say. I have no romantic interest in her whatsoever, and I just can’t be bothered to say this yet again.
 

Atom Smasher

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Tell me something... What is it that you get out of this relationship? What is it about her that causes you to have such strong platonic feelings toward her, to the extent that she is your best friend?
 

Barbu

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Tell me something... What is it that you get out of this relationship? What is it about her that causes you to have such strong platonic feelings toward her, to the extent that she is your best friend?
We’ve known eachother since nursery, which is 20 odd years. Never have I developed any romantic feelings for her.

It’s just a friendship, nothing else I get out from it, nor do I want anything more from it.
 

AttackFormation

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I’m not a God damn troll. Why would I be trolling about this anyway? I’m genuinely worried about my friend.
Wait, so this girl is not even someone who is your girlfriend or girlfriend candidate, but just a female friend?

Now I really think you are a troll. There is no fvcking way this is a real thread. I'm out of here.
 

Barbu

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Wait, so this girl is not even someone who is your girlfriend or girlfriend candidate, but just a female friend?

Now I really think you are a troll. There is no fvcking way this is a real thread. I'm out of here.
Im really not a troll.

Do whatever you want.
 

Atom Smasher

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He's no troll. This is an example of blue pill men in their 20s. Business as usual. This is what our feminized educational system and media yields.

@Barbu , what was the process of finding SoSuave in your trying to solve this girl's problems? Did you know about us beforehand? Did you do a Google search for something? I'm not asking in order to ridicule you. I'm looking to discover your mindset.
 

Visionist

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OP what are we supposed to advise? Your friend is obviously gonna have Ex Sex with this guy. The consensus here is that you should Live and Let Die and allow her to get burned, as it's the only way she can learn. If she learns.

Otherwise tell her she'll regret it. Don't be emotional about it, mind you. Be cold and tell her exactly why she's putting herself at risk of being ditched again.

After that, there isn't anything you could or should do. She's not your wife, she can do what she wants.
 

Alvafe

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I’m NOT in love with her. I love her as a friend, and that’s that.

So you think there’s a chance that she’s going back to him?
yeah we all heard that before, if you are not weting you pen in her ink there is nothing here to do
 

AttackFormation

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He's no troll. This is an example of blue pill men in their 20s. Business as usual. This is what our feminized educational system and media yields.
If this is really true, then it feels like beholding Plato's cave:


Again I didn't mean to insult the OP, I was and am in genuine disbelief that this could be reality. And then the denial that he has any romantic interest in her? This is like staring into a bizarro-dimension. But even so, this can't be the average man.

Yeah, I won't take up more of the thread, but I still can't believe it. Atom I understand if you are pressed for time, but I would genuinely like to hear your take on this from a macro perspective. Is it really this bad?
 

Barbu

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OP what are we supposed to advise? Your friend is obviously gonna have Ex Sex with this guy. The consensus here is that you should Live and Let Die and allow her to get burned, as it's the only way she can learn. If she learns.

Otherwise tell her she'll regret it. Don't be emotional about it, mind you. Be cold and tell her exactly why she's putting herself at risk of being ditched again.

After that, there isn't anything you could or should do. She's not your wife, she can do what she wants.
How is it obvious though?

I would have thought she learnt the first time, but I guess not.
 

Alvafe

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How is it obvious though?

I would have thought she learnt the first time, but I guess not.
woman are not like men, woman don't learn like men, we tend to use logic, for us putting our hand in fire and it hursts mean we won't do it again, for woman if after she get hurt with fire her emotinal makes her feel good she will do it again.

and again if you are not having sex with her ITS NOT YOUR PROBLEM, leave her to **** ehr life up, and later when she comes crying again, since you are her girl friend, you can get the satisfaction of telling her "I told you so", who don't follow what is good for then, they follow what makes then feel good, like drug addicts, she will do it for that rush don't matter how much it hurt her

also dude please, you are 27, stop wasting time on her and get that girl you say you have your eyes on
 
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