Setting Boundaries Equals Controlling!

[soulforge]

Well I'm the kinda dude who isn't afraid of setting a few boundaries in order for the relationship to have any chance of heading into a healthy direction.

However in my last relationship I was accused of "trying to keep her under my thumb"

I generally only have boundaries when it comes to..

Male friends
Drinking in bars/clubs
Social media addiction

Any of you guys dealt with girls who perceive boundaries as controlling?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

All of them do, but most enjoy that I control them. They want to be controlled, but they don't want to sound too submissive, so you have to be a brat tamer.

My boundaries show that I hold my self in high esteem and I do not allow anyone to steamroll over my principles.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Being accused of "controlling" or "insecure" for setting boundaries is such a typical, expected knee-jerk response from women it's actually hilarious that they still do it. They're still operating at this level 1 NPC logic and they genuinely seem to think that's going to work. You can use analogies or hypotheticals to demonstrate the point. If they don't get it, or keep arguing, who cares, the boundary is set either way and if they cannot respect it, find another woman who will.

Also yes, most of them want a man who sets boundaries even if they say they don't. The man who doesn't set boundaries is in fact the insecure one, she will smell it and see him as a weak, spineless, neutered man who she can abuse.

 

[soulforge]

Yeh I agree. They want a man who sets boundaries.

However what If she responds with agression and challenging behaviour everytime you set a boundary?

I have experienced chicks who will accept a boundary.

And then some who will argue and challenge boundaries and more likely break those boundaries

 

[soulforge]

All of them do, but most enjoy that I control them. They want to be controlled, but they don't want to sound too submissive, so you have to be a brat tamer.

My boundaries show that I hold my self in high esteem and I do not allow anyone to steamroll over my principles.

Steamrolling your boundaries is a definite no no

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

However what If she responds with agression and challenging behaviour everytime you set a boundary?

Treat it as a congruency test. Show her that your frame is solid and her aggression/challenges are just weak puppetry that doesn't impress you. And ask her if she doesn't understand that only morons try something repeatedly expecting the outcome to change.

 

[soulforge]

Treat it as a congruency test. Show her that your frame is solid and her aggression/challenges are just weak puppetry that doesn't impress you. And ask her if she doesn't understand that only morons try something repeatedly expecting the outcome to change.

I always use that technique.. However if it's a repeated pattern of challenging behaviour.. I usually next them. No man wants to deal with a constant headache.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I always use that technique.. However if it's a repeated pattern of challenging behaviour.. I usually next them. No man wants to deal with a constant headache.

I prefer to give them a chance to correct their behaviour, but if they persist in challenging me at every turn, they will find that I will be less interested in dominating them.

 

[soulforge]

I prefer to give them a chance to correct their behaviour, but if they persist in challenging me at every turn, they will find that I will be less interested in dominating them.

One or two chances are acceptable.. Anything more than that, then she will realise there are only words, but no real consequences. After two chances, there has to be conveniences.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Yup and I’ve ended relationships because of it. Women also like to use weasel words to answer questions sometimes, it’s sport for them. The trick is to formulate your queries so that only yes/no is acceptable as an answer. They hate that shyte.

I don’t mind a little bit of good natured sparring, but continued combativeness is grounds for termination.

It’s a shame but there truly are some hot jezebels out there. As a man you have to plate them and keep them in that slot or cut them loose.

 

[soulforge]

Yup and I’ve ended relationships because of it. Women also like to use weasel words to answer questions sometimes, it’s sport for them. The trick is to formulate your queries so that only yes/no is acceptable as an answer. They hate that shyte.

I don’t mind a little bit of good natured sparring, but continued combativeness is grounds for termination.

It’s a shame but there truly are some hot jezebels out there. As a man you have to plate them and keep them in that slot or cut them loose.

I'm not gay.. lol

I'm a very masculine dude, I don't want a masculine Combative chick in my life.. literally a dude with long hair and nail extensions haha

Sweet feminine girls is what I value.

If they don't respect boundaries or continuesly argue over boundaries.. Get rid of those girls. They will forever be a headache in your life.

Off course make sure you're boundries are reasonable & not unrealistic.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Not reading the thread, but if OP is being accused of abusive behavior when trying to set normal, healthy boundaries he's dealing with a narcissist (even by female standards)

 

[soulforge]

Not reading the thread, but if OP is being accused of abusive behavior when trying to set normal, healthy boundaries he's dealing with a narcissist (even by female standards)

Yeh facts.. I most likely did deal with a narcassisct bich.. but.. most girls these days are NARCS thanks to the unlimited online attention they get online.

My advice? Never Ever take a girl seriously who is addicted to social media.

"She isn't addicted to social media.. She is addicted to male attention"

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Not reading the thread, but if OP is being accused of abusive behavior when trying to set normal, healthy boundaries he's dealing with a narcissist (even by female standards)

Not necessarily. A narcissist may just lie and pretend to go along with the boundaries. For this reason I'm not really into setting boundaries for a while. Sit back and observe them and play dumb before you set go down the boundary and commitment route.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Who said being controlling was bad though, there is no good and bad, there is only the outcome, she might feel controlled but there are many ways to implement control, for example omitting facts that would make the other party in a better position without any gain for yourself, we omit facts all the time, most controlling guys omit being controlling.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I exercise self-control. I control my emotions, they don't control me. As such, I can play / manipulate her emotions, to her delight or her detriment. That duality is enough for most women to enjoy being with me. If they consider my control to be too much, they can always give me their safe word.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Not necessarily. A narcissist may just lie and pretend to go along with the boundaries. For this reason I'm not really into setting boundaries for a while. Sit back and observe them and play dumb before you set go down the boundary and commitment route.

A covert one, yeah. Biding time to play the victim card..

 

[Money & Muscle]

Any of you guys dealt with girls who perceive boundaries as controlling?

Yeah, my wife.

Except she likes being controlled - despite claiming otherwise.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

I never mentioned or even brought up your sexual presences, why would you think i had?

I'm not gay.. lol

I'm a very masculine dude, I don't want a masculine Combative chick in my life.. literally a dude with long hair and nail extensions haha

Sweet feminine girls is what I value.

If they don't respect boundaries or continuesly argue over boundaries.. Get rid of those girls. They will forever be a headache in your life.

Off course make sure you're boundries are reasonable & not unrealistic.

 

[Alvafe]

Well I'm the kinda dude who isn't afraid of setting a few boundaries in order for the relationship to have any chance of heading into a healthy direction.

However in my last relationship I was accused of "trying to keep her under my thumb"

I generally only have boundaries when it comes to..

Male friends
Drinking in bars/clubs
Social media addiction

Any of you guys dealt with girls who perceive boundaries as controlling?

problem here is, like I always say, boundaries are something you have and don't overt then aka tell her about it, if she have a lot of male friends you don't tell her to drop the guys, you drop her, she spend half her time on a date on her cellphone? you drop her, ghost her start going out with other woman, IF she comes around asking why then you can tell her, what she does is not really your thing and prefer not to deal with it

problem is most here think setting boundaries is something you tell her so she behaves, only thing it will make is she hide it better, better she bares it all and then you choose, but most guys here are so scared to have it and lose the puss we get a lot of these questions