"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Sex with Ex-GF?

WORKEROUTER

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Okay, so I broke up with my gf last Friday because I noticed that her IL was falling and found out it was because she wanted to gain more experience in the dating world.

Anyway, we ended up going out together that night and Saturday night. Then we ended up having sex a few times. She claims that she is just too attached to me to see me leave. `

But this is confusing. Normally, an ex is an ex. It's over. Now, however, it's like we are almost "dating," yet not going out. I mean, we still went out, had sex, slept together and all, despite having been broken up. Could it be that since I was her first actual sexual partner (she was a virgin), and in fact, her actual REAL bf, she doesn't want to part with me?

So my question is how the hell do I deal with this? Should I just totally BREAK IT OFF...meaning don't call her, don't have sex with her, etc.?

I know she is still real attached to me NOW, but after that semi-infatuation stage dies off, is she just going to start ignoring me and look for other guys (after all, she wanted to meet other people)?

OR, should I treat her as if we really are just "dating," and apply my DJ skills to her, just as I would any other girl, but also pursue other women (after all, we aren't going out, right?)? The problem is that I don't feel like I am dating her because, let's face it, we were going out exclusively for a few months.

Anyway, I feel like I am caught in an awkward situation and am not sure the best way to handle it.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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NewMan

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Only you can supply the answer.

It would boil down to the following for me.

1) could I continue to see her and just fvck her and have emotional DEtachment.



If the answer to that is yes, then you can go ahead and be friends with benefits.

If you are not able to handle this - cut it off.

The bottom line here is whether or not you want a relationship (traditional BF/GF) with her.

I sense that you do. So in this case you should cut her off and walk away. You should tell her when she is finished figuring her "Stuff" out, to call you. If you are still single maybe there's a chance. But until then - your moving on.

Don't hang out with her as friends - this is self defeating.

Don't fvck her.
 

WORKEROUTER

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Right now, there still is emotional detachment, but do you think that is possible to eradicate?

I think you are right in saying that I should break it off, though. We treat each other as if we are still going out, yet we aren't. Playing this game is AFC in my mind...she needs to get her "stuff" figured out before she's worthy to be in a relationship with me because I am not going to play the chump who's caught in between and used at the discretion of her ephemeral emotions.
 
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