"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Seriously, this texting thing...

meathead

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As a matter of comparison, although Doc Love's "System" is several years old and quite dated in many respects, there are aspects of it that translate well to today's game. For example, his take on answering machines is still very relevant, despite the fact that almost nobody owns one anymore. Doc Love's position is that you should not leave a message when a woman doesn't pick up the phone, at least not during the first 60 days. Today, it would likely be a voicemail, but regardless, leaving any message gives her all the power to reach out to you whenever she damn well pleases. That is, after she receives the message, she then controls the communication in the relationship. Further, you have no idea how she reacted to hearing the message, and as such, you cannot accordingly gauge her interest level.

The same concept applies to texting, but it's even worse. At least when you place a phone call, there's a chance she could pick up. With a text, once you hit send, with that message goes all your control. She could reply right away, or she could read it and blow you off. You have no idea whether she was glued to her phone and read the text right away or whether she never got around to checking it. There are countless reasons why a woman, even one with high interest, will not respond to a text. Additionally, no matter when she does actually read the message, she still retains the unilateral discretion as to when she will reply, if she replies at all. All the while, you are watching your phone, waiting to see if she really likes you, and pulling your hair out over any lack of response, not knowing what's really going on.

Suppose she doesn't reply for hours or even days. Does that mean she has low interest, or is she just busy or otherwise occupied? Conversely, what if she gets back to you right away? Is her interest level truly high, or is she just feeding off your attention? In either case, you can't be entirely certain.

Moreover, this is all in addition to the fact that written language is often read incorrectly and misinterpreted. Sarcasm can be missed to disastrous results. But if you have a conversation on the phone, you can gauge the inflection in her voice and her choices of words. If you see her in person, there's even more to go by. With a text, you hit "send" and hope she reads the message the way you intended. If she doesn't, watch out!

This is not to say that texting is entirely bad. A well-crafted and timely text message can be a powerful tool, but you have to know what you're doing. Also, once you've established and defined a relationship with a woman, texting should become less of a game. If it's been a while and you're positive that she's totally into you, it'll likely be fine.

I don't think I've written anything novel here; rather, I've merely dispensed some thoughts over my own situation. The foregoing is the result of an ill-fated text message I sent today to a woman I've been dating for six weeks. I sent what I thought was a clever message, and of course, I'm still waiting for a response. To this I say, I'm done learning the lesson the hard way. In my case, I think she's playing hardball because I took two days to reply to her last text. She's done this before, and quite frankly, I don't like it, but I digress. My case is a clear example of why texting is so dangerous and so often asked about on these boards. It's just way too open to interpretation.

My mind gave my fingers the crazy idea that it would be a good idea to text her on an idle Thursday. Next time, I'll call her and set up a real, actual date.

She'll like that a lot more, and I will too.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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SSSS

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I think texting can be a useful tool (if used correctly) in setting up date rather than general chit chat on a normal phone convo. Best if conversation is left face to face.

I was seeing a girl who went cold so I phoned her and her voicemail personal greeting went like...’Hi you have reached the voicemail of ****** leave a message and if I can be arsed, I will get back cos listening to voicemails cost money!’ ..in the most dullest tone ever! I left an upbeat message and never saw here again! :p

My theory is that if they pick up (or call straight back) or reply to text's the same day they are interested.
 

SgtSplacker

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I try to keep my texting at a minimum. I'll use texting to setup a phone call "hey when is a good time to call you?" or if i already have plans with her i'll use it to tell her when ill get there or to ask if shes ready. Basically only when there is a reason, not just to joke around or chit chat. I've gotten decent results like this. Some of the girls I talk to kinda consider texting to be a beta thing. I mean what successful guy has precious time to waste texting just for the sake of texting? After I know her well I may allow some texting when she knows im not doing anything. If she gets all chatty with me otherwise i'll respond but keep the replies a little brief if the convo slows down i'll usually just stop replying at that point if I can get away with it gracefully. Remember texting is a form of chatting and chatting started with the internet and kinda carries that nerdy stigma with it. I'll use it as a tool but i'm not gonna get all excited about it. All of this may be different for younger people, at my age group I feel this is accurate.

Oh and voicemails I never leave unless I have something specific I really need to say. I mean it's obvious that you want to talk to her because you called right? So why make her listen to a message that relays the same information when she has a missed call on her caller ID? Just seems a little redundant to me is all...
 

meathead

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thebalrog said:
what did you text her?
I texted her a picture message. She would've laughed out loud at it, except for the fact that she lost her phone. Yes, that's the reason she didn't get back to me, and it proves my point. Here I was, wondering if her interest level was dropping, when in fact, she was completely unable to respond. By the time she got her replacement phone, I had already sent the message, so she never saw it. We got together yesterday and ended up making out. It's a good thing that I didn't make too much of her failure to text back!
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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