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separation after 9 years of marriage

Augustus_McCrae

Master Don Juan
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Admiration and respect on her part was definitely long gone.
Now i'm happy my attraction to her is gone too to even out the field.

I'm lighting designer/ dir. of photography on commercials and TV shows so like i'm partially responsible for creating that "Disney dream" in the public eye!
If you haven’t already, you need to consult with a good divorce lawyer to find out what you are facing. Based on what you learn, then you can start preparing yourself for the future to try to make sure you don’t get screwed financially or in terms of custody of your children.

Be aware that the woman you divorce is not the woman that you knew or thought you knew during your marriage. In a divorce, typically men just want to get away, but women all too often, want to “get even“.

-Augustus
 

Augustus_McCrae

Master Don Juan
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If you haven’t already, you need to consult with a good divorce lawyer to find out what you are facing. Based on what you learn, then you can start preparing yourself for the future to try to make sure you don’t get screwed financially or in terms of custody of your children.

Be aware that the woman you divorce is not the woman that you knew or thought you knew during your marriage. In a divorce, typically men just want to get away, but women all too often, want to “get even“.

-Augustus
Also, I noticed that you said you’ve been married nine years. Be aware that in some states the benchmark for a long-term marriage is 10 years. Which can mean in some instances that alimony can be involved.

-Augustus-
 

speed dawg

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Around 2007-9 i was an active member of this community. Back then this community helped me find myself and become a better man. This betterment led to dating many women. One of them was a girl who i ended up marrying for 9 years. Fast forward to today. 2 beautiful children (3 and 6 yo) and my wife and I are going through trial separation.

Both me and her are in early 40s.
Attractive and well fit.
Gorgeous children.
Passionate about each other in the bedroom (sex is great and frequent).
Both are great parents to kids.
But our communication is fundamentally broken.
In my research to understand what the hell is going on with us, i ran into Myers–Briggs Personality Type Indicator (inspired by Jung's writings) and it blew my mind. It's as if i was reading instruction manual into each other's soul.
I'm ISTP (tinkerer/thinker) and she's ENFP (campaigner). This led me to understand why for the past who-knows how many years we stopped communicating. She thinks and communicates in feelings and i communicate in facts and logic. Trying to explain a concept or why something is or isn't a good idea using my patters of thinking is like talking to a creature from a different planet. Of course the same is true of me when she tries to talk to "explain" something.

Originally we agreed for her to find an apartment in the neighborhood for the sake of kids but now she's moving to the town where she grew up in surrounded by friends and community. Community and friends is a very important trait of her personality type so i understand this need but the distance (1h away) between us scares me. I feel that despite best intentions we WILL drift apart. I'll start sleeping around and so will she (we both are attractive and have charismatic personalities) and our previously powerful love (that still gets manifested by our very spiritual sex life) will slowly dissolve.

Financially we are OK and we figured out a decent way to split time with kids.
All this stuff is so new to me, the normal me who can figure out anything and everything is at a loss. I simply have no clue what will happen next.
I would love to hear from guys who has similar experience.
You better wake up. This is just like any other divorce and the sooner you realize that, the better it will be.

You may not be compatible, who knows. Maybe it was going to end anyway. But for whatever reason, she doesn't respect you and that is manifested by her constant arguing. The only real option here is to let her go on and do what she will do. Live your life. Since there are kids involved, you better keep and journal and get a lawyer in your back pocket. My guess is that she has another guy on the side or she's at least looking into that, and hiding behind having fun with friends, or whatever else she conjures up in her chick mind.

I call BS on this spiritual sex or whatever you say you're having. More like pity sex so she can keep you on a leash and plus it's not slooty since you're her husband.

ALL women operate on emotions.
 

indiff

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"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

fenix2021

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Wow, the swing of emotions was intense the past week or so.
She's at her new place. The kid's transition was smooth - which was the most important aspect for me. We are amicable so for kids mom and dad have two different apartments and seeing us together they feel safe. We still have sex twice weekly so it's not exactly a hard thing to "fake."

Talking to a number of people it became apparent how broken many relationships are. People who have sex 1/month or even less (attractive couples who could bang everyday if they wanted otherwise). This is insane! My 2/week is a head scratcher for many before separation or not.

We have a GREAT therapist. 2 years ago we went to couple's therapy and it was a joke in comparison to who we have now - the woman knows how to get to the core of the issue like a knife going through butter.

Besides resolving our particular issues, as someone posted a few pages back, she's the sort of person who constantly needs new inspiration and now, having experienced great romance, she wants to experience "suburban mom" lifestyle. Good for her and i wish her luck. Her current neighborhood is upper-middle class filed with middle-aged people with kids (men who start to show bellies but still have hair on their heads, and women with hair going gray). All have the "this is it for my life" look of desperation on their faces. Quite frankly i wouldn't be surprised if my wife was to start an affair with one of those "kind, provider-type" men. Again, good for her. I'm in NYC surrounded by eye candy.

Just as she was moving out i got hired to film a feature-length film to be shot in 3 months. Before i hated doing feature-length films because as married man it meant everyone around me was getting laid while me and the producer or director (also married) would get wasted in local bar "to forget." Now it's gonna be different. College town, here i come!

In many ways i feel free again. I had no idea how constraining on my thinking and self-development this relationship was. The sky is the limit again!

Having trained in fine arts, i took up drawing again. Here are some nude sketches from the past 3 sex sessions with my wife (again, so far we still have sex), enjoy.
In coming weeks i hope to populate the page with other women:
https://www.instagram.com/touchofyes/
 

stringpuller

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There is nothing unique or different in this situation. Same same.

The words and explanations are a different story, but it’s the same underneath. She has crimes against the relationship that you don’t know about. Heavy ones. Your eyes were wide shut.

she won’t do it but see if you can get her on a polygraph.
Yep I smell a monkey branch. OP study and meditate and start applying it to your life.
You are a NICE GUY.

Recommended reading.
No more Mr Nice guy Robert Glover
Heartiste On Game
The Rational Male
How to the ******* women love. Troy Frances.
Its a start
 

fenix2021

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5 month update.
What what a journey it was!
In essence, things went from bad to great then turned bad again.
The first few months were fantastic. Her new apartment, though overpriced (paid from her salary), was nice and the neighborhood was great for kids too. I would be there every other day taking advantage of long train commute to read a ton. Sex went from 2x/week while in relationship to 4x/week while separated. The excitement of setting up a new space gave her and me a new wave of energy. The therapy was going great with the therapist asking all sort of thought-provoking probing questions. I would spend more and more time at her place and started getting the uneasy feeling that things are becoming too calm as if we were going back to old patterns of behavior.

Then something happened 3 weeks ago and everything crumbled back to nothing.

We had a small fight. She would try to control the frequency of how often to change the shirt on my 3 year old. Me: "The shirt looks clean so he can still wear it today"; Her: "In my house you do as i tell you."
Of course it wasn't about the shirt but fundamental lack of trust we have for one another. I saw it as yet another sign of disrespect where she doesn't pay attention to the big picture: me helping with house chores like a good husband/father and again she started accusing me that i don't do anything around the house... She clearly was seeing her own version of reality where nothing i do can make her happy. And, in turn, i didn't want the responsibility of being in charge of he happiness anymore.

Something snapped in her and in me that day.

If you bothered reading previous posts, you might know that i started to draw her during the past few months ( https://www.instagram.com/touchofyes/ ). The more i looked at her body - though it's quite good - it wouldn't turn me on with the uncontrollable desire as it used to. That made me, after all those years of incredible sex, quite sexually indifferent. I would look at her, and feel nothing in my pants or my heart.

The fundamental problem is that we both married our fantasies and not the real person. When the glasses come off you start being bitter at your partner for not living up to the expectations we place in them but, instead, we should be angry at self for not seeing the signs clearly laid out in front of us all those years. The other is who the other is - there is no changing that and you can only accept it and learn how to live with those "problematic" qualities.
 

GT40

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Her moving an hour away contradicts what she says about wanting to work things out. Run a background check on her credit and see if she has any other accounts/credit cards you don't know about. Pull her cell phone records.

Also realize her propensity to get bored also happens with men.

I will promise you there is more to this than she is letting on.
I was thinking the same. She’s attempting to distance herself.
watch the bank accounts and CC’s.
We may be wrong ???
 
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